Real Talk
So I’ve been a transgender person for a while now and even though I’ve transitioned socially (for about 6 years), there is still something I struggle with daily.
I’m trying to break out of survival mode.
Back even before I was transitioning I fell into a habit of using any and every means of escapism to forget about myself for a while. I would burn through novels as thick as your arm (yes even your arm), I would sleep till midday on the weekends and I would obsessively play any role playing game I could get my hands on.
I wouldn’t trade the experiences and feelings I shared with all the characters in the books and characters I made in games for anything. I’ve enjoyed a lot of them, they nurtured and shaped who I am as a person today and they helped me stay sane through the trauma that is transitioning.
But apart for the THINGs I have to deal with daily, dysphoria only gets bad for a few days a month and I can deal with it the way that anyone who gets PMS deals. So now, 90% of the time I am OK!(almost happy) with who I am and how I look.
I believe I don’t need my escapism vices to disconnect anymore and I need to work on my career in my spare time. And its a bit of a stress feedback loop that I need to over come.
I need to stop using escapism as stress management ->so I can build a portfolio -> so that I can get a proper job -> to save money for surgery -> to get out of the transition wastelands. Every step on the ladder causes stress and every day I’m not moving up on the ladder causes stress, which makes it harder to approach the ladder in the first place...
Its really affecting my future
