Italian amatorial writer (mostly fanfics), but usually I just rambles about fandoms, ships and music (and a lot more). https://linktr.ee/tomoe_akatsuki
In TFATWS, in I don't remember what episode (5 or 6), when Sam and Bucky are having that conversation while throwing the shield around, and Sam says: "I'm sure there's at least one person in that book that need closure about something and you're the only person that can give it to them" and Bucky answers with: "probably a dozen".
Later is shown Bucky making amends, telling the truth to Yori. But what if Sam was among those people, and Bucky never got to give him closure like he deserved before Thunderbolts?
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Sometimes people, after having a really difficult and long time in life, in which everything seems just dark and bad and unbereable, even if they have the possibility to change it they don't. They had grew so used to it that it's like they found comfort in it, not wanting to step out of it for something that surely is better but it's unknown and requires too much vulnerability.
(There's also the whole "I'm not worth of it" thing, but that is part the problem.)
So, let's take Bucky - poor man, he suffered already so much. EXACTLY. That's my point.
He's so used to pain and suffer that he doesn't even try to shake it off. Like, clear example, start of TFATWS, where let me say it, he's just miserable and doesn't know how to get out of the whole. He doesn't even try, because be honest, if the whole shield thing and new Captain America didn't blow up he still would be in that little appartment in Brooklyn, working up a corage to tell Yori about his son and that courage would probably never arrive, while Raynor squeezed him like a lemon to have an asset (yes an asset, because she's a military therapist) that the government could handle as it wanted. (But the last one is not the point at the moment.)
Sure, say that he was lost, he was hurting and yada yada, I know the song. But he didn't even tried to exit his misery. He was doing the bare minimum to survive.
I'm not saying that Sam did all the work, no no. But Bucky got lucky that a "problem", let's call like that Walker for his Captain America's phase, showed up and actually caught up all his attention, and made his whole body work again.
It was just a tiny part of him that actually did the job. The anger.
(Maybe he's a man driven by anger.... mhh, interesting but not the point.)
Now, let's go to that post-credit scene in Thunderbolts, the big sambucky divorce.
Take everything I say from now on (well even before, but that was more articulated) very much like pure hypothesis, because I'm no psicologist or expert in human behavior, I'm just putting together what I know from experience and deductive thinking/logic - and maybe too much thinking.
We don't know what exactly happens between CA:BNW and Thunderbolts, even less in those cryptic fourteen months.
We just know that Sam and Bucky aren't on good speaking terms - probably they're giving each other the silent treatament, or something really similar to the start of TFATWS -, and Sam is suing the team (and Valentina, if I'm not wrong) about copyright about the name.
The impression I got, it's that Bucky is again back in that whole. The Void totally didn't help, that's for sure. Probably every single Newyorker paid at least a visit to a psicologist after that.
But it's also, the way he moves, the way he talks, the way he is. It's so similar at the start of TFATWS, but also at him in CA:CW (in CA:CW though he just wanted to stop escaping, so it's kinda different).
Bucky probably just lapsed into it, because suddenly all was too uncofortable, too much vulnerable, all too much with no comfort, so he went to the comfort - for how bad it is - he knew, that could have kept him with the head above the water. Maybe it's better than before, because he has a team with him, people with who he has to interact on a regular, not by choice but because he has to, without an exscuse. Surely it's not the good way, though.
He could have talked, explained what happened better to Sam? I don't know, there's a lot of headcanons around that that really have their own sense.
What we know for sure it's that Sam is angry at him.
Sam had never coddled Bucky, of showed pity for him. He had always said things straightforwardly, without sugarcotting them, because he's not there to babysit him - and that's also how Sam is. So, he doesn't hide the fact he's angry with Bucky. Bucky had made his choices, Sam his ones. They aren't the same ones.
With all the mess of the New Avengers, Bucky probably sees how everything is taking the wrong left again, and what he does when everything goes wrong? He falls in the dark pitt, because is how he had always lived those moments.
And as I've already said, maybe it's better than the last time or the others before because he has a team, people that knew what he's feeling - but, be honest. Have they learnt how to exit it? Not yet, for the moment they had learnt that they can do good. Bringing that good to themselves is another pair of sleeves, though.
Sam: You up for a little though love? You want to climb out of the hell you're in, do the work. Do it.
Bucky: I've been making amends.
Sam: Nah, you weren't amending you were avenging. You were stopping all the wrongdoers you enabled as the Winter Soldier, because you thought it would bring you closure. You go to this people and say "sorry", because you think it'll make you feel better, right? But you gotta make them feel better. You gotta go to them and be of service. I'm sure there's at least one person in that book who needs closure about something, and you're the only one who can give it to 'em.
Sometimes people, after having a really difficult and long time in life, in which everything seems just dark and bad and unbereable, even if they have the possibility to change it they don't. They had grew so used to it that it's like they found comfort in it, not wanting to step out of it for something that surely is better but it's unknown and requires too much vulnerability.
(There's also the whole "I'm not worth of it" thing, but that is part the problem.)
So, let's take Bucky - poor man, he suffered already so much. EXACTLY. That's my point.
He's so used to pain and suffer that he doesn't even try to shake it off. Like, clear example, start of TFATWS, where let me say it, he's just miserable and doesn't know how to get out of the whole. He doesn't even try, because be honest, if the whole shield thing and new Captain America didn't blow up he still would be in that little appartment in Brooklyn, working up a corage to tell Yori about his son and that courage would probably never arrive, while Raynor squeezed him like a lemon to have an asset (yes an asset, because she's a military therapist) that the government could handle as it wanted. (But the last one is not the point at the moment.)
Sure, say that he was lost, he was hurting and yada yada, I know the song. But he didn't even tried to exit his misery. He was doing the bare minimum to survive.
I'm not saying that Sam did all the work, no no. But Bucky got lucky that a "problem", let's call like that Walker for his Captain America's phase, showed up and actually caught up all his attention, and made his whole body work again.
It was just a tiny part of him that actually did the job. The anger.
(Maybe he's a man driven by anger.... mhh, interesting but not the point.)
Now, let's go to that post-credit scene in Thunderbolts, the big sambucky divorce.
Take everything I say from now on (well even before, but that was more articulated) very much like pure hypothesis, because I'm no psicologist or expert in human behavior, I'm just putting together what I know from experience and deductive thinking/logic - and maybe too much thinking.
We don't know what exactly happens between CA:BNW and Thunderbolts, even less in those cryptic fourteen months.
We just know that Sam and Bucky aren't on good speaking terms - probably they're giving each other the silent treatament, or something really similar to the start of TFATWS -, and Sam is suing the team (and Valentina, if I'm not wrong) about copyright about the name.
The impression I got, it's that Bucky is again back in that whole. The Void totally didn't help, that's for sure. Probably every single Newyorker paid at least a visit to a psicologist after that.
But it's also, the way he moves, the way he talks, the way he is. It's so similar at the start of TFATWS, but also at him in CA:CW (in CA:CW though he just wanted to stop escaping, so it's kinda different).
Bucky probably just lapsed into it, because suddenly all was too uncofortable, too much vulnerable, all too much with no comfort, so he went to the comfort - for how bad it is - he knew, that could have kept him with the head above the water. Maybe it's better than before, because he has a team with him, people with who he has to interact on a regular, not by choice but because he has to, without an exscuse. Surely it's not the good way, though.
He could have talked, explained what happened better to Sam? I don't know, there's a lot of headcanons around that that really have their own sense.
What we know for sure it's that Sam is angry at him.
Sam had never coddled Bucky, of showed pity for him. He had always said things straightforwardly, without sugarcotting them, because he's not there to babysit him - and that's also how Sam is. So, he doesn't hide the fact he's angry with Bucky. Bucky had made his choices, Sam his ones. They aren't the same ones.
With all the mess of the New Avengers, Bucky probably sees how everything is taking the wrong left again, and what he does when everything goes wrong? He falls in the dark pitt, because is how he had always lived those moments.
And as I've already said, maybe it's better than the last time or the others before because he has a team, people that knew what he's feeling - but, be honest. Have they learnt how to exit it? Not yet, for the moment they had learnt that they can do good. Bringing that good to themselves is another pair of sleeves, though.
It's often talked about how Mel is uncomfortable being touched by others, worse if high stress moments.
But in ep.10, during Vera's angioedema - tongue and lips swollen -, after Robby arrives in the room, we can see Donnie pass behind Mel a couple of times, and every time he rests a hand on her arm or on her back or on her shoulder.
Sure, it's a small space where he can pass and that could help him don't lose balance, but that's not my point. My point is that Mel doesn't even flinch one.
It can be explained with the fact that she's so busy worrying over the patient to the point she isn't paying attention to her surroundings - which, I don't think is the case. It's more probable that she had grown accustomed to Donnie's touch during the day, since she can be seen working with him during the previous episodes.
I find it a nice detail, because yeah, the most visible one with whom she feels comfortable is Langdon, but she's also getting comfortable around the others.
Javi and Tyler are extremely The Amazing Devil coded.
I don't make the rules, they simply are.
Specifically with "Drinking song for the socially anxious" and "New York torch song". Maybe a little bit also "That unwanted animal", but I'm less convinced about this one.
And there's "Tongue & Teeth" and "Never love an anchor" by The Crane Wives - paired, twins.
"Tongue & Teeth" for me is Javi, about how he's unable to love without bringing pain to the other, to bring destruction, because everyone he loves is either dead, or hates him, or is awkard talking to them. He feels like he's a curse to people.
"Never love an anchor" instead is Tyler, about how he loves selflessy everyone (romantically, platonically, because he's that type of kind soul even if his first impression is usually Cowboy Logan Paul) and often that backfires him, because he doesn't love in the way the other wants. He feels guilty for that, but doesn't know how to change it because for him it's the right way.
(I'm actually working on a fanfiction, based on this duality. It's not the same story with two points of view, but two different stories with a lot of similarities and different povs. (It's tricky, I barely understand it, but somehow it's clear for my brain, so it will work.))
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At the moment, I'm plotting/creating/ideating a collection of one-shots called die your daughter or I'll die your daughter (still thinking, because it can be a part of a series, with other collections, like die your son and etc). Mostly it will be like a study of relationships between various characters, mainly about a parental figure and a daughter (for the moment) relationship.
So, I'm here to ask for your help, to make a gigantous brainstorm about your favourite father/mother - daughter relationship in the MCU. Canon, non-canon, headcanon.... All of them.
Thanks for the help!
She should be from Peggy's brother's side of the family, since she's a Carter. But Peggy's brother, Michael is dead, as it's shown in Agent Carter, and it isn't hinted that he has like a pregnant wife to continue the bloodline.
"...While I am sure you are in the clear for rabies and HIV, human mouths are filthy, some more than others."
And how Langdon's voice drops down as he says that last part, and looking up at Mel while he says it.
(He wanted her to catch his humor. She doesn't.)
And after, when he asks her to respond to the patient's question, but Mel looks between them and answers with that little soft "I'm sorry?", he gives her that look as he takes the syringe from her hand that silently says, you're okay?
And I won't continue because it's already enough analysed that scene.
If we pay attention, Langdon is always fidgeting, in the beginning - the most clear example is when Whitaker loses his first patient, how he bunches back and forth on his feet, not really paying attention to what's happening.
It's like, he always needs to move. (Could be a side effect of the drugs, or maybe he didn't take them yet.)
But with Mel he's still. Not immobile, but actually limits his movements at the bare minimum necessary.
Almost like if Mel grounds him in some way, erasing the need to move so much.
So, I just finished The Pitt.
And - since I loved it (really, it's marvelous) - I have to make a Marvel Au of it. Or, more specifically, a Team Cap Au.
But I'm a little troubled with the roles to assign to each one of them.
(The exact name of their role is still to be decided, this is more like a general idea)
Steve Rogers: I was thinking of making him the attending, the role that Robby has in the series. Also the whole mentorship thing with Adamson to do it with Ersinske.
Bucky Barnes: something like Collins, or already a specialized doctor (since it's closer in age to Steve than Robby and Collins).
Clint Barton: something like Abbott? Pratically he's always at the Pitt, and it seems to always be working - just a bit a workalcholic.
Wanda Maximoff: something like Mohan, being more than an inter, able to work on patients pratically independently, but still having to report back to the other doctors (she would mainly do Clint and Steve, since they were their mentor during her intership).
Natasha Romanoff: she's the head nurse, like the great Dana. She could be a doctor, but by being a nurse I think she's more in canon, having the possibility to have access to more things and be able to control more.
Sam Wilson: I'm torn on him, because on one side I would prefer making him a nurse - I think it's more similar to how he takes care of the other in the canon. But on the other side maybe he's better as a doctor, someone who can headbutt with Bucky easily and be a shoulder to lean on for Steve (something like that).
Scott Lang: he's the friendly always talking nurse, who brings treat to the patients and runs on caffeine - a mix between Mateo, Jesse and Donnie, kinda.
The interns would be:
Joaquin Torres: he follows Sam everywhere (he's his duckling, pratically.)
Kate Bishop: she follows Clint around, even with the odd shifts he does. She's just a year beyond Wanda, and could be more indipendent, but she's a little reckless (with good ideas) so Steve preferer to have someone with an eye on her (Clint).
Ava Starr: she could be very similar to Bucky in the way she works and so she could be the inter that shadows him.
Bob Reynolds: or it could be him shadowing Bucky, yeah. Bob could be similar to Whitaker, working pratically with everyone.
Others:
I was thinking to put John Walker as the surgeon that comes when the situation is really bad, like Garcia. He always banters with the Pitt's crew, but it isn't that bad.
Oh, Pietro Maximoff could be one of the rescuers working on the ambulance.
I would like to put also Yelena in this, but it would feel awkward and uncofortable (maybe) sharing the shift with her sister.
Also, maybe someone equivalent to Kiara, as the social services worker, but I have no idea for this role.
So that's pretty all of it.
Originally, though, in the series the doctors are five and the interns four. That's also why I'm torn on making Sam a doctor or a nurse.
I'm open to all the ideas, please feel free to suggest them in the comments!
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lord help me. sam letting loose around bucky without realizing it. getting more comfortable. think to the time between tfatws and bnw where they start actually hanging out willingly, and not as disgruntled “work partners”.
sam who got very closed off again after steve left and nat passed because sam thought he was finally okay after riley. sam who thought he wouldn’t lose anymore friends so soon.
sam who finds a friend in bucky. sam who starts leaning into bucky whenever he laughs because somehow they’re always sitting side by side now.
sam who doesn’t mind the way bucky stands close. sam who eventually comes to accept the glaring eyes drilling into the back of his head when bucky decides he’s gotta station himself as the Intimidating Guard Dog behind sam when he’s trying to deescalate a situation.
sam initiating physical touch. because it’s usually always bucky pulling him into a hug. slapping him on the back. but there’s a time where sam reaches for bucky’s hand completely on impulse and
neither of them pull away.
sam who exists so brightly and bucky who is completely and utterly drawn to him. sam who likes to lean into bucky’s warmth. sam who focuses on bucky’s burning hand on his waist (when did it land there? how long had it been there before he realized because he’s so used to the weight on him now?)
sam who watches bucky play with aj and cass unaware of the big grin that’s formed on his face until sarah pokes fun at him. sam who watches the way bucky gets with their cats because of course they’re living together.
sam who didn’t want to sleep on the rides back home because what if— (“just sleep. i’m here.”) sam who now rests his head on bucky’s shoulder without asking. likes the way bucky slumps against him because he’s started napping too.
sam letting himself love again despite everyone he’s ever lost………..
and listen. bucky who’s caught feelings for sam since tfatws (definitely started with something small in cw). bucky who liked sam then but is extremely in love with sam now, when he sees what he’s like open. when bucky sees just how amazing sam is as a friend. as a housemate (which sounds silly until you notice you’re living with the most considerate person around who also side note, smells really nice all the time), as an uncle, a brother, a work partner, a mentor, a hero.
bucky who falls even fucking harder and yearns for sam because of course he’s the one who suggested living together because he can’t- he cant stay away. bucky whose heart beats so damn loud whenever sam is around, getting close, smiling— genuinely smiling at bucky about something he can’t even recall anymore because wow
6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?
7: Where did the title come from?
8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?
9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?
10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?
11: What do you like best about this fic?
12: What do you like least about this fic?
13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?
14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?
With the rampant racism going on in the Sam and Sambucky tags on a daily basis, I thought I’d put together a list of resources that people can tap into when writing Sam. Because idk if maybe y'all don't know any better but it's it getting so exhausting seeing your favorite character constantly mistreated or seeing hate crimes in his tag all day.
And listen as a white person myself, I HIGHLY recommend that you go through the stereotypes and tropes carefully and with a mindset of learning. I also highly recommend that if you get offended, defensive, or irritated about anything you read here, you inspect that. And if your first reaction is to double down and argue, inspect that too.
Addressing our biases is uncomfortable but not as uncomfortable as some of you have made people in this fandom with the way you treat Black characters and fans.
Do better.
Stereotypes & Tropes
The link in the heading above is a guide to quite a few harmful stereotypes and tropes to be mindful of when writing characters of color by writingwithcolor. I highly recommend you read through their content.
Below is a list of things we see most often in the Sam and Sambucky tags as well as links from sources talking about similar situations in other spaces:
Infantilization of white characters (At PoC’s expense): Bucky being framed as a helpless child who can't think for himself and that always being Sam's problem.
Black Man, Protecting his Traumatized White Wife: Sam always comforting and being concerned about Bucky when the comfort and care is never reciprocal, and when 'caretaker' Sam's only role/purpose in the story.
Writing a Comedic Black Character: Sam being over-the-top funny and saying things that are wildly out of character. Those incorrect quotes that frame him as joking but he's really mean and hateful, sometimes even violent, toward Bucky? Yeah.
Sam being sexually aggressive: why do people insist that Sam is the top in the relationship? That he's a dom, that he's rough in bed. There's absolutely nothing wrong with top!sam, but insisting that he's no-doubt aggressive and dominant in bed? Nah. Same goes for hyper sexualization.
Size Difference: Describing or drawing Sam as bigger or taller than his white partner when canon clearly depicts otherwise.
Villainizing Black Characters/Actors: Sam is always wrong, Sam is unfair, Sam is a bully, Sam is violent. Mackie is a misogynist. Mackie is homophobic etc.
Writingwithcolor also has this search engine that finds anything on their blog.
Resources for writing Sam as a well rounded character:
A lot of the time Sam is written without any depth or nuance. In many fics, he only exists to prop the white dude up. Very rarely is he written as the caring, badass, heartthrob that he really is. Be mindful of Sam's role in your story, is he always chasing Bucky's affection, are you using Sam as a reader insert to lust after Bucky? Do you diminish/ignore Sam's skills and knowledge to make the white dude look good/smart? Do you consider his trauma and mental struggles as well when you write about Bucky's and how Bucky leans on him for support? Remember Sam's POV does not equal a Sam-centric story.
Below are a bunch of links on how cool Sam really is to help you shape his character in your stories:
From the 2019 samwilsonbirthdaybang:
MCU Wiki (link updated by me since Sam is now Cap)
Marvel Wiki
A folder full of Sam meta
Complete Badass (reblog)
NCO (non-commissioned officer) and why
Sam Wilson Meta: A Timeline
Sam Wilson's USAF Rank
Sam Wilson is a US Special Forces Pararescueman, and a PTSD counselor.
Sam's role at the VA was a peer counselor, not a therapist. here's the difference.
A compilation of Sam Wilson’s personality traits
Sam's PTSD
Sam's age & Riley's death
More badass Sam Wilson
Resources for drawing/coloring Sam:
Here's a hint: he's not beige or grey. Too often do we see art of someone who is supposed to be Sam but he's one shade darker than the white dude. These posts go into detail with some great advise:
Creating Black Characters
Whitewashing & Colorism
Coloring gifs of poc
Y'all can't draw or color Black ppl to save your lives.
Color picking
Color theory & darker skin
Some examples of whitewashing skin tone: this, this, this, this and this. Loads more examples on whyaretheywhite!
Here's a visual:
see where this dude's skin tone is on the color picker:
compared to Mackie's skin tone?:
Look at the difference between those two shades! Remember whitewashing doesn't only refer to the lightening of skin, it also includes drawing Black characters with European facial features, and not incorporating the appropriate hair texture etc.
Additional resources & reading:
How to write fic for Black characters: a guide for non-Black fans
Colourblindness
White Authors and Topics to Avoid/Tread Carefully
Physical Descriptions:
Dark skin reactions to cold weather
Skin color changes due to health
Describing skin tone
Skin tone & food comparisons: it's weird. stop it.
Dehumanizinig Sam
Antiblackness in it's many forms
It's not preference, it's racism.
Antiblackness: Even more examples
It's not shipwars, surprise, it's also racism.
More Stereotypes
Interracial Relationships
For now that's it. I might add useful articles I come across to this post as time goes on. Please also add your own resources but fuckery will be blocked.
These resources are by no means exhaustive, they are just what i have used as references throughout the years. You will do yourself (and a multitude of Sam fans) a massive favor by being introspective about your role in this fandom and how it affects Black fans and other fans of Sam Wilson. Go and read the rest of the articles/posts on these blogs and apply the context to the Sam and Sambucky fandoms, the similarities are stark.
xoxo, a tired Sam fan who just wants to see him loved and respected.
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Obsession is the new normality.
Ehm, what I'm saying is that lately I've been obsessing over a song, "Heart of a Dancer" by The Happy Fits. And obviosly I have to use it for a Sambucy fanfiction. The problem is, I don't what type of story to write on it. I think an Au would be good, it could help keeping the insisting rythm of the song. Still, I have no idea, so any suggestion is well welcome!
Someone has noticed how the new generation of hero, or the retelling of old ones, is always... hope?
Okay maybe it's a little more complicated what I'm trying to say.
But.
Take one song: Punkrocker by Teddybears feat Iggy Pop. (You're understanding where I'm going, right?)
Take two superheroes: Superman (David Corenswet) and Captain America (Anthony Mackie). (I'm a little behind the others but surely there are other examples that can be included)
Both are taking the mantle of others: Henry Cavill's Superman, Chris Evans' Captain America - it don't matter the fact that for Superman is retelling his story and for Captain America is continuing a legacy.
They're kind, they're punkrockers. I don't know how to describe them with other words. Kindness is their root, they grow around it.
And it feels so good to see that on the screen. No anti-hero, no asshole personality. Just the pure kidness that some of us has inside and it's rarely shown on the screen.
We can have hope, hope is not always bad. That's what they say.
