I feel weird about saying to people “please interact with lgbt+ people outside of your niche internet group” because I get that in-person interaction isn’t necessarily an option for a lot of people, especially during covid and especially for teens who are still living with their parents/guardians and are maybe still closeted out if necessity and/or have limited mobility.
However once the pandemic has passed and if it’s a feasible option I really would encourage young people (in particular, but also people in general) to try and meet up with other lgbt+ folks in person; join a meetup group or uni society or go to a demonstration or find out what’s available in your local area. Again, I get that resources can be limited, especially for young people and especially in small towns and conservative areas. I understand that.
But there does seem to be this really worrying trend now of young people (and even some older people) who have no real understanding of lgbt history besides what they learn on social media and have never interacted with an lgbt person outside of their niche online bubble which only consists of other teenagers with similarly limited experiences, thinking that they’re suddenly the experts on all things queer and don’t need any external input.
And then you get people saying things like “um I don’t think women and non-men should call themselves gay”, and the rest of their little group agrees with them, and then they feel empowered to shout down anyone who disagrees or tries to explain the term’s history to them, always blissfully ignorant of the fact that if you tried to posit this to an irl group of lgbt adults - or even other teens - people would look at you as if you’d just tried to tell them they can’t use their own names anymore. It might be easy enough to convince some poor thirteen-year-old girl who’s never met another gay person or had any experience with gay culture outside of Tiktok but who desperately wants to be seen as progressive that the word “gay” is off-limits to her, it’s easy to type these things into the accepting blue void of the internet, especially when you’ve got all your mates to back you up, but try saying it face-to-face to Emily who’s been calling herself gay for 25+ years and see how well that goes down.
Similarly in real life bi women call themselves butch and femme all the time, bi people reclaim slurs all the time, and nobody bats an eyelid. But now we’ve got a ton of people in online spaces who apparently think activism begins and ends with telling other lgbt people which words they can and can’t use.
Just... please don’t get complacent to the point where you think that faceless online interaction is a viable, sustainable substitute for actual in-person interaction (in general, but with lgbt groups specifically) or that you and your Tiktok friends are the ultimate authority on the lgbt experience. Consider how this kind of limited echo-chamber interaction can potentially distort your experiences and perspective, even if it’s kinda your only option at the moment.
Also, if you can, read books by lgbt people (not just fanfiction), watch films and shows directed by lgbt people, look at interviews and memoirs by lgbt people, generally familiarise yourself with content created by lgbt people that exists outside of social media and was produced before the 2010s. Understand that we’re a hugely diverse group with a vast range of experiences and we existed before tumblr and tiktok. I feel a bit weird feeling the need to tell self-proclaimed leftist teens that lgbt people aren’t all skinny white alternative youths who came into existence roundabout the 2010’s, but I feel like some folks need the reminder anyway.
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