my cause is my family

Just before dawn, Tess was jolted awake by a nightmare. It was a common occurrence, but the face that had haunted her this time wasn’t. Joel. Of course, she’d never stopped thinking of him. Over their years together, they’d become so in sync, so quietly entwined, that life without him felt like missing a limb. The fear of losing him forever had gripped her tight, the image of his eyes going blank burned into her mind. It made her feel hollow. There'd been so much to organise and resolve since Rick had agreed to let the group settle in Alexandria, it had never been the right time to go looking for him. But the town had been established for months now and there was still no sign of him. She’d been convinced he’d hear the radio broadcast and figure it out, knowing that was where Tommy was likely to be, if nobody else. It’d always been their back-up plan when they lived in the QZ. Surely he’d been able to deliver Ellie to Marlene and track them down by now, ten months since she'd last seen them. Tess had been patient enough, trusting in Joel’s intuition, trusting in Tommy’s plan. But the younger Miller seemed even more distant than he had been before Coin’s death, focused on everything but what was actually important. The way she saw him pushing Poe away was example enough. It didn’t matter how many causes he joined, walls he built, or council meetings he attended — he would also remain incomplete without Joel around, even if he wouldn’t acknowledge it. Unable to find sleep again, Tess watched the dawning light through the window, thinking, planning, until, some hours later, she finally heard voices in the kitchen. Emerging from her room immediately, she made her way down, not bothering to properly greet the pair who were busy making coffee. “I've been here for a month and nothing.” She interrupted without hesitation, all patience on the matter now irretrievable. “We have to go out there, start looking.”

Yet again, Poe had spent the night, the pair falling back into a familiar pattern without either of them really noticing. It was just so easy, Tommy leaning into that comfort late at night after hours of hard work each day. When it felt that simple, resistance was futile. The more time they spent together like that, the more at peace Tommy felt, and the more his walls started to crumble. Slowly, nights together extended into mornings together, the pair waking up in each other’s arms before heading to the kitchen to start their day. That morning, they were laughing about some old memory when Tess interrupted. And the second she did, all warmth left the room.

Ellie had barely slept a wink, far too excited about the day ahead. It was Christmas, the first one she'd ever been able to celebrate, and the first time she'd actually had a family to do so with. The year had been huge for all of them, the fallout from some events still lingering. But just for today, she wanted everybody to put everything else aside and enjoy themselves. Their guardians had agreed to let her and Sam camp out on the lounge room floor, and they'd stayed up far too late discussing presents, what food the town might serve at the feast, how best to wake the adults up the next morning, and if, in fact, ice-cream trucks really existed. Sam was insistent, drawing different types on a sketchpad, but Ellie wasn't so sure. She'd have to check with Joel. Finally, the sun started to rise, Ellie admiring the colour of the sky outside Tommy and Poe's front window. She decided she'd love to draw the dawn one day. Maybe she could do an outline and Sam could add the colour. Believing she'd been patient enough, she moved to shake an exhausted Sam awake, signing that it was time. He seemed dazed, but excitement soon followed, and the two kids quickly skipped upstairs, Sam with a pot and wooden spoon in hand. Barging into Joel and Tess' room, Ellie proceeded to dive onto their bed, Sam taking it as his cue to start banging. "Wake up, let's go! It's Christmas!" She made sure to keep bouncing with her knees, poking Joel a few times in the shoulder. "C'mon, you lazy asses, get uuuup!"

Like every other adult in the house, Tommy woke with a start, hand clutching his chest in shock. “Dios mio!” He gasped, sitting up beside an equally dishevelled Poe. It didn’t take him long to recognise the sound of Ellie and Sam giggling though, and he took a breath in relief, chuckling. “Wow,” he commented, turning to look at Poe. “Merry Christmas.”