Treagus Thinks

Rules: Followers send a number to your ask and you write a drabble using that sentence/prompt in your piece. Try to keep up! Expect a TON of requests!

“The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.”

“Who gave you that black eye?”

“You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”

“I just like proving you wrong.”

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

“Forget it. You fucking suck.”

“Quit it or I’ll bite.”

“If you use up all the hot water again, I swear to god! You’re on the couch for a month!!”

“If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.”

“Take. It. Off.”

“Well, you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.”

“I’ll kick his ass if you want me to.”

“Stop it! It tickles!”

“It’s okay to cry…”

“And that’s how you ruin a life. Congratulations.”

“D..did you just make that noise?”

“He’s a bad kisser.”

“You can scream if you want.”

“I didn’t know we were keeping track.”

“We’re playing checkers. If you don’t like it, leave.”

“One of them’s missing.”

“Save some for me.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“You’re still mad?”

“Come over here and make me.”

“You better watch yourself.”

“Eat your lunch and you wouldn’t be hungry.”

“Why did we have to have kids?”

“Call on Line 1”

“He creeped me out. I’m not gonna lie.”

“I’m done! You can fix it!”

“Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?”

“Where did he go?”

“You leave whenever you feel like it.”

“I forgot I was a single parent.”

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”

“You’re going out dressed like that?”

“For the hundredth time, I’m not your babysitter.”  

“Frost the damn cupcakes.”

“Well that’s the second biggest news I’ve heard all day.”

“You look pretty hot in plaid.”  

“I thought you were dead!”

“I thought it was a one-night-stand…and now we’re married…”

“We’ve become the clingy couple that you used to complain about.”

“Quit touching me. Your feet are cold.”

“You know you want it, sweetheart.”

“I’m your husband. It’s my job.”  

“You just wanted them because the light up.”

“That wasn’t very subtle.”

“He thinks he’s a mind reader.”  

“It’s just you and me tonight. I was thinking we could have a little fun.”

“I don’t do hugs.”

“Don’t talk anymore.”

“I’m just a guy with a wife, two kids, and a Harley.”

“How do I even put up with you?”

“I said get rid of it.”

“They didn’t just find out. They already knew!”

“You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

“Can you just man up and change his diaper?”

“Just don’t buy a goat. I don’t care what you do, just no goats.”

“I have a secret.”

“I won’t let you get hurt.”

“You’re strong, baby. You have to be.”

“He’s four years old!!”

“I’ve had enough! I want to be alone!”

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Me and the boys will handle it.”

“You’re competitive and so am I, and it’s going to lead to a fight.”

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

“You’re a dork, just like your father.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Daddy!”

“I lost our child.”

“That’s my shirt. So is that..wait?”

“My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?”

“There’s a surprise upstairs for you.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“I’m not your boss? Well then who is?”

“You can’t eat solids, only liquids until Thursday.”

“Come on, baby, up to bed.”

“They got you a present. Isn’t it sweet?”

“Am I scaring you?”

“Run! You said you’d work out with me!”

“After everything…I’d still choose you.”

“And when did you plan on telling me about this?”

“Trust me.”

“Scoot over a little bit, please.”

“You’re so clingy, I love it.”

“You didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood’.”

“Did they hurt you?”

“You’re cute when you’re all worried.”

“Stop being grumpy. It’s lame.”

“I don’t need a hero, I need a husband.”

“Don’t shut me out.”

“You got a cute butt.”

“I just got out of the shower, I can’t dance. What if my towel falls off?”

“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

“Do you really think I could ever replace you?”

“Sharing is caring. Now give me your fries.”

“…or we can chill in our underwear.”

“You can’t make up for it by giving me a tic-tac.”

“Keep pedaling and don’t stop, okay?”

“You, me, popcorn, two liter Dr. Pepper, and a movie. You in?”

“Have you seen my contacts?”

“Life is a highway, and I’m always drunk. So I’m not driving.”

“Quit stalling. Where’s your father?”

“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

“Is he coming home?”

“I prefer blondes.”

“No more dogs. How hard it it to understand?”

“I let you win.”

“I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you’re doing isn’t fair.”

“Can I do your hair?”

“Your favorite superhero can’t be a villain.”

“I told you not to jump on the bed!”

“He’s pampering me, let him be.”

“Ready or not, here I come.”

“I’m worried about losing my job!”

“Oh, did I scare you, big boy?”

“Happy new year!”

“Quit moving, I’m trying to sleep. Wait…are you…what?!”

“You nap, I’ll stay awake.”

“It’s turbulence. It’s normal.”

“Don’t touch me. We’re fighting.”

“I’ll give you a massage.”

“You fell asleep in the tub?!”

“Are you doodling?”

“We’re not playing strip poker. I don’t care what I said when I was drunk.”

“Slushies aren’t just for kids, fuck society.”

“Are you scared…Then why won’t you look at the screen?”

“Enough with the pillow talk, I’m tired.”

“You had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it.”

“We need groceries, not just junk food. You’re worse than the kids.”

“Is this our closet? Or your closet?”

“If I win, you do dishes for a week.”

“Fist bumps are cooler than high-fives…”

“Use your words.”

“Hold my hand so he gets jealous.”

“Ew, your hand is sweaty.”

“Get out of my face before I hit you.”

“I don’t care if your 4 or 40, you don’t hit people.”

“You only care about football, beer, and raking leaves.”

“Look! Fireflies!”

“Why do you only kiss me when I’m sleeping?”

“I just need ten minutes.”

*Make Your Own*

Take Me To Church: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLs_-SXZGqE

Bohemian Rhapsody: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjD80dBPelI

Wonderwall: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvHkxAb3tNY

But others are just far enough away that they sound like classical music for a minute:

Pompeii: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIcDIZGlr9U

this oddly sad cover of Despacito: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAi-F1Io7gc

donate to your witcher on ko-fi

(“Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald” could more accurately be described as “Fantastic Beasts: The Troubles that Happened Before Cell Phones”. Because otherwise it might have gone like this...)

***

Tina (in NY): Newt, Spellbound says you and Leta are engaged.

Newt (in London): Mainstream media is full of shit. Theseus is marrying Leta.

Tina: Good to know. Just checking. This long-distance thing sucks.

Newt: It definitely sucks. Can we FaceTime soon? I want to see you with the force of a thousand suns, but the government won’t let me leave the country.

Tina: Government is full of shit. Why am I working for these idiots?

Newt: Let’s go rogue.

Tina: If rogue has anything to do with sexting with you, then I’m in.

Newt: Oh, Merlin. Can we please do that right now?

Tina: Give me a few minutes to change into something more... comfortable.

***

Tina (in NY): Achilles, I apologize for having to cancel our date. It turns out I’m still otherwise committed.

Achilles: *Block caller*

***

Queenie (in London): Tina... Jacob and I just had a fight. I enchanted him then said he was a coward, and now he thinks I’m crazy.

Tina (in Paris): Really, Queenie? A COWARD? Jacob fought in WWI, stayed there longer than anybody else, survived, smacked Newt in the head to avoid obliviation, took on an Erumpent, kicked down the door to Graves’ office, punched Gnarlak, and subconsciously defied the diluted venom of Swooping Evil in order to not forget you.

Queenie: He’s right. I’m crazy. What’s that number of the therapist who lives in our building? I need to talk to him.

Tina: I’ll text it to you now.

***

Newt (in London): Credence, GPS on your phone says you’re in Paris by the Eiffel Tower.

Credence: Why do you care?

Newt: Because I’ve done some research, and I think I can help you.

Credence: Can you tell me who I am?

Newt: Have you asked Siri or Alexa?

Credence: No.

Newt: Well, they spy on everyone so that’s your best option.

***

Yusuf (in Paris): Leta, I know it’s been a long time. I’m sorry for not keeping in touch. I don’t suppose there’s any chance you know the whereabouts of your brother Corvus?

Leta (also in Paris): No worries. Nobody keeps in touch with me. Corvus is at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean because I’m a wicked monster who fucked up.

Yusuf: It sounds like you need a hug, little sister. I’ll be right there.

***

Dumbledore (at Hogwarts): Did Grindelwald call that rally I mentioned?

Theseus (inside the rally): Yes, it’s a trap. I should have trusted you.

Uh oh.

...each time hoping that THIS time my ship will kiss. I holler at the screen, “Kiss him!!” And each time it’s all salamanders and the sweetest bit of eye fucking that could ever be.

but jfc, the amount of time it takes to constantly keep people moving and make sure they’re in the right spaces and trying to come up with wording for it is always such a shock. 

Like, fuck, I made you pick up a coffee cup, you need to put it down at some point. also I can’t remember what I dressed you in, can you push up your sleeves? I don’t remember if you even have your shirt on.