Nights like these are lonely. It's raining outside and Netflix is paused and I'm just listening to the rain on my bedroom window. You occupy my thoughts quite often. I don't know who you are, or what you're doing right now. You're probably making a bunch of mistakes right now, but that's okay. Because those mistakes are turning you into the person that I'm more than thrilled to spend the rest of my life with, at least I think so. Haha. I'm sorry if I get moody, and take too long to pick out my outfits. I'm sure that will never change by the time I get to meet you. Right now I feel like I'm not who I want to be. I'm just bits and pieces of someone that I would one day like to stitch together. I'd like to say that you make me a better person, at least that is what I would wish for myself. If you're reading this, I love you. And I want to thank you for loving me, because for so long I have never thought it would be possible for someone to love me the way that you do. All that I'm doing right now is for us and our future family. And as much as growing up sucks, I'm so glad to finally have someone to fill up the empty spaces. I've been alone my whole life, and I've never really had a best friend. I don't know what it's like to share your life with someone. So I hope we never stop laughing. And I hope that the light in my eyes is still there, because these days I can feel it fading. I've been trying really hard to like myself. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I am. And I'm sorry that I'm talking about myself so much but hey, it's all I know! (Literally, because I have no idea who you are) hahaha. I'm sorry that I hide behind humor, it's all I've ever known. I'm sorry that I laugh a little too loud, and that I'm really bitchy when I don't get enough sleep (seriously let me sleep as much as you can, or you'll regret it, it's bad lol). I'm sorry that I feel the need to apologize for everything. It's just part of who I am. But this isn't an apology. This is a letter to you, if not at all helpful, I want you to know who I've been, and who I want to be. I want to be healthy so don't let me slack on things like working out and eating healthy the best that I can. I want to be smart so never let me stop trying to learn things. I want to travel, I want to learn how the world works and I want to see different cultures and I want to go somewhere beautiful and just look at it for as long as I can. I want to spend all day loving you. Because we can be selfish if we want, and we should love each other enough to spend a whole day doing just that, loving each other. I want to sing everyday. I want to be inspired. I want to laugh so hard that my stomach hurts, but I still can't stop. And I want to laugh like that with you. I want you to know that no matter how hard our lives get, that I love you. And that you are so important to me. And sometimes this might be hard but I will never stop fighting for you. I want to set goals. I want a VERY well trained dog. lol Lastly, I want to wake up everyday by your side, and I want both of us to be better versions of ourselves than we were the day before. Give me your love, and I'll give you my whole world. Today is October 1st of 2016 I'm taking my prerequisites to get into a program, which one? I'm not sure. Leaning towards radiologic technician, but a lot can change in a year or two years. I just got my nose pierced as a birthday present. It wasn't that bad. I cried a lot today. I wish I hadn't, but I did. It's been a sad year full of disappointments. I'm trying to keep my head up but life is a lonely road and I feel like I don't have anyone. And the truth is, I don't. I don't have anyone. I can't share my thoughts with these people. It's hopeless. I'm so misunderstood all the time, by everyone. And I know it, and everyone can try to deny it all they want, but I SEE it in all of the people I love. They don't understand me. Which is okay, that's okay. I still love them, they don't have to get me. I just wish someone did. I wish my mind wasn't so dark, and I wish I wasn't in such a dark place right now. I don't laugh as much as I used to. In fact, the dark loneliness that I feel made me write this letter to you. In hopes that maybe one day you'll come and rescue me from this darkness that has somehow became a part of me. I'll never be who I was, but I want the person that I am going to be, to be ever better. Writing this makes me feel closer to you. Because no matter how much time we have, it'll never be enough. Love always, Eva Marie Ps: take out the trash or something you lazy slob 😉❤️
