don't worry

we eventually learn that change is not always bad.

with time, these feelings will change.

i have accepted that things will never be the same as they were before.

i’m in the backseat of the car as we cruise down the highway.  i watch the sunset, noticing every color.  before the sky’s pale yellow backdrop, the clouds appear like tiny smudges of periwinkle paint.  the sun is a bright orange, but the clouds that cover it from my view reduce it to a red glow.  the palm trees are silhouetted against the radiance of the sky.  i am grateful to experience such beauty in my life.

in the dying light of the summer dusk, i fall asleep between my cool, crisp white bedsheets and warm thoughts of you.

i can’t stop thinking about the way you said “hey” and looked at me with the stupidest, most beautiful grin on your face, like you were just so happy to see me.

on the days when i don’t feel like talking, you don’t try to make me.  instead, you stay with me just so that i won’t be alone.

i am so glad to have you in my life.  we have only known each other a short time, but with you, time feels infinite.  i feel as though i have known you my entire life.

we’re wandering around a college campus in the stifling summer heat.  we get lost on purpose.  i picked some periwinkle-colored flowers and tucked them in my shirt pocket, but they fell out when we raced down the stairs.  when we’re too tired to walk anymore, we sit in the shade under a tree and she braids my hair while you teach me how to identify different types of palm trees.

we’re in the car with our friends. i don’t feel good, but i don’t feel like talking, so you just hold my hand. i gaze out the window at the yellow grass along the highway. there isn’t much to look at, but i pretend to be interested in the world passing by. eventually i fall asleep, and when i wake up, you’re still holding my hand.

i spoke to myself, but loudly enough so that you would hear.

i’m lying on my bed, giggling about my fond memories of the past.  i tumble onto the floor and reach for the phone, so i can call you and talk to you about them.  it’s in these moments, with messy hair and goofy grins, that i think of you.