Findinghappiness

My mind began to pace. It came to be for a moment I was thankful to be by myself, so no one would notice my face.

In a way, I felt ashamed, that I didn’t know how to eat such an intricate fruit, intricately.

The moment was beautiful to me. I was new to it, there was an undertone of truth to it.

For quite some time I had love for pomegranates and their heavenly qualities.

I wondered if anyone else saw that in such a simple fruit, lay a glimpse of God. A glimpse of truth, through each design, where in a moment of time one could embrace, what has always been sublime.

Or perhaps I was looking too deeply into it. Pretending to have knowledge in pear shaped quotes and phrases, placing them in pretty places seeking hope, and Gods truth, and love. A tear shed from my eyes.

Yet I continued, bite after bite, it was sweet to taste and easy on the soul…my inhibitions began to fade away. For a moment

All because of a pomegranate? I wondered. No, it was deeper than that; it was The Lord.

In my heart and in my mind, as I ate he asked me who I was?

I didnt know, in fact, I never did. In all my years; I never knew. So my answer was that I was ashamed.

ashamed of who I wasn’t, and seeking who I needed to be.

He asked again, “who are you” and I said I was afraid, afraid of letting go, of all that causes me pain.

The answer never sufficed.

But still, with the pomegranate juice leaking down my arm, he said: who are you?

I said I was lost, because I went looking for your truth and listened to the world instead of seeking solace under your roof.

But still the feeling persisted, who are you the question rang loud. I answered the best I could.

Afraid Alone Lost Confused Regretful Weak Ashamed Blinded Loud Unfocused Bitter Unhappy Sorrowful Loathsome

The list went on, as I tried to find the response to answer his question. I tried and tried, yet it never seemed to suffice. How could I answer a perfect Gods perfect question, through imperfect eyes.

I was no one yet, you would even ask me?

Yet softly, he answered; with the truth of a master

My problem was my shame My inability to let go of pain My lack of humility in an unhumble world.

He said…

I never let go, and always hold on How can you believe when you always sing the same tired old songs?

He said… Your truths are your lies and your half truths are what I despise. I never talk to you because you walk away when I reach for you.

I cried… He said…

Your love is empty like a water bowl with no water. Superficial like a wound above the muscles. How can you reach what is right when you cling to what was always wrong.

He said… Their are truths that are empty unreachable to me. I listen to the cries and screams, but who can be as humble and meek as me?

I’m lost, I try to find…I weakly replied.

My replies dropped into the cavern that was your word, a dim reflection of your truths I heard.

How can a man attain the mantle I’ve framed, what successes do you have that can compare to my name? Humble yourself and turn from your ways; this is the truth that I, even me, have screamed at you all your days.

He said…

I’ve never made you to be ashamed. I’ve made you to serve me who is above this shame. Above the pain And people’s wicked games

I am above the lost And I harbor no confusion I won’t condemn or abandon OR lose what the truth says.

I make no false promises, or intentionally forget. I live in the light, and there is no darkness here.

But still and still you cling to people who mean you nothing but to kill.

Why do you cry for man, who is wicked as fire; but never cry for me—what is it about them you so desperately desire.

Find hope in my word, live in my world and train in my truth. That I may know you, and hold fast to your destiny which is above such trash.

Your love for me, will not turn to ash I will cling fast to you, if you do the same.

As I will tell you time and time again, in me there is no shame.

My hands were sticky, from the pomegranate. Yet my mind was empty…

To serve eternity, outweighs the bonds of mortality…

This is the formula, I failed to understand…

For it is in this simple truth…he hath created man…

In him, in faith….there is no shame. Leave behind the world, even so, let it perish your thought.