be soft

fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s ‘i am an observer, but not by choice.’

make a wish.

For context; I’m a recovering poly addict (somebody who was addicted to multiple different substances). For those who are nosy, it was alcohol and opioids.

I was also *technically* homeless for a period. I was lucky to be able to couch surf but there was definitely days where I had no idea where I was going to stay, and constantly had to rely of the kindness of others. I was on welfare at the time, but not much.

I was trying to get sober while couch surfing and holy fucking shit, it’s hard, I don’t think anyone understands how hard it is. I was fortunate to be able to lay on a warm couch and have withdrawals and even then, it was hard. That added stress of knowing that I was going to have to move on to the next kind person in my life was an extra layer to add onto how fucking sick I was. A lot of people don’t understand the physical aspect of drug use. My first night I spent violently shaking and clinging to a toilet bowl, wondering if I was dying.

I cannot even begin to fathom what it is like for those living on the street going through withdrawls. Hungry, cold, sleeping in a tent or on a cardboard box or on the god damn ground. I do not blame a single person for using money I give to avoid that. That is not a situation where it is reasonable to ask people to get sober. It’s just not.