T tonguetwisted

Wierd bc my friends were high and one of them got paranoid as hell by the moon.

At 7 am (24h without having slept) hatred can be medicine.

Nonetheless, I understand and admire staying silent and observing the world in that way. I've felt that before, observation prioritized over judgement, and it's a state I aspire to chase. I also wish everyone in the world would spend one whole day in silence and completely non busy, just observing the world around them (myself included duh).

Years later, as a teenager, it suddenly clicked: my friends were the way they were because of their "types" of parents, at least heavily influenced. So then, the strict parent became sort of a backstory in my mind, rather than people who made a series of individual choices in parenting.

Now, nearly an adult, it's sort of clicked back in reverse (it's not a revolutionary take), that parents, like everyone, are people making decisions every single time they do anything, just like me. And ofc, once u get into the habit of allowing/prohibiting something, it requires less and less thought to decide, but it's a small decision nonetheless.

Concordo totalment amb els ideals revolucionaris que busquen qualitat de vida igualitària entre persones, independentment de les seves diferències -en el cas d'aquesta cita, diferència de classe-. Però no puc evitar pensar, per una banda, en la natura, i per l'altra, en Sísif i la seva pedrola, i com Hegel planteja la situació d'aquest "desgraciat"; la "lluita per la mera existència" és l'estat natural dels animals, és estar viva sense sentit; els objectius conscients són producte d'haver ensinistrat la natura per treballar a favor de la nostra comoditat, i la revolució industrial i el conseguent sistema capitalista han exprimit tot el que podien d'aquesta consciència humana, fins que hem acabat valorant el "sentit" que volem que tingui la vida, per sobre de l'ordre natural. Amb això no vull dir que l'opressió sigui natural -la cadena alimentària no oprimeix perquè segueix instints, i nosaltres hem desaprès aquesta facultat fins retrobar-la en l'imbecilitat de l'altre extrem, la raó individual; aquesta és la diferència entre la supervivència a cost dels altres i l'opressió-.

Concordo completament amb la idea que l'opressió és dolenta, però vull expressar que em trontolla aquest raonament de Nemo per explicar-ho, mínim, les connotacions que implica, que lluitar per la "mera existencia" és una injusticia. Opino que sí, és una injusticia, donat a que aquest estat mediocre és el preu que paga els sous dels que s'aprofiten de la resta, però la injustícia no és que els de dalt estiguin guanyant al joc de la comoditat, sinó que aquests començéssin un joc que no havia d'existir, i a més a més, no deixéssin als de baix unir-se a la partida!

Basically, els bilionaris, més que tan sols cabrons, són uns pringats, perquè no s'atreveixen a viure com la nostra mare terra volia que ho féssim, i ignoren aquest fet focalitzant les eines de la seva pròpia autodestrucció (la de la seva puresa, la seva ànima, la part saludable del seu ego, la qual emmalelteixen) i la de tota cosa viva a la terra :(

I've just decided to be 🌟🤸🤍 highly subjective as much as possible 💫💮🌪️, bc ultimately I don't know enough about psychology, anthropology, history, sociology, biology, politics, or even the history of philosophy, to make claims more universal than those referring to myself, my own thoughts and experiences.

I know little more than what happens within myself, hell, I don't even know much about what happens within myself! I mean, if I have anecdotal evidence of my claims through other people and happenings, I'll use it, and I'm not commiting rn to always being explicit about it or not, that's a lot of pressure for future me lol.

Basically, I think that to philosophize is to be forced into extreme carefulness over the words you use (in my case and many, a LOT of indecision too), and I'm gonna try to do a good job at being accurate. Literally accurate, faithful to what I understand words mean, rather than what convention has established certain words/structures to. Uy, that sounds bad... I don't mean I'm gonna give new meaning to words, at least not on purpose, I mean like... If I say "literally", here, it'll mean "factually accurate to the truth", rather than having figurative meaning, for ex. "I literally died"— unless I become a ghost, I won't say that here :p

Ughh I say this to give myself more freedom, though now I'm laying the groundwork to nitpick every time I fail to comply with that I preach. Oh well. Lowk wanted this to be a historical document for myself, and so I hope I don't come back to this in years and am unable to understand myself :(

Wtf I'm able. I will.

If u tell me you don't wanna bake a cake 'cause you're feeling lazy and just wanna buy one, I'll accept that (although bummer), while if you say you think it's too difficult to make, I literally cannot contain myself from convincing you otherwise.

(On a curious personal note, I'll rarely back down from a "challenge" due to it being too hard, if I'm with friends, but if I'm alone? I can't even finish a goddamn book. Oh well. Live and grow, I hope)

Btw idk if I should write "you" or "I", bc if I say "you", I'm generalizing, which I don't like, but if I say "I" it might seem like I'm presuming to be the first individual to live/feel and express the thing in question, and I know that's probably never true. It feels kinda self righteous to say "I". But pls take my "you" with a grain of salt 🙏🩷

In the early 20's (XXIst century) 😜 there was a general vibe of apocalyptic desperation which, in the moment, I attributed to being a teenager, and just kinda figured I was mentally ill or something, but in hindsight, there were specific trends that moved the chaos within us, probably bc of covid. It's so wierd to look back on that time, having been a young teenager then, totally walking the tightrope between self-discovery, severe awkwardness, and self-awareness.

PS. I don't think that this post is well structured; maybe the first paragraph ought to go after the second, but considering the second is a specific focus of the concept previously introduced, I'll leave it as is. Still, maybe I'm beating myself in my own race yk what I mean? This happens a lot: I think of something I wanna say, then a counterargument or just something worth noting pops up before I say my main thesis, and then I spit out whatever words manage to get out hahaha like I sorta freeze up but not completely.

Toddlers will listen to you say the most eloquent, complicated words, and act as if they understand perfectly, bc yk what, they mostly do! They gather meaning through context, and eventually the new word becomes part of their vocabulary. Pretty obvious but also insane; wdym phonetic compositions represent meaning that we all understand in almost identical ways?? And to think, we conceptualize things before knowing how to speak.

Anyways, I've noticed there's an age (maybe around 8/9) where straight faced acceptance turns into "what does that mean?". This, I also find cool, bc curiosity is cool and opens the gate to learning, which is most definitely cool.

I feel kinda stupid. I almost wrote stuped, for example, and not as a typo, simply bc it sounded better phonetically and for a sec I forgot words. Like. The way most words are written, or, well, the way any specific word I tried to recall in my repertoire/dictionary whatever, was written.

That was point one.

And point one has both sides of ignorance is bliss and better be a Socrates than a pig: I am wayyyyy more chill wow yeah my haert is beating much lighter :), but at the same time, I'm scared I'll lose my metro card. I almost thought "I'll hold it in my hand until I have to pass it at the exit" but then I thought "shit I'm gonna lose it if I do that" and the truth is, I've been forgetful and clumsy enough to lose things that easily while completely un high. Low? Wow. Because when you're low you take drugs and then you're high!

Like, my fight or flights has been deactivated, I guess that's the same thing as ignorance is bliss but applied to survival; I'm not anxious and will not be anxious if a giant menacing predator attacks me, and therefore I will not flee nor fight. Tibet (the word came up suggested and it sounded rlllllllly nice like both visually and yk when suddenly a specific consonant sounds super appealing and necessary to make with your mouth? (Not while high) Well that but also aesthetically :)

And my thoughts are random but not intrusive. "I've looked at life from both sides now", but I don't need to signg it; "Gràcia"... Hahaha quina gràcia

Then there's being suuuuuper sleepy. This is the part where I think "if I didn't remember or know that I smoked, I would think I'm sick or something's wrong with me". That's why I question drug use: should we be making ourselves feel sick (with yes, the comfort of knowing it's self-provoqued, and obvs control is comfortable)? I don't think so. The giggling smiling part is fun, that's the only, well no, the lack of anxiety is great too. Oh wow. I can literally make myself think thoughts that can usually stress me out, and I get no physical reaction. Yuhu!

Geez I almost very confidently got off at the wrong stop. Uwu

The thought process behind finding something uncredited and claiming to it a new significance, is one that Duchamp and Columbus both employed, I think.

Of course, the artist intended a social commentary with his artwork, it wasn't just a "hey I discovered urinals!". And yes, he did want the viewer to question the concept of credit and merit, but his way of provoking that thought was precisely by appropriating an object literally made by someone else! And don't get on my ass about the industrial revolution— I know it's debatable to merit the factory worker responsible for the creation of a certain urinal, with the title of "creator", but for argument's sake and class consciousness, let's merit them anyways.

Basically, a french dude decided to give a new name and definition to an existing thing. Centuries earlier, a european dude had decided to do the same with a big chunk of land.