Tricky Pineapple

Does anyone else feel like they’re living their lives in third person? Like nothing seems fully real, and it’s hard to connect to anyone or anything no matter how beautiful or tragic. It’s almost like things are passing by and you’re watching yourself experience everything, but feel nothing.

Reblog in 10 seconds and $1700 will come your way

I have nothing to lose and 1700$ to gain

As an atheist, putting my hand on the Bible and saying an oath before testifying to a court is less likely to get me to tell the truth than a pinkey promise

When my parents were fighting for custody, I was old enough to have a say, so they put me under oath to assure I was being honest with my feelings. Using my best serious face, knowing what was coming, when offered the bible to swear on, I requested to swear on the secretary’s hole punch, “because it’s far more honest. It says it’s going to punch a hole, and it does, best God I’ve seen today.” My mom buried her face in her hands, my dad sighed and rubbed his forehead. The judge almost choked on his water before telling the bailiff “find this young lady a hole punch!”

and the entire courtroom applauded

i was there i was the judge’s water 

Merry fuckin Christmas where is the hard liquor

​this worked last night lets go for round two

the worst thing about speaking two languages is trying to use an expression from one language that fits perfectly into your conversation but the other person won’t get it

i dont speak two languages but i speak fandom so i sort of get this

i hate when people call their grandparents weird names instead of grandma and grandpa like babooshka or salami

i’m telling grandpa salami that you were talking shit

tbh i read this as “i hate it when (children of) immigrants refer to their grandparents in their native language”

JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN JOHN MADDEN

HERE COMES ANOTHER CHINESE EARTHQUAKE ERRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRB

FOOT BALL

HOLLER HOLLER GET DOLLAR

This is one of those relatively rare moments on tumblr when I have no idea what the fuck is going on

Allow me to shed some light on the subject.

this is a fucking quality post. 100/10

why are a bunch of cabbages singing

America is a disaster and the uk is just fucked. the world is falling apart, but Canada welcomes you poor bastards with open arms and we even have a hot prime minister to greet you