Memories of a normal life

Why do people ask "This is satire, right?" rather than just "this is a joke, right?". Not everything is satire. Satire requires having little goat feet. And my feet are notably fins.

Someone is eating a fresh orange in this McDonald's. I smelled it and my head snapped up like a hunting dog. That smell doesn't belong in this wicked place

Silly kitties, don't you know that your gluttony is sickening because the food you're trying to eat isn't meant for you?

"the us is 50 countries in a trench coat!"/"english is just a bunch of languages smashed together lol" your mind is rotten by exceptionalism and you will not survive the winter

we need more polyamorous vampires

Then bite more people???

the fun thing about having a mental health crashout in your thirties is that sure yeah you're crashing out, but at the same time there's a part of you standing across the room smoking ben affleck style, going yeah yeah you're crashing out. you crashed out before you will crash out again can we wrap this up yet. and the most annoying part about it is that they're right, and that that does Not stop you from crashing out even a little. love and light on planet earth.

Does anyone have that quote about falling to the floor crying and still noticing where you fucked up painting the wall?

time to make a post on tumblr. surely no one will interpret it to be as offensive and bad intentioned as possible.

[This meeting could have been an email voice]: This romcom should have been a horror movie

it smells like cute in here

When I finish this whale shark lamp all 4 of you are gonna be So I'm pressed

She glows now, just so you know, and she's full of string deliciöusee string

Are you gonna show us the lamp? 👀

A lot more than 4 of us are impressed

If I had a nickel for everytime someone assumed me and my friend group were a polycule, I would have two nickels. Which isn't alot but its weird that... actually who am I kidding. I kinda get where they are coming from

be the change they want to see in the world