Rose

I don't care what I have to take I will do anything to numb numb numb

it's getting bad again

i will never be able to have my own children because everytime i hold a child, i think of how someone did the same to me, looked at my sweet baby face, and decided to touch me and hurt me.

I just want to be loved I don't want to be damaged goods anymore.

do yall ever have something rlly good happen that u wanna share with ppl and be excited about it with them but the reason it's good is bc u were very very sad before that so u cant rlly share that

Why do I pour myself into people who won't even spare a drop for me? Why do I give all my love to people who won't even give me a second thought?

I'm so unhappy with my life that when people ask me how it's going i tear up bc i dont want to tell them how bad stuff is but i also know everyone hates the super vague noncommittal "same old, same old" answer

I cant even fucking afford to die. my parents have zero savings, how could they afford a funeral? I cant even fucking escape these problems in death

also having SH thoughts again is so fucking frustrating bc i can't ask anyone for help without being labelled as attention seeking or worrying someone

I'm so tired of being mentally ill i want to cut out every part of me that is wrong and flawed

sometimes it rlly infuriates me that i had so many warning signs as a kid and nobody fucking cared because like. i did well in school, i was polite, i was quiet and helpful. they knew something was wrong but i still preformed as they wanted so who cares?

theres something deeply wrong with me

it fucking enrages me when people who KNOW i have a history of sexual assault continue to touch me (in non-sexual ways) after ive asked them to stop.

like. please be honest with me, am i overdramatic for refusing to be around the man who molested me as a child? im 21 now and i still refuse to be in the same building as him if i can help it. is that unreasonable? i cannot tell.