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👉👈 i have a girlfriend

we fell alseep on the couch for a while and when we woke up she was being so soft and sweet to ke. she called ke sweet puppy and i staryed crying. we had a really nice talk while i was ceying about how much we like each ofher and i was talking about how i was crying becasue im really happy and genuinely feel sade and cared for. my heart feels so big. i talked about my fears and things i am scared of and she was reassuring and talked me through it and im ! i am overwhelmed a bit still but im glad its becasue im happy

something Ive been processing is the fact that Lizzy would ask how Im doing, hear that Im stoned, and then immediately get sexual with me. Theres so much around how Lizzy treated me sexually that makes me feel disgusted with myself for letting it happen, for not spraking up sooner. I know it never felt like anything I said mattered, the things I did sprak up about never mattered and would always just keep happening. but god. It makes me sick how much I was used and hurt for its sexual gain. I should have known better when I started self harming. I should have known better when I was so paranoid about it getting me pregnant that even though I knew I wasnt I would be cinvknced that I was for weeks at a time because of how she talked to me during sex. i should have known when i woule cry and feel relieved when we didnt have sex but still felt like something was wtong because we didnt. the amount of times i wanted to kill myself I should have known so much better.