Kitsunegari

me after I reincarnate

mortician: *cutting my corpse open* *finds the “Hope You’re Having A Good Day My Hard Working Mortician :-)’ note i swallowed for them just before i died* what the fuck

my favourite thing to do is to tell my friends about the wild things victor hugo did and see the look of shock and horror in their faces bc they only know him as the great author who wrote les mis and hunchback and not as the man who gave his fiancee a live bat in an envelope

he what now

the way this sentence is phrased makes it sound like the fact that he is the donkey kong high score record holder is what makes him eligible to be the president of taiwan 

i’m gonna keep thinking about it that way

i hate it when people ask “what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?” like. awfully bold of you to assume i’ve reached peak dumbass.

showing up late to a meeting with an iced drink is a power move. like with hot drinks the cup is opaque and people cant tell the temperature so they dont know how long ago you got it. maybe its hours old. maybe you just got caught in traffic. who can say. but iced drinks. its clear. they can see the ice. they can see if its still frozen. they look you in the eye and they know you were standing in line fifteen minutes ago and made the conscious, deliberate decision to get a mocha frap instead of being on time. and then you made ANOTHER conscious, deliberate decision to bring it into the meeting with you, informing everyone in attendance that on your list of priorities, each and every one of them ranks firmly below one (1) mocha frappuchino.