Help Me Survive

I am putting photos of myself under the cut (face blurred to whatever extent possible for anonymity only) of some of the injuries I have suffered due to abuse, in case anyone wants to make sure I’m not a scammer. These are only a fraction of the times I’ve thought of/been able to document what’s been happening.

CW for blood, bruises, abuse. PLEASE refrain from reblogging.

This is still my situation at home, with my partner.

For those who don’t know me, I’m Miriam. I’m 22. I’m a mostly-closeted trans woman in an abusive relationship. I’m trying to scrape together some funds to safely leave. A friend started a PayPal pool for me at the beginning of the year and I made this blog. Since then I’ve made some preparations, talked to a counselor, and I may have a temporary place to stay if I’m able to leave.

So, I could still use more help. Lack of money and a social safety net around me are what’s holding me back the most now. My car, despite my best efforts, is on its deathbed. At this point it would cost about as much to fix it as it’d be to scrap it and just buy another one. I still have medical bills piled up. I’d like to save up for staying somewhere more permanently someday. I’d still like to start taking steps to transition once I’m in a better place. I’d like to feel safe.

I’ll leave a link to the PayPal pool. Anything helps, including reblogs. You can donate anonymously and without having a PayPal account.

Tagging some blogs in hopes for this to gain some traction, but no pressure. Thank you all. ❤️

Now obviously this was actually really problematic because they tried to make it look like all gay guys act like that and they don’t but what I’d like to focus on is how differently people can interpret things. [2/5]

Instead of associating those behaviors with a man being more “girly” (like the homophobes intended), I see a man who is confident, sociable, and unapologetically flamboyant because he’s comfortable being who he is in a society that tries to make him feel ashamed and he won’t give them the satisfaction. I bring this up because I think emojis are similar in that they also aren’t necessarily tied to gender either. By using them I see it as you trying to be more expressive and open. [3/5]

And that’s a good thing! I mean that’s what they were intended for, adding facial expressions and gestures in a format where we lost that physical connection. In any conversation there are bound to be disconnects and misunderstandings, but that’s totally normal (like the previous anon who completely missed what you were trying to say). I mean look at body language! People are always assuming I’m angry or mad when I’m not smiling but it’s just my face lol [4/5]

Wow, my two cents turned out to be a lot longer than I expected haha. What I’m trying to say is, I think as long as you’re being true to who you are, you don’t need to worry about misrepresenting yourself because what you post will be genuine! Also if it’s okay with you, I’ll sign with 🐺✨ in the future so you know it’s me! [5/5]

Hi, of course! I’m okay, relatively speaking. I’ve been dealing with a jaw injury and some debilitating anxiety that’s made me lay low for a bit. I’ve been meaning to make some updates here, I just get very easily paralyzed by stuff sometimes!

Hi, I’m Miriam. I’m a 22 year old trans woman and I’m in desperate need of help.

I am stuck in a physically abusive relationship. I was cut off by my family long ago for being a gay man, as that’s how I used to identify. My partner has effectively isolated me over the last 2 years of our relationship and I no longer have any close friendships IRL, and I’m not out to most people. My partner knows I am trans, but I’m being exclusively misgendered and deadnamed by him, as well as being generally demeaned and ridiculed for being trans on a near-daily basis.

The abuse has been escalating since quarantine started and even more so since I came out. I’m starting to fear for my life, even though I know that sounds a little dramatic. On my blog, I have pinned a post with proof of physical injuries, in case anyone would like to be sure.

All of this has been super debilitating to my mental and physical health to the point where I have become suicidal and I can’t sleep at night anymore out of fear and anxiety. I’m constantly on the verge of tears. The stress I’m under is causing my hair to fall out, which is causing me a ton of dysphoria. I have no college education and no savings whatsoever and I suffered a massive loss of income due to corona. I feel extremely helpless right now.

I hate to do this. I’m afraid to do this. I’m scared of posting this because I’m terrified of my partner finding it and recognizing me. But I don’t know what else to do anymore.

I’m trying to save up money so I can get out of here as soon and as safely as possible. Here’s what I’m aiming for:

Secure a safe place to live (deposit, first + last month’s rent)

Transport / preferably getting my car fixed or get a new one, whatever’s cheapest

Possible therapy/counseling to help me exit this relationship and/or deal with the aftermath

Pay for several ER/medical bills that have been piling up

Preferably start transitioning somewhere down the line, but this is lower on my list of priorities as I need to tend to my physical safety first :(

I’m honestly reaching my breaking point here. All I can do is humbly ask for donations. Anything would help, even just a dollar here and there. I NEED to start getting out of this situation.

tldr; I’m a young trans woman trapped in a severely abusive relationship with no resources and no means of getting out.

If you can donate, please donate to this pool I set up with a friend, as I can’t risk my deadname getting out and effectively doxxing myself.

You can do so anonymously and without having a Paypal account!