if there’s anything jessica has learned in her sixteen and a half bubbly, exuberant years, it’s that it’s important to have people around when you’re feeling shitty - especially when you’re not in the mood for it. that, she knows, is how you get back to yourself.
jessica watches bella swan wilt.
and can’t stop watching. something in her says, this could happen to me.
jessica checks her bullet journal and goes well. nobody’s talked to bella swan in at least four days so i guess it’s up to me. and marches right over there to the empty cullen table to work the pleasantries out of bella, who seems confused every time but not annoyed or pleased, neither resentful nor grateful.
every weekend jessica comes up with questions to ask bella swan, like taking care of this girl is another faithfully completed homework assignment. what did you used to do in phoenix? do you have any middle names? would you ever bleach your hair? bella’s answers are always short, but the beauty of coming up with the questions beforehand is that jessica always has something to fill the gaps in the conversation with.
in the spring, mike kisses a girl in the grade below them and jessica blows up, scattering the rest of their friends like shrapnel. she sits with tyler’s other friends, and he insists the whole thing is not really that big a deal. then she sits with angela, who is sympathetic but doesn’t really get relationships yet, and besides that is too reluctant to speak badly of anyone, even if they deserve it. then she sits with lauren, who suggests switching tables to eavesdrop on the girl in the grade below them. jessica lies and says she has cramps and spends the second half of that lunch period reading a book in a bathroom stall.
the next day she sits at the cullen table with bella swan, and there are no mundane questions, only can i just tell you about what mike did. and okay. and i’m so mad at him. and me too. and jessica is surprised to hear that one, because who ever heard of being mad so quietly? but she gets on with her story and so does bella for once and they both get so deep into their teenage conference that they don’t even hear the bell.
jessica sits at the cullen table with bella every day for a week, and then she finds that she really doesn’t want to talk about mike anymore. jessica doesn’t ask questions anymore. the pair sit in silence for a day. then two.
it’s brilliantly sunny the day bella stops jessica, before either of them can sit in the cullens’ seats, to say let’s sit over there today. bella points to their old table, where angela sits with a new friend, talking with enough animation for four. jessica isn’t in the mood for it, but if there is anything she’s learned in her seventeen years, it’s that it’s important to have people around. it’s how you get back to yourself.
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