Transfix

haleydevane:

This was from our valentuesday and I didn't get to see him today but I love my hubs.

haleydevane:

Mom and Jordan socialize around the turkey

It was imparted to me today that my adult daughter's sperm donor is M.I.A.

It has been four years since I have had a conversation with the man and nearly a year since I happened upon the gas station where he was working part time and caught his attention, just to let him know in my own way that I know where to find him if I needed to.

S. was never a very good father to our daughter.  And then, when he was entirely too old to be making such stupid choices, he got involved with the wrong woman, then with the wrong recreational activities.  He stopped making his support payments, then stopped seeing our daughter altogether.

The anger and hurt that our daughter deals with is more than I can bare sometimes.  There was always an option of taking S. to court, but, honestly, I always knew he was somewhere fighting his own demons and would have to live with his own guilt and regret if he didn't get things together.  But I always had hope.  

But he and his girlfriend went out to a movie early this summer and never came back.  Nobody bothered to say anything to me or my daughter.  And it wasn't on the news.  It is just two people who were there and aren't any more.  

And even though S. was a crappy father, and even though he broke my baby's heart, all I can think about is if he's dead then there won't be any second chances.  If he is dead, then all hope has died.  And all the damage he did will never be able to be undone.