Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape

One of my teachers got arrested yesterday for sexually assaulting one of his TAs.

I walked into his class yesterday knowing about some allegations that came to surface THAT MORNING so I completely ignored him (not like I was close to him anyway) and didn’t say hi as he was standing outside his door greeting his kids. He was acting like it was a normal day, it was creepy. He really came across as quiet and likable, everyone thought he was chill. After class, turns out he got arrested and taken away. I won’t go into detail, but what he did happened inside his classroom and that is so gross that we students would walk into there everyday not having a clue.

I’m so angry about this because I feel like I can’t trust my teachers anymore. It frustrates me that teachers take advantage of the position they’re in and use it to manipulate their students. It’s so upsetting, you never would’ve thought. He had a wife and kid for God’s sake.

I want to talk about this because the TC community especially should be careful about stuff like this happening, it’s real and you should be extremely careful. If you notice your teacher coming on to you, please please please tell someone. I don’t care that you have a crush on them, it’s NOT okay. I hate hearing these stories and to think one of my teachers got arrested for doing exactly that is so disgusting.

A little off topic, but I’m so glad that my TC was smart enough to say “no” to some of the things I would ask him (a hug, a ride home, I was dumb) because he would’ve been accused of exactly this. I realize how silly that was and how risky it is. I’m so glad my TC is a good role model in my life and has never taken advantage of me, especially since I knew him at such a young age.

I gotta thank the TC community for providing me with a place where I could share my thoughts and feelings about him since 2012. It feels nice to find others who also deal with what you’re going through. But I’ve moved on. To all current TCers, please be careful with how you handle your crush—don’t make silly mistakes like posting a picture of them or video recordings of their voice or whatever. I’ve deleted almost all pictures of him off my phone.

Side note—I also must thank a certain TC blog (who no longer seems to be active) for being a Twin Peaks fan and reblogging pictures of it on my dashboard. It’s been my obsession since February of this year and has legit bettered my life (plus Audrey and Cooper’s relationship was relatable...a high school girl in love with an older man? *SPOILER maybe* and never gets with him because let’s be honest, it’s completely wrong? Totally get it. Recommend the show by the way).

Here’s the backstory--my tc is a middle school teacher and taught all throughout those three years. Junior year in high school, he took over a 7 AM class and I had him again. He has now quit and won’t return this following year which I’m actually not that upset about because I see him often at concerts and whatnot (he’s a music teacher) and I was planning on quitting his class before he announced that anyway (moving on, focus on academics). 

I vaguely remember the last day I had him as my teacher, which was like a month ago. I just remember it wasn’t really a sad day, everyone was laughing and smiling. The requirement for this last class was that we play in small groups, playing whatever piece with whoever we wanted. I obviously got into a group with my good friend J. I just remember a lot of goofing off and not playing which K didn’t really care about honestly. I had uhh drawn boobs on J’s music (circling important notes which looked like boobs). K came to our group and of course sat behind J and saw that. For some crazy reason, he wasn’t mad and either didn’t care or didn’t know what it was. He asked “What is that?” J said “S(me) did that.” I looked away out of embarrassment, shook my head and said “Yeah sorry”. He literally couldn’t have cared less and moved on. Later on, I had this gatorade and was planning to pour some out until K walked outside (my group was outside, he couldn’t see us from inside). He made a confused face and said “Don’t pour that out.” My friend and I started laughing.

I haven’t posted on here in over two months but this isn’t about my TC. I’ll make another post regarding him but anyway.

I recently went on a ten day trip to another continent with this music group I’m part of (or was since I quit lol) and I came back about three days ago I think. I will not reveal exactly where we went but we went to two countries, 5 days in each. In one of the countries, I could communicate fluently because my naive language is what they speak there (but I’m not from there, it’s a language spoken in many countries). Hope that didn’t confuse you lmfao.

Unfortunately in the second country we went to, I found the people kind of rude because every time I tried speaking the language they responded in English, thinking I was learning the other language and wasn’t good at it. It came across as rude most of the time and I tried not to let it get to me but it annoyed me.

I met one man from that country who was genuinely one of the nicest and friendliest people I’ve ever met and changed my perspective on the people there—our tour bus driver. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until day 5 of the trip that I realized he was attractive. He was loading our luggage onto his bus and in that moment it hit me. 5 days wasted not trying to get to know him. He spoke little English and only spoke *ahem* the other language and out of everyone on this tour group, I was the only native speaker (there were fluent speakers but not genuine native speakers). It felt so nice to have someone on the trip be a fluent speaker and I wanted to get to know him. He was pretty handsome I must admit. Wore glasses, dark brown hair turning somewhat grey, green eyes…now that I typed that out, it exactly describes my TC but they look very different in real life. This man was also very short, I’m going to say 5’5” and I’ve never liked a guy that short but it didn’t bother me at all.

Did I bond with him in the last 5 days?……nope. I would get insanely nervous. I remember many moments where nobody would be talking to him and he’d just be sitting, chilling, watching. Sometimes smoking a cigarette which the people over there do excessively, annoying and irritating, but he looked good doing it. Those moments that I could’ve just approached him, said hi, and told him about myself and I never did because I got nervous and was afraid he’d think I’m strange. Looking back, considering how EXTREMELY friendly he was, he probably would’ve been happy to get to know new people.

I tried using from what I know about starting a bond with my TC in this case to bond with him but…I was so shy and in the end I never had a full conversation with him. Only “good mornings” and a “I’m not hungry” and an awkward high five moment (that he made not awkward which I thought was cute). There was even one moment late at night in the hotel hallways I was talking with my mom on the phone and from the top floor, I saw him walking up the stairs shirtless to his room. That was a funny moment for me as it caught me off guard and I forgot how to speak momentarily haha. The main reason I really liked him was because he responded to me in (other language) unlike most of the people there who would act as if they didn’t hear me and respond in English, not knowing it’s actually my first language. He was the sweetest and funniest guy, got along with everybody on the trip despite the language barrier.

The last day. He dropped us off at the airport at around 6:30 AM. He waved and said “goodbye” and some people went up to him to give him a hug. I was looking at the one friend who I had told that I kinda liked him and she told me through her eyes like “you better say bye now”. I panicked and as he was going up the steps to his bus I ran inside and hugged him. He opened his arms very wide and gave me a sweet hug. I quickly thanked him and asked for “personal contact information”. He said “I don’t have Instagram, Facebook…nothing.” The way he said it sounded as if IF he did have social media, he would’ve gladly given it to me. That disappointed me and so I quickly suggested maybe he could give me his email. I handed him my phone to type it and as he was typing I said “In case I come back here, I want you showing me around…” Thinking about it now, I kind of cringe at the fact that I said that but in the end it didn’t matter because I got what I wanted. Contact information. I wanted to keep in contact with a man as nice and interesting as him. He smiled as he handed me back my phone and I shook his hand and said bye, so did he. I turned around and got off the bus and that was the last I saw of him. I didn’t look back out of embarrassment and because I knew I’d cry. I would look down at my phone and tear up thinking about how much I didn’t do with him and how I might never see him again. But I got his email and thinking about staying in contact with him makes me happy. I managed to get a group photo with him the night before we left and it’s pretty bad quality, but it makes me smile.

I had a rehearsal for his orchestra outside of school so I did see him last night and he spoke to me, teasing me as always.

To add on from my previous post...this happened two weeks ago.

I told K I was going to not continue with his class because I was taking other classes that would benefit me much more than music (and plus none of my friends were doing it next year but I didn’t tell him that). Basically...he was saying stuff like if when I’m 35 will I regret this decision and at my old high school (I switched) that I did not dedicate myself over there and he believes that even now in his class, I do not show my full potential and try as hard as I can. I have four friends in music class and one is a senior so of course he’s graduating. One is moving away, and the other two are quitting (plus some other people). He said that he was not mad, but he’s annoyed that we are quitting...that I have worked so hard to get where I am and all the time and energy that teachers spent on me was pretty much for nothing (from his point of view). I’m also quitting this other music program that he also got me into (that he subbed for the rehearsal one day and that’s when this happened) which he was also disappointed by. I was still planning to continue in his own orchestra that he conducts outside of school, but he said if I was not in the school orchestra then I can’t be in that either. Honestly think he made that up on the spot because he was frustrated lol since I know he needs players for that. He also said if I truly feel this way about quitting then I should’ve done it sooner.

Of course, none of this means he hates me. He said “If I see your name on the list (for his class), okay. If I don’t see your name...okay. If I see you, I’ll still high five you. We’ll still be pals.” I remember when the conversation ended, we did not say bye to each other. It was kind of a sad silence. :(

If you read my last post, you’d know I’m not planning to take K’s class next year for academic reasons and his class wouldn’t...benefit me. That’s the short version.

Last night, he emailed my parents at 11 PM about my schedule next year. He asked earlier this week if I was continuing and I said “I don’t know”. He was so surprised and wasn’t expecting that answer from me. The email says “She seemed to suggest that she would not be continuing with orchestra next year and I was quite surprised...(more info about all the orchestras I’m in and how much people have worked for me to get where I am). I was hoping to count on her as part of the orchestra for her duration at (school). Please let me know what your thoughts are and thank you for being such a great family!!”

Yesterday, he went around the class and asked everyone if they were auditioning for next year’s class. Once he came to me with his laptop, he said something like “I’m putting you down, right?” (If I’m doing it next year) I hesitated and said “...I don’t know.” GUYS. The expression on his face when he looked up from his laptop and stared right in my eyes. There was a pause. “Really?” He asked in disbelief. I didn’t make eye contact with him once (which I do all the time lol) but I could tell he was...almost upset. I didn’t answer, and there was another pause. He looked back down st his laptop, said “Okay...” and typed something under my name, probably like “undecided” or something and walked away.

Some of my friends were performing with these pretty famous musicians (in the orchestra world) and I really wanted to go but had no ticket. K came after school to pick my friends up who were performing and he briefly said hi and sorry they didn’t ask for my instrument to play. Luckily, my friend texted me that she had an extra ticket!

I showed up by myself and found my seat, which was amongst some of the parents of the performers. They greeted me. I saw K walking around and he came to my row to speak to the parents. He saw me, smiled big and waved. I smiled back at him. Skipping to the second half, my friend J told me K offered to give both of us rides. I was so happy! My mom for some reason was already there to pick me up even though there was like an hour left? I told her to leave lmfao and that K would give me a ride.

K was giving me, my friend J, her sister, and this other lady teacher a ride. As we were in the parking lot, he suddenly turned around and I was right behind him and so I collided with his back omg and he accidentally stepped on my shoe. I was so embarrassed and laughed about it with my friends. He said some moments later “Who was that I bumped into?” I said me and he replied “Oh. I didn’t feel anything” (Implying that I’m small and weak).

I sat in the middle in between my friend and her sister and the other teacher in the front. He drives stick shift and it’s so crazy. I had gotten a ride from him once before. He is a fast driver and makes sharp turns, I wasn’t even wearing my seatbelt because it was so crowded in the back. We were looking at the concert poster and they were all dressed like in early 1900s fashion so I said “Is that Teddy Roosevelt?!” My friends and I bursted our laughing and I could hear him sigh and tell the teacher “They’re so dumb.” We talked about how one of our friends who also performed forgot to bow. K said “He’s a good kid.” J said “(His name) is adorable” and I said “(His name) is super cute.” There was a silent pause and we laughed. I could hear K exhale deeply, probably rolling his eyes lol. I asked him if he could speak Spanish and he said “Poquito” (a little). He said that he knows enough to understand stuff that we don’t think he understands. My friend started speaking in Spanish so fast and saying prayers. He said “Why are you rapping Eminem in Spanish? That’s from 8 Mile.” She said more stuff and he said “Now you’re just saying numbers.” We were nearing my house and I was dropped off first since I was closer. I stepped out of the car and he said “Bye S!” I waved back. I got home and noticed he was still there, and I realized minutes later that he was waiting for me to text them that I safely made it home lol.

Today, he greeted my friend and I with the cutest good morning. My friend and I smiled.

When I arrived to his class in the morning, he stepped outside to close the door. I was late as I kinda always am. I had been absent the past two days because I was sick. He stepped out, looked up, froze and smiled slightly. I smiled back at him. “Were you waiting for me to come out here?” I smiled and shook my head no. 

The performance dresses the girls wear make me uncomfortable because well I don’t really like showing my arms...I think they are too hairy and in middle school for performances, I’d always shave them. I haven’t done it for a couple months now and I don’t know if K would’ve noticed. That day, whenever K would talk to me I’d be afraid of him looking at my arms but because he didn’t bring attention to it (WHICH HE wouldn’t in the first place lmfao that’s so inappropriate) it made me uhh not afraid to show them I guess. It sounds dumb and nothing meaningful, but I am always scared of what someone thinks of my arms. :( 

It was after the performance and we had a clinic with one of the judges. On our way, K patted my head with some papers he was holding and praised us for playing great. During the clinic, I saw him walk and go behind me. I was too scared to see exactly where he was, but every time the guy teaching us said something funny I could hear his chuckle right behind me. This made me so nervous because 1. I did not want him to look at my arms 2. I don’t like him hearing me play and 3. I don’t like when people (especially him) watch me or stand behind me like that. It was over very quick and on our way out, K...idk if he gave me a pat on the shoulder or something but he once again praised us and that we create a big sound. We were taking a class photo in this one room and I was standing off to the side. K looks at me and smiles. He grabs my instrument and moves me in closer with everyone. I move and grab my instrument.

I play a large and heavy instrument so I cannot carry it for long distances. I was getting tired and so I asked my friend to ask K if he could carry it. She asked him. He said “When is she going to get good grades?” I’ve had bad grades in the past and he jokes about it occasionally. My friend begged and said “Look how small she is!” I looked at him and said please. He gave in and said “Wow she said please. Can someone write that down?...” He then asked me how am going to do this for the rest of my life if I can’t even carry my own instrument. We finally got to where our instrument cases were. I put my arms out so I could carry it now. He said “Aww you can carry it now?” I smiled and nodded. He said it in such a cute way jkfdkfdsssdfjs. 

The next day in class, he gave everyone donuts and started playing the Cailou theme song.......for some reason. Then he played that old ass video The Duck Song. I was talking to my friend and he randomly got near us and started singing. I told him “Can you turn that off?” He said no and then something along the lines of that music keeps him innocent or something LOL. I sat down and he put this stand towards me, kind of trying to hit me with it. I pushed it back twice and he muttered “Feisty.”