The Lamest Dude Ever

Me: Masturbates multiple times in 1 day out of boredom😒  

(Later on that day, Took a Shower, now chilling with homies)

Me: (Gets a Call from GF)

GF: Want to come over so we can have sexy time? 😏😊

Me: Nah babe, I’m good, we can just chill another time. 

GF: What bitch you been fucking?! I’m about to come over & smell your dick! Is my pussy not good enough?! 🔪🚬👿 

Me: oh my god… 

GF: THATS WHAT THAT OTHER BITCH HAD U SAYING, ILL FUCKING KILL YOU BOTH! IM OMW!!😡 

Me: Bruuuuh just chill it ain’t like that, 😕 

GF: I’m outside, open the door! 

Me: (sends homie outside to tell her calm down)

Homie: 

Gf: 

Homie: I tried man, you have to face her now…

Me: (Opens the door)

Me : Oh My Fuck….

All because i kept my hands to myself…

GF: I just wanna talk babe

Me: Nah I’m good (runs back in the house)

GF: (Busts the door down)

GF: Give me my dick right now

Me: (Dick gets hard but is still sore from earlier)

My Dick: We were not prepared for this!, but we have no choice…