Behind the "read more" is a background of my life and that of my partner Doony. Reading it might help you to understand where I am coming from, but I really want the rest of the message out there and tumblr doesn't seem to have a cut function like LJ where you can put the middle part of an entry behind it. So if you'd like to delve deeper, feel free, but here is the rest of what I really want you to be able to read, out in the open:
I didn’t write all this out to spill out a bunch of personal stuff about our lives just for the hell of it. I just wanted to give you all some background as to how we got to be here, and why this is a subject which means a lot to me.
If you are in a situation with your family where you feel like you are trapped, please don’t lose hope. If you feel that you have no control, please try to hang on. I know people say “It gets better” but that’s making things too simple. It doesn’t immediately get better. It takes a lot of hard work. It’s difficult. It’s scary. But it’s possible. It will take a LOT of trial and error. You will continue to find sucky people that will come into your life and leave dents and scars. But you will also eventually find people that make you stronger, that help you to feel comfortable in your own skin.
You will find your family. You will find your family. I need for you to know that. I need for you to know that you can and will get out, that you will make your own way in life. You are the one that has to live with your life decisions, and you can and WILL find the strength to break free from people who want to take those choices away from you. I believe in you.
When you get sad, when you feel hopeless, when you feel helpless, I want you to think of the turtles. Think of Splinter. Think of how something small and seemingly insignificant can change your life for the better forever. For me it was a music video that triggered a road of self-discovery. For Doony it was joining the TMNT fandom that triggered her getting out from under her mom’s influence and joining our family instead. She calls my mother “Mom” and my mom thinks of her as a daughter/daughter-in-law. My son looks to her as a parent.
It’s not always easy. All of us have our own mental health issues, physical health issues, insecurities, anxieties, and limitations. Most of the time they mesh pretty well. Sometimes they clash. But we are at a point where we know we love and trust each other, and can depend on each other when times get rough. That can happen for you as well.
It is never too late to change your life.
Leelah thought that it was too late to transition. She thought it was too late for her to be able to get out and start living the life she knew she deserved. I don’t want that to be you. I was already a divorced single mother in my mid 20s before I started really steering my life according to my own desires. There are some people I’ve known for years that started out even later. There is so much life to live out there, and I want you to be able to experience it.
I’ve been that helpless, hopeless teenager, locked in her own despair and feeling completely isolated. In many ways, I had to grow up too fast, and in others I was never quite able to function as other adults are “supposed to” but that’s ok. You don’t have to reach any standards but your own. Don’t let other people set the bar so high that you get discouraged trying to reach it and give up. Your life should be a flight of stairs, not a set of monkey bars, ok? Remember that when you feel like you’re dangling and about to fall.
It’s ok to fail. It’s ok to mess up. Life is full of learning experiences. What was it Sensei said? No plan ever survives battle? It’s ok that things won’t always go the way you or others expected. What matters is the choices you make going forward. I wasn’t able to finish school because of a lot of factors, but I’m working on accomplishing my dreams in other ways.
Please don’t be afraid to reach out. But also don’t be afraid to shut off anon for your own health and safety. You do not owe anyone the right to comment on your life, anonymously or otherwise. It’s not cowardly to block toxic people out of your life. You have no obligation to ANYONE to allow them in your life, period. If they are a risk to your health and safety, then they don’t need to be around you. Not your parents, not siblings, not anyone. You don’t owe your parents anything for being born. You don’t owe them any sense of loyalty just because you are related. Parents have to earn trust and respect and loyalty with how they raise you and treat you as a person, just like everyone else in the world. I say that both as a daughter and as a mother myself.
If you are hurting and you need to talk, I’ll be here. I’m always logged onto my personal account, but you can also send messages here and I’ll try to check it more frequently. If you need a friend, or even a mom out there that will support you when your own won’t, I will be there to listen.
Please be safe, and don’t lose hope.
blakekathryn
prguitarman
izzy806
gummygunk
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