This is my Nessian Trash Can.

“I’ll miss you too, Cassian,” Nesta replied, unable to hide her little pleased smile. He always knew exactly what she wanted to hear, and it was reassuring to know she wouldn’t be the only one feeling their separation. “Have a safe flight.”

“Let’s go, lover boy!” Rhys called out from the car. He honked the horn loudly, and Nesta couldn’t help but snort as Cassian whirled around to flip him off. “We’re gonna be late for our flight!”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m saying goodbye to my wife,” Cassian yelled back. God, she loved him; they weren’t even married yet, but that hadn’t stopped him from using the title a little early. “Who I love very much!”

Nesta laughed, pulling Cassian’s attention back to her. “I love you too. Now hurry up, I have to keep packing for my trip.”

Nesta was taking a beach trip for her bachelorette party, her and the rest of the ladies deciding to drive down to Myrtle Beach to spend a few days relaxing by the water. She and her sisters – along with Emerie and Gwyn – had rented out a beach house for the long weekend, and Nesta couldn’t wait to crack open her newest book with the sounds of the ocean in the background.

“Have fun at the beach,” Cassian said. Nesta tilted her face up for a goodbye kiss, and she leaned into his touch as he cupped her face and ran his thumb across her cheek. “Bye, sweetheart.”

“Bye, baby,” Nesta said back. Once he’d put his suitcase in the trunk and got in the car, she turned around and went back inside, though not before blowing him one last kiss. 

Their townhouse felt big and empty without Cassian there, and Nesta kind of hated it. She finished packing quickly, and thankfully it didn’t take much longer for her own travel party to arrive outside.

“Get in, loser!” Feyre yelled from her car once Nesta was outside, obnoxiously honking her horn just like her boyfriend had barely an hour prior. “We’re going to the beach!”

Nesta locked her door, placed her weekend bag in the trunk, and replied at a much more reasonable volume, “You’re the worst.” 

“It’s only downhill from here,” Elain grumbled from the back seat. She didn’t look pleased to be in the middle between Gwyn and Emerie, but she had the shortest legs out of everyone, so she’d clearly drawn the short straw. “She’s been like this all day.”

“I can’t be excited to celebrate my big sister getting married?” Feyre responded a touch too innocently.

“Because that wasn’t suspicious at all,” Emerie muttered, pulling a snicker out of Gwyn. “Way to sell it, Feyre.”

“Whatever you have planned, just don’t be annoying about it,” Nesta said. She put her giant sunglasses on and shifted to make herself more comfortable in the passenger seat. “This is supposed to be a relaxing vacation.”

“Don’t worry, Nesta,” Gwyn attempted to reassure her from the backseat. She was sitting directly behind Nesta and leaned forward to pat Nesta’s shoulder. “We’re gonna have a great time!”

Thankfully once they hit the road, everything went smoothly enough. They made good time to Myrtle Beach, only stopping once so everyone could get some lunch, use the bathroom, and fill up the gas. Because the summer days were still long, after they’d gotten the keys to their beach rental, they even had an hour or two of sunlight left to enjoy the beach.

Elain had brought some beach chairs, so once everyone had changed into beach-appropriate attire, Nesta was more than content to sit down with her feet in the water and her book.

Nesta left her phone in the bedroom to charge while she showered and changed into her pajamas, and by the time she came back to check it, she saw she had a missed call and a voicemail from Cassian. He’d called her nearly an hour ago and she felt bad to have missed him, so she immediately opened her voicemail and hit play.

“Heeeeeeey, sweetheart,” Cassian said, his words slurring together an obvious sign of how drunk he was. “Nes. Nesta. Babe. I don’t wanna be annoying or anything. But. I miss you. So, so much. I know it hasn’t even been a day but I wish you were here. I lost all the money Rhys gave me and I wanted to buy you something good but you’re not even here to make me feel better and I hate it.”

There was a brief pause as he collected himself, and Nesta wondered what he was going to say next.

“Not that that’s your responsibility because I am a grown man.” He made sure to stress those last two words, pulling a soft laugh out of her. Even when he was drunk, he never wanted her to feel like she was his mom, and wasn’t that just sweet? “I just. I’m having fun, but I know I’d have a lot more fun if you were here too.”

He took a deep breath before continuing. “Not that I’m not having fun. I hope you’re having fun. You work so fucking hard and you never do nice things for yourself even though you deserve it. You deserve all the nice things because you are the best fucking person I know.”

God, he was so drunk. She usually laughed at him for how sappy he got when he was this drunk, but they both knew how adorable she thought it was anyway.  

“I just love you so much,” Cassian said. He sniffled a little before he managed to get himself together, and she hoped he wasn’t crying. The guys would never let him live it down if he was. “Okay. Okay. I’m okay. I’ll see you when you get back. I love you, sweetheart. Okay. Bye.”

It was around eleven thirty on the east coast, so hopefully Cassian would still be up even though Vegas was three hours ahead. Nesta called him back and put the phone on speaker as she slowly began braiding her hair for sleep.

“Hello?” Cassian answered after a few rings, his voice rough like he’d just woken up. 

“Hi, baby,” Nesta said. So much for him still being awake. “Did I wake you up?”

“Hey,” Cassian said back, clearly delighted to talk to her even though he was half-asleep. “A little, but it’s okay. It’s more than okay.”

“Okay,” she told him with a little chuckle. She finished her first braid and moved onto the second, gently finger combing her hair before she started loosely braiding it. “Are you still drunk?”

“No,” he replied quickly. Too quickly for it not to be true, and he sighed before amending his answer. “Okay. Well. Maybe a little.”

“Maybe?” she echoed, teasing him just a little. “You sound a little more drunk than maybe, Cassian.”

“This isn’t about me,” Cassian responded. Nesta hoped he could feel her fondly rolling her eyes even from two thousand miles away. “I wanna hear about you. How’s the beach?”

“The beach is good,” Nesta answered. It was the perfect time of year to go, and she was feeling pretty good about where she’d decided to spend her bachelorette weekend. “Water’s warm.”

“You got in it?” he replied, surprised.

“Just my toes,” she told him quickly. She’d never been a huge ocean person, vastly preferring the pool over whatever the hell was lurking in the ocean’s unknown depths. That didn’t stop her from enjoying the water from a distance, though. “Elain brought her good beach chairs.”

He made a happy little sound that made her want to melt. “Proud of you, sweetheart.”

“Thanks,” she murmured. She finished the second braid and pulled back the covers, taking the phone off speaker as she settled under the thin comforter. “I wish you were here to tuck me in.”

“Me too.” She heard some rustling as he shifted around on his own bed. “I miss you and your cold toes.”

“They’re not that cold.”

“They’re freezing, babe.”

“Should’ve thought about that before you signed up to be my personal space heater forever.”

Cassian laughed softly. “Nah. I love you even when you only use me for my warmth.”

“Love you too,” Nesta replied, snuggling further into the pillow she wished was her fiancé. “Stay on the phone with me?”

“Of course,” he immediately agreed. Before they’d moved in together, they’d had a habit of staying on the phone until one or both of them had fallen asleep. They rarely did it anymore now that they lived together and hardly spent more than a night or two away from one another, so tonight would be a sweet callback. “Hold on, I wanna see you.”

Nesta’s phone started vibrating as Cassian hit the button for FaceTime, and she made sure her phone was plugged in and propped up before she accepted. “Hi.”

“Hey, Nes,” Cassian said. He was lying down in what looked like a king sized bed, one hand propped up behind his head. “You look cozy.”

“Whatever,” she said back, rolling her eyes. “Tell me about Vegas.”

As Nesta listened to Cassian talk about his night, she couldn’t help but feel comforted by her fiancé’s virtual presence. Even though he wasn’t there physically, just seeing him and hearing his voice was more than enough to put her at ease these days. He was her safe place, her comfort zone. 

He was the person who’d made her realize that home didn’t have to be a place — it could be a person, too. Some days, she still couldn’t believe she was lucky enough that he’d agreed to be hers.

On nights like this, though, maybe she could believe it a little more.

Nesta watched Cassian from her seat at the bar. The club was dim, the lights flashing different colors, the dance floor exploding with people. He was dancing, too, if you could call the woman rubbing her ass over his dick dancing. Nesta kept a mask of indifference on her face because Cassian was technically allowed to do whatever he wanted.

Yet the way he constantly glanced over to where Nesta was sitting proved to her he knew who he belonged to. It didn’t matter that they were broken up, she knew he’d be back and she knew he was hers. And that she was his. 

She took in the loose silk shirt that was unbuttoned nearly to his navel. The golden expanse of his toned chest made her mouth water. A pair of black pants stretched so deliciously, obscenely tight on him that she felt if he bent over they would rip at the seams. His thighs looked so alluring she could’ve bitten them, ass so tempting she wanted to march over there and squeeze it. Glinting softly in the colorful lights, Nesta saw a delicate gold chain on his neck. She could have looked at him for hours. 

Admiration quickly turned to annoyance with every roll of that woman’s hips on him. With every cocky glance thrown her way. With every smile, touch, laugh that was not directed at her. 

The next time Cassian’s eyes met hers, Nesta slammed her drink onto the bar. The flash of satisfaction on his face made a deathly sweet smile grace her lips. Nesta was not one to let someone have this much power over her and let them get away with it. Making her way to the dance floor, Nesta made her plan.

Planting herself in his direct line of sight, Nesta began swaying her hips to the music. She ran her hands over her body, taking in the feel of her skin tight black dress. If there was one thing she knew, it was how to move. It didn’t take long for a man to approach her. His hands came around her waist and she suppressed a shudder. Usually, she wouldn’t hesitate to turn around and shove the man off her, but tonight this nameless, faceless man served a purpose. Wrong, she thought. He feels all wrong. 

Nesta leaned back into him, eyes closed and a smug smile on her lips. She grinded into him sensually and slowly, earning herself a small grunt from the man behind her. They danced for a bit, Nesta’s back to his front, letting herself imagine it was Cassian. Then she had an idea to do something she knew would have him burning with rage. 

Cassian had always had a thing for Nesta’s hands in his hair. He loved it when she played with it gently, twisting curls around her finger or pulling them and watching them bounce back up. He loved it when she tangled her hands in it, gripping and pulling, when his head was between her thighs. God the way he used to snuggle deeper into her when she did it. The moans she could pull from him. It was one of his favorite things. 

So Nesta reached up, hands sliding to hold the back of his neck, slipped her hands into his hair and gripped.

Her eyes flew open, looking to meet Cassian’s as she felt the hands around her waist tighten. She swore there were pure red, palpable flames in his eyes. Heat immediately washed over every inch of her body. Nesta watched him extricate himself from the woman he was dancing with. He leaned down to murmur an excuse or something apologetic, Nesta assumed. Ever the sweetheart. 

Nesta slammed her eyes shut again and focused on her movements as soon as she clocked Cassian’s intentions to walk over to her. It felt like ages and Nesta felt the quiet vindication in her chest dim with every passing second. Maybe he wasn’t making his way to her, but past her. Why would she even assume he wanted to be anywhere near her? He was probably heading towards the exit now. Getting in his car, heading home. Or maybe heading to anoth-

“She’ll be coming with me,” a low, gruff voice she knew so intimately, it was engraved in her very bones, said. Cassian’s large, warm hand wrapped around her wrist laying on the man’s neck. It was firm and possessive, letting her know with a solid tug that he wanted her hands to get the fuck out of this man’s hair. 

Nesta merely scoffed and turned around, effectively freeing herself from Cassian’s grip. She took the time to finally, finally look at the man she had been dancing with. And he was beautiful. Pale creamy skin. High, elegant cheekbones. Devastating amber eyes. A light dusting of freckles Nesta could only see because she was so close. A shock of bright red hair graced his head like a fiery crown. 

Not one to show her cards, Nesta admired him coolly and said, loud so Cassian could hear, “You can run along now, I’m sure I’ll be well taken care of.”

A sly smirk pulled at his lips. “Eris,” he said by way of introduction. 

“Nesta,” she replied. 

“Oh fuck no,” Cassian practically barked from behind her. His arms came around her waist like iron bands and pulled her off of Eris. When he picked her up, the hem of her short dress rode up high on her thigh. She wiggled against him in an attempt to lower it so she wouldn’t give everyone a free show of her ass, but all she had to show for her trouble was a strangled noise from Cassian and a firm squeeze around her waist. Nesta tucked away the flush of satisfaction 

“Let me go,” Nesta told him icily. They were making their way to the exit and Nesta’s expression was deceptively bored as Eris watched their retreating figures with an amused expression.  She almost felt bad, almost. But as Cassian furiously slammed open the door, she saw Eris’s gaze slide gracefully over to where a man sat in a private booth bathed in shadows. At Eris’s suddenly heated stare, Nesta knew he would be just fine. 

Unceremoniously, Cassian dropped Nesta back onto her feet in the alley just around the corner from the exit of the club. She spun to face him, tongue sharp and eyes blazing. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“What were you doing here tonight?” he asked her instead. 

That made Nesta stop short, but she recovered immediately, “It’s none of your business if I take myself out to find a willing partner when the urge hits.” There was no way she’d let slip that she came to their favorite club in hopes she’d find him there.

Nesta watched as a sly smile tugged at his lips. He took a step forward, crowding her back into the brick wall. Cassian’s face lowered to be level with hers. She could see the gold flakes in his hazel eyes from this proximity. “I think, Nesta,” his minty breath was fanning her face. “That we both know that isn’t true.” 

Her gaze was furious. “Fuck. You.”

A broad grin lit up his face. She almost got swept up in the brilliance of it. Almost gave in. Almost forgot what she was even mad about. “Oh, Nes,” he leaned in even further, his lips leaving a whisper of a touch with each word. “That mouth always did get you in trouble.”

His lips crashed onto hers in a brutal kiss that was all teeth and tongue and fire. She returned it tenfold. It was desperate and jealous and angry, as if they were using the only language that was ever understood between them to communicate everything they wanted to say. 

“Tell me, Nesta,” Cassian growled as he made his way down her throat with his lips. “Does anyone else kiss you like this?”

Nesta made an indignant noise, refusing to give him the satisfaction of revealing what he already knew: No, no one could ever kiss her like he did. Her head lolled to the side, baring her neck even more to give him the access he wanted. 

Cassian’s large, warm hand came to grip her chin firmly and moved her face so he could hold her gaze. Heat blazed through her as she locked eyes with him. Nesta rubbed her thighs together, trying to alleviate the ache that had begun to form between them. She watched as Cassian’s eyes flicked down at the movement and felt his grip tighten on her face. 

Nesta jumped when she felt Cassian’s fingers graze her knee. The featherlight touch was making her burn with anticipation. Those fingers trailed up, up, up. Slow, as if he had all the time in the world. As if no one and nothing in the world existed except for them. Her breath hitched when his fingers met the fabric of her dress. Cassian kept on his trajectory, dragging the fabric up.

A gasp tore from her when Cassian’s fingers grazed her clothed center. She heard a low woosh of air come from Cassian, but his voice was steady when he asked, “Does anyone else get you this wet?”

Irritation flared through her at his words. Irritation that he had his proof of how much he affected her even when she didn’t want him to. Except that she did, but she didn’t want him to know that either. 

Filled with determination to show him just how much he didn’t affect her, Nesta’s hand moved to cup Cassian through his pants. With a throaty groan, he buckled against her. His face ducked to rest in the crook of her neck, the arm braced on the brick wall shuddered and bent so his elbow was the one digging into the hard surface. The hand that had been ghosting over her pussy moved to grip her hip in support. 

At the feel of his hardness, she gave an amused hum. “It seems to me that you’re the one hung up. Tell me, Cass,” she started slow, lazy strokes up and down the length of him. “Does anyone get you this hard? Does anyone make you feel this good?” Cassian’s breathing had picked up, but the only responses she was getting were heavy breaths, grunts and moans. “Don’t forget, Cassian,” her voice was pure icy seduction. She gave a firm squeeze to his impressively hard bulge. Nesta was rewarded with a choked sound. “That I fucking own you.” 

Nesta increased the pressure and speed of her hand. Cassian’s hand on her hip pressed into her so hard she knew there’d be bruising. The thought had a new flush of heat flooding her.  

There was nothing to describe how she felt having Cassian under her hand. Nesta felt the power of it, knowing she could have him like this with a few strokes of her delicate palm. She looked down to where her hand was nestled between their bodies, the sight making her knees weak.

In the low light of the alley, she could make out the bulge through his tight pants cupped perfectly in her hand. The pressure she applied had her feeling the warmth. When she squeezed and dragged, she could feel his pulse through his cock, could feel the shape of him. The desire in Nesta’s belly pooled heavier at the thought of his length, how she knew it felt.  

“Fuck, Nesta,” Cassian’s voice was strained with his impending release interrupted her thoughts. “Nesta.”

Her name on his lips had Nesta squeezing her thighs together and clenching around nothing. He was her undoing. She wanted him so bad she ached. Nesta couldn’t think about it because she would let him fuck her against that wall and wouldn’t give a fuck who could see. She would embrace every rough thrust, every scratch against her back.

She knew it was a risk to be doing this. To be rubbing him through his pants in a place where anyone could see them, to be thinking about fucking him like this, but Nesta couldn’t stop. When she was with him, all logic abandoned her brain. Any and every thought was of him, and right now, all those intoxicating thoughts were deep in a blind lust. 

And maybe, deep down, there was also a part of her that enjoyed knowing anyone could see them. That at any given moment someone could stumble across them. It would mark him as hers, he would be ruined for anyone else. Everyone would know exactly who could have him utterly destroyed and at her mercy like this.

Nesta focused her efforts on Cassian. She knew his body like she knew her own. The cadence of his breaths let her know he was close, very close. He had started to make her favorite desperate sounds. Nesta turned her head and caught Cassian’s earlobe between her teeth, his answering whimper was the most delightful music to her ears. 

When his hips bucked into her hand, she let out a little chuckle. “Make a mess of yourself, Cassian.” 

With a strangled groan, Cassian spilled his release into his pants. She felt the warmth of it spread against her hand. All his muscles had pulled taut, his only movement was his pulsing grip on her hip, head still pointedly tucked into her neck. Nesta felt his heavy breath fanning the delicate skin there and goosebumps bloomed across it. 

Placing a hand on his chest, she pushed gently and Cassian leaned back so they could look at each other. Nesta’s knees almost buckled at the lust filled, dazed look in his eyes. She covered the reaction with a smirk. “Someone’s quick off the mark.”

Cassian’s gaze hardened into a scowl…a very aroused scowl, but a scowl nonetheless. That just wouldn’t do. She wanted him mad with lust. Mad for her.

Nesta’s hand on his chest moved to rake her nails down his torso. She savored every bump and ridge of his toned body, entirely naked thanks to his shirt- or lack thereof. She raked an appreciative gaze over him as well. When her hand met the waistband of his pants, her eyes snapped back up to his. She was pleased to see the lust was back.

She began to hastily pull at his belt to undo it and Nesta watched his chest rise with his sharp inhalation. Keeping her eyes locked on his, she pulled his zipper down slowly.

“Nest, what-”

She dipped another finger into the waistband of his underwear, feeling the sticky mess of his come. Cassian’s choked grunt was fuel to her. Using her fingers, she spread it over the coarse curls at the base of his cock and felt him twitch, giving a valiant effort to harden again. She spread his come over the skin on his hip. Nesta pulled to untuck his shirt with her other hand, unbuttoning the last two buttons that did nothing to keep it closed, and spread it over the clenched muscles of his lower abdomen.

Then she removed her hand and sucked her fingers into her mouth. 

Cassian looked destroyed. His breathing ragged, eyes impossibly dark, shirt completely open and belly shining with his release. God, he looked so pretty like this. 

But he wasn’t hers, they were broken up. No matter how much she knew they were completely ruined for each other, they weren’t together. 

As if coming back to herself, Nesta declared, “Well this has been fun.” Her tone was dismissive, not at all indicative of the frantic need she had for him. Nesta pushed off the wall, stunning Cassian into taking a step back.

“Nes-”

As she walked away from him, she threw over her shoulder a parting jab,“You should really clean yourself up.”

“Nesta!” 

She didn’t stop or turn around. Nesta heard Cassian’s defeated sigh followed by a frustrated growl, yet she stayed on her path.