Very Good Girl

And here's the thing, it's because if it's done well it's so subtle and imperceptible. Manipulation without subtlety is really just pressure and aggression.

I hate pressure; but I love manipulation.

Some of this might be because I'm an overthinker. So once something is clearly and wholly on the table I can't let it go. My brain is the mental equivalent of a dog with a bone.

I will analyze and dissect and evaluate until I have wrung every ounce of interest and eroticism from a concept.

Sometimes this comes from performance anxiety concerns or logical planning in an attempt to alleviate my anxiety.

Other times it comes from my complicated sexuality; utterly infatuated and aroused by control and generally disgusted by conventional sexual activity.

He responded to my concerns in real time and relaxed some of his initial language. He rephrased some of his thoughts to emphasize more how I might just find myself wanting to orgasm less, that it might be easier or less effort to not masturbate or not orgasm when I felt myself get turned on.

I regretted my own reservations. Orgasm denial is such a hot idea and reinforcing it through hypnosis has been a fantasy of mine forever.

His initial suggestions lasted a few weeks before I found myself wanting to orgasm again.

He reassured me; this is supposed to be fun. There is no wrong way to do it My obedience pleases him but he wants me to do what feels easy and natural and let him make adjustments as needed if I feel like there are conflicts in what I want.

And so I stopped worrying. I stopped thinking about it. I followed his voice and let go of the specifics.

I recently started playing with someone new and had this problem in our fourth session and I told him that I was feeling a little worried about whether I would do things right.

He told me that anytime I felt worried I could just play with my tits for him.

Thinking about being drippy, needy, desperate as the days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years. Thinking about how arousal would start to melt your brain into a compliant agreeable puddle with one singular focus.

However, I like to think that I know my own weaknesses pretty well.

And the first weakness is that I am greedy and I like orgasms. So trying to edge repeatedly with growing desperation exclusively driven by my own willpower sounds like setting myself up to fail.

And the second weakness is that being denied makes me feel submissive and needy and affectionate and I can start to feel sad if there's nobody around to give me hugs.

So I think if I were going to even try this I would want a handler who is regularly and frequently physically available both to help with my motivation and also address the prolonged support and aftercare.

Obviously I would remove any and all of my own toys. The easiest way to not go over the edge it's to not have any control over the process.

Maybe once a week I'd go for training. Or maybe I would be lucky enough to have a roommate that is sadistically caring and wants to help a girl out. Either way I'd be restrained while said person completes the edging process until I'm desperate and crying.

In fantasyland this is when they would lock the chastity belt back on. But having tried them I find them incredibly uncomfortable and not really sufficient for long-term wear personally. But with no toys available and regular in-person check-ins to reinforce my obedience I think I could sufficiently resist orgasms between sessions. .

I imagine that over time, you'll come to realize that you are uncertain about those things because you know that my control over your thoughts and desires is so thorough, so elegant and complete, that you know that I could change your desires completely, to make you act, think, and desire however I choose, and you'd never really know how much of your identity was a result of my words.

And with that depth of hypnotic suggestion, and eagerness to be molded to my whims, you know that whatever you are, and however you act on any day, in any moment, is entirely because it aligns with my desires. I leave parts of your personality because it serves my purposes, and I change the rest.

I want my nipples to ache for your fingers. I want you to touch me so much the lack of stimulation feels odd and leaves me craving your hands.

You could pull me onto your lap in the middle of whatever social gathering. I love the idea that I would be so desperate for your touch I wouldn't even notice the people around us. The comments from your friends.

You awake, utterly spellbound by me.

We spend the weekend using hypnosis to break down any sense of autonomy or dignity.

I touch and grope and play with your body, associating objectification with pleasure.

I have you perform simple tasks and reward you, reinforcing that obedience is pleasure.

I systematically remove every notion of self or free will from your mind.

you're thinking too much.

you can't deviate from what I want.

it's so cute how you think you have any choice.