the chillest witch ever

I didn’t expect my life to become this.

Not like this.

Not watching my father get weaker every day and knowing I can’t do what he needs.

He needs surgery.

Not later. Not someday.

He needs it now.

But we are living in conditions where even simple things feel impossible. Medicine is hard to find. Proper care is out of reach. Even food is not always there.

I sit with him and try to act normal.

But inside, I am thinking about everything we cannot give him.

And that feeling…..... it doesn’t go away.

I am not writing this easily.

Asking like this is not easy.

But I don’t want to lose my father because we couldn’t reach help in time.

Help my father. Help my family. Share this.

Cashapp

Cashapp

i haven't been able to chew literally anything with the left side of my mouth in like two years or longer. eating/drinking anything cold that touches the left side of my teeth hurts like crazy too. and then every now and then, i'll accidentally chew on the left side in just the right/wrong way to leave me in severe tooth, jaw, ear, AND head pain all at the same time, which typically lasts for an hour or so (even while actively drowning the tooth in topical/ingested painkillers and clove oil, and holding a bag of ice against my entire left jaw). this just happened, and micromanaging it just torpedoed part of my night's plans. one time earlier this year, the pain got so bad, that after i spent some time literally rolling on my floor in pain for a while, i ended up fainting at some point. i'd fucking never fainted from pain before then.

i'm pretty sure that this bad tooth is the reason why i tend to salivate so badly while talking in recent times (which is fucking embarrassing to have happen, especially when trying to explain something clearly, and especially while working in retail, a job that heavily involves speaking to people all day long). looking in the mirror, i can even see that my under-usage of the left side of my mouth has made my left jawline slightly asymmetrical with the right side of my jawline, which is hardly doing anything productive against my usual sense of body dysmorphia. this shit is debilitating in the worst possible sense of the word.

(PP: VisiBun / CA: $VisiBun, btw the way.)

four fun details that i'll point out right now:

nightmare pulp scenario with that tooth.

that cracked white bit is the old metal filling. the right half is still fixed to the top surface of my tooth. the left half is not. that filling cracked on its own one random day i think two years ago (or longer), and the metal bit that splintered off is just big and stuck enough in the resulting hole that it can't be removed normally. in other words, i have a bit of free-floating sharp metal trapped in my tooth, and if i accidentally chew with that tooth, it'll stab me right in what feels like the nerves of my tooth/gums. this is what causes that severe tooth, gum, and jaw pain, which radiates directly up to becoming additional ear and head pains, all of which can typically last for about an hour or longer, and is sometimes strong enough to literally drop me to the floor in agony, if not causing me to pass out from the overwhelming pain. all of that, just from accidentally chewing with one wrong spot of my mouth.

that cavity between the fixed half of the filling and the edge of the tooth is fully exposed. any food or liquid that goes into my mouth that i'm not consciously funneling away from the left half of my mouth runs the risk of going into and getting stuck INSIDE OF the goddamn tooth, which can just straight-up hurt me for as long as it's stuck in there (typically until i can manually fish it back out with a metal dental pick and a mirror, which becomes very hard and tedious to do if it slips behind that loose filling). spicy and cold foods/drinks are effectively potential nukes for me because of this.

the tooth that was two spaces ahead of that bad one? i lost that one (and the same tooth on the right side of my mouth) back in my mid/late-teens. as in, well over a decade and some change ago. while simply getting the bad tooth pulled would both solve the pain problem and be the cheaper route to go in this matter, it would also leave me with a free-standing lone tooth on that side. one, that wouldn't be good for that tooth in the long run. two, i already have violent body image issues as it stands, and just going one-toothed in that spot would do nothing good or productive to fight against that.

so, uh. yeah, there's all of that. i am never not in mouth/head pain because of this tooth. it always hurts at least a little bit, even following painkillers (the pain just is easier to ignore the longer that i go without aggravating that tooth's condition with food/drink exposure). i haven't had a single moment of zero bodily pain in years, and this is definitely a key player in why my insomnia has been so bad in recent times (trying to sleep after hurting that tooth is basically impossible, on this same note).

i desperately need a root canal done on that tooth, followed by a crown. based on the procedure quote that i was given last june, my overall cost for this shit...

...sits at just under $5,000. or drastically more, if anything there changes with my insurance.

ca/ven: Smokeyquartz

pp

Cashapp

i move in on tuesday after years of homelessness*

the apartment is good and within my price range and mostly furnished

i need to buy a desk and pay the deposit

can i have $240

Cashapp

ca/ven: Smokeyquartz

pal

If you nonblack keep ya muzzle on for once and just reblog it when you see it. Ain’t need you out here like

cashapp: $Imwambui

paypal

cashapp

CashApp/Venmo: lunafirebird87

If you nonblack keep ya muzzle on for once and just reblog it when you see it. Ain’t need you out here like

my three links | my wife's links

our shared registry + patreon + ko-fi

that tooth's been bothering me almost constantly lately (low pressure weather systems cause it to start hurting too, like the snowstorm that hit us last week... so it can just hurt whenever, if the weather is bad), and that makes it very difficult to do much of anything: working in retail, sleeping much at all (i've already been an insomniac long before having this tooth issue), eating/drinking without accidentally hurting myself if almost anything even briefly touches that tooth (ESPECIALLY cold and spicy foods), and so on. that pain also very easily and frequently spreads up to my left ear, and can sometimes also radiate out to the left side of my head as a whole, which can just outright drop and paralyze me in pain until the discomfort subsides (and has caused me to faint from the pain at least once, already).

any little bit really helps, and is greatly appreciated.

If you nonblack keep ya muzzle on for once and just reblog it when you see it. Ain’t need you out here like

my three links | my wife's links

our shared registry + patreon + ko-fi

pp: [email protected]

kofi: ko-fi.com/ioanthe

“Do you know the words of Charles Dickens: ‘No one is useless in this world as long as they lighten the burden of another.’

Value is not measured by what you achieved, nor by what others saw, nor by how things ended, but by what you eased for someone else, even slightly, even without witnesses.

Do you know Mr. Rogers’ famous saying: “Look for the helpers”? “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me: ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”

How many times, at the edge of the end, has someone done something small, fragile, perhaps even hopeless, just to try to help someone else?Whether it worked or not.

How many people left this world having at least tried? That says something about us. As people. Yes, we are capable of cruelty, perhaps more than we like to admit. But we are also, in many moments, willing to move against the instinct to survive.and choose someone else instead.

“Whoever saves one life, saves the whole world.”

And sometimes you cannot save even one life. Sometimes it does not work.

Sometimes there is no way out for anyone. But… try anyway. Because the attempt itself is resistance. And because refusal to act is the only true surrender.

Maybe no one will ever know what you did. Maybe your name will be forgotten. But somewhere, in a time you never imagined, someone may quietly cry because you tried.

Mohamed and Enas are my dear friends, and are so so kind. They have four little children, were recently displaced again, and now the 6 of them are in a cold tent in the middle of winter. They are hardworking, honest, incredible parents who are hoping to get their family out of Gaza when the Rafah crossing opens.