I’m gonna spill my heart out a little, since at home I cannot talk about it without looking like the utmost weirdo. I know I said you can find me on discord for the next days but I need to get this out of my system.
You see, I absolutely do not feel like rping at the moment. It’s freaking weird. I have so much muse for Ibara but just logging in on tumblr kills everything in me. The dash is dead, which is fine, the timezones and not everyone will be online when I am. I know that much and this is nothing that kills the joy. It’s more the fact that knowing nothing is going to happen no matter how long I do wait. Sure, you say hit me up talk to me but I have a hard time starting conversations, unless there is this moment of having the guts to do but that’s not often and I do have my people I can talk to without being afraid. It’s just fucking hard to talk to others, so nothing ever happens. Let me say, I don’t wanna sound like guilt-tripping someone, if I do sound like this I am sorry. This is not my intention. But what I have noticed and what makes me really frustrated at some point is that all threads I’m starting get ignored. I know, notifications are a bitch, there’s not always time and sometimes people forget. I don’t wanna say anyone’s at fault because I know these problems myself. But you see, writing a response, waiting for a response and then weeks later nothing ever happened makes me lose motivation.
It makes me a little sad. And right now I’m at a point where I don’t wanna write much.
Another thing, I don’t know if that is true or if my mind is just telling me this is the truth but so many are gone, not really because of the lack of muse or so but because of those discord servers. I dunno. And please don’t tell me to try being a part of one of those servers. I can’t. A) I cannot talk to people I don’t know that well. B) A server with it’s different chat rooms is so overwhelming. I can’t keep track of what’s going on and gimme a day or so and I’ll definitely feel left out and be quiet because I simply cannot catch up. C) Activity checks. Reading this alone in the rules of a server gives me stress. It’s ok to check once a month or so. Really, I don’t mind and it’s for everyone’s sake but being part of a community with activity checks makes me feel like it’s some sort of job and it makes me lose all the fun. Because sometimes you just can’t, you don’t feel like it but in order to keep your place you gotta do it and it’s stress. to me. So, a server definitely is a no for me. I’m sorry. There’s also another thing but that I will keep to myself because I’m 100% sure someone will tell it and it will make it’s round and people are gonna get pissy so momo’s gonna shut up here.
Anyway. I hope it’s at least a tiny bit understandable as to why I’m just not feeling it right now. I’m sorry to everyone who I own stuff, I’ll get to do it, just a little later. Again, you can find me on discord if you wanna chat. I’ll just stick to filling google docs with the stuff I have in mind for any muse before I lose it.


















