BEAR. DOG.HUMANIMAL.

I ask myself that often. Am I a good sub for Master, am I really doing the very best I can, not holding back and pushing myself as hard as possible?

The very honest answer is.. I can probably do more. I can clean more, I can argue less, I can develop my body and just be better. It’s hard to look at other subs online and see how much they are willing to give and do, it’s honestly amazing the length some go to.

For me it’s always been an uphill battle though, it’s very difficult for me to just one day wake up and say “today is the day!”. I am just not wired to be like that, putting my depression and anxiety issues aside, I am just a pretty lazy and carefree person in my core, it’s nearly impossible for me to get myself excited to do something or find the right motivation.

The right motivation is of course Master, and don’t take me wrong, serving him gives me insane amount of motivation compared to before. Master is the reason I wake up every morning so I can make him breakfast before work, Master is why I go to sleep at decent hours and not just let my insomnia control my life. Master is why the house is cleaned everyday and why I picked up woodworking.

In truth being a sub is probably like everything else in life, some people are just going to be better at it, or more correctly, everyone will excel in some areas more. My strong side is probably more of the sex/scenes area. I can take pain without resistance and ask for more, and sexually I became a total cock-hungry boy compared to a lazy, selfish bottom.

David and John having an intimate moment as they share their pipe smoke.

Chicago, IL March 2013

“Dog Park”

Featuring: Gunnar

Photographer: Hero Pup

I hosted a potluck in the “fruit loop” of San Diego, near Balboa, for the Fetish Men San Diego group and it was a lot of fun. Good people and company. I asked people to cook something and bring it.

Short answer:I’m switch. Always have been. Always will be.

Long answer:I am inherently sub, there are very few things that get my cock up when I am in a Dom role.  They are limited to giving commands/direction and comforting/reassuring the sub that I am playing with that they are doing well with the scene.

Example 1: Telling a sub explicitly how I want my cock worked on and giving verbal direction.

Example 2: I am flogging a sub and they tense up or hold their breath and I remind them to breathe and to relax.

Example 3: Flogging a sub and stopping to check in with them and/or massage the area I have been working on.

While I enjoy being on my knees servicing a man, being a Dom is also a way that I can service people.I am starting to take pride in my Dom skills and have been receiving some damn good feedback from the subs I have been playing with.  I asses what they are after in terms of BDSM from me and I try to fulfill that role for them.  There is an extreme shortage in Dom guys and it seems to be that everyone is curious about BDSM play, so why not take advantage of that?  I am able to provide a novice sub with a positive experience, I also have the chance to swap some loads in the process.  It’s win-win.  

Basically, and this is the biggest key point I can make… I want to ensure the subs I play with have a SAFE, SANE, and CONSENSUAL session so when they leave they can say to themselves, “I’m glad HE was the one to do that with me.”  Because honestly, there are a lot of selfish nutbags out there who only want to get off by any means necessary and will take full advantage of someone saying “I’ll do anything.”

Over this past weekend, I played with @pugsleypig, someone I have played with a few times before, we had two pretty intense sessions back to back.  The first few times we played was for me to gauge his strengths and how far I could push him, and for him to gain my trust to allow me to push him further into his subspace than I have before.  The more I play with him, the more in-depth and complex our interactions become.  I shaved his head this past weekend.  That’s a complete mindfuck for someone because I am basically telling them… I don’t like the way you look and I am going to change that.  But I know that’s what he wants and was elated that I did that for him.

I also do not sub for every single person who exerts some power exchange over me.  Typically, I submit to them on my own or make it known to them that I will be submitting to them.  I won’t sub for anyone, I need to trust them before I even consider letting them pick up a flogger to my back or give me orders and expect to follow them. I’ve only became fully submissive to 4 people total, ever… Sir (Bruce), @foxbear, @berlik, and @pupdozor.

This past Summer I visited @berlik and @pupdozor, I trust both of them and made it clear to them…. hey, make me your bitch… and they did.  I loved every moment of it!  The great thing that came out of the 6 hours of playing we did was that I get to return the favor at CLAW and make them *my* bitch (at least Dozor).

My Dom skills are still somewhat new but I am coming into my own.  I always check-in several with my subs to make sure they are physically and mentally well during the scene.  I provide physical care during a scene as well, whether it is a calming touch of my hand on an area I just beat with my truncheon or helping to stretch the sub I just had hogtied for an hour.  I always provide some sort of aftercare as well, typically it’s assurance that the sub did well during the scene, telling them where things will ache later on, massaging them, or even just cuddling.

I also have a frank discussion with the people I play with about the details of the scene.  Did I meet their expectations?  Were there things they wished I did differently?  Was everything enjoyable?  Did you reach a point where you wanted to stop but you kept going?  To me, this conversation is just as important as the conversation I have before I do a scene with someone and asking them very similar questions.

As far as your original question goes about how do I call myself a puppy?  Well that’s easy… I am a submissive leather boy at heart, but I like to push my Dom’s buttons and be playful about it.  Plus, I fucking love wearing a leather dog mask.  Have you ever smelled really good leather? Wouldn’t you want that scent shoved in your face all the time?

Here’s the thing about self-identification: you do it yourself because you’re in the position to do it.  Even when others do some outside identification, anything they come up with is going to colored by their biases, perspectives and intellectual frameworks.  Those outside looks aren’t irrelevant, but they never have the vantage to give you any kind of real accuracy.  

And the thing about identities?  They’re descriptive, not definitive.  The labels applied to us, whether we put them on ourselves or others do it for us, are only descriptions of what’s inside, what we’re made of, what we *ARE*.  They are not boundaries that say what else we may or may not be.  They are not uncrossable borders and they are not completely subject to rationality or consistency.  They do not make you as slave to either-or, so long as you remember *AND*. 

Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)

Thanks Uncle Walt.

Use the labels and identities that suit you as tools to talk about yourself and connect with others.  Let yourself discard the ones that no longer serve you as you change and grow.  And always remember that a label won’t make you more or less than who you are.  Or as the Bard says with Juliet’s mouth:

’Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself though, not a Montague. What’s Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot, Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part          Belonging to a man. O! be some other name: What’s in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet; So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call’d, Retain that dear perfection which he owes          Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name; And for that name, which is no part of thee, Take all myself.

You said it, Jules.  Be who you authentically are without apology.  Nomenclature, like so many other insubstantial and inconstant transcendental signifiers, is so much drag.