TotallyNOTaSimp

Note: I let this ask sit for quite awhile until an idea formed with the thought of mc/reader walking in on some improbable thing Mr Puzzles somehow managed to get himself into (and it snowballed from there). The sentiment of the ask is hopefully conveyed by the actions of mr puzzles and reader/mc in this one shot.

-No warnings I can think of, apart from possible suggestiveness later on. Intended to take place much later on in the Performance Enhancing Coffee fanfic.

-

It was an…interesting scene that you walked in on after a full day of work at the cafe. 

You figured it would be a quiet evening, seeing as Mr. Puzzles had the day off. In fact, you guessed that he’d be locked up in the room of his chosen home on the outskirts of town with all that time. You presumed he was likely to be scheming away. Possibly about the podcast you’d ended up allowing him to be a part of some time ago with a script he’d provided that turned out to be a hit. 

But you weren’t destined for a quiet evening. 

Instead, you returned home where you lived with roommates, and immediately discovered Mr. Puzzles in an unexpected situation. 

The tv headed man dangled morosely from the ceiling by the back of his suspenders, a forlorn dejected expression across his screen. He gently swayed back and forth, arms crossed with his fingers digging into fabric. 

You look higher. 

There was a hole in the ceiling above Mr Puzzles. 

Across that hole was a broken ceiling fan and a metal pole, that, for some reason, had gone through one of the blades of the fan. It was the metal pole that held Puzzles’ suspenders. 

Somehow.

You do not have any idea how that happened and-

Wait. 

You did a double take of where the hole was and-

“Is that my bedroom floor?!” You demanded, aghast. This drew Mr. Puzzles’ attention to you instantly as his metal head whipped to one side to face you. 

“Ah.” A technicolor smile flickered into existence, though it and the squinting digital eyes made Puzzles’ smile look incredibly strained. As if he hadn’t been expecting for you to be home so soon. The lift and little wiggle of fingers against his own arm was used in place of an elated greeting while Puzzles’ lanky frame continued to move back and forth. “Good evening, my dear. How was work at that lovely little café today?”

“Again, there is a giant hole in my bedroom floor and the living room ceiling. Again.” You gesture to the broken ceiling, fan and metal pole inexplicably not falling inward from the way it held Mr. Puzzles dangling from his suspenders. He ought to have dropped from the weight of his metal tv head alone. You  jabbed a finger at the tv man with growing ire. “Explain.”

“May I come down first?” Mr. Puzzles questioned in a pleasant tone, despite his disheveled appearance, what with plaster and bits of debris stuck to his clothing. “This is not the best place for me to perform a question and answer session.”

“Start talking or I’m going to find something to smack you with until you do.” You threatened. But from the smirk that graced his screen, you don’t think Puzzles believed you’d do such a thing. So, you look around, and pick up the first thing you see. 

A pillow in the shape of a music note. 

You brandished the overstuffed, comically large decorative treble clef note pillow in both hands. 

“Oh, my dear friend, how ever could you think of doing such a thing to me?” Mr. Puzzles’ technicolor grin hitched up higher, digital eyes scrunched up, indicating mischief as he pointedly placed the back of his left hand to the side of his metal head, the other hand’s fingers lightly splayed out on to his chest. 

What a drama queen.

You lift the pillow higher. 

“A threat of committing such violence toward me.” Puzzles tone became fraught with emotion, disbelief and misery combining into a pathetic melancholy. “Why, I only wanted to convey my ‘appreciation’ of your company despite the disagreements we’ve had recently.” The massive smirk made it clear he was merely toying with you, continuing to believe you’d not smack him with your pillow while he was dangling from the ceiling, half out of reach. “Not that you are able to reach me to make such brutish tactics useful in your pursuit of information.” The tv man tossed out in a singsong manner.

The way those digital eyes met your own in a smug, self-satisfied manner made you decide to get…creative. 

There just so happened to be a stool in the kitchen.  Because why the hell were this house’s ceiling so high anyway? When you returned with a stool, and set it down within swinging range of Mr. Puzzles’ upper body, the man’s screen flickered to one of nervous disbelief, only to settle on genuine amusement. Your careful climb onto the stool with the treble clef pillow was accompanied by Puzzles’ overdramatic ass laying it on thick. 

“Oh no, Is this how things end for me?” Mr. Puzzles lamented while watching you straighten up and raise your nonleathal weapon of choice. “However do I avoid having you visit such violence upon little old me?” The man sneakily turned his left hand by his head, as if to prepare to catch the decorative pillow.  

“You already know what I want.” A prod of the pillow to the man’s hip. “So start talking.”

“Make me.” The amusement was still there but the expression and tone conveyed that Puzzles wasn’t about to give up information any time soon. 

You took him at his word and began to enthusiastically smack the hell out of Mr. Puzzles with the decorative pillow. Eventually he began to flail in pretend shock as he released stutters and half-hearted protests. All the while your pillow made contact with his body everywhere you could reach in his half-curled up position. There were even a few times that it sounded like Puzzles wanted to laugh, but kept up the bit of being desperate to hide whatever reason led to the hole in the floor/ceiling. Once you feel you’ve made your ‘point’ you temporarily halt your assault via pillow. 

Mr. Puzzles peeked over his shoulder from where he’d drifted to the side via his suspenders. 

You raised your treble clef pillow in silent warning. 

The tv man’s ‘nervous’ look became a devious one. “Do you really want to know what happened?”

“That’s why I asked.” You responded, keeping your pillow at the ready. 

Mr. Puzzles eyed you for a moment longer before an evil little smirk formed on his screen, half lidded digital eyes joining the look. “Very well, if I must. But first-“ Puzzles moved quickly, his legs long enough for the edge of his dress shoes to lightly kick the stool, throwing you off balance. 

You ought to have drooped the pillow, but instead, you gripped it harder as you pitched forward with a gasp of surprise. Large gloved hands gracefully scoop you up from beneath under the arms. 

Suspended higher in the air than you’d like, you move like a being possessed, scrambling for purchase on the closest thing to you. 

Mr. Puzzles. 

One arm wrapped around his wired neck in a death grip, still holding the pillow in the same hand as your legs wrapped around his lower torso. Your other arm flailed for a moment before reaching around to grip Mr. Puzzles by his vest, fabric bunching beneath your panicked grasp. 

Mr. Puzzles let out unintelligible static noises, his hands twitching uselessly to either side of his own body. It was as if Puzzles couldn’t decide whether to pull you off of him or wrap his arms around you to hold you closer.  

You didn’t notice, because you ended up looking down at the floor beneath you. 

That was…a bit higher up than it looked compared to when you stood on the stool. An unexpected sensation of vertigo hit you, so you buried your face into Mr. Puzzles chest as you released a slow breath. Then, you prodded the pillow into the back of his head, accidentally hitting the spot where some wires connected from his neck to his tv head. 

It caused Mr. Puzzles to wrap his arms around your lower back, trembling as a hitch of breath was released shakily. 

Oops. 

Right. 

Wires equal sensitive. 

You suddenly smirk into Puzzles’ chest. 

He must have picked up on a laugh or something because the tv man let out a nervous, higher pitched laugh in return. “My dear, I don’t think that-“  

“What do we have here?” You dropped the pillow to slip a few fingers between where the wires were inserted into the back of Puzzles’ head and went his neck to wrap around either the other wires. 

“Ah.” Mr. Puzzles’ arms merely held on to you snugly as his frame’s trembling increased.

“Do you think you can tell me what happened now?” You gave a few of the wires a light tug, causing Mr. Puzzles to squirm. “Or do I get to see what happens if I keep touching these?” You give the wires another wiggle. Puzzles’ breath hitched again. “Do these wires affect your screen if any get unplugged, or are they important and need to stay in?”

“They, uh, must remain plugged in.” Puzzles struggled to respond in a manner that didn’t betray how much he obviously liked the way you were touching him. His voice even took on a touch of honesty. “Please do not pull any of those out. It’s ever so tedious to…recalibrate everything if they do come unattached.”

“So, pulling on the wires is fine as long as they stay plugged in?” You didn’t even need the terse ‘yes’ to know that this was definitely a turn on for the tv headed man from the way he was doing his best to act unaffected. “Or do you want to explain the hole above you yet?”

“…if you must know, I was making something to…” Mr. Puzzles trailed off then began again with a huff of static. “…to apologize to you for being an ‘insufferable pompous asshole’ the past month due to unforeseen circumstances-“ The fake cough off to the side suspiciously sounded like ‘that damned plumber’ “-and I was nearly finished when there was an itsy-bitsy error made on my part and well…look first yourself at the pinnacle of showmanship, foiled by a sock!”

You lifted your head away from Mr. Puzzles’ chest at the sound of a click from one of the dials on his head. Then you leaned further back with Puzzles’ help, bracing your back with his crossed arms (relinquishing you from his hug in the process).  You watched a playback from a camera (in your bedroom??) and watched the series of truly absurd, cartoonish flailing from Mr. Puzzles l after he tripped on an errant sock on the floor. 

In the video, Puzzles somehow managed to get on the bed, his limbs going akimbo with the metal pole in his hands held aloft (where had it even come from?). The poor ceiling fan stood no chance against the pole as it skewered a fan blade, then dragged the whole fan from the ceiling overhead (so that was two ceilings damaged). The reason it came down was Mr. Puzzles desperately trying to grab purchase somewhere. 

The ceiling fan. 

Mr. Puzzles proceeded to pinwheel his limbs and fall with the pieced ceiling fan. He then  blasted a hole in the floor with what looked like blue electricity that he shot from a finger. Puzzles continued to drop through the newly made hole, until he grunted once as the metal pole, somehow slipping out of his other hand mid fall, ended up hitting the floor after slipping through his suspenders,  halting his descent. 

The screen cut off the playback, replaced with Mr. Puzzles looking at you with a sheepish, but rather insincere, expression. 

“Why is there a camera in my room?” You bluntly asked.

“That’s what you took away from my terrible accident?!” Mr. Puzzles exclaimed. “Have you no pity for my plight?” It was clear that he was attempting to avoid answering your question.“

“Puzzles.”

“I-“ 

Wow. 

Two for two getting this man to stumble over an answer.

“I only just placed the camera.” Mr. Puzzles evaded your searching gaze, right before he released a dramatic sigh, air releasing from his vents. “I would have removed it after I got your reaction to my apology.”

“Can’t you record things yourself?” You questioned. 

“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise.” Puzzles pointed out. “If I’m there, then you would suspect something.  I wanted a genuine reaction!”

“Which was?” 

“Mmm, you’re just going to have to wait until I am able to set it up again.” Mr Puzzles said mysteriously, only to let out a squeaky feedback noise when you gave the wires behind his neck and head a squeeze. “Surely a suprise is better than, ah, manhandling it out of me?” Puzzles uttered breathlessly. 

“I’m currently hanging onto you so I don’t fall down to the floor below from a height that will hurt a lot. While you’re dangling from your suspenders.”

Mr. Puzzles looked at you, then up at the offending metal pipe holding him hostage. He got a disheartened look, then sighed sadly before fixing you with a sudden massive grin. 

“Don’t you dare.” You cling to Puzzles harder.

“I can’t hear you over my pure brilliance.”Mr. Puzzles half sang while he unclipped his suspenders and dropped down. 

“Puzzles!” You exclaimed as the tv man not only missed sticking the landing completely, but he toppled over backward with you. 

Only to land perfectly on the sofa, Mr. Puzzles gangly legs sticking causally off one end while smugly looking up at you from where you still clung to him like a koala. 

The two of you held gazes. 

Mr. Puzzles broke first as he snorted, dropping his heavy head backward onto a pillow. 

You couldn’t help but join in as you slowly let go of the wires and his vest, then swiftly tugging your legs out from under his lower back. 

Mr. Puzzles’ snorting laughter grew louder and more genuine, likely from your scandalized expression over the way the ceiling (the floor of your bedroom!) somehow became a foot longer in damages. 

You get revenge by reaching out to turn Mr Puzzles’ screen off, swiftly rolling off the sofa to the floor after tugging him along. The laughter shook you as the lanky man did a ridiculous flailing dance around the living room before he flopped alongside you. His arm draped over your side, dragging you into his while his screen flicked back on. With a smirk, Puzzles nuzzled his screen  face into your hair with muffled evil laughter. 

Your futile attempt to stop him was made more difficult because you were still laughing at the absurdity.

Mr. Puzzles proudly looked over your staticky hair and snorted again. 

You grabbed his free arm to prevent him from missing your hair up further and ducked your head under his tv head.

Mr. Puzzles obviously took the easy route by snuggling happily with you on the floor while avoiding doing anything about the disaster that was the ceiling, the camera likely still in your room, and the delay of whatever his ‘apology’ was going to be. 

“You’re paying for the damages to the ceiling again.” You grumbled into the silence some minutes later. 

basically me and my friends lol

Thank you for your order, here you go!

The Other Side of the Screen

Mr. Puzzles has kept you kidnapped and brainwashed for you don’t know how long. Suddenly, he frees you. You don’t know what he’s planning but you’re not going to fall for his tricks! Even if he is surprisingly charming…

Word Count: 1.1k

Rating: T

Tags: flirting, brainwashing, kidnapping, enemies to lovers, make out, fade to black sex, bottom Mr. Puzzles

You’ve been falling for a long time.

It’s surprisingly peaceful, the falling. Like taking a nap while wrapped it blankets. Everything is dark and warm and you feel safe, but at the same time you can’t shake the feeling that something is terribly wrong.

And then you wake up.

You gasp and choke like you’ve just surfaced from water, flailing your arms madly. You blink slowly, looking down at your fingers and flexing them one by one. “Hello?” you call out. No response, but you have full control of your body and that’s enough for now. You stand up and look around for the first time. The room you’re in is simple, yet well furnished. It’s an average bedroom, except for the bars covering the windows. You try the door and are surprised to find it unlocked.

You cautiously step outside into a hallway that is far more dilapidated than the room you were just in. Grey stone walls coated in dust, and a cold stone floor. You cautiously creep through the hallway as you try to piece together how you got here. I was with the SMG4 crew…and then suddenly I was here. I hope the others are ok.

You make a mental note to keep an eye out for the others as you continue your trek. You walk for minutes before stumbling across you first room. You carefully push open the door, peeking inside. “Hello?”

You’re immediately hit with a wave of cigarette smoke that leaves you coughing. Through the haze you can see a figure. You can’t quite make them out, but their head is weirdly shaped. Like a television set. The figure quietly stands up and starts walking towards you. Unsure of what to do, you stand your ground as the figure steps into the light. “Hello my dear.” The figure purrs.

Your hackles raise immediately as you take a step back. “Who are you? Where am I?!” you hiss.

The figure laughs like you’ve just told him a hilarious joke, and mimes wiping a tear from his eye (does he have eyes? He has a screen for a head?). “Who am I? Oh, that’s hilarious! I’m none other than Mr. Puzzles, director extraordinaire.” He bends down to kiss your hand, and you can’t help but flush at the sensation of his screen against your skin. There’s a slightly tingly feel where his mouth was, like you’ve been zapped.

“And you,” he continues “are (y/n) (l/n) my beloved lead actor!”

“Lead actor?” you sputter, too overwhelmed to think.

Mr. Puzzles’s smile widens as he puts a hand on your back, dragging you into the smokey room. You see that it’s covered in screens and to your horror, you realize that you’re on almost all of them. They’re playing videos of you acting (though acting may be too strong a word for the oddly canned performance you’re giving) even though you don’t remember filming any of these. “What is this?” you whisper.

“Your greatest moments as my lead actress of course!” Mr. Puzzles coos. “I must say, I’m obsessed with your acting my dear. With you I’m sure a five-star rating is guaranteed!”

“Five…star…” you echo still staring at the screens.

Mr. Puzzles continues like you hadn’t even spoken “I am sorry I had to brainwash you dear, but I couldn’t have you saying no. I even brought along your friends so you wouldn’t be lonely!”

Okay, so this man was clearly batshit insane. Unfortunately, you had terrible taste in men, and he was completely your type. He clearly had a thing for you, so you quickly formulated a plan. Flirt with him until he’s putty in your hands, get your friends (somehow), and book it. Not the best plan ever, but not bad for what you were working with.

“Hmm. Nobody’s ever gone that far for me before. You really think so highly of me?” You try your best to make your tone flirty, but you don’t really know what you’re doing. Surprisingly, it works. A bright red line appears on Mr. Puzzles’s face.

“Well of course!” He sputters. “I’ve seen you in that talentless hack SMG4’s videos, and to speak plainly you’re the only good thing about them.”

You give a pleased hum, dragging your finger up Mr. Puzzles shirt. “Is that so?”

He turns even redder at your touch and stutters out something unintelligible, eyes never leaving your hand. Ok, you thought seducing him might be easy but not this easy. You can feel heat pooling in your stomach as you take one of his hands in your own.

You back him into the wall and lean in, so your faces are inches apart. “Use your words. Tell me how I’m so incredible you just had to have me.” You meant to add ‘for your show’ at the end, but this intense flirting is getting you a bit hot and bothered.

“Y-you’re beautiful.” Mr. Puzzles murmurs, eyes not quite meeting yours. “A-and the way you light up the screen every time you’re on camera is…magnetic. I can’t look away from you.”

Your breath catches in your throat at the praise. You were supposed to be seducing him goddamn it! There’s a beat where the two of you just stare at each other, not saying anything. Then your mouths collide and you’re kissing like your life depends on it.

You grab the sides of his screen, and he squeals in delight and you pull him closer to you. You end up on your back with him on top of you, peppering you face and neck with kisses that feel like little electric shocks. You drag your tongue across his antennae and he shudders with delight.

“Bedroom.” You rasp. Mr. Puzzles nods quickly, grabbing your hand and practically dragging you across the corridor. You’ll have plenty of time to get your friends and escape.

For now, you’re going to have some fun.

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Don't Touch That Dial!

Mr. Puzzles recently joined the SMG4 team, but you still don't trust him. To fix this, Meggy locks the two of you in a room, refusing to let you out until you become friends. Things happen.

Word Count: 1.1k

Rating: M

Tags: locked together, enemies to lovers, fluff, nicknames, light smut, making out, implied sexual content

“This can’t be happening.”

Despite you repeating those words for the last ten minutes, it seemed like ‘this’ was indeed happening. You were trapped in a tiny room with none other then Mr. Puzzles, who was quietly drumming his fingers against the wall while you panicked.

Neither of you had any idea how you’d gotten in this room, you’d simply woken up in here. The door was locked, and you had no way out nor knowledge of why you were trapped in here. You paced across the floor, hands clasped behind you back as you tried to think of a plan. Mr. Puzzles simply watched you, leaning against the wall with his legs crossed and hands folded in front of him.

“My dear, could you stop pacing? You’re giving me a headache.” He didn’t even look at you while he spoke, and his tone was that of an exasperated adult trying to make a child stop a tantrum.

You wheeled around to face him, snarl on your face. “Well, I don’t see you coming up with any ideas smart guy! Just because you’re part of the SMG4 crew now doesn’t mean I have to trust you. I know you’re planning something, and I’m gonna find out what!”

“Of course you are,” Mr. Puzzles responded dryly. “Why is it so hard for you to believe that I honestly want to make amends?”

You were about to snap back a response -something about how he kidnapped you and all of your friends less than a year ago- when a sudden high pitched ringing cut you off. “God, what is that?” you ask, quickly covering your ears. Mr. Puzzles doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t need to, as the answer reveals itself seconds later.

“Hello? Can you guys hear me?” You recognize that voice, it’s none other than your beloved inkling friend Meggy Spletzer.

“Meggy? Oh, thank fuck! Puzzles and I are trapped in some room, you’ve got to-“

“Hold on a sec (y/n),” Meggy interrupts. “I put you two in this room for a reason.”

“Pardon?”

“Me and 4 noticed that you’re not getting along very well with Mr. Puzzles. So, we decided to put you in this room! You can’t leave until you learn to get along.”

Puzzles takes this as his chance to speak up. “Meggy my dear, you can’t be serious. For reasons unknown to everyone, (y/n) hates me.”

“Wh- reasons unknown?! You tried to kill me!”

Before you can start a full-blown argument, Meggy cuts in. “See, this is what I’m talking about! I’ll check back in in two hours. If you’ve made nice by then, I’ll let you out. Bye!”

“Wait Meggy-!” Too late. She’s gone. You slump against the wall with an angry sigh. “I guess we live here now.”

“You can’t be serious. You would rather never leave this room then become my friend.”

You don’t bother answering, and the two of you sit in silence for what seems like hours but was probably less than a minute. “I do truly regret my actions. I was lonely and misguided and-“ Puzzles searches for the words to finish his sentence but can’t seem to find them. The room falls silent again. 

“I’m sorry.” Mr. Puzzles mumbles, and for the first time in many minutes you look at him. The look on his face does seem genuinely remorseful…but that could easily be yet another trick to get you to trust him.

“Why TV?” You ask. Mr. Puzzles looks up, surprise flickering on his screen.

“I didn’t have many friends when I was young. Just my television set. TV is…everything to me.”

Despite yourself, you could feel sympathy welling up inside you. “I kinda get it.” You say, not quite making eye contact with Mr. Puzzles. “I didn’t have much as a kid either. I was kind of…weird I guess.” Out of the corner of your eye, you see Mr. Puzzles smile at your confession. You feel your cheeks heat up slightly, though you don’t know why.

“Perhaps we’re more alike than we first realized.” Mr. Puzzles says softly.

You scoff, turning your gaze to the floor. “Don’t get cocky Puzzleboy. I still don’t trust you.”

“Ugh. Hate that.”

“What?”

“Puzzleboy. You really couldn’t come up with anything else?”

Despite yourself, you grin. “Like Mr. Puzzles is any better. What’s your real name anyways?”

“That’s classified information dear.”

“Sure. In that case, I’m going to keep using Puzzleboy.”

While you talked, you’d subconsciously gotten up and started walking over to Mr. Puzzles. Only now did you realize that you were right in front of him, your faces extremely close together. A faint pink line appeared on Puzzles screen as the two of you looked at each other, neither daring to speak or move.

Mr. Puzzles raises his hand, stopping it inches away from your cheek. “Is this ok?” he asks quietly. You nod, and he gently cups your cheek, his glove soft against your skin.

You lean forward, moving your legs so you’re straddling Mr. Puzzles lap. The pink line on his screen becomes darker as you slowly lean in for a kiss.

Your lips meet, and an electric shock shoots through you. Not enough to hurt, just enough to tingle lightly as you deepen the kiss, steadying yourself against the wall. Puzzles moans slightly against your mouth as you lick his screen, one hand still on your cheek, the other hovering just above your back.

“Please...more…” Puzzles whispers as you shift slightly, taking his CRT head in your hands, and pulling him up towards you. You’re fully on top of him now, one of your legs between his as you continue your make out session.

“Do you want to?” You mutter against his mouth, tracing the waistband of his pants.

“God, yes.” He whimpers. You smile, and begin unclasping his overalls but before you can finish…

“Stop! For the love of God, stop!” Meggy shrieks. Both you and Mr. Puzzles shoot up in surprise.

“Shit, I completely forgot about Meggy!” you hurriedly shimmy off Mr. Puzzles, trying to tame your static frizzed hair while Mr. Puzzles wipes spit off his screen. “Sorry!” you call out.

Suddenly, one of the walls falls away, revealing the exit and a frazzled looking Meggy. “I guess I got what I wanted. Monkey’s paw and all that.” She says, one eyebrow raised as she surveys you and Puzzles.

You shrug apologetically and Meggy giggles. “Alright. See you back at the castle for dinner.” With that, Meggy leaves, leaving you and Mr. Puzzles alone.

“That was…unexpected.” Mr. Puzzles says, blush lines spreading across his screen. You laugh lightly, taking his hand in yours.

“Come on. We can finish what we started after dinner.”

Mr. Puzzles smiles. “Sounds perfect my dear.”

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We Interrupt This Broadcast

You and WPNZ jokingly flirt with each other a lot. It’s all innocent fun, but it makes Mr. Puzzles upset for some reason. You decide to find out why.

Word Count: 1.4k

Rating: M

Tags: flirting, mutual pining, misunderstandings, confessions, making out, implied sexual content, fluff, friends to lovers

“How about this one?”

You step out of the dressing room, doing a little spin so WPNZ and Mr. Puzzles can see the whole outfit. Mr. Puzzles screen flicks to a contemplative expression as he stares you up and down. “Hmm. The material and the sleeve length are fantastic, but I’m not sure about the color. Your thoughts WPNZ?

“Huh? Oh, you look great doll. Real smokeshow.” Despite WPNZ obvious attempt to appear enthusiastic, the compliments come out flat and you can’t blame him. You’ve been shopping for the better part of two hours. All you wanted was to stop by the mall to pick up a new fancy outfit for a heist you’re planning to pull, but Mr. Puzzles has managed to find fault in everything you picked. You knew he wasn’t trying to be rude (the man was simply a perfectionist at heart), but God you wanted to go to the food court. At the same time, you didn’t mind too much. You’d had a crush on Mr. Puzzles since you first met, and you found his perfectionism kinda cute.

“Alright, I’m picking this one.” You announce, slipping back into the dressing room to change into your day clothes. You hear Mr. Puzzles start to say something, but for some reason (probably Toomp and WPNZ giving him murderous glances) he shuts up.

You step out of the dressing room and get in line to check out. WPNZ places a casual hand on your shoulder. “Glad you went with that one sweetheart; I almost fell head over heels when you came out of that dressing room.”

“Aww, I was just trying to look half as good as you WPNZ.” You retort with a grin.

The two of you continue your playful banter until you reach the cashier. After paying, you notice somethings wrong. “Where’s Puzzles?”

Surprise flickers across WPNZ’s face as he looks around for the TV head with no luck. “Huh. Didn’t even see him leave. Y’think something happened?”

A small burbling sound interrupts your speculation. You look down to see Toomp in the shape of an arrow, pointing outside of the store. Sure enough, Mr. Puzzles is there, leaning against the wall with an upset look on his screen. You and WPNZ exchange a confused glance and walk over to him. “Hey Boxhead! Is somethin’ wrong?”

Mr. Puzzles startles at the sound of WPNZ voice but quickly regains his composure. “No, nothings wrong. Come on, you wanted to go to the food court, right?”

You nod, and Mr. Puzzles grabs your hand before you can speak. He practically drags you to the food court, WPNZ and Toomp trailing slightly behind. “I can walk on my own y’know.” You say dryly, but your words don’t seem to register with Puzzles. He doesn’t let go of your hand until you reach the food court.

The four of you get your food and sit down, but there’s a noticeable tenseness in the air. The meal is mostly silent, but your mind is racing, trying to figure out how the mood turned sour so quickly. You make eye contact with WPNZ, mouthing the words ‘do something!’ He nods lightly. ‘Got it.’ He mouths back.

“We bought a lot of food, huh?” WPNZ says, cocky grin on his face. “Still, I think (y/n)’s the best snack at the table.”

You snicker into your noodles while Toomp makes a displeased burbling sound at the bad joke. “Wish I could return the compliment, but I don’t think metal would taste very good.” You smoothly retort.

WPNZ leans across the table, still grinning. “I think I taste just fine sweetheart. But you can find out for yourself if you want.”

You laugh again, and the mood feels far lighter. You’re about to make another joke, when you’re cut off by the sound of a chair screeching across the floor. Mr. Puzzles has stood up, and you can’t miss the upset look on his screen. “Thank you for inviting me, but I think I’ll be heading home now. Enjoy your date.” He stalks off before you can say anything, leaving you bewildered.

“What’s up with him?” you muse, turning to face WPNZ. 

The hitman doesn’t answer for a few seconds, seemingly lost in thought. Suddenly, he slams his hands down onto the table. “Oh shit! (y/n) you gotta catch up with Boxhead, quickly!”

“Wh- huh?” you stutter as WPNZ pulls you out of your chair. “Why?”

“No time to explain, hurry up doll!” WPNZ responds, giving you a light push. “Call me after the two of you are done talking.”

With that, you’re off running in the direction Mr. Puzzles left. Your mind races with possibilities as you try to figure out what WPNZ knows that you don’t. But by the time you reach the mall entrance, you still haven’t found Mr. Puzzles. You’re too late. With a sigh of frustration, you pull out your phone to tell WPNZ the news, when you suddenly hear a sniffling sound. You turn, but the only thing to your left is the janitorial closet. You cautiously push open the door and find none other then Mr. Puzzles leaning against the storage shelves, quietly sniffling. “Puzzles? What’s wrong?”

Mr. Puzzles practically leaps into the air at the sound of your voice, his terror punctuated by a cartoonish shriek.  “(y/n)?! How did you find me? And…why did you follow me?”

You slip into the closet, shutting the door behind you. “You seemed really upset. I just wanted to make sure everything was ok.” You answer, purposely ignoring the first part of the question. 

Mr. Puzzles sighs, not looking at you when he speaks. “I don’t mind if you date WPNZ, I’m just not sure why you invited me.”

“…I’m sorry, what?”

Mr. Puzzles makes a wild gesture, nearly hitting you in the face with his hand. “The constant flirting! The jokes! Again, I don’t mind but I would have appreciated a little warning-“

Mr. Puzzles is cut off by you grabbing his head with both your hands. “Puzzles. Me and WPNZ are NOT dating.”

Mr. Puzzles blinks. “You’re…not?”

“No! We were just messing around! I love WPNZ to death, but not romantically.”

“Really?”

“Yes! I mean, the one I have a crush on is you so-“ You clamp your hand over your mouth as a blush begins to burn on your cheeks. Holy shit, you just said that out loud.  

Mr. Puzzles stares at you, eyes wide. “Actually?”

You nod, still too embarrassed to speak. Mr. Puzzles raises one hand and gently cups your face. “Can I kiss you?” he whispers.

You can barely breath as you smash your face into his. Mr. Puzzles lets out a surprised grunt before enthusiastically reciprocating. You can feel static dancing on your tongue, and small electric volts course through you as you deepen the kiss. Mr. Puzzles pulls you on top of him, and the two of you crash against the wall, still making out desperately. 

You break apart to breathe, both of you panting heavily. “How long have you had a crush on me?” Mr. Puzzles asks breathlessly.

“Since we met. I’ve just been too scared to tell you until now.”

Mr. Puzzles laughs dryly. “What a coincidence, I’ve had a crush on you since we first met too. I wish I’d said something sooner.”

You smirk and lean back in. “We know now, and that’s what matters,” You mumble against Mr. Puzzles mouth. “Now, kiss me again.”

Mr. Puzzles obliges, wrapping one hand around the small of your back and positioning the other against the back of your head. You skirt your fingers below the waistband of his overalls, and he moans softly at the touch. You’re ready to keep going when suddenly…

“Hey! The hell’s goin’ on in here?!”

You roll off Mr. Puzzles with a squeak of surprise. The janitors returned, and he’s not happy. You and Puzzles dart out of the closet, yelling apologies behind you as you make a mad dash for his car, ignoring the janitors enraged screaming. Once you’re safely on the road, you both burst into laughter.

“Could have been worse,” you shrug, popping a piece of gum in your mouth. “I mean, we still had our clothes on.”

A jagged red line of blush appears on Puzzles screen. “God, don’t even joke like that. I’d die from humiliation.”

You chew on your gum as Mr. Puzzles keeps driving. “So, where are we going?”

The line of blush on Mr. Puzzles’s screen becomes more pronounced. “I was thinking perhaps my place. To finish what we started?” 

You grin. “Sounds good to me.”

It Takes Two To Tango...

(Amethio X Female! Reader)

Continuing the mission... (Chapter 2)

Pokémon name = P/N Pokémon Move = P/M F/P/N - Flyable Pokémon Name

Liko and Sprigatito open their eyes to find themselves surrounded in a green sphere of energy created by her pendant. Looking around, they spot a mysterious Pokémon before them. The Pokémon was floating in the air and they looked at Liko for a few seconds before reverting back to its amulet form, the sphere disappearing as well. She manages to pick up her jewelry before falling to there doom.

Friede and his Charizard manage to catch and save her just in time thankfully. “Hey, you two! Try not to be so reckless.” Friede scolds her, Liko feeling a bit down but he smiles and lifts up his pilot goggles. 

“That being said… I admit, I like your courage.” Friede compliments and Liko looks at Sprigatito while holding on to her pendant. She reflects everything that has happened in her mind.

“Sorry, Miss elegant lady! We’ll battle some other time. Now then, you ready, Charizard?” Friede puts on his pilot goggles back and turns away to fly off.

As the Explorers watch them flee, Amethio’s eye twitches from the nickname Friede called Y/N but then focuses on more important matters, putting a hand on his chin. “That glowing light was the pendant?”

Y/N chuckles and smiles. “Miss elegant lady, huh? What a nickname he has given me… hehe, even a stranger compliments while you rarely do.” Y/N teases Amethio, he gives her a frown.

Onia walks near the both of them and questions. “Given the situation, what are your orders now, Miss Y/N and Amethio, sir?” Y/N takes out P/N’s Pokéball. “P/N, return. We’re going on an aerial chase to get to Liko.”

“Let’s go.” Amethio orders and all of them look at the sky. “Yes!” Onia and Zirc say before the four of them change into their normal outfits. 

“Go, Skarmory!” The two subordinates call out while Amethio takes out a different Pokémon. “Go, Corviknight!”

Before Y/N takes out her Pokéball with her F/P/N, she turns to Amethio and smirks. ”Amethio… could I ride with you on your dear Corviknight per chance?” Y/N playfully questions, petting his Pokémon which they seem to enjoy a lot. 

Amethio’s face slightly grows pink. “Absolutely not… and stop with the teasing all the time… especially when we have work to do.”

”Hehe, just thought I would ask. There’s harm in it, right?” Y/N shrugged and giggled. “Come on out, F/P/N!” The Explorers get on their Pokémon and fly to continue their pursuit for the pendant.

They head to where Liko is at, which was on an airship called the “Brave Olivine”. Amethio and Y/N were riding next to each other while their comrades being behind. 

“Is that it?” Amethio questions as they see the airship. “Looks like it. My… I have to admit, it’s capitalizing.” Y/N replies, her voice filled with some happiness. Unfortunately, there was an upcoming storm ahead of them.

”Storm ahead. What are your orders?” Onia asks, her and Zirc get more closer to Amethio and Y/N. “We’re really close to catching up with them. We cannot afford to give up now.” Y/N answers, all of them going faster from her command.

Following up closer to the Brave Olivine, they notice that the airship is steering into the storm. “Wait, are they flying into the storm?” Onia questions, getting concerned of why they are doing that and tries pulling back a bit. “That seems way to risky. What now, Miss Y/N and Amethio, sir?” Zirc adds up and turns to The Explorer admins.

“They are trying to lose us in the storm and widen the gap between us from them… we’re still going after them. Losing sight of the pendant is not an option, a little risk will be fine.” Y/N replies, her and Amethio not being fazed at all by the threat.

“We’ll use the airship to shield us from the wind! Follow me!” Amethio commands, quickly taking the lead to guide them. “Yes, sir!” Onia and Zirc say, Y/N following more closer behind him.

“…Stay close to me, Y/N.” Amethio whispers so Y/N doesn’t hear it, his eyes turn to glaze at her. Despite being looking calm and formal on the outside, Amethio’s heart pounds a little faster when he looks at Y/N. He keeps his eyes glued on her for a few seconds before swiftly turning to back to the Brave Olivine.

The four of them get really near to the airship and are soon at the wing deck. They start breaking through the forcefield on it, managing to get on board and get off of their Pokémon. Amethio fixes his hair from to the rain while Y/N sneezes from the coldness. He noticed that and turns to look at her, a bit concerned.

“Don’t catch a cold now, Y/N.” Amethio says as their group starts trying to get Liko. He puts hand on Y/N’s shoulder, Y/N smiles at him nods. She puts her own hand on top of his to assure him she will be fine. “I know, and… I won’t, I promise.”

Lighting strikes around the Brave Olivine as the Explorers walk up the stairs of the airship. Amethio helps with Y/N to getting up due to the condition, being unsteady from the weather.

“Watch your step, be more careful, Y/N” He says, holding Y/N hand and keeping it like that for as long as possible before he has to let go. She chuckles at his overprotective, amused that Amethio cares so much. Y/N wanted to tease him but, she thought she had done enough of that… for one day.

They enter a door to where Liko is with some Pokémon, who are visibly frightened. They draw near her, Sprigatito meowing at them angrily. Amethio and Y/N get more close to her while their associates stay behind them, their glazes stayed on Liko.

”Why did you run away from us, Liko?” Y/N politely asks and bends down to get to Liko’s height but Liko doesn’t try to make eye contact with them. “I don’t know but…”

“But you do think you can trust the people on this airship?” Amethio interrupts Liko, which makes her a little annoyed by his comment. “I don’t know.” Y/N looks at him with an angered look since Y/N is trying a friendly approach with Liko but turns back. 

“The pendant you’re wearing… May I know what was that light?” Y/N tries putting her hand on Liko’s shoulder so she can lower the tension but pulls back. “…I don’t know either… “ Liko’s voice seems more calm from Y/N’s soft tone.

”You’re full of things you don’t know, aren’t you?” The tone switch after Amethio’s comeback from Liko for not knowing anything. Onia’s arms crossed and Amethio’s hand on his hip. Y/N sighs and gives up on trying to be gentle with Liko, standing back up.

“I guess. But I do know one thing.” Liko replies with some intensity in her voice. “Oh?” He says, Liko turning to Amethio and gives him a glare. “I sure don’t trust you. Not in the slightest… not even her.” Liko looks at Y/N, clearly talking about her.

Sprigatito meows angrily once more and tries lunging at Amethio but Onia easily holds them back. “Wow. What a naughty little Pokémon you are.” Onia comments as she drags Sprigatito away from Amethio, the Pokémon squirming. The two subordinates smirking from at Sprigatito, who was still trying to attack one of their leaders.

“Sprigatito! Stop it. If it’s the pendant you want, you can have it. Just put Sprigatito down!” Liko immediately getting up from her position, scared of what the Explorers are going to do to her partner. Y/N feels a bit guilty, looking at Liko. She looks her back but with a begging look. “Please…”

Y/N does a sigh and looks at Onia. “Let go of her please.” Onia instantly drops the Pokémon, following her Y/N’s order. “Yes, Miss Y/N!” Sprigatito quickly runs back to Liko, getting picked up into a hug.

“At first, our target was just the pendant. But… it seems like your amulet has a secret behind it from what we saw early. And it looks like, that secret has some connection on you, Liko. So unfortunately for you, you’re going to have to come with us… my apologies.” Y/N explains, Liko’s face saddens and look at the rest of the Pokémon, she thinks on what to do.

“Well?” Amethio questions and Liko turns back to them once she has come up with her response. “I will come with you.” Y/N nods and gives Liko her hand to help her get up, which Liko takes. She turns to the airship’s Pokémon. “Everything’s gonna be all right now, okay?” The Pokémon whimper from Liko leaving.

The five of them walk down the stairs and head to the Wing Deck. A pink haired woman named Mollie, who’s from the Brave Olivine, sees what’s happening. “Oh, no! Liko!” She tries stopping them and gets up from what she was doing before but before anyone can do anything…

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” Friede swoops down like he did last time, but this time, with a Pikachu. “Here we go.” Mollie says and Friede looks at her. “Look after the Pokémon!” He demands and Mollie nods as she runs to them. “On it!”

Friede has his attention on the Explorers and Liko. Onia and Zirc take out their pokéballs, grunting and getting ready for a Pokémon battle. Y/N blocks them with her hand to stop their comrades, smiling. “We can handle this.” Both of them slightly gasp once again but follow her order. Liko tilts her body to look at Friede with a worried expression. “Don’t do this. It’s okay!”

”You can relax. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you and Sprigatito.” Friede gets off of his Charizard, lifting his pilot goggles to his head as he walks towards them. “So you guys are part of this “Explorers” group I keep hearing such great things about, eh?” Y/N looks at Friede bit offended from being sarcastic but it’s hardly noticeable.

“I am Amethio.” He introduces and Friede follows up. “Hey there again, buddy! What about you? Miss elegant lady? I gotta know who was battling with me, so gracefully!” Friede says, looking at Y/N.

”I’m Y/N, do forgive us for being so… forward. We didn’t mean for such a… bold first greeting.” Friede chuckles at her and Amethio frowns at him. “No problem, my name’s Friede, a.k.a. leader of the Rising Volt Trackers.”

”Can’t be much of a leader if you’d fly right into a storm.” Amethio says with much coldness, yet appearing emotionless. “You boarded my ship without permission, pal!” Friede replies back at Amethio.

”Now that we’ve gotten what we came here for, we’ll be leaving now, Friede.” Y/N’s head turns to look at Liko. Friede walks towards her, making her face him. “Uh, I’m afraid that’s not gonna happen.” Both Friede and Y/N glare at each other.

“Well then, gentleman, shall we continue what we started earlier?” Friede smiles. “That’s the spirit! I expected nothing less from Miss elegant lady!” Y/N smirks and lets Amethio be in front of her. “Oh, but not with me, it’s my other coworker turn… if that’s alright with you?” Y/N looks at both them, Friede giving a thumbs up for approval and Amethio nods.

”Alright then, Charizard, return!” Friede takes out his pokéball for his Charizard and he starts walks to the other side of the battle field that the Brave Olivine had. The Explorers and Liko go somewhere else that would get in the way of the Pokémon battle but, Y/N keeps by Amethio’s side to stay closer to him. “What is the meaning of this?” Amethio questions.

“What do you think? All right, Cap, let’s go!” Friede chooses his Pikachu instead of his Charizard, making Amethio saw it as a taunt. “Pikachu? You should not take me lightly.” Amethio’s eye twitches, unimpressed with Friede’s partner he picked. “Right back at you, my friend!”

”Hm. Friede’s right. Don’t let your guard down just because he is using a Pikachu. You never know what your opponent’s capable of.” Y/N crosses her arms and looks at Amethio, him scoffing. “You hear that Amethio? Even your girl agrees with me!”

Y/N blushes a bit, Amethio doing the same but gives Friede a death glare. “She’s not my- never mind. I won’t be pulling any punches.” Amethio brings out his Ceruledge. “Well, speaking of punches. Go, Cap! Use Thunder punch!” Pikachu starts off with the first move, which Ceruledge parries it without issue. “That barely scratched Ceruledge.”

”Next! Use double team!” Friede has Pikachu use for the second move. “Ceruledge, use Psycho Cut!” Ceruledge tries to deal with the copies with their move but one gets behind them. “And now, use Thunder Punch!” Friede orders to his Pikachu, about to attack.

”Quickly, Bitter Blade!” Ceruledge stops the Pikachu but it turns out to be a fake one. This leaving Amethio, Y/N, and Ceruledge surprised but Friede laughs. The real Pikachu is revealed to be standing on top of the Brave Olivine, summoning a thunderbolt that strikes them and getting powered up. Y/N and Amethio shield their eyes due to the bright light from the electric energy. “Such a brilliance shine, Friede’s Pikachu is glowing…!” Y/N says, trying to take a peek.

“Looking great, Cap! Go! Use Volt Tackle!” Friede points to Ceruledge, which his Pikachu powerful rammed into them. “No, Ceruledge, use Pyscho Cut!” Amethio orders to fight back, but it ends up missing on accident. It strikes the room with all the other Pokémon are in, causing smoke, everyone looking concerned.

“Stop it! Please stop!” Liko interrupts the Pokémon battle, walking in the middle of the battle field and then stops once she’s there. “I just- I don’t want to cause you any more problems.” Liko looks at Friede with guilt that she’s harming the Pokémon and the airship.

“Huh? What are you saying, exactly?” Friede confusingly questions at Liko. “I just don’t want anyone getting hurt ‘cause of me.” Liko replies and while at a distance, Mollie tries getting out the Pokémon from that place that was damaged.

”Miss Liko… Friede, she’s agreeing that she will come with us, there’s no use in other arguments now that she has come to her decision.” Y/N says, walking towards and Liko looks at Y/N, ready to surrender to her. “Y/N… please, I’m sure Sprigatito feels the same.”

Liko tries to comfort her Pokémon with a pet on the head but Sprigatito jumps out of her arms, causing Liko to fall onto the ground. Her Pokémon deciding overwise and starts crying out to Liko with determination to fight back.

Seeing Sprigatito not giving up, Liko realizes she has been lying to herself. Tears form a bit in her eyes but they go away quickly. Her partner facing Y/N, Amethio, and Ceruledge as they walk up to Sprigatito.

They are then stopped when Liko gets infront of them, standing up for herself. “All right! Let’s go!” Mustering up all the confidence she has, Liko takes a deep breath and yells. “Use Leafage!” 

Sprigatito erupts an unusually powerful move, which was aimed at Amethio, who was caught off guard since he was thinking it would be normal or weak. Y/N gasps, noticing itfaster than him. “Amethio!” She pushes him out the way but it causes her to be on top of them, which Amethio flushes from the position they are in.

Ceruledge manages to protect his trainer and Y/N from the Leafage. The move’s intensity shocks everyone from its power, Liko feeling proud of herself and her partner for finally using a move properly like that together.

The attack being strong enough to shatter the forcefield around the Wing Deck, but it also allows the stormy winds to come in. Onia and Zirc grunting, spending out their Skarmory which they plan use when they leave.

The people starting get blow off the airship, Y/N and Amethio get up with each other’s help. Friede catches Liko from falling off but is unable with her Sprigatito. “Oh, no!”

Y/N takes this opportunity of their situation and grab on to Sprigatito in her arms. “Sprigatito! Please don’t do this, Y/N!”

Y/N feels bad for Liko but takes out her F/P/N, Amethio doing the same with his Corviknight. With their Pokémon in the air, their other teammates come for them as well. “What now, Amethio and Y/N?” Zirc asks with Amethio’s Ceruledge.

“This storm is gonna swallow us up, Miss Y/N and Amethio, sir!” Onia adds up as Y/N tries holding on tight with Sprigatito in one hand while the other on F/P/N. Amethio looks at Y/N then looking at the situation. “Time to retreat, hold on tight, Y/N.” Amethio orders and Y/N nods.

“Sir!” Onia and Zirc follow as the Explorers flee away. “Sprigatito! Sprigatito!” Liko cries out, helpless watching her Pokémon get kidnapped while Friede still holds on her in place.

What’s up! Tell me if you enjoyed the second chapter! If you have questions, feedback, or anything… bah bah, you know what that, no need for me to yap about it again. Just check for the first chapter to see what I was talking about, I’m too tired to text anymore since I hurt two of my fingers so I did write this with injuries, wahh! 

It was a paper cut and a hangnail I pulled too much… guess is the one I did on purpose… and lowkey kinda enjoyed doing, bro I just sounds WEIRD. Anyways, I haven’t had a paper cut in so long so when I got it… IT REMINDED ME OF HOW MUCH IT HURTS, like I might be over dramatic but… still!

I’m so sad! Jk jk, but it did hurt. So for now, I’ll try not to do that again… no promises since I’m pretty clumsy lol. Anyways, have a nice day/night and I’ll see you in the third one!

*Reader sitting between Charlie and Alastor on the couch. Charlie shushes Reader and Alastor as they snicker over the costumes*

Angel: Oh I'm a bad man on the streets who never got enough hugs

Reader: *Leaning against Alastor and whispering teasingly* Is that why you're a bad man, Al? Not enough hugs?~

Alastor: *Whispering back with a soft grin* Oh, I got enough hugs from my mother and my Darling

Reader: *Freezes as her heart drops* Your Darling?

Alastor: *Chuckles amused while pulling her close* Don't you worry your pretty little head, that was... a long time ago *Pain flashes in his eyes before he smiles softly at Reader* I've found my happiness again *Rests his chin on her head*

Reader: *Blushes fiercely* Wai-! *Startles when Angel shouts*

Angel: Wow! Who wrote this?Charlie: It's great, right? Keep going

Angel: Hey you.

Pentious: Who, me?~

Alastor: *Lean close to Reader's ear* I thought Angel was an actor?

Reader: *Leaning back against his chest* To be fair, most of his lines are just "Daddy" and moaning

Alastor: Hmm... *Squints in disgust*

Angel: Yeah, you look like a kid who could use some Devil's Dandruff. Oh, for fuck's sake

Reader: *Whispering* I'm using that from now on

Alastor: *Quietly* It's better than White Mule

Charlie: Shhh~ *Waving at Reader and Alastor*

Pentious: Not me. I have to go home and study.

Angel: Come on kid, it'll make you cool like me... the crackhead...

Reader: *Baffled mumbling* Who just calls themselves-?

Alastor: *Muttering against the side of her head* We called them Beezer

Reader: *Quickly covers her mouth*

Pentious: The only cool thing here is to say no to drugs. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage!

Reader: What... What did I just watch? *Looking up at Alastor* What was the point of this?

Alastor: Who truly knows what goes on in her head *Watches Charlie congratulate Pentious and Angel walk away*

Reader: *Moving to stand* Angel-?

Alastor: *Holding her back* Best to give him time, dear

Reader: *Glancing at the stairs* But-

Alastor: No butts *Picks her up* It's time for a broadcast!

Reader: Wha- Hey! *Struggling* Alastor!

*Alastor takes her away through his shadows*

☆

*Walks in just as Pentious hugs Charlie and Vaggie*

Pentious: -my best friends!

Reader: *Raising an eyebrow* We doing late night group hugs now?

Angel: Nope, but the snake was going to explain this *Moves the book to reveal the very poorly hidden camera*

Reader: Oh! *Eyes widening*

Pentious: Ah! Ah! Abort! Abort! S.O.S. Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!!

Vox: Pentious? ... Wait... You were caught?! *Laughing* It hasn't even been a day!

Reader: *Scowling as she recognizes the cruel voice*

Pentious: Please, you've got to get me out of here!

Vox: I can't believe we thought you could handle even something this simple. Do us a favor, if they don't kill you, go ahead and do it yourself, you miserable failure.

Reader: *Growling softly before stopping when she sees Pentious' tears* Oh hun...

Pentious: I... I... Just make it quick, I guess. Not that I deserve it.

Reader: *Moving next to Charlie and sharing a worried expression*

Vaggie: Gladly

Charlie: Wait... Pentious?

*Both Charlie and Reader move up to Pentious and hold out their hands*

Charlie: It starts with sorry~

Reader: That's your foot in the door~

Reader and Charlie: *Helping him up* one simple sorry~

Charlie: Spoken straight from your core *Her hand on his chest*

Reader and Charlie: *Reader taking Charlie's hand and twirling her across the room* The path to forgiveness is a twisting trail of hearts. But sorry is where it starts~ *Holding hands while their free hands are held out to Pentious*

Pentious: Who could forgive a dirtbag like me? I don't deserve your amnesty *Falling to the floor dramatically*

Angel and Vaggie: *Holding weapons* Can't we just kill him Shoot him and spill his blood?

Charlie: That's an option you could choose

Angel and Vaggie: Works for us

Reader: But who hasn't been in his shoes? *Places a hand on Angel's shoulder while Charlie places one on Vaggie's*

Charlie: It starts with sorry *Take Pentious' hand and twirls him*

Pentious: Sorry

Reader: Dig down deeper and say *Wraps her arms around Charlie and Pentious' shoulders, pulling them close* one sincere sorry~ *Picks up Charlie with one arm and takes Pentious' hand dancing around him before moving him to Vaggie and Angel*

Pentious: I'm so sorry~ *Falls into Vaggie and Angel's arms*

Charlie: And your journey's underway *Hops out of Reader's arms before taking both Reader and Pentious' hands and the three of them spinning in a circle holding hands*

All three: It'll take time to cover your/my vast multitude of sins. But sorry is where it begins. It starts with sorry~

*Charlie and Reader shoulder to shoulder as the girls gaze proudly up at Pentious and Pentious smiling appreciatively down at the girls*

Niffty: I hated that song! *Smol angry*

Reader: Niff?

Niffty: Why are you so lame? Not a bad boy. *Kicks Pentious*

Reader: Niffty! *Scolding her and about to follow*

Charlie: *Stopping Reader from following Niffty before sighing happily* Good first day. Let's get some rest.

Reader: *Letting the others leave first before turning to the abandoned watch. She picks it up and turns it on* Vox was it?

Vox: What!? Wait... that voice... *Glaring at Reader* You're the bitch who was with Alastor! *Gripping his side of the screen* What's your relationship with him!?!

*Before Reader can speak, Alastor appears over her shoulder. His hand holding her hand that's gripping the watch*

Alastor: She's my new partner~ *He purr while smirking wickedly*

Vox: *Freezes before short-circuiting* WHAT!?!

Alastor: You'll have to try harder to infiltrate than this next time, ol' pal. *Takes the watch and crushes it before laughing maniacally while Vox rages*

Reader: ... he was kind of cute *Smirks mischievously before booking it out of there*

Alastor: What! *Chases after her* Get back here so I can wash that filthy mouth with soap!

*Reader only squeals and runs faster*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist

*Alastor and Reader head down the stairs arm and arm as Charlie shows Pentious around*

Charlie: Over here we have our maid Niffty

Niffty: *Gasps* The bad boy is back *Jumps onto Pentious* Never leave me again

Reader: *Whispering to Alastor* She's not the type to lock people in her basement, right?

*Alastor just grins wider as he continues down the stairs*

Reader: Alastor? *Following him slightly panicked* Al?!

Charlie: And over here we here- Oh, uh, Alastor, our gracious Facility Manager! And- *Gasps excitedly with sparkling eyes* Y/N!! You look so good!!

Reader: *Blushes and brushes a curl out of her face* Thanks, Alastor picked everything out * Smiles at Alastor gratefully* He thought me being a deer demon would help discourage others from coming near me

Alastor: *Slipping his hand around Reader's waist* Smart sinners know not to mess with the Radio Demon *Glares at Pentious*

Charlie: Oh right, Sir Pentious here is our newest guest, you remember him?

Reader: *Gasps excitedly* The inventor!

Pentious: *Looks at Reader confused* Aren't you that same girl from before? *Looks her over, squinting* You look different...

Reader: *Shrugs* Ooh, you know, got a makeover~ *Grins mischievously*

*Pentious smiles a little more hope at meeting another kind soul before flinching under Alastor's glare*

Alastor: Hmm, yes. You're the one who ruined my coat

Reader: *Muttering out of the side of her mouth* That you didn't fix *She squeaks softly when Alastor pinches her side*

Alastor: Í̸͉ ̵̺͠d̵͂ͅë̵̘́f̶̨̚ḭ̵͘n̵̺͘i̷̦̇t̸̲̄e̴̢͗l̸̺̈́ỳ̷̖ ̸̯̑r̸̥͗e̷͉̕m̸̥̓ē̴̺m̵̡̑b̵̍ͅe̷͕͠r̴̟͋ ̷̰̉y̸̟̅o̷̘͝ù̷̱ ̶̗͒n̸̙̄o̷͍͆ẁ̸̼

*All three gulp... though one of them for a different reason entirely*

Charlie: Well, I guess this is a great time for your first lesson: "How to apologize". The first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong

Reader: *Raising an eyebrow* Charlie most toddlers know that lesson

Alastor: *Smirking* Not a certain toddler we just spoke to~

*Both snicker while Charlie and Pentious exchange confused glances*

Charlie: Um, well, it's a review then, *Pushing Pentious closer to Alastor* Why don't you give it a try?

Pentious: Yes, um... Mr, um, Radio Demon, sir, please forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very lovely coat... Um, here... *Holds out the scrap of coat to Alastor*

Alastor: Oh-ho, not many people have been able to take even this much off me. It must have meant quite a lot to you. *Ignites the scrap*

*Both Charlie and Pentious stare in shock as Reader takes a deep breath as to not burst into laughter. After Charlie drags Pentious away, Alastor flicks the scrap to put out the fire before turning to Reader and pressing it to her throat. With a snap of his fingers the scrap turns into a bowtie similar to his but with the same eye from his staff top in the middle*

Alastor: There, now whenever you need me just hold onto this and call for me~

Reader: ... I'm going to call you for every mundane problem imaginable *Smirks mischievously, challenging him*

Alastor: *Smirking back and leaning close enough to brush their noses together* Good~ *He purrs before sauntering away*

Reader: *Red faced* Damn it...

☆

*Reader sitting in Angel's lap as he plays with her new ears and tail*

Reader: *Giggling* "Don't mess with the hair, babycakes"~ *She teases his own words back at him*

Angel: Don't tempt me, sugar *He grins before frowning when Charlie steps in front of the fireplace*

Charlie: Now! With a new resident, I think it's important we all get to know each other-

Reader: Oh! *Holds out her hand to Angel* Name's Y/N, pleasure to meet you~

Angel: *Grinning and shaking her hand while purring* Angel Dust, pleasure's all you'll ever experience with me~

*Reader snorts and laughs into Angel's shoulder as Vaggie groans, Pentious blushes, and Charlie glares at us playfully with a smile*

Charlie: Not like that, we're going to play a little game. Everyone, follow me. My name is Charlie *Claps* I like to sing *Claps* And when we get to know each other, it's the greatest thing! *Claps before gesturing to Pentious*

Reader: *Whispering to Vaggie* She's too cute

Vaggie: *Grumbling back* And she knows she is *Sighs softly*

Pentious: *Points to himself* My name's Sir Pentious *Claps* I like to build *Claps* And despite my stupid Egg Bois, I think I'm very skilled *Claps. Both Charlie and him gesture towards Reader and Angel*

Reader: *Notices Angel doesn't want to participate* Oh, uh, My name is Y/N *Claps* I like to knit *Claps*

Angel: *Smirking mischievously as he takes over Reader's turn* And despite my denial, I'm a massive simp! *Takes Reader's wrists and makes her clap*

Reader: Wha- I- you-! .... *Sighs in defeat before mumbling* Yeah...

*Charlie and Angel laugh while Vaggie shakes her head in disappointment and Pentious looks at everyone confused*

Reader: *Glares at Angel and pokes his cheek* Your turn, gorgeous

Angel: *Immediately sours* This is stupid

Reader: *With furrowed brows* Angie?

Charlie: This is not stupid *Claps* it's just the game *Claps* Sir Pentious and Y/N did it well so now please try to do the same *Claps*

Angel: I am too sober for this

Vaggie: Well, get used to it and learn how to play. This is going to be your whole day. *Claps*

☆

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist

Alastor: Come along, my dear *Carrying Reader bridal style to the second floor balcony*

Reader: Do I get a choice in the matter? *Crossing her arms with an amused eyebrow raise*

Alastor: Nope! *Grins wider as he get Reader to laugh*

*Alastor sets Reader down by the table and pulls out her chair for her*

Reader: What a gentleman *Coos teasingly*

Alastor: Only for you, my sweet *Pushes her chair in before taking his own seat. He snaps his fingers and summons his voodoo minions to bring out coffee for them both*

Reader: *Reading her mug that says, "Sa biche". Raising an eyebrow confused* What does it say?

Alastor: Don't worry about?~ *Sips from his mug that says, "Son cerf"*

["Sa biche" - "His doe" "Son cerf" - "Her deer". If someone knows French better, please help]

☆

*Reader is trembling in Alastor's lap after the explosion while Alastor is as calm as can be sipping from his mug*

*Minutes before*

《Reader: *Happily listening to Alastor ramble before noticing the airship coming towards the hotel* Uhh... Al?

Alastor: Oh it seems we have a guest *Airship fires at the hotel* Or not!》

Sir Pentious: Show yourself, Alastor! Come and face- Oh, there you are... *Sees Reader in his lap* Um... am I interrupting something-?

Reader: *Blush fiercely before hopping off of Alastor's lap and brushing off her clothes* Nope! Please continue!

Pentious: Oh, alright *Clears throat* Face my wrath!

Alastor: Who are you?

Reader: Pfft, seriously? *She whispers only for Alastor to wink and take her hand as they travels down through his shadows to the front where the others are*

Pentious: Who am I? Who am I? I am the great Sir Pentious! Inventor, architect of destruction, villain extraordinaire!

Reader: Inventor? *Getting excited*

Alastor: *Narrowing his eyes before Niffty suddenly jumps onto his shoulders*

Niffty: Ooh, he's a bad boy. *Gets picked up and handed to Reader who holds her tight*

Alastor: Huh, well if all that's true, you'd think I'd have heard of you.

Pentious: I attacked you literally last week

Alastor: *Tilting his head with squinted eyes*

Reader: It was hilarious *She pokes Alastor's cheek, muttering* Stop being cute *Her eye widen as she quickly pulls her hand away to avoid Alastor's attempt at biting her finger* Oi!

Pentious: *Still flabbergasted* We've done battle, like 20 times.

Alastor: Well, you must have been really bad at this.

Reader: If they were anything like last time, that's not surprising

Pentious: Silence! Now cower! For when I've slain you, the almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me as their equal!

Niffty: Oooh, wait...

Niffty and Reader: *In sync as they look at Alastor* Who are the Vees?

Alastor: Oh, nobody important.

☆

*Alastor laughing insanely as his tentacles attack the airship*

Reader: It's like a Kraken attack *Grins amused as she watches*

Charlie: Um, Alastor? I think he's had enough.

Angel: Nah, he's got a few more hits in 'im!

Reader: To be fair, he's only hitting the ship

*Pentious falls out of the ship and cracks the ground*

Reader: *Winces* Oh, that's got to hurt *Moves to check on him before Alastor blocks her with his staff*

Alastor: Thanks for another forgettable experience.

Pentious: Thank... you... for letting your guard down! *Rips off a piece of Alastor's coat* Haha! Yah!.... Oh, shit.

*Alastor blasts Pentious away with a huge explosion*

Alastor: Well, it looks as though we need a visit to the tailor. *Grabs Reader's hand and linking their arms together* Best of luck, chums

Reader: Wait, we? My clothes aren't ripped?

Alastor: No, but your little sinner disguise *Flicks the paper mache horns on Reader head* is absolutely dreadful

Charlie: Hey! *Pouting since she's the one who made it*

Vaggie: Wait. You're leaving? Alastor, we need your help. We need you to do your job.

Angel: We need a wall

Reader: Oh yeah, forgot about that... *Finally seeing the broken wall* Al?

Alastor: Of course. Can't let my new project fall into disrepair already. What would the papers say?

Reader: "How safe can the Hazbin Hotel be from an Extermination if they can't even protect themselves from average sinners?"

Alastor: *Boops Reader's nose* Exactly! *Snaps his fingers to summon his minions again before twirling Reader and him around to leave*

Reader: Uh, see you guys later? *Waves over her shoulder*

~Episode 1~

Reader: *knitting* Gotta love knitting needles! I can make a scarf. I can make mittens. I can stab somebody's eyes out. I can make a plushie...

Angel: What was that middle part?

Reader: I can make mittens!

Alastor: Oh?~ Might I get a scarf?

☆

*Reader chilling in the lobby as she knits Alastor's scarf when Niffty zips in with tailor's tape*

Niffty: Y/N!~ *Pushing Reader's knittings out of her hands before grabbing her wrist and pulling her to stand up. She whips out the measuring tape and starts taking Reader's measurements*

Reader: Uhhh..? You making me something, sugarpie? *Holding still with her arms out*

Niffty: Yes! Got to make your wedding dress! *Climbing all over Reader as she measures*

Reader: My wedding dress? *Turns her head towards Niffty only for Niffty to turn it back so she can keep measuring* I'm not engaged?

Niffty: Not yet! He's just being weirdly shy~ *Leans over Reader's shoulders to look at her with a sharp grin* You must be super special to have his affection so fast! *Jumps off Reader and dusts herself off* Which is shocking cause he's always talking about his late wife and how much he misses her

Reader: Late wife? Niffty what are you going on about?

Niffty: No time! I got a dress to make! *Zips off*

Reader: I- wha- Huh!?

Husk: *At the bar with a glass* Ignore her, she gets random phases and obsessions with wedding around this time. Hell, she was bugging Charlie and Vaggie earlier about wedding dresses too

Reader: ... uh... huh.. Alrighty then *Goes back to her knitting*

☆

Reader: Shoot! Sorry... again *Winces as she corrects her feet... for the 15th time*

*Waltz music plays from Alastor's staff as Alastor leads Reader through the steps*

Alastor: It's more than alright, my dear *Has never been more amused in his life*

Reader: *Raising her eyebrow confused* What are you so giddy about? First you drag me into a dance that I have no idea how to perform and now you're acting like teaching me to dance is the biggest brag right of the century!

Alastor: *Chuckles smugly* Oh my Darling Dear, you have no idea~

*Before Reader can question him further Alastor picks up the pace as his staff plays a faster song*

Reader: Whoa! Wait-! Hold on!! *Struggling to keep up*

Alastor: If you have time to talk then clearly I'm not pushing you hard enough!~

*Laughs maniacally as Reader sputters in protest*

~

*After hours of dancing, Reader is sprawled out on the floor of Alastor's radio tower as he hums innocently*

Alastor: Well, since your legs are now useless how about we work on your singing now?

Reader: What?! Why? *Panicking as she crawls backwards towards the exit hatch*

Alastor: *Smirking wickedly as he raises his hands to grab her* Oh ho?~ Even singing?

*Terrified screams and maniacal laughter are all that can be heard from the radio tower by the others. Who at this point are way to used to Alastor and Reader's antics... and have burst into the tower only to see they're fine way to many times*

☆

Vaggie: Alright, show me your fighting stance *Her hands on her hips*

*Reader had asked Vaggie to teach her how to fight incase another incident, like the one in the Heaven Embassy, happens again. Both girls are wearing tight clothes with their hair up and out of their faces*

Reader: uh... *Spreads her legs and holds up her fake practice knife*

Vaggie: ... *Pinches the bridge of her nose* We're going to be here for a while...

Reader: This is going to be like dancing leasons, isn't it? *Already dreading this*

Vaggie: *Smirks* Worse

Reader: Eh! *Holding the fake knife to her chest for protection*

~

*Vaggie carries a completely dead on her feet Reader back into the hotel*

Charlie: *Rushing over concerned* Is she okay? Was it all to much?

Vaggie: She's fine, hun *Setting Reader down on the couch* She's surprisingly agile, apparently Alastor's been giving her dance lessons. It's a major help in her form

Charlie: *Eyes sparkling* Dance lessons?!~ That's soooo cute!

Vaggie: Calm down, hun, you're starting to sound like Niffty. They aren't even dating

Charlie: But Vaggie! A wedding would be so fun! Think what it could do for the hotel! *Spreading her hands apart with a rainbow appearing between* Find your happy ending at the Hazbin Hotel~

Vaggie: Babe, we're a redemption hotel not a wedding venue

Charlie: Still... *Pouts*

*Charlie and Reader getting back to the hotel, Reader's arm still around her shoulder until Vaggie runs up. Reader squeezes her shoulder before heading over to the others*

Reader: You guys look cozy~ *Ruffles Angel's hair before rushing over to Alastor just in time to avoid Angel's swing*

Alastor: Welcome back, my dear *He pulls Reader down to sit on the arm of his chair like Niffty is doing on the couch*

Angel: *Grumbling as his fixes his hair* Don't mess with the hair, babycakes

*Reader and Angel sticking their tongues out at each other as Charlie and Vaggie show up*

Vaggie: Alastor pulled some strings, and it's about to air

Alastor: I pulled a few limbs too! Hahaha!

Reader: *Smirking* Yours or theirs?

Alastor: Dinners~ *Both snicker as the others, but Niffty, cringe in disgust*

Charlie: Wait? The commercial?

Reader: *Leaning towards Alastor* The one we made?

Alastor: *Whispering back with an eye roll* Unfortunately, no~

Charlie: You all made a new one?

Angel: Yeah, one of my better performances, if I do say so myself.

Reader: Hear, hear! *Raises her fist in agreement*

Angel: Hey! My work performances are great! *Glares at Reader*

Reader: You're great but the writing is terrible *Cringes and shudders at the memory of having to sit through Angel's movies*

Charlie: Oh! It's starting! *Eyes sparkling*

*The commercial starts*

Reader: *Leaning against Alastor who rests his cheek on top of Reader's head* You're not facing the camera...

Alastor: Made a deal

Reader: Nice

*Commercial gets cut and Vaggie, Charlie, and Angel get angry but Reader snorts*

Reader: That's TV for you *Sighs*

Alastor: Mhm *Rolls his eyes*

*The news explaining how the extermination is happening sooner*

Angel: Wait... What? Why?!

Reader and Charlie: *Share a look before saying in sync* Adam's a bitch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

☆

Adam: -when you take her out for the fifth time and she still expects you to pay the check, but you're like, "Hey I thought you wanted equality"

Reader: Punch her, if women can punch men, men can punch women.

Reader and Adam: *High-fiving* Equality!

Charlie: *Groans in frustration because they've been going back and forth for a while* No! Our shared problem of overpopulation in Hell.

Adam: Ohh! Well, that's not a problem! We got that covered. Lute, how many demons did you kill this year?

Lute: Gotta a good 275 this year, Sir

Adam: 275? Whoa, Badass!

Reader: *Leaning closer to Charlie, whispering* How many sinners are there in Hell?

Charlie: A lot...

Adam: Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it. *Fist-bumps Lute*

Charlie: Uh, no, not awesome Those are my people you know that, right?

Adam: Ohhh, yeah... That must suck for you. Hahahaha.

Reader: *Narrowing her eyes*

Charlie: But these are souls. Human souls, just the same as the ones you have up in heaven.

Lute: They are not the same. They had their chance and they earned damnation.

Charlie: You're wrong.

Reader: They're still human! It's not always an easy choice! *Standing with Charlie*

Charlie: Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.

Lute: Angel's don't make mistakes.

Reader: Sweetheart, a third of the angels fell with Lucifer *Raise an eyebrow questioning her logic*

Lute: Fools and weaklings who were manipulated by that disgrace!!

Adam: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin' life.

Reader: *Deadpans* Apple

Adam: *Hisses* We don't talk about that!!

Lute: The only reason you're still here is because Daddy gave you and your Hellborn-kind a pardon from an exorcist blade.

Reader: *Muttering to herself confused* Dad? Hellborn?

Lute: How does that feel? To know how little you matter.

*Charlie shrinks into herself and Reader snaps out of her thoughts to wrap an arm around her shoulders*

Reader: Hun?

Adam: Oops, almost out of time. Guess we should get into it-

Charlie: Oh! Fuck!- *Rushes over to Adam* I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time. And I feel like you weren't really hearing me before, so here it goes.

*Charlie starts her song while Reader hands her each drawing before Adam cuts her off with his song*

Adam: -'Cause Hell is forever whether you like it or not

Reader: *Pulling Charlie behind her, muttering* Clearly not forever if you have to kill them... *Pushing Charlie to stay behind her as they back to the door, Reader getting slowly more angry with Adam*

Charlie: *When the other golden Exorcists show up* Where did all of you people come from?

Reader: Stay back! *Pulling out her knife and pointing it at the Exorcists to protect Charlie*

Adam: -Long as I've got your attention, I guess I should probably mention. That we've made the determination. To move up the next extermination. *Pulling out the scroll and horror fills Charlie and Reader*

Charlie: What?!

Reader: You can't!

Adam: Can't wait a whole year to slaughter those little cunts. I know it's just been a week, but we'll be back in six months! *Grabs Reader's wrist and shoves her back, knocking Charlie out of the room too*

Charlie: *Quickly getting up with Reader to rush back to the door* Um, wait, didn't you-

Reader: *Glaring coldly at Adam as the door closes* No wonder you were thrown out of Eden

Adam: *Flinches in hurt but the door slams shut*

Charlie: *Banging on the door* Awh, shit!

Reader: *Clenching her knife before putting it away and helping Charlie up* We wouldn't be following the right path if there wasn't trials at every turn, hun. That's the way of the Christian faith, if it was easy we'd never truly earn our spot in Heaven

Charlie: *Grumbling as she leans against Reader* What am I going to tell the others? Vaggie?

Reader: That Adam's a bitch *Glares at the closed door as they leave the Heaven Embassy*

Charlie: *Gasps but grins* Y/N!~

Reader: Hey, if the shoe fits!

*Both girls laugh as they head back to the hotel*

☆

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Charlie: Right. *Takes a deep breath* So I'm happy we got this opportunity to meet. There's a project I've been working on that I really want to talk to you about-

Adam: Hey, hey, hey, slow down. We got time. How about we get to know each other a little, mm? How about some lunch? You hungry? I got you! Here's my personal favorite. You'll love it. *Holds up his plate of ribs*

Charlie: Uh, thanks! *Reaches for one*

Reader: *Grabs her hand and moves it back* Did you forget their holograms already? *Teases her*

Charlie: *Blushes in embarrassment* Oh... right... *Holds her hand to her chest*

Adam: *Scoffs* Buzzkill

Reader: *Raises an eyebrow unimpressed* Toddler

Adam: You're lucky you're hot *Crosses his arms and pouts*

Reader: Can't say the same *Rolls her eyes*

Adam: What!? *Slams his hands on the table, pissed*

Reader: You're wearing a helmet *She deadpans*

Adam: *Freezes and touches his helmet* Oh... right... well I am so respect it, bitch *Grumbles with his nose in the air*

Reader: Ya ya...

☆

Adam: So I'm playin' this gig, and for some fuckin' reason this virtue chick was diggin' on the drummer

Reader: Makes sense *Casually checking her nails and not really listening*

Adam: What?! How? *Annoyed*

Reader: Some women like the mysterious underdog type *Shrugs* It's a thing with drummers

Adam: Wha-! I can be mysterious! Do you know who I am!?

Reader: No. *Raises an eyebrow*

Adam: I'm fuckin' Adam. I'm the original dick! All dicks descend from me. You think you want drummer dick? No way, I'm the Dick-fuckin' master!

Reader: .... You're Adam?

Adam: *Puffing up his chest* Hell yeah, I am!

Reader: ... The first man ever created?

Adam: Uh yeah, I just said that. *Turns to Lute* I just said that right?

Lute: Yes, Sir.

Charlie: That means you- ohhh... That explains so much... *Cringing*

Reader: Wait, why the fuck are you leading the army!? *Absolutely insulted that he's the commander of the Exorcists* Shouldn't you be like the King of the Winners in Heaven or something? You were in life!

Adam: .... King? *Ego immediately inflating as he grins*

Reader: I mean, if anyone should be the commander it should be David since he's already lead many through impossible wars and won

Charlie: Um, Y/N? *Getting nervous at how excited Adam is getting* Maybe we shouldn't-

Adam: Yeah! And I should be the one in control of everything else! *Grinning as he's already planning to confront Sera about all this. Points at Reader while slamming his hand against the table startling the others* Consider yourself officially forever pardoned from ever being executed in the Exterminations!

Charlie: What?!

Lute: What!?

*Adam snaps a picture of Reader and sends it to the other Exorcists to never hurt her, no exceptions*

Reader: Oh, uh, cool *Had been too distracted by her ramblings to understand how she got a free pass*

Charlie: *Jumping in* Well, Adam, sir. Mr. Adam, Sir.

Adam: Call me Dickmaster. No! *Snaps his fingers* King Dickmaster~

Charlie: *Done with his ego* Adam, you seem like a smart- well, stand up guy.

Adam: Uh-huh *Could careless about what Charlie has to say at this point and only wants Reader to tell him more about how awesome of a king he could be*

Charlie: And I know you are the leader of the angels. And you are a big thinker, a revolutionary, a-a genius!

Adam: I mean, your words, babe *Okay with this praise so far*

Charlie: Who would really love to put his name on something.

Adam: Fucking love putting my name on shit. Shit's the best.

Reader: *Raises an eyebrow and glances at Lute who just glares at her*

Charlie: It's a solution to our biggest problem!

Adam: Oh, herpes. Yeah, that's a bitch.

Reader: It's only gotten worse

Adam: Oh shit, really?

Charlie: No! Our other biggest problem.

Adam: oh, uh... ugly people?... Math? Global warming? Nah, wait that's Earth's problem. Umm

Reader: Pedophiles? Karens?

Adam: Oooh yeah, those too

Charlie: Y/N~ *Whining as Reader isn't helping in this*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Charlie and Reader enter the Heaven Embassy and look around the empty building*

Charlie: Hellooo?~

Reader: Oh! *Rushes ahead, spinning around so she can see everything* This place is beautiful!

Charlie: *Smiling softly at Reader's excitement but whispers sheepishly* I would have gone with creepy more but...

Reader: Oh no, it being completely empty is really creepy

*Charlie sighes in relief*

Reader: But it's so pretty!~ *Runs around to look at everything*

Charlie: *Walks up to the front desk and rings the bell causing the sign in scroll to appear* Oh, okay. Also creepy... *Signs the scroll before handing the feather to Reader*

Reader: *Raising an eyebrow amused* Fancy. I hope this meeting won't be too uptight, we're hardly dressed for the occasion

*Both girls giggle as they head into the open door*

Charlie: Uhh, hello?

Reader: Can you stop with the suspense? It's getting old!

Adam: *Lights turn on* 'Sup.

Charlie: Holy shit! *Trips*

Reader: *Wraps her arms around Charlie's waist to catch her* Whoa there *Sighs in relief before pulling her close to get her back on her feet*

Adam: *Snaps his fingers and points at Reader and Charlie practically hugging* Hot

Reader: *Snaps her head towards Adam* What!?

Charlie: *Quickly fixes herself up* Hi, I'm Charlie and this is Y/N. My dad asked me if I could meet you.

Adam: *Ignoring Reader's confused glare* Yeah, I know.

Charlie: Okay, well, it's nice to meet you. *Holding out her hand to shake his*

Adam: Totally. Nice to meet you, too. *Reaches out to shake Charlie's only for it to phase through* Ha! I fucking got you. Did you fuckin' see that? *Lute nods* Good shit.

Reader: Great, so this will be a different type of "uptight" *Rolls her eyes as she stands next to Charlie*

Adam: Hey! I'm the most loose, laid-back guy I know *Glares at Reader*

Reader: *Smirks wickedly* Oh?~ *Narrows her eyes mockingly* Is that how they got the stick so far up?~

*Shocked silence with Charlie about to pull out her hair and Lute about ready to kill Reader before Adam grins*

Adam: Ha! I like this bitch *Points at Reader* She can dish it!

Charlie: *Deflating in relief before remembering what happened* Uh, so wait, you aren't here?

Adam: No, you think I'd come down there? *Laughs* No. I mean, I love the vibe, totally, I love your tunes. Pretty fuckin' hardcore, don't get me wrong. But, it's such a bummer, man. Everything down there's just so "eugh" ya know? *Chuckles* Ew.

Reader: *Looking away from Charlie uncomfortably* Can't say I blame him...

Adam: See! *Gestures to Reader* Even one of your own thinks so!

Reader: *Grins sheepishly and shrugs apologetically at Charlie* It really needs cleaning up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Charlie: *Singing* There's just no way I could blow it. Not this once in a lifetime chance~

Reader: *Raising an eyebrow while looking at Alastor and Angel* What is with you guys and singing all the time? *Furrows her eyebrows as the boys look at her amused* I always figured that be a Heaven thing

☆

*After Charlie essentially throws Vaggie towards the stairs, she grabs Reader's hand and drags her along to the meeting*

Charlie: There's a warm fuzzy feeling that wafts through the air~

Reader: Pretty sure that's the fires *Following along*

Charlie: Every street so revealing, it's hard not to stare~

Reader: *Immediately covers her eyes and pulls her away*

Charlie: It's a realm so appealing it beats anywhere. If you don't mind the smell.

Reader: *Sighing and pulling her along as the song continues. Helping Charlie up onto the car before she pulls Reader up too*

Charlie: If I can show them the dream I've dreamed that any soul can change. Then they will know everyone can be redeemed from the evil to the strange~

Reader: God's all about miracles *Shrugs as she takes Charlie's hand to help her down. Charlie drags her down the street singing about all the sinners around before they jump onto the mail truck*

*They continue through Pentagram City, Charlie singing and Reader amazed by everything since she doesn't leave the hotel much*

Charlie: To the cannibal town, where they don't wear a frown cause- Holy shit! Ew, my gosh, why?!

Reader: *Was distracted by all the sinner kids and how cute they are before hearing Charlie and rushing over* What happened?!

Charlie: And I don't give a crow that his brains got in my eye~

Reader: *Deadpaning before grabbing Charlie's face and flushing her eye with a water bottle from her bag*

Charlie: *Whispering sheepishly* Thanks *Before continuing to sing*

Reader: *Looking around and wondering why all the sinners who were complaining from before had followed them*

Charlie: To change their minds-

Flasher demon: And touch my parts~ *Opening his trenchcoat*

Charlie: Oh... No, thank you. I'm just gonna... Fulfill my destiny~

Flasher demon: Your loss bit- *Arms fly up as Reader points a knife at his throat before he runs away*

Reader: Prick... *Grumbles and glares after him before going back to Charlie so they can finally enter the building*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist