Ritsu and Masamuneâs first timeÂ
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Ritsu and Masamuneâs first timeÂ

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insert a random breeze when onodera confesses to make the scene even more dramatic
okay but how about takano starts sobbing once he confesses because it took him this long to say he actually loves him back
August 5th - Day 6 - Takaritsu Day/Confession
@takaritsuweek
Onodera: I want to be like my grandfather
Takano: because of his successful career?
Onodera: because he's dead
65 Questions You Aren't Used To
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
3. The person you would never want to meet?
4. What is your favorite word?
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
7. What shirt are you wearing?
8. What do you label yourself as?
9. Bright room or dark room?
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
11. Favorite age youâve been so far?
12. Who told you they loved you last?
13. Your worst enemy?
14. What is your current desktop picture?
15. Do you like someone?
16. The last song you listened to?
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
23. What is one unique thing youâre afraid of?
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. âBe brand-specificâ it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you donât drink booze thereâs something you can figure out⌠so whatâs it gonna be?
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?Â
29. What is your favorite expletive?
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Donât worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So whatâs the one thing youâre going to save from that blazing inferno?
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit⌠you can move to anywhere else in the world!
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didnât think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
34. What was your last dream about?
35. Are you a goodâŚ.[insert anything youâd like here]?
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
38. What is the color of your socks?
39. What type of music do you like?
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
43. Do you have any scars?
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
46. Are you reliable?
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
48. Do you hold grudges?
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
50. What is the most unusual conversation youâve ever had?
51. Are you a good liar?
52. How long could you go without talking?
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
56. What do you like on your toast?
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
58. What would be you dream car?
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
60. Do you believe in aliens?
61. Do you often read your horoscope?
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
64. What do you think about babies?
65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

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Ritsu&Takano đ
the volume 12. July 10, 2017.
Updates to look out for: *updated*
1. 19 Days
Comment: Weâre finally getting some development.
2. Junjou Romantica
3. Sekaiichi Hatsukoi
4. Ten Count
Comment: WHY ARE YOU TWO CRYING? WHY AM I CRYING?
5. Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai
Comment: RYUZAKI MY BOI I PROTECT U
6. Seito Kaichou ni Chuukoku
7. Otokonoko no Koto wa Shiranai
8. Ote o Haishaku
9. Kashikomarimashita, Destiny
10. The Same Time As Always, The Same Place as Always
11. Oya no Kao ga Mitai Family Affair
Comment: Oya no Kao ga Mitai has been completed! Everything moves up!
12. Pink to Mameshiba
13. Ashita wa Dochi da!
14. Ore to Joushi no Kakushikoto Kurui Naku no wa Boku no Ban
Comment: Ah, another great series has been completed. Anyway, BOIZ THEREÂ âGON BE A SEQUEL FOR Kurui Naku!!!! UTOU NEEDS A MAN FOR HIMSELF.
15. Mitsumei Youchi na Koi wo Doushiyo
Comment: Iâm having a hard time accepting that Mitsumei has been completed. It had a promising start but, the hype gradually lowered as it neared the end. I thought there would be more drama to it so I would be lying if I said that I wasnât disappointed.
16. Nibiiro Musica
17. Ore no Kaikata Shikarikata
18. Life Senjou no Bokura
Comment: Wow, just wow. Now, only one chapter is out for this series but I can tell you as early as now that this is going to be one heck of a story. No, there arenât any explosions, omegaverse, drama (YET please spare me), and societal struggles but, I think that what this promises to bring to the table is its lightness and realism. Itâs just about boys whoâre having the time of their lives by being boys. And I think that this particular series can appeal to those who donât read Yaoi as theyâre bound to relate to it somehow.
That was long.
19. Seifuku wo Matoeba, Umaku Uso ga Tsuketa no ni
What this is: Pilots boiiii
Comment: God damn. Kusabi Keri, you genius! What can I say? Kusabi Keri is at it again with her 10/10 Art and who better to scanlate it? Exiled Rebels Scans! Friends, if you donât know who they are, theyâre like a sub-unit of omegaverseaddicted who scanlate non-omegaverse series (Read: Angels).
20. Eto Irokoi ZoushiÂ
What this is: Onii-chan and homie can be possessed by the zodiac animals in their care. Onii-chan takes care of the 12 as well as other animals while homie is the shrine maiden of the cat. But did they bang doe?
21. Batsu Game *is by Conro like Family Affair
What this is: Kouhai kisses senpai because of a dare but senpai later rides kouhai and takes a picture of his o-face to black mail him. Punishment games are so fun~
22. Akai Ito no Shikkou Yuuyo
What this is: Red string of fate seerâs red string finally gets attached to someone. Spoiler: itâs a dude.
23. Kore ga Koi na Wake ga Nai
Comment: Susuki Sonoichi is back it again with KKWN which is a sequel to Kore wa Koi ni Fukumaremasuka?. Iâm not really sure what I feel about senpai getting his own story âcause he was a huge dick in the parent story that I never wished for him to be happy (âcause I usually wish side gays happiness). However, when I see him legit hurt when confronted with the harsh reality of Tsukasa and Ioriâs relationship, I felt my heart legit clench. His love for Iori wasnât an excuse for him being such a dick to him but I guess he deserves happiness too.
24. Dakaretai Otoko Ichii Ni Odosarete Imasu
Comment: It would be unfair if I didnât put this up âcause Iâve legit been following this series ever since Junta-kunâs POVs started. I have to admit that I sort of nikushimied, if thatâs a word then, arigathanks gozaimuch, the series because the second part of the drama cd hurt me really bad #justiceforGiulio but yeah, the series have been showing promise as of late and I highly recommend reading it.
Completed:
1. Kataomoi to Parade
Comment: Itâs been officially declared as COMPLETE. I wanna cry, tho. I mean, they got to bang in the end but I wanted senpai to make love to him with more passion than that âcause a little jealousy got in the way.
2. Ano ko to Juliet
Comment: HA.HA.HA.HA. Iâm not a saint but, Iâm sure there are still a lot of things in this world that I donât deserve and chapter 5 is one of them.
Itâs time for a second year of Trifiesta!
Hello! From June 12th to June 18th, we will be holding Trifiesta once again to celebrate the birthdays of Kirishima and Yokozawa!Â
We have different prompts this year, and each day has a couple of them to choose from. Feel free to interpret the theme. Once again, any art form is acceptable. This includes but isnât limited to art, writing, and graphics! Â
Day 1: June 12th: Firsts/NewÂ
Day 2: June 13th: Date/LeisureÂ
Day 3: June 14th: Summer/TravelÂ
Day 4: June 15th: Sleepover/ReconciliationÂ
Day 5: June 16th: Kirishimaâs Birthday/Free Prompt
Day 6: June 17th: Hiyori/Sorata
Day 7: June 18th: Yokozawaâs Birthday/Fatherâs Day
To submit your entries, you can either post it to your own blog or submit the post to the blog (specify which day you are entering for if you do so. If you post your entry to your own blog, be sure to:
Mention our blog (@trifiesta) in the post
Tag it #trifiesta in one of the first five tags of the post
Please spread this post around so we can get good participation!
Junjou Mix 5: Online / Download
Fuck yeah! Thank you @juusangatsu, shootingstrawberrystars, @gin-koiâ, @gatebabylonâ, @illegalnameâ and @thedigitalpen for your hard work!
[Translation] Sekaiichi Hatsukoi Chapter 26
hey. I would just like to preface that while I am uploading these translations to read, I do not appreciate reposts of either my translations or the scan groupâs scanlation without permission. Scan credits to @DCĺčçťćąĺç˝!
Keep reading

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[Release] Sekaiichi Hatsukoi - Onodera no Baai ~23
[LINKS] mediafire | mangago (still waiting)
đ
@immapiggeh
Doubts
@ritsuluvstakano
Ritsu was busy doing work when all of a sudden, it felt a wave of sudden self-doubts hit him at full force, and he just drops his red pen, making a mark on his new white jeans, which was the furthest from his mind.
He stared blankly ahead, mind wandered away into a sudden distress for reasons unknown.
âwhat am i doing..â
Ritsu put his hand on his head, and felt his mind swarming around, thoughts of hurting himself coming in at full force.
Ritsu was uncounsiously getting paler.
His co-worker, KISA, glanced at him. âRicchan? Are you alright?â KISA asked concernly, but Ritsu was too far in another world.
This happens to be nothing knew to be quite frank. Its seemingly normal this time around-nearing the end of the cycle, almost all editors are boundlessly mad out of their wits.
âRicchan, youre zoning out again.â Kisa points out, rapidly blinking twice before cocking his head to the side.
Ritsu blinks, finally coming back to reality.
Ritsu looks at KISA. His eyes were glassy- more than usual by the end of the cycle.
He had an overwhelming urge to cry, and he didnât even know why. Well there were many reasons, but he couldnât pinpoint any of them.
Ritsus stomach twists, which causes Ritsu to flinch slightly and lightly gasp
âO-oh..im fine.â Ritsu replies hesitantly, voice faintly shaking but still noticeable to the elder. âAre you sure ricchan? You look really..um..sad??â
Ritsu nods his head, waving a hand through thin air to prove his point. âYes! Of course! Just drained is all..â
Although he is a terrible liar, he knows it is far better to keep his emotion to himself than to give people a reason to bother him. Kisa shrugs, turning back to his own work, nonetheless not buying his plastered smile of deceit.
Takano looks at Ritsu and Kisa, wondering what the bickering was about. He felt his heart sink at the look of his lover in pain. Takano ignored his own distress like it was nothing. Takano is used to it.
âOnodera.â Takano called, loud enough for Ritsu to hear, voice showing his concern.
Ritsu lightly flinches and then just ran out of the office.
Takano raised a concerned brow at the sudden run from Ritsu. He watched as Kisa slightly leaned back into his rolly chair, attempting to see the other go down the hall.
âKisa! Come here!!â
The loud call of his name startled him from his position, chair unbalancing itself in odd spins as he tried to sit back up. âOkay..â he replied quietly, not really wanting to face the wrath of his evil boss. He stood from his seat, heading towards the ravens desk. âWassup boss..?â
âWhats wrong with Onodera?â
Kisa prepared himself to be shout at. âI-I donât knowâŚ. He wouldnât tell meâŚ. But he looks really sad all of a suddenâŚâ Kisa spoke honestly.
Ritsu ran to the bathroom, and locks himself in one of the stalls. Ritsu hugs himself, and tried to fight the urge to cry and listen to the voices.
âWhatâŚ. Is happening to me?â Ritsu mumbles to himself.
Ritsu tears up and then squeezed his eyes shut, tears running down his face.
Ritsu bites his lip, and dug his nails in his skin.
A shudder pulses through his skin. His arms tightly embracing himself in search of the warmth of comfort.
He blinks the obvious tears from his eyes, taking a big gulp and swallow his pride.
More and more frequently he wonders the same thing: âwhy am i still here?â It is no suicidal ideation, but it is no feeling to be misunderstood as anything insignificant. And it is this fact that keeps him awake at night and shifts his awakening during the day. ââŚ.â Thoughts somehow trace back to a certain man who seemingly begins to consume his thoughts more and more each passing day. Surely, but uncertainly, he knows that his facade of âjadedâ has began to finally wear off. After a decade of the same routine of attempted lies and fleeing from emotion, the past has began to latch onto his tail-taking strong hold and slowly gaining more access past his barriers and into his soul.
Emerald eyes clench shut, small nibbles on the lips help distract him from whatever it is that is twisting him uneasily alone.
ââŚ.â there are no thoughts through his mind, although, he wishes he could pinpoint what it is that hurts him so.
Takano sighs and couldnât help but be worried.
âHatori, youâre in charge until I get back.â Takano says before walking out, looking for Onodera.
âOnodera?â Takano called out, right by the bathroom.
Ritsu heard it and immediately stopped sobbing, but tears still ran down his face
Takano stood outside the bathroom door for short seconds, then slowly creaking it opened to peer inside.
âOnodera..?â he calls out, not exactly loud, but still, not quiet enough to be dismissed. With this call, the said man forces a palm over his mouth, muffling any small cries that could slip from his dried throat.
Takano glances between both ends of the room, stepping inside to gain more access of the sight. Ritsu listens to the small sounds from the older manâs shoes, breathing as quietly as he can until the other leaves.
Takano lets the bathroom door close itself, knowing that possibly the âmissingâ brunette was possibly in there. He lets out a deep sigh.
Stressed wasnât particularly the word he used to describe how he felt in moments as these. Perhaps the situation could be described as an unexplainable wave of emotion he couldnât tame.
He leans his back upon the cool marble counter where the freshly cleaned sinks lay, and folding his arms. âOnodera.. I know youre in here. Whats wrong with you?â
Unfortunately, ritsu does not wish to be discovered in the least-in addition to this fact, it is the formation of the question and tone his boss used that pisses him off to an extend where the tears turn to angry ones.
No matter, he does not wish to be seen. And he does not wish to be heard. He is not ashamed of his current condition-oh no.
He has simply realizing, little by little, his life in a new perspective. What would be the purpose to allow someone else to judge his âsillyâ antics or views? He wouldnât let them. Especially not HIM.
Takano looks to the bottom of all the stalls, to see if he can find his lover shoes, and stopped his eyes when he saw the familiar shoes.
Takano walks up to the stall and leans against it. âOnodera, please let me in.â Takano says, his voice sounding tired and stressed, a subtle double meaning to the statement. Let him in to the stall, and his heart.
Ritsu lets out a small gasp, catching the double meaning, and covers his mouth tighter, tearing up again.
âOnâ RITSU. Please. Iâm begging you here. I need to know if I even have a chance with you. If you would allow me to make everything right. To have a second chance. To love you again.â Takano says, his voice full of emotion.
Ritsu sniffles and starts crying again. Ritsu knew Takano heard, and cursed himself mentally.
âSay something, and please stop crying. I donât like to hear the one I love cry. Am I the cause of your tears? Because I can just go. Just⌠Tell me.â Takano says, voice cracking at âtell meâ.
âtell me.â
The words echo through his mind. Faintly and pleadingly they repeat their notion for mental embrace.
When the crack of the ravens voices bounces off the bathroom walls, ritsu begins to wonder again, âwhat comes after happily ever after..â
ââŚ.â it feels like forever until their heavy atmosphere finally subsides. But it is only seconds until the small click to the bathroom stall is opened, giving the raven a chance into his confinement.
Takano opened the door to reveal his teary-eyed uke. âRitsuâŚâ Takano says before he embraces Ritsu.
Ritsu tenses up slightly before slowly hugs back.
âWhatâs wrong?â Takano asked gently.
Ritsu shook his head before hiding his face in Takanos shoulder. Takano rubs Ritsus back and hugs him tighter.
âShh⌠Iâm right here.â Takano says.
Ritsu was overcome with emotions and starts crying on Takanos shoulder
The elder of the two wears his brows furrowed together, but a small smile plays on his lips. Their embrace is nothing close to awkward, though at first thought it seeks that it would be from the outside. But it is an embrace of connection and unlimited understanding with silent promises.
ââŚâ Takano wishes to comfort him, but then, what would he say? What could he say..? There are so many possibilities as to what it may be. But still, He knows nothing about the one he loves..
Ritsu kept crying for like 10 minutes before he finally calms down. Ritsu sniffles and gently wiped his nose with his sleeve
âS-sorryâŚâ Ritsu apologizes, his voice cracking from crying.
Takanos shirt was wet from Ritsus tears, but somehow, Ritsu didnât think Takano cared about that
âPlease.. Tell me whats wrong..â
Ritsu looks at Takanos eyes, and then blushed from the look of extreme worry and love filled in those Amber orbits.
Ritsu looks away slightly, unable to keep the eye contact. âJustâŚ. I donât even know. Nothing?âŚ. Everything?â Ritsu says, the last word a whisper.
Ritsu knows itâs a stupid explanation, but he seriously doesnât know the specific reason his heart hurts.
Ritsu feels super stressed and tired, emotionally and physically, and always super conscious about everything- and his âstrongâ self all of a sudden just broke downâŚ.. So, yes, âeverythingâ is pretty accurate.
The feeling that lingers inside his chest is an emotional plea. It is as if a strong grip of overwhelming realizations tug heavily on his heart. It is an emotion of finally acknowledging the repetitive cycle of his life.
Work. Sleep. Work. Avoid. Work. Deny. Work. Run. Work. Energy drinks. Work. Work. Work.
It is a cycle of the same old, same old. And perhaps, its this very reason that he has this sudden damage inside. It is nothing that anyone hasnât dwelled upon at least once in their life, and still, he cannot help but feel eager for something so much more.
ââŚ.â He knows what it means to live. It means to work to survive and perhaps become someone great. But if you do not do so, then you are ridiculed as nothing-a failure. And you stay that failure until you rise to the top. But he knows he is nothing close to special.
He carries the name of people who have done great things and continuously hold up to those standards. And then comes he, slythering behind great shadows because he is fearful of those high expecatations. He dreams to small for someone so big.
But maybe, there is more to this scene. Looking up, he notices bronze orbs, caredully studying his trembling and weak form. Here he stands, strongly embraced inside a manâs arms heâd promise heâd never be entangled in again. But still, he is weak.. Too weak for his own good. Buckling knees and knotted stomach, he knows this man has complete control over him. Hell, he knows the man knows the fact.
ââŚ.â Here he stands, embraced in this manâs arms. A man he SHOULDNâT love. A man he CANNOT love. But still, he darenât push the other away. He NEEDS him at a distance⌠But he WANTS him at arms reach.
Small, shaky hands clutch almost desperately onto the otherâs shirt, in silence, he shakes his head, another thought passing its way through.
â..whats my purpose..?â
He doesnt realize his current question has escaped his lips in sound, catching the raven by surprise. Bronze eyes widen momentarily, before saddening into a sigh.
ââŚ.â neither exchange any words. Takano cannot begim to fill the void with false answers. He has none. Who is he to know what the otherâs purpose is? But is it right to remain silent when the man he loves is indeed needing an answer?
Ritsu lets his fingers unhold their grip on the otherâs shirt, letting his hands fall at his sides bwfore taking a small step back. He is not weak.
..He will not be weak..
â..im going to go back to work. Thanks anyways.â Ritsu gives a forced smile, noticing Takano frowning with his change in deamenor.
â..Oi.â the older speaks, sliding his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. âFor what its worth.. You are very important in this world.â
Thudump. Thudump.
â..h-huh..?.â A blush invades his cheeks, emeralds wide with questions.
âWell i mean, everyones got a reason to be here. I mean, why be here if youre just going to be useless..?â
Thudump. Thudump.
ââŚ.â Ritsu silent blinks at Takanoâs statement, knwoing perhaps, the man is right-becaaue hell, when is he ever really wrong??- and for a moment, the empty grip on his heart and loosened just a small hold, and he can breathe. ââŚy-yeah..â
Takano reaches over and Ruffles Ritsus hair. Takano has never been good at making people feel better, but he hopes that he helped Ritsu feel better, even if itâs only for a second.
Ritsu turns his head, a small blush forming on his cheeks.
âThanks-â Ritsu said, but Takano continued over him.
âI donât know what goes on in your head⌠Hell, I wish I did sometimes, but anyways⌠Everybody has those days where they question themselves. A âwhy am I here?â kinda thought. So⌠Youâre not alone.â Takano says, which makes Ritsu gasp slightly and looks at him again.
âH-have you?â Ritsu couldnât but ask.
Takano nods.
It was a simple nod, not hesitant or doubtful. It was a simple gesture, one that easily flowed out as a sign of real comfort. And ritsu took heed to this.
Takano had these doubts too..
âSo he has these thoughts too.â Ritsu thought to himself.
Takano watches as Ritsus tensed shoulders untensed. A small smile formed on Takanos lips.
âI-I⌠We should go back to work.â Ritsu says, a small blush forming.
Ritsu was slightly mad that he had to be helped to feel better by Takano, of all people.
Takano looks carefully at Ritsus face. âYeahâŚâŚ Wanna come over later?â Takano couldnât stop the question from leaving his lips.
Ritsu blushes deeper and walks past Takano, out of the stall. âI-Iâm going to have to pass.â Ritsu miraculously denies.
Takano sighs, and walks out too. âFine.â Takano says, voice showing tiredness and impatience.
Ritsu flinches and looks at Takano. He was shocked when Takano shows just how torn and tired he was about all this.
Ritsu said nothing more as he watched the taller manâs figure slowly turn the corner into the hall. Soon enough, he was once again, alone.
He let out a breathy sigh. How long were they going to continue in this game?
ââŚwell it is kinda my fault..â Emerald eyes widen at the sudden thought, then close tiredly with the realization.
He was tired too.
Ritsu went back to his desk a few minutes later.
It was a productive day. At the end of the day, they were the only two in the room.
All of a sudden Takano stood up and walked up to Ritsu.
âW-what is it..?â A stuttery, timid sound voices out from Ritsuâs throat.
Takano stood before him, one hand on hip and the other lingering on his side with a stack of papers.
He stood silently, not speaking at all, and somewhat distant than usual.
"T-tell me...." Ritsu said timidly, looking at his desk, but Takano still wouldn't say anything, so Ritsu glanced up at Takanos eyes.
Takano finally sighs and puts the papers on Ritsus desk.
"Once you finish these, you can go." Takano said, his arm still on the papers.
Ritsu cleared his throat. He didn't like when he can tell Takanos acting strange.
"O-okay....." Ritsu said, and watched as Takano slowly turned to look at him.
"Do you love me?" Takano asked, with the same tired voice as earlier.
[Never Growing Up]
Takano felt Ritsu drape his arms around him. A soft hum left his lips as he grinned contently. It was like a never ending road that led him to this point, but it was definitely worth the eternal wait. Even though it had hurt for so long, he was glad that he and Ritsu had made it.
He was glad that theyâd gone back in time. He was glad that they were right here, right now. So glad, in fact, that he found himself unable to find words of any sort. They all fell short of the correct appropriateness for how he felt. So, instead, Takano tightly hugged Ritsu, taking in a deep breath, instinctively wanting to breath him in. Even down to the way he smelled was sweet.
Ritsu placed his lips against Masamunes, with bright red cheeks.
"C-Can you make love to me?" Ritsu asked quietly, nervously, but surely.
Ritsu then attempted to hide his face.
Closed RP with tsundereukeeditor
Kisa gave a small shrug and lifted his hands. âWell, if youâve never been physically attracted to a woman before..then perhaps âGayâ really is the word huh? I know that might sound scarier than bisexual, but I think that itâs okay, you know? Society is more accepting these days, even though some people wonâtâ
Ritsu flushes deeply. âM-maybeâŚ. I still canât believe itâŚ.â
Kisa gently patted his shoulder and gave a smile. âWell it might take some time accepting it, but itâs nothing to be ashamed ofâ He said softly.
Ritsu smiled and bows his head. "Thanks...."
Doubts
@ritsuluvstakano
Ritsu was busy doing work when all of a sudden, it felt a wave of sudden self-doubts hit him at full force, and he just drops his red pen, making a mark on his new white jeans, which was the furthest from his mind.
He stared blankly ahead, mind wandered away into a sudden distress for reasons unknown.
âwhat am i doing..â
Ritsu put his hand on his head, and felt his mind swarming around, thoughts of hurting himself coming in at full force.
Ritsu was uncounsiously getting paler.
His co-worker, KISA, glanced at him. âRicchan? Are you alright?â KISA asked concernly, but Ritsu was too far in another world.
This happens to be nothing knew to be quite frank. Its seemingly normal this time around-nearing the end of the cycle, almost all editors are boundlessly mad out of their wits.
âRicchan, youre zoning out again.â Kisa points out, rapidly blinking twice before cocking his head to the side.
Ritsu blinks, finally coming back to reality.
Ritsu looks at KISA. His eyes were glassy- more than usual by the end of the cycle.
He had an overwhelming urge to cry, and he didnât even know why. Well there were many reasons, but he couldnât pinpoint any of them.
Ritsus stomach twists, which causes Ritsu to flinch slightly and lightly gasp
âO-oh..im fine.â Ritsu replies hesitantly, voice faintly shaking but still noticeable to the elder. âAre you sure ricchan? You look really..um..sad??â
Ritsu nods his head, waving a hand through thin air to prove his point. âYes! Of course! Just drained is all..â
Although he is a terrible liar, he knows it is far better to keep his emotion to himself than to give people a reason to bother him. Kisa shrugs, turning back to his own work, nonetheless not buying his plastered smile of deceit.
Takano looks at Ritsu and Kisa, wondering what the bickering was about. He felt his heart sink at the look of his lover in pain. Takano ignored his own distress like it was nothing. Takano is used to it.
âOnodera.â Takano called, loud enough for Ritsu to hear, voice showing his concern.
Ritsu lightly flinches and then just ran out of the office.
Takano raised a concerned brow at the sudden run from Ritsu. He watched as Kisa slightly leaned back into his rolly chair, attempting to see the other go down the hall.
âKisa! Come here!!â
The loud call of his name startled him from his position, chair unbalancing itself in odd spins as he tried to sit back up. âOkay..â he replied quietly, not really wanting to face the wrath of his evil boss. He stood from his seat, heading towards the ravens desk. âWassup boss..?â
âWhats wrong with Onodera?â
Kisa prepared himself to be shout at. âI-I donât knowâŚ. He wouldnât tell meâŚ. But he looks really sad all of a suddenâŚâ Kisa spoke honestly.
Ritsu ran to the bathroom, and locks himself in one of the stalls. Ritsu hugs himself, and tried to fight the urge to cry and listen to the voices.
âWhatâŚ. Is happening to me?â Ritsu mumbles to himself.
Ritsu tears up and then squeezed his eyes shut, tears running down his face.
Ritsu bites his lip, and dug his nails in his skin.
A shudder pulses through his skin. His arms tightly embracing himself in search of the warmth of comfort.
He blinks the obvious tears from his eyes, taking a big gulp and swallow his pride.
More and more frequently he wonders the same thing: âwhy am i still here?â It is no suicidal ideation, but it is no feeling to be misunderstood as anything insignificant. And it is this fact that keeps him awake at night and shifts his awakening during the day. ââŚ.â Thoughts somehow trace back to a certain man who seemingly begins to consume his thoughts more and more each passing day. Surely, but uncertainly, he knows that his facade of âjadedâ has began to finally wear off. After a decade of the same routine of attempted lies and fleeing from emotion, the past has began to latch onto his tail-taking strong hold and slowly gaining more access past his barriers and into his soul.
Emerald eyes clench shut, small nibbles on the lips help distract him from whatever it is that is twisting him uneasily alone.
ââŚ.â there are no thoughts through his mind, although, he wishes he could pinpoint what it is that hurts him so.
Takano sighs and couldnât help but be worried.
âHatori, youâre in charge until I get back.â Takano says before walking out, looking for Onodera.
âOnodera?â Takano called out, right by the bathroom.
Ritsu heard it and immediately stopped sobbing, but tears still ran down his face
Takano stood outside the bathroom door for short seconds, then slowly creaking it opened to peer inside.
âOnodera..?â he calls out, not exactly loud, but still, not quiet enough to be dismissed. With this call, the said man forces a palm over his mouth, muffling any small cries that could slip from his dried throat.
Takano glances between both ends of the room, stepping inside to gain more access of the sight. Ritsu listens to the small sounds from the older manâs shoes, breathing as quietly as he can until the other leaves.
Takano lets the bathroom door close itself, knowing that possibly the âmissingâ brunette was possibly in there. He lets out a deep sigh.
Stressed wasnât particularly the word he used to describe how he felt in moments as these. Perhaps the situation could be described as an unexplainable wave of emotion he couldnât tame.
He leans his back upon the cool marble counter where the freshly cleaned sinks lay, and folding his arms. âOnodera.. I know youre in here. Whats wrong with you?â
Unfortunately, ritsu does not wish to be discovered in the least-in addition to this fact, it is the formation of the question and tone his boss used that pisses him off to an extend where the tears turn to angry ones.
No matter, he does not wish to be seen. And he does not wish to be heard. He is not ashamed of his current condition-oh no.
He has simply realizing, little by little, his life in a new perspective. What would be the purpose to allow someone else to judge his âsillyâ antics or views? He wouldnât let them. Especially not HIM.
Takano looks to the bottom of all the stalls, to see if he can find his lover shoes, and stopped his eyes when he saw the familiar shoes.
Takano walks up to the stall and leans against it. âOnodera, please let me in.â Takano says, his voice sounding tired and stressed, a subtle double meaning to the statement. Let him in to the stall, and his heart.
Ritsu lets out a small gasp, catching the double meaning, and covers his mouth tighter, tearing up again.
âOnâ RITSU. Please. Iâm begging you here. I need to know if I even have a chance with you. If you would allow me to make everything right. To have a second chance. To love you again.â Takano says, his voice full of emotion.
Ritsu sniffles and starts crying again. Ritsu knew Takano heard, and cursed himself mentally.
âSay something, and please stop crying. I donât like to hear the one I love cry. Am I the cause of your tears? Because I can just go. Just⌠Tell me.â Takano says, voice cracking at âtell meâ.
âtell me.â
The words echo through his mind. Faintly and pleadingly they repeat their notion for mental embrace.
When the crack of the ravens voices bounces off the bathroom walls, ritsu begins to wonder again, âwhat comes after happily ever after..â
ââŚ.â it feels like forever until their heavy atmosphere finally subsides. But it is only seconds until the small click to the bathroom stall is opened, giving the raven a chance into his confinement.
Takano opened the door to reveal his teary-eyed uke. âRitsuâŚâ Takano says before he embraces Ritsu.
Ritsu tenses up slightly before slowly hugs back.
âWhatâs wrong?â Takano asked gently.
Ritsu shook his head before hiding his face in Takanos shoulder. Takano rubs Ritsus back and hugs him tighter.
âShh⌠Iâm right here.â Takano says.
Ritsu was overcome with emotions and starts crying on Takanos shoulder
The elder of the two wears his brows furrowed together, but a small smile plays on his lips. Their embrace is nothing close to awkward, though at first thought it seeks that it would be from the outside. But it is an embrace of connection and unlimited understanding with silent promises.
ââŚâ Takano wishes to comfort him, but then, what would he say? What could he say..? There are so many possibilities as to what it may be. But still, He knows nothing about the one he loves..
Ritsu kept crying for like 10 minutes before he finally calms down. Ritsu sniffles and gently wiped his nose with his sleeve
âS-sorryâŚâ Ritsu apologizes, his voice cracking from crying.
Takanos shirt was wet from Ritsus tears, but somehow, Ritsu didnât think Takano cared about that
âPlease.. Tell me whats wrong..â
Ritsu looks at Takanos eyes, and then blushed from the look of extreme worry and love filled in those Amber orbits.
Ritsu looks away slightly, unable to keep the eye contact. âJustâŚ. I donât even know. Nothing?âŚ. Everything?â Ritsu says, the last word a whisper.
Ritsu knows itâs a stupid explanation, but he seriously doesnât know the specific reason his heart hurts.
Ritsu feels super stressed and tired, emotionally and physically, and always super conscious about everything- and his âstrongâ self all of a sudden just broke downâŚ.. So, yes, âeverythingâ is pretty accurate.
The feeling that lingers inside his chest is an emotional plea. It is as if a strong grip of overwhelming realizations tug heavily on his heart. It is an emotion of finally acknowledging the repetitive cycle of his life.
Work. Sleep. Work. Avoid. Work. Deny. Work. Run. Work. Energy drinks. Work. Work. Work.
It is a cycle of the same old, same old. And perhaps, its this very reason that he has this sudden damage inside. It is nothing that anyone hasnât dwelled upon at least once in their life, and still, he cannot help but feel eager for something so much more.
ââŚ.â He knows what it means to live. It means to work to survive and perhaps become someone great. But if you do not do so, then you are ridiculed as nothing-a failure. And you stay that failure until you rise to the top. But he knows he is nothing close to special.
He carries the name of people who have done great things and continuously hold up to those standards. And then comes he, slythering behind great shadows because he is fearful of those high expecatations. He dreams to small for someone so big.
But maybe, there is more to this scene. Looking up, he notices bronze orbs, caredully studying his trembling and weak form. Here he stands, strongly embraced inside a manâs arms heâd promise heâd never be entangled in again. But still, he is weak.. Too weak for his own good. Buckling knees and knotted stomach, he knows this man has complete control over him. Hell, he knows the man knows the fact.
ââŚ.â Here he stands, embraced in this manâs arms. A man he SHOULDNâT love. A man he CANNOT love. But still, he darenât push the other away. He NEEDS him at a distance⌠But he WANTS him at arms reach.
Small, shaky hands clutch almost desperately onto the otherâs shirt, in silence, he shakes his head, another thought passing its way through.
â..whats my purpose..?â
He doesnt realize his current question has escaped his lips in sound, catching the raven by surprise. Bronze eyes widen momentarily, before saddening into a sigh.
ââŚ.â neither exchange any words. Takano cannot begim to fill the void with false answers. He has none. Who is he to know what the otherâs purpose is? But is it right to remain silent when the man he loves is indeed needing an answer?
Ritsu lets his fingers unhold their grip on the otherâs shirt, letting his hands fall at his sides bwfore taking a small step back. He is not weak.
..He will not be weak..
â..im going to go back to work. Thanks anyways.â Ritsu gives a forced smile, noticing Takano frowning with his change in deamenor.
â..Oi.â the older speaks, sliding his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. âFor what its worth.. You are very important in this world.â
Thudump. Thudump.
â..h-huh..?.â A blush invades his cheeks, emeralds wide with questions.
âWell i mean, everyones got a reason to be here. I mean, why be here if youre just going to be useless..?â
Thudump. Thudump.
ââŚ.â Ritsu silent blinks at Takanoâs statement, knwoing perhaps, the man is right-becaaue hell, when is he ever really wrong??- and for a moment, the empty grip on his heart and loosened just a small hold, and he can breathe. ââŚy-yeah..â
Takano reaches over and Ruffles Ritsus hair. Takano has never been good at making people feel better, but he hopes that he helped Ritsu feel better, even if itâs only for a second.
Ritsu turns his head, a small blush forming on his cheeks.
âThanks-â Ritsu said, but Takano continued over him.
âI donât know what goes on in your head⌠Hell, I wish I did sometimes, but anyways⌠Everybody has those days where they question themselves. A âwhy am I here?â kinda thought. So⌠Youâre not alone.â Takano says, which makes Ritsu gasp slightly and looks at him again.
âH-have you?â Ritsu couldnât but ask.
Takano nods.
It was a simple nod, not hesitant or doubtful. It was a simple gesture, one that easily flowed out as a sign of real comfort. And ritsu took heed to this.
Takano had these doubts too..
âSo he has these thoughts too.â Ritsu thought to himself.
Takano watches as Ritsus tensed shoulders untensed. A small smile formed on Takanos lips.
âI-I⌠We should go back to work.â Ritsu says, a small blush forming.
Ritsu was slightly mad that he had to be helped to feel better by Takano, of all people.
Takano looks carefully at Ritsus face. âYeahâŚâŚ Wanna come over later?â Takano couldnât stop the question from leaving his lips.
Ritsu blushes deeper and walks past Takano, out of the stall. âI-Iâm going to have to pass.â Ritsu miraculously denies.
Takano sighs, and walks out too. âFine.â Takano says, voice showing tiredness and impatience.
Ritsu flinches and looks at Takano. He was shocked when Takano shows just how torn and tired he was about all this.
Ritsu said nothing more as he watched the taller manâs figure slowly turn the corner into the hall. Soon enough, he was once again, alone.
He let out a breathy sigh. How long were they going to continue in this game?
ââŚwell it is kinda my fault..â Emerald eyes widen at the sudden thought, then close tiredly with the realization.
He was tired too.
Ritsu went back to his desk a few minutes later.
It was a productive day. At the end of the day, they were the only two in the room.
All of a sudden Takano stood up and walked up to Ritsu.

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Doubts
@ritsuluvstakano
Ritsu was busy doing work when all of a sudden, it felt a wave of sudden self-doubts hit him at full force, and he just drops his red pen, making a mark on his new white jeans, which was the furthest from his mind.
He stared blankly ahead, mind wandered away into a sudden distress for reasons unknown.
âwhat am i doing..â
Ritsu put his hand on his head, and felt his mind swarming around, thoughts of hurting himself coming in at full force.
Ritsu was uncounsiously getting paler.
His co-worker, KISA, glanced at him. âRicchan? Are you alright?â KISA asked concernly, but Ritsu was too far in another world.
This happens to be nothing knew to be quite frank. Its seemingly normal this time around-nearing the end of the cycle, almost all editors are boundlessly mad out of their wits.
âRicchan, youre zoning out again.â Kisa points out, rapidly blinking twice before cocking his head to the side.
Ritsu blinks, finally coming back to reality.
Ritsu looks at KISA. His eyes were glassy- more than usual by the end of the cycle.
He had an overwhelming urge to cry, and he didnât even know why. Well there were many reasons, but he couldnât pinpoint any of them.
Ritsus stomach twists, which causes Ritsu to flinch slightly and lightly gasp
âO-oh..im fine.â Ritsu replies hesitantly, voice faintly shaking but still noticeable to the elder. âAre you sure ricchan? You look really..um..sad??â
Ritsu nods his head, waving a hand through thin air to prove his point. âYes! Of course! Just drained is all..â
Although he is a terrible liar, he knows it is far better to keep his emotion to himself than to give people a reason to bother him. Kisa shrugs, turning back to his own work, nonetheless not buying his plastered smile of deceit.
Takano looks at Ritsu and Kisa, wondering what the bickering was about. He felt his heart sink at the look of his lover in pain. Takano ignored his own distress like it was nothing. Takano is used to it.
âOnodera.â Takano called, loud enough for Ritsu to hear, voice showing his concern.
Ritsu lightly flinches and then just ran out of the office.
Takano raised a concerned brow at the sudden run from Ritsu. He watched as Kisa slightly leaned back into his rolly chair, attempting to see the other go down the hall.
âKisa! Come here!!â
The loud call of his name startled him from his position, chair unbalancing itself in odd spins as he tried to sit back up. âOkay..â he replied quietly, not really wanting to face the wrath of his evil boss. He stood from his seat, heading towards the ravens desk. âWassup boss..?â
âWhats wrong with Onodera?â
Kisa prepared himself to be shout at. âI-I donât knowâŚ. He wouldnât tell meâŚ. But he looks really sad all of a suddenâŚâ Kisa spoke honestly.
Ritsu ran to the bathroom, and locks himself in one of the stalls. Ritsu hugs himself, and tried to fight the urge to cry and listen to the voices.
âWhatâŚ. Is happening to me?â Ritsu mumbles to himself.
Ritsu tears up and then squeezed his eyes shut, tears running down his face.
Ritsu bites his lip, and dug his nails in his skin.
A shudder pulses through his skin. His arms tightly embracing himself in search of the warmth of comfort.
He blinks the obvious tears from his eyes, taking a big gulp and swallow his pride.
More and more frequently he wonders the same thing: âwhy am i still here?â It is no suicidal ideation, but it is no feeling to be misunderstood as anything insignificant. And it is this fact that keeps him awake at night and shifts his awakening during the day. ââŚ.â Thoughts somehow trace back to a certain man who seemingly begins to consume his thoughts more and more each passing day. Surely, but uncertainly, he knows that his facade of âjadedâ has began to finally wear off. After a decade of the same routine of attempted lies and fleeing from emotion, the past has began to latch onto his tail-taking strong hold and slowly gaining more access past his barriers and into his soul.
Emerald eyes clench shut, small nibbles on the lips help distract him from whatever it is that is twisting him uneasily alone.
ââŚ.â there are no thoughts through his mind, although, he wishes he could pinpoint what it is that hurts him so.
Takano sighs and couldnât help but be worried.
âHatori, youâre in charge until I get back.â Takano says before walking out, looking for Onodera.
âOnodera?â Takano called out, right by the bathroom.
Ritsu heard it and immediately stopped sobbing, but tears still ran down his face
Takano stood outside the bathroom door for short seconds, then slowly creaking it opened to peer inside.
âOnodera..?â he calls out, not exactly loud, but still, not quiet enough to be dismissed. With this call, the said man forces a palm over his mouth, muffling any small cries that could slip from his dried throat.
Takano glances between both ends of the room, stepping inside to gain more access of the sight. Ritsu listens to the small sounds from the older manâs shoes, breathing as quietly as he can until the other leaves.
Takano lets the bathroom door close itself, knowing that possibly the âmissingâ brunette was possibly in there. He lets out a deep sigh.
Stressed wasnât particularly the word he used to describe how he felt in moments as these. Perhaps the situation could be described as an unexplainable wave of emotion he couldnât tame.
He leans his back upon the cool marble counter where the freshly cleaned sinks lay, and folding his arms. âOnodera.. I know youre in here. Whats wrong with you?â
Unfortunately, ritsu does not wish to be discovered in the least-in addition to this fact, it is the formation of the question and tone his boss used that pisses him off to an extend where the tears turn to angry ones.
No matter, he does not wish to be seen. And he does not wish to be heard. He is not ashamed of his current condition-oh no.
He has simply realizing, little by little, his life in a new perspective. What would be the purpose to allow someone else to judge his âsillyâ antics or views? He wouldnât let them. Especially not HIM.
Takano looks to the bottom of all the stalls, to see if he can find his lover shoes, and stopped his eyes when he saw the familiar shoes.
Takano walks up to the stall and leans against it. âOnodera, please let me in.â Takano says, his voice sounding tired and stressed, a subtle double meaning to the statement. Let him in to the stall, and his heart.
Ritsu lets out a small gasp, catching the double meaning, and covers his mouth tighter, tearing up again.
âOnâ RITSU. Please. Iâm begging you here. I need to know if I even have a chance with you. If you would allow me to make everything right. To have a second chance. To love you again.â Takano says, his voice full of emotion.
Ritsu sniffles and starts crying again. Ritsu knew Takano heard, and cursed himself mentally.
âSay something, and please stop crying. I donât like to hear the one I love cry. Am I the cause of your tears? Because I can just go. Just⌠Tell me.â Takano says, voice cracking at âtell meâ.
âtell me.â
The words echo through his mind. Faintly and pleadingly they repeat their notion for mental embrace.
When the crack of the ravens voices bounces off the bathroom walls, ritsu begins to wonder again, âwhat comes after happily ever after..â
ââŚ.â it feels like forever until their heavy atmosphere finally subsides. But it is only seconds until the small click to the bathroom stall is opened, giving the raven a chance into his confinement.
Takano opened the door to reveal his teary-eyed uke. âRitsuâŚâ Takano says before he embraces Ritsu.
Ritsu tenses up slightly before slowly hugs back.
âWhatâs wrong?â Takano asked gently.
Ritsu shook his head before hiding his face in Takanos shoulder. Takano rubs Ritsus back and hugs him tighter.
âShh⌠Iâm right here.â Takano says.
Ritsu was overcome with emotions and starts crying on Takanos shoulder
The elder of the two wears his brows furrowed together, but a small smile plays on his lips. Their embrace is nothing close to awkward, though at first thought it seeks that it would be from the outside. But it is an embrace of connection and unlimited understanding with silent promises.
ââŚâ Takano wishes to comfort him, but then, what would he say? What could he say..? There are so many possibilities as to what it may be. But still, He knows nothing about the one he loves..
Ritsu kept crying for like 10 minutes before he finally calms down. Ritsu sniffles and gently wiped his nose with his sleeve
âS-sorryâŚâ Ritsu apologizes, his voice cracking from crying.
Takanos shirt was wet from Ritsus tears, but somehow, Ritsu didnât think Takano cared about that
âPlease.. Tell me whats wrong..â
Ritsu looks at Takanos eyes, and then blushed from the look of extreme worry and love filled in those Amber orbits.
Ritsu looks away slightly, unable to keep the eye contact. âJustâŚ. I donât even know. Nothing?âŚ. Everything?â Ritsu says, the last word a whisper.
Ritsu knows itâs a stupid explanation, but he seriously doesnât know the specific reason his heart hurts.
Ritsu feels super stressed and tired, emotionally and physically, and always super conscious about everything- and his âstrongâ self all of a sudden just broke downâŚ.. So, yes, âeverythingâ is pretty accurate.
The feeling that lingers inside his chest is an emotional plea. It is as if a strong grip of overwhelming realizations tug heavily on his heart. It is an emotion of finally acknowledging the repetitive cycle of his life.
Work. Sleep. Work. Avoid. Work. Deny. Work. Run. Work. Energy drinks. Work. Work. Work.
It is a cycle of the same old, same old. And perhaps, its this very reason that he has this sudden damage inside. It is nothing that anyone hasnât dwelled upon at least once in their life, and still, he cannot help but feel eager for something so much more.
ââŚ.â He knows what it means to live. It means to work to survive and perhaps become someone great. But if you do not do so, then you are ridiculed as nothing-a failure. And you stay that failure until you rise to the top. But he knows he is nothing close to special.
He carries the name of people who have done great things and continuously hold up to those standards. And then comes he, slythering behind great shadows because he is fearful of those high expecatations. He dreams to small for someone so big.
But maybe, there is more to this scene. Looking up, he notices bronze orbs, caredully studying his trembling and weak form. Here he stands, strongly embraced inside a manâs arms heâd promise heâd never be entangled in again. But still, he is weak.. Too weak for his own good. Buckling knees and knotted stomach, he knows this man has complete control over him. Hell, he knows the man knows the fact.
ââŚ.â Here he stands, embraced in this manâs arms. A man he SHOULDNâT love. A man he CANNOT love. But still, he darenât push the other away. He NEEDS him at a distance⌠But he WANTS him at arms reach.
Small, shaky hands clutch almost desperately onto the otherâs shirt, in silence, he shakes his head, another thought passing its way through.
â..whats my purpose..?â
He doesnt realize his current question has escaped his lips in sound, catching the raven by surprise. Bronze eyes widen momentarily, before saddening into a sigh.
ââŚ.â neither exchange any words. Takano cannot begim to fill the void with false answers. He has none. Who is he to know what the otherâs purpose is? But is it right to remain silent when the man he loves is indeed needing an answer?
Ritsu lets his fingers unhold their grip on the otherâs shirt, letting his hands fall at his sides bwfore taking a small step back. He is not weak.
..He will not be weak..
â..im going to go back to work. Thanks anyways.â Ritsu gives a forced smile, noticing Takano frowning with his change in deamenor.
â..Oi.â the older speaks, sliding his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. âFor what its worth.. You are very important in this world.â
Thudump. Thudump.
â..h-huh..?.â A blush invades his cheeks, emeralds wide with questions.
âWell i mean, everyones got a reason to be here. I mean, why be here if youre just going to be useless..?â
Thudump. Thudump.
ââŚ.â Ritsu silent blinks at Takanoâs statement, knwoing perhaps, the man is right-becaaue hell, when is he ever really wrong??- and for a moment, the empty grip on his heart and loosened just a small hold, and he can breathe. ââŚy-yeah..â
Takano reaches over and Ruffles Ritsus hair. Takano has never been good at making people feel better, but he hopes that he helped Ritsu feel better, even if itâs only for a second.
Ritsu turns his head, a small blush forming on his cheeks.
âThanks-â Ritsu said, but Takano continued over him.
âI donât know what goes on in your head⌠Hell, I wish I did sometimes, but anyways⌠Everybody has those days where they question themselves. A âwhy am I here?â kinda thought. So⌠Youâre not alone.â Takano says, which makes Ritsu gasp slightly and looks at him again.
âH-have you?â Ritsu couldnât but ask.
Takano nods.
It was a simple nod, not hesitant or doubtful. It was a simple gesture, one that easily flowed out as a sign of real comfort. And ritsu took heed to this.
Takano had these doubts too..
'So he has these thoughts too.' Ritsu thought to himself.
Takano watches as Ritsus tensed shoulders untensed. A small smile formed on Takanos lips.
"I-I... We should go back to work." Ritsu says, a small blush forming.
Ritsu was slightly mad that he had to be helped to feel better by Takano, of all people.
Takano looks carefully at Ritsus face. "Yeah...... Wanna come over later?" Takano couldn't stop the question from leaving his lips.
Ritsu blushes deeper and walks past Takano, out of the stall. "I-I'm going to have to pass." Ritsu miraculously denies.
Takano sighs, and walks out too. "Fine." Takano says, voice showing tiredness and impatience.
Ritsu flinches and looks at Takano. He was shocked when Takano shows just how torn and tired he was about all this.
Doubts
@ritsuluvstakano
Ritsu was busy doing work when all of a sudden, it felt a wave of sudden self-doubts hit him at full force, and he just drops his red pen, making a mark on his new white jeans, which was the furthest from his mind.
He stared blankly ahead, mind wandered away into a sudden distress for reasons unknown.
âwhat am i doing..â
Ritsu put his hand on his head, and felt his mind swarming around, thoughts of hurting himself coming in at full force.
Ritsu was uncounsiously getting paler.
His co-worker, KISA, glanced at him. âRicchan? Are you alright?â KISA asked concernly, but Ritsu was too far in another world.
This happens to be nothing knew to be quite frank. Its seemingly normal this time around-nearing the end of the cycle, almost all editors are boundlessly mad out of their wits.
âRicchan, youre zoning out again.â Kisa points out, rapidly blinking twice before cocking his head to the side.
Ritsu blinks, finally coming back to reality.
Ritsu looks at KISA. His eyes were glassy- more than usual by the end of the cycle.
He had an overwhelming urge to cry, and he didnât even know why. Well there were many reasons, but he couldnât pinpoint any of them.
Ritsus stomach twists, which causes Ritsu to flinch slightly and lightly gasp
âO-oh..im fine.â Ritsu replies hesitantly, voice faintly shaking but still noticeable to the elder. âAre you sure ricchan? You look really..um..sad??â
Ritsu nods his head, waving a hand through thin air to prove his point. âYes! Of course! Just drained is all..â
Although he is a terrible liar, he knows it is far better to keep his emotion to himself than to give people a reason to bother him. Kisa shrugs, turning back to his own work, nonetheless not buying his plastered smile of deceit.
Takano looks at Ritsu and Kisa, wondering what the bickering was about. He felt his heart sink at the look of his lover in pain. Takano ignored his own distress like it was nothing. Takano is used to it.
âOnodera.â Takano called, loud enough for Ritsu to hear, voice showing his concern.
Ritsu lightly flinches and then just ran out of the office.
Takano raised a concerned brow at the sudden run from Ritsu. He watched as Kisa slightly leaned back into his rolly chair, attempting to see the other go down the hall.
âKisa! Come here!!â
The loud call of his name startled him from his position, chair unbalancing itself in odd spins as he tried to sit back up. âOkay..â he replied quietly, not really wanting to face the wrath of his evil boss. He stood from his seat, heading towards the ravens desk. âWassup boss..?â
âWhats wrong with Onodera?â
Kisa prepared himself to be shout at. âI-I donât knowâŚ. He wouldnât tell meâŚ. But he looks really sad all of a suddenâŚâ Kisa spoke honestly.
Ritsu ran to the bathroom, and locks himself in one of the stalls. Ritsu hugs himself, and tried to fight the urge to cry and listen to the voices.
âWhatâŚ. Is happening to me?â Ritsu mumbles to himself.
Ritsu tears up and then squeezed his eyes shut, tears running down his face.
Ritsu bites his lip, and dug his nails in his skin.
A shudder pulses through his skin. His arms tightly embracing himself in search of the warmth of comfort.
He blinks the obvious tears from his eyes, taking a big gulp and swallow his pride.
More and more frequently he wonders the same thing: âwhy am i still here?â It is no suicidal ideation, but it is no feeling to be misunderstood as anything insignificant. And it is this fact that keeps him awake at night and shifts his awakening during the day. ââŚ.â Thoughts somehow trace back to a certain man who seemingly begins to consume his thoughts more and more each passing day. Surely, but uncertainly, he knows that his facade of âjadedâ has began to finally wear off. After a decade of the same routine of attempted lies and fleeing from emotion, the past has began to latch onto his tail-taking strong hold and slowly gaining more access past his barriers and into his soul.
Emerald eyes clench shut, small nibbles on the lips help distract him from whatever it is that is twisting him uneasily alone.
ââŚ.â there are no thoughts through his mind, although, he wishes he could pinpoint what it is that hurts him so.
Takano sighs and couldnât help but be worried.
âHatori, youâre in charge until I get back.â Takano says before walking out, looking for Onodera.
âOnodera?â Takano called out, right by the bathroom.
Ritsu heard it and immediately stopped sobbing, but tears still ran down his face
Takano stood outside the bathroom door for short seconds, then slowly creaking it opened to peer inside.
âOnodera..?â he calls out, not exactly loud, but still, not quiet enough to be dismissed. With this call, the said man forces a palm over his mouth, muffling any small cries that could slip from his dried throat.
Takano glances between both ends of the room, stepping inside to gain more access of the sight. Ritsu listens to the small sounds from the older manâs shoes, breathing as quietly as he can until the other leaves.
Takano lets the bathroom door close itself, knowing that possibly the âmissingâ brunette was possibly in there. He lets out a deep sigh.
Stressed wasnât particularly the word he used to describe how he felt in moments as these. Perhaps the situation could be described as an unexplainable wave of emotion he couldnât tame.
He leans his back upon the cool marble counter where the freshly cleaned sinks lay, and folding his arms. âOnodera.. I know youre in here. Whats wrong with you?â
Unfortunately, ritsu does not wish to be discovered in the least-in addition to this fact, it is the formation of the question and tone his boss used that pisses him off to an extend where the tears turn to angry ones.
No matter, he does not wish to be seen. And he does not wish to be heard. He is not ashamed of his current condition-oh no.
He has simply realizing, little by little, his life in a new perspective. What would be the purpose to allow someone else to judge his âsillyâ antics or views? He wouldnât let them. Especially not HIM.
Takano looks to the bottom of all the stalls, to see if he can find his lover shoes, and stopped his eyes when he saw the familiar shoes.
Takano walks up to the stall and leans against it. âOnodera, please let me in.â Takano says, his voice sounding tired and stressed, a subtle double meaning to the statement. Let him in to the stall, and his heart.
Ritsu lets out a small gasp, catching the double meaning, and covers his mouth tighter, tearing up again.
âOnâ RITSU. Please. Iâm begging you here. I need to know if I even have a chance with you. If you would allow me to make everything right. To have a second chance. To love you again.â Takano says, his voice full of emotion.
Ritsu sniffles and starts crying again. Ritsu knew Takano heard, and cursed himself mentally.
âSay something, and please stop crying. I donât like to hear the one I love cry. Am I the cause of your tears? Because I can just go. Just⌠Tell me.â Takano says, voice cracking at âtell meâ.
âtell me.â
The words echo through his mind. Faintly and pleadingly they repeat their notion for mental embrace.
When the crack of the ravens voices bounces off the bathroom walls, ritsu begins to wonder again, âwhat comes after happily ever after..â
ââŚ.â it feels like forever until their heavy atmosphere finally subsides. But it is only seconds until the small click to the bathroom stall is opened, giving the raven a chance into his confinement.
Takano opened the door to reveal his teary-eyed uke. âRitsuâŚâ Takano says before he embraces Ritsu.
Ritsu tenses up slightly before slowly hugs back.
âWhatâs wrong?â Takano asked gently.
Ritsu shook his head before hiding his face in Takanos shoulder. Takano rubs Ritsus back and hugs him tighter.
âShh⌠Iâm right here.â Takano says.
Ritsu was overcome with emotions and starts crying on Takanos shoulder
The elder of the two wears his brows furrowed together, but a small smile plays on his lips. Their embrace is nothing close to awkward, though at first thought it seeks that it would be from the outside. But it is an embrace of connection and unlimited understanding with silent promises.
ââŚâ Takano wishes to comfort him, but then, what would he say? What could he say..? There are so many possibilities as to what it may be. But still, He knows nothing about the one he loves..
Ritsu kept crying for like 10 minutes before he finally calms down. Ritsu sniffles and gently wiped his nose with his sleeve
âS-sorryâŚâ Ritsu apologizes, his voice cracking from crying.
Takanos shirt was wet from Ritsus tears, but somehow, Ritsu didnât think Takano cared about that
âPlease.. Tell me whats wrong..â
Ritsu looks at Takanos eyes, and then blushed from the look of extreme worry and love filled in those Amber orbits.
Ritsu looks away slightly, unable to keep the eye contact. âJustâŚ. I donât even know. Nothing?âŚ. Everything?â Ritsu says, the last word a whisper.
Ritsu knows itâs a stupid explanation, but he seriously doesnât know the specific reason his heart hurts.
Ritsu feels super stressed and tired, emotionally and physically, and always super conscious about everything- and his âstrongâ self all of a sudden just broke downâŚ.. So, yes, âeverythingâ is pretty accurate.
The feeling that lingers inside his chest is an emotional plea. It is as if a strong grip of overwhelming realizations tug heavily on his heart. It is an emotion of finally acknowledging the repetitive cycle of his life.
Work. Sleep. Work. Avoid. Work. Deny. Work. Run. Work. Energy drinks. Work. Work. Work.
It is a cycle of the same old, same old. And perhaps, its this very reason that he has this sudden damage inside. It is nothing that anyone hasnât dwelled upon at least once in their life, and still, he cannot help but feel eager for something so much more.
ââŚ.â He knows what it means to live. It means to work to survive and perhaps become someone great. But if you do not do so, then you are ridiculed as nothing-a failure. And you stay that failure until you rise to the top. But he knows he is nothing close to special.
He carries the name of people who have done great things and continuously hold up to those standards. And then comes he, slythering behind great shadows because he is fearful of those high expecatations. He dreams to small for someone so big.
But maybe, there is more to this scene. Looking up, he notices bronze orbs, caredully studying his trembling and weak form. Here he stands, strongly embraced inside a manâs arms heâd promise heâd never be entangled in again. But still, he is weak.. Too weak for his own good. Buckling knees and knotted stomach, he knows this man has complete control over him. Hell, he knows the man knows the fact.
ââŚ.â Here he stands, embraced in this manâs arms. A man he SHOULDNâT love. A man he CANNOT love. But still, he darenât push the other away. He NEEDS him at a distance⌠But he WANTS him at arms reach.
Small, shaky hands clutch almost desperately onto the otherâs shirt, in silence, he shakes his head, another thought passing its way through.
â..whats my purpose..?â
He doesnt realize his current question has escaped his lips in sound, catching the raven by surprise. Bronze eyes widen momentarily, before saddening into a sigh.
ââŚ.â neither exchange any words. Takano cannot begim to fill the void with false answers. He has none. Who is he to know what the otherâs purpose is? But is it right to remain silent when the man he loves is indeed needing an answer?
Ritsu lets his fingers unhold their grip on the otherâs shirt, letting his hands fall at his sides bwfore taking a small step back. He is not weak.
..He will not be weak..
â..im going to go back to work. Thanks anyways.â Ritsu gives a forced smile, noticing Takano frowning with his change in deamenor.
â..Oi.â the older speaks, sliding his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. âFor what its worth.. You are very important in this world.â
Thudump. Thudump.
â..h-huh..?.â A blush invades his cheeks, emeralds wide with questions.
âWell i mean, everyones got a reason to be here. I mean, why be here if youre just going to be useless..?â
Thudump. Thudump.
ââŚ.â Ritsu silent blinks at Takanoâs statement, knwoing perhaps, the man is right-becaaue hell, when is he ever really wrong??- and for a moment, the empty grip on his heart and loosened just a small hold, and he can breathe. ââŚy-yeah..â
Takano reaches over and Ruffles Ritsus hair. Takano has never been good at making people feel better, but he hopes that he helped Ritsu feel better, even if it's only for a second.
Ritsu turns his head, a small blush forming on his cheeks.
"Thanks-" Ritsu said, but Takano continued over him.
"I don't know what goes on in your head... Hell, I wish I did sometimes, but anyways... Everybody has those days where they question themselves. A 'why am I here?' kinda thought. So... You're not alone." Takano says, which makes Ritsu gasp slightly and looks at him again.
"H-have you?" Ritsu couldn't but ask.
Takano nods.