trot but lope

i can’t afford to ride at the barn i ride at anymore...time to start searching for a new barn

I don’t really know how many people still read my blog, but looking back, sometimes I wonder how I used to love horses so so so so much when I first started this blog.  It sounds ridiculous because just thinking about the fact that horses are no longer one of the most important things in my life scares me so much.

This is a culmination of what I’ve been feeling for a while now (it’s been about a year now).

It’s almost hard for me to believe that there was a day where all I did and thought about revolved around horses and at that point I could never imagine myself being someone like who I am now.  I had always thought that riding wouldn’t be a phase, that I wouldn’t be one to voluntarily quit riding, that it would always be the center of my life for forever.

But here I am.  Last year, around this time of year.  I stopped riding.  For almost a solid half year.  

And for 5 freaking months, I didn’t miss riding.  I was still around horses since it was my job, but I didn’t ride for half a year.  It wasn’t until the last month that I started to kind of miss riding again.  But I suddenly realized how okay I was without riding in my life.

In case you’re wondering, I’m still riding.  But not consistently at all.  It is a barely once a week occurrence and it used to be that other plans had to work around my lessons but now my lessons are being cancelled for other things.

If you had told the little girl back in 2010 that one day she would be more apathetic about riding, she would’ve told you that you were lying.  She wouldn’t believe you.  She’d tell you that riding was all she would ever want to do.

Back when I was fresh into horses, there wouldn’t be a single person around me that didn’t know I rode horses.  It was part of my identity.  It was the first thing they learned about me after my name.  But suddenly, I’m realizing more and more that the majority of people I know don’t even know that I ride horses.

I used to be all about the “Horses aren't my whole life...they make my life whole” but now I realize that horses aren’t even apart of my own identity.  It would be really fitting right here to say something about loss of identity, but that would just contradict the whole point of this post.

Anyways.  There wasn’t much point to his post.  I hope you are all doing well.  I had a great ride last Sunday and finally fit back into my tall boots (I was so out of shape that my tall boots didn’t fit anymore :/)

I haven’t ridden since October.  I took a break just because everything has been so overwhelming and my riding.  My confidence fell through the floor within the past few rides and I just decided it was a good time to take a step back.  I think I’m ready to go back to riding though.  The surprising thing is that my life has felt strangely alright despite not riding. I don’t think I’m the only one who always thought that my life would have a hole without riding but contrarily—its been fine.

I’ve put a lot more focus onto art as that is where my future lies.  My life used to be centered around horses.  Around riding.  Around this sport that I decided my lifestyle was.  But I think it’s shifted towards art and now riding isn’t at the center of my life anymore.  I’ll still come on here occasionally and drop in, and always always always feel free to send me a message, I’ll be sure to respond.

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equestrian: photography // youtube