i am honestly just here for a laugh

“I could solve her problem. I wanted to slice that package open, plop it on the poker table, and take out what was inside. I could start my very own statue garden, right there in the living room.

That’s what a Greek hero would do in the stories, I thought. That’s what Gabe deserves.

avatar + textpost 14/? 

The ground is muddy

because elves have a very low fertility rate to counterbalance their remarkable longevity, to the point that childbearing elves are lucky if they’re able to get pregnant, say, more than twice a century

but some elves just want to Nurture and they’ve noticed that adoption is a pretty sick deal, and that their human neighbors in particular always seem to have a veritable cornucopia of orphans sitting around in need of shelter and food and loving guidance and someone to teach them the finer points of communing with nature. 

elves reaching out to their human neighbors nervously for guidance because their beautiful adopted human son has decided he wants to get married but he’s only 25, he’s only completed one apprenticeship, he’s so young, is that really normal? are they sure? are they sure sure?

a 400 year old elf eagerly introducing her friends to her younger siblings: a 100 year old elf, 55 year old human, 27 year old tiefling, and 12 year old human. 

even elves who have left home to become professional adventurers aren’t immune to this; no wandering elfin bard or warrior is going to pass up a perfectly good opportunity for adoption. it’s relatively commonplace to run into adventuring parties followed by one or two or five wayward children in tow, on the way to the elf’s parents to deposit those kiddos for safekeeping. the rest of the party are a little confused about whether their elf friend is those kids’ parent now, or if their parents will be considered the parents and that makes the elf in question a big sibling now, or what. the elf shrugs it off. they’re family, what do the specifics matter? 

“If I can get them to this place where their relationship and that romance is central to the plot, and it can’t be removed, can’t be noted-out or it can’t be something that’s cut later, then they’ll have to let me do it”