tmnt-write-fight

"Everyone, back away!" Draxum bellowed, commanding attention. "Give the boy some air."

Leo chuckled softly as Casey and Splinter gingerly took steps back, letting Leo have some space. Mikey stayed on top of Leo, crying into his chest and laughing every few seconds.

"You're here, you're awak!" he whispered enthusiastically. "You're okay, you're okay... you're okay, you're really here again..."

"Are you okay?" Casey asked, eyeing him over nervously. "Are you thirsty? Hungry? Does anything hurt??"

"Uhm..." Leo croaked hoarsely, clearing his throat and coughing again. "I-I could use some water?"

"I'll go get it," he said quickly, dashing away.

"Does anything hurt, Blue?" Splinter asked, taking CJ's place and grabbing his boy's hand.

"E-everything?" he mumbled, shifting his weight a bit under Mikey. "It all aches... es-specially m-my head."

Mikey crawled off of Leo, sniffling and wiping his face as he smiled at him.

"Sorry," he giggled. "I'm just so happy you're awake!"

Leo nodded with a weak smile. He was awake, true, but every second felt exhausting and draining. He kept trying to keep his eyes open, move his hands and fingers... Raph came over and sat by his bedside, holding his hand and smiling at him. Leo smiled back, until he saw the scars over his eye and the large crack in his plastron, the hole in his nuchal shell. He lifted his hand up and traced over the gash, watching as Raph's smile wavered, but stayed firm. A bit forced and half-fake, but still there. Leo looked up lazily at him, eyes searching for an answer.

"How... how did that happen...?" he whispered.

"You still don't remember?" Donnie asked, one drawn-on eyebrow raised.

"I thhhhink I dooooo?" Leo murmured. "I... I remember the invvvvvasion, but... ugh, my head..."

He reached up and pressed his palms against his forehead, hoping to alleviate the pounding sensation he felt.

"Donatello, go get the pain relievers. We will try to relieve the pain as best we can," Draxum ordered.

"Won't that cause him to slip back into the coma?" Donnie asked with concern.

"Not if we're careful. Just something small to assist with headache will suffice."

Donnie nodded and headed to the back of the room. Draxum came forward and began his examination of the bedbug, shining a small flashlight against his eyes as he did. Leo typically didn't enjoy people poking around him, least of all Baron Draxum, but he let the old goat look him over. Leo happened to glance over the side of his gurney and see tons of smudged chalk scribbles on the floor. He weakly pointed at them, and muttered a 'wazdat' at him.

"Mystic runes used for mind infiltration spells," he explained. "Similar to the ones I made when you and your brothers entered your father's memories."

"When we what?" Leo asked, his forehead furrowing.

"You don't recall?"

"I don't really recall a lot," Leo admitted, grumbling from the continued headache. "Bits and pieces. The dreams... they made me think we were back after we first banished the Shredder away. I'm a lil' confused on the current timeline."

"What do you remember last?" he inquired, as Casey Jones Jr. entered the room with a bottle of water and a straw.

Leo took long sips from the icy cold water, which revealed just how dry his throat actually was. He coughed after drinking down the wrong pipe, and the hacking hurt his chest and back. Raph helped him to sit up, propping pillows behind him and taking his hand to assist as Leo crawled in reverse until he was sitting semi-upright. It made drinking easier. After a few more minutes of gulping the water, he gently pushed it away so he could talk again. Donnie came by and helped Draxum fiddle with the anaesthesia, as Leo thought it over.

"I... I kinda remember..." he paused, trying to recall just how much had been lost or misplaced in his mind. "The Shredder's arrival. And working with Big Mama to banish him. Then the lair games, Piebald... Uh... We got mystically poisoned? By Meat Sweats??"

It was more of a question than anything. He wasn't completely sure about that one. It was so silly and out of place, that it could have very well been a dream-fabricated memory. But the nods from the group let him know that was real.

"Did... did I go in the Maze of Death by myself?" he asked, recalling that memory.

"No, you didn't," Raph explained, still holding onto Leo's hand. "That was just a dream."

"Oh."

Leo blinked as he thought some more.

"I definitely remember dinner with you," Leo chuckled, shakily pointing to Draxum. "And then... I think I remember some kinda basketball game?"

"With Tim Dunkman," Donnie nodded. "Then you'll obviously recall how I single-handedly won that game of baské-ball."

"What?" Leo laughed. "Did you actually? No, you totally didn't! ........ Did you??"

"Stop messin' with him," raph scolded, smacking Donnie upside the head. "We all collectively won the game. You made the winning score, though. But keep going, anything else?"

Leo continued to describe his memories one by one, and had a few adventures filled in the blanks that he forgot. He remembered Doing some kid of pirate-brother-bonding experience with Señor Hueso, but barely recalled doing the Jupiter Jim sidekick contest. He remembered some kind of spa day at the Hidden City, but had absolutely no idea what his brothers were talking about when they mentioned an adventure with 'Warren Stone 2'. It took some memory-jogging, but Leo eventually remembered the time April and Splinter fought the weirdly obsessed actor Kristoff Van Bradford. At first he couldn't remember the final battle with the Shredder, or how his family had been mystically trapped in an orb by Big Mama and they were made to fight her champions. He did not remember the months after. Not until he saw Raph's awkward expression, and smelled his 'I'm uncomfortable and feel kinda guilty' stink.

And then it all came flooding back.

And Leo wept bitterly, because the words of his nightmare came flooding back, the desperate want to escape and atone for sins. Months wasted fighting and digging a rift between himself and his family, fueled by ego and selfish pride. He remembered all the hateful words exchanged, all the fistfights, and the tears, and the screaming matches, and the sleepless nights. Leo sobbed so much that snot drooled from his nose. His face was soaked. Donnie was kind enough to blame the reaction on the meds he was dosed with affecting his emotions and overstimulating them. True, he did feel kind of odd and his feelings did feel ramped up. But this was genuine, all the same. Even so, he let them believe Donnie's excuse.

Raphael held Leo's hand tightly. He smiled. No, he sh-shouldn't -- he, he can't just... forgive him! Not after everything he did to them, not after how much he hurt him... Leo continued to sob until he started to hiccup. The hiccups hurt his chest, stalled his breathing -- Casey Jr. shoved the cup back into his hands and ordered him to drink. Leo did, confused, but found that it's very hard to cry and drink water at the same time. He nodded to CJ in gratitude as he finished the water and requested more. As soon as Casey left, Leo asked for more information about the invasion.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Splinter asked, his voice hushed as he came and rubbed Leo's head affectionately. "We can wait --"

"N-no, I wanna know," Leo whimpered. "I-I remember... I remember the ship, and the Prison Dimension."

The room fell silent.

"But I don't remember what came next... Was... There was a portal? Who did that, how did that happen?" he asked, looking around the room for a face that would reveal it all.

Mikey slowly raised his hand. And Leo only now noticed the odd spiderweb scars that traced down his arms, like broken glass.

"I did," he announced, a smile creeping on his face. "That was cool, right?"

"YOU did that?" Leo asked, eyes wide. "Really??"

Mikey nodded with extreme enthusiasm. He looked so proud and pleased with himself.

"Wow. Okay. I missed a lot, then... So, if Mikey pulled me out of the Prison Dimension, does that mean that the Krang..."

"He's gone forever," Raph insisted. "We promise."

Leo almost started crying again, out of relief. Nope, scratch that, he was crying again.

"Maybe turn the dosage on his meds down, Dee?" Raph suggested.

"And then what?" Leo asked in between sniffles. "Mikey pulled me out, happy ever after... How did I end up here?"

"...Well, you were fine at first," Mikey mumbled. "At least, we thought so. You were talking, cracking jokes, and then..."

"You fainted," Donnie finished. "You mumbled something about getting pizza and feeling sleepy, and the next thing we knew your eyes had rolled back in your head and you went limp. Raph carried you all the way home."

"I held your hand, though!" Mikey chimed in, not wanting Leo to assume that he'd left him alone.

"Thanks, Miguel," Leo smiled. "So, I just... tapped out?"

"Your injuries were extensive and severe," Draxum jutt in. "You were incredibly lucky. If they'd gotten you back to your abode any later, you might not have made it."

"What do you mean? I might not have --" Leo swallowed. "You-- you're saying I almost --"

Every pair of eyes darted away. Splinter looked pale, like he might puke or faint or burst into tears. Raph squeezed Leo's hand, and Donnie fidgeted with his battle-shell. Mikey rested his chin on the gurney, not looking directly at Leo but still with him.

"...Oh. Is that why you guys were so... the way that you were in the dreamworld?" Leo wondered.

"Partially," Raph admitted. "Mostly... you were asleep for seven whole days, Leo. We were getting really worried."

"Draxum mentioned that the Yokai had a mystical procedure to help wake up patients who had gone comatose, and suggested we try it," Mikey continued.

"It... was a long shot, but we took it," Donnie sighed. "We weren't sure what would happen to you if you stayed unconscious and unresponsive for much longer. We were desperate."

Leo exchanged looks with his three brothers and smiled.

"Well... thanks, guys," he exhaled. "Really. Thank you."

Mikey squealed with delight before climbing back up onto the bed and hugging Leo again. Donnie came over and rubbed his head. It looked like Raph would never let go of Leo's hand.

"So... can we, uh, not talk about some of the stuff that happened in my dream?" Leo requested.

"Are you kidding me?" Mikey asked, half-joking. "Dr. Feelings is ready and chomping at the bit! Leo, the best cure to face a nightmare is to talk about it!"

"Yeah, I get that, but I don't. Want to. Is that okay?"

"...Y-yeah. Okay," MIkey relented. "We don't have to talk about yet. But we should. You NEED TO, Leo. I can tell."

Leo sighed and pet Mikey's head as he laid his own head down on the pillow he sat against.

"Sure thing, mi hermanito. Recibo el mensaje."

Mikey nodded and then laid his head to rest once more.

"Well, if you four are finished with your little reunions --" Draxum interrupted, parting Donnie and Raph like the Red Sea, "-- then I believe some rest is in order."

"What!" Leo gagged. "You're crazy if you think I'm going back to sleep!"

"I wasn't referring to you," Draxum corrected, reaching over and lifting a half-asleep Mikey off of him. "Your brothers spent an exorbitant amount of mystic energy to rescue you. They need rest to replenish that energy."

Leo watched as Raph yawned, struggling to stand up from his energy deprivation. Donnie stood beside him and hoisted him up as best he could.

"Do... do they have to go?"

"Do they not need sleep?" Draxum asked, exercising the fullest extent of his sarcasm. "I did not know that I programmed that into their DNA."

"So funny I forgot to laugh," Leo grumbled. "But for real, c-can they stay in here? Like -- like, can they get the cots out or -- or m-maybe I could stay in one of their rooms?"

"I cannot tell if you are joking or not," Draxum sighed.

"It's cool, Drax," Raph sighed, giving Donnie a break as he strode over to Leo and began to push the gurney out of the room to follow the rest of the Hamatos. "I got an idea..."

One phone call to April later, and the whole gang found themselves resting in the main living room of the new lair. April had come in with soft drinks and softer foods for Leo to try and eat. Nothing heavy or too rich. Mikey and Donnie filled the room with pillows and blankets, even a few mattresses they had stored away. They'd set up the projector to play Lou Jitsu and Jupiter Jim films on loop. Leo was placed centerfold on the couch, an IV bag carried in with him to help. They spent the night talking about anything and everything. April cried when she saw Leo on the couch, as he waved hello to her and laughed at her expression. Though, he ended up crying, too. Leo refused to sleep for quite some time, and understandably no one forced him to. April stayed awake the longest, sitting beside Leo as the movies droned on. Mikey was the first to pass out, considering how much energy he depleted in the dreamworld. Raph and Donnie were next, falling asleep in each others' arms and snoring together. Casey Jr. was next -- he might not have helped in the dreams, but he had spent the entire two days (yes, two days) they were in there tending to Leo and helping around the lair, assisting Splinter in any way he could. Casey was unofficially/officially his son now.

But Leo was scared to sleep again. And could you blame him? After everything that he had been through...

The good news was, his family was there to stay with him. Through everything -- the good and the bad and the earth-shattering. They were there.

Leo relaxed. He watched the breathing patterns of his brothers as the rested. He watched Casey as he slept, still clutching his hockey-stick-weapon-thing as he rested in a sitting position against the couch. Old habits die hard, Leo guessed. He watched April drool onto her pillow. He snickered. This was good. This was safe. He was safe. Leo spread himself across the couch, embracing the full comfort of home. His eyes closed.

No, wait!! That was just what happened last time!!

Leo snapped awake, anxiety filling him up again when he realized that he had been asleep. He scrambled, kicking the blanket off the couch as --

Wait a minute, he wasn't on the couch anymore?

Leo looked around him, and found that he had been moved to sleep onto a mattress cushion with his siblings. His jostlings had woken Raph up, who stared at him wide-eyed as he tried to find the danger. Leo glanced around the room, trying to figure out what had happened. He was sleeping on the same mattress Raph and Donnie had been on, but now Mikey slept along with them, April and Casey joined in at the corners. Leo was in the center, encompassed by them all.

"W-what happened --???" he panicked.

"You were whimpering in your sleep earlier," Raph whispered, comforting Leo as best he could. "We moved you to sleep with us. It seemed to help."

"I... I don't want to sleep anymore," Leo gasped, gripping Raph's hand as tight as he could.

"That's okay," Raph smiled. "You don't have to sleep tonight. It's okay, you're okay..."

"Th-this happened before," Leo frantically sputtered, still twitching from the shock of being woken up from anxiety. "I-I woke up and they were gone -- they were gone, this is too good, I'm dreaming again -- Please don't tell me I'm dreaming again, I can't --"

"Leo," Raph grabbed the injured slider and pulled him into a cradling hug, rocking back and forth to calm him as he kept the panicked teen in a bear hug. "You're not dreaming. You aren't back there. You're not trapped anymore. It's okay, we're real. I swear on my life that you are safe."

Leo watched as Raph took his hand and formed a red hologram over it. The ninpo covered over Leo's hand as well. He felt the sparkling energy fill him up from the inside out. This was real. Raph was real. He was awake and alive and safe.

"...Thank you," he mumbled. "Thank you, thank you, thank you..."

"You're welcome."

Raph stayed with Leo, holding him close and rocking him back and forth. Leo drifted off and snapped awake several times in the night, over and over again. Raph was so good to him, staying awake the entire time to make sure he could comfort Leo if he needed it. At some point, Leo realised it was okay. He could rest. And Raph needed the sleep, too.

"Raph?"

"Yeah?" the big brother replied, still smiling kindly at him.

"...I'm sorry for. Everything. Before the invasion. And during. And after."

"I'll forgive you," Raph whispered. "If you promise to forgive yourself."

Leo sucked in a breath and nodded.

"Okay."

"Good."

It was quiet. Apart from the films playing on the projector screen.

"...Raph?"

"Yeah?"

"...I'm tired."

"Yeah, me too."

"...I think I wanna try going to sleep."

"Okay. I think you should try."

"Yeah. Hey, uh... could you promise to be there when I wake up?"

Raphael hugged Leo one last time before helping him get situated back into the turtle pile.

"Absolutely."

And in the morning, he was true to his word.

Donatello liked to think of himself as the most sensible among his family. His scientific mind was easily capable of putting logic first in any given scenario, and dealing with any emotional fallout after the fact. He knows this quirk has more or less become a skill in the last couple years, given all the wild adventures he and his brothers have found themselves on, adventures that often compounded on top of each other with hardly any breathing room in between. That’s the old saying, isn’t it? Out of the frying pan and into the fryer?

That was probably the best description he had for the events of the last couple months. First it was some mutant monsters, courtesy of Bishop’s outbreak, then a persistent cold that refused to break, which naturally culminated in a seemingly blackout weekend that started in April’s apartment and ended at Area 51 of all places, after which Donnie was told he’d actually transformed into a raging monster himself. Huh…

The downtime after that was consequently spent resting by order of his family, and trying in vain to remember any of it for himself. Though he had noticed some small changes in that time, his logical mind concluded that he would just take longer to heal. He was the only mutant affected by the outbreak, after all. His recovery was bound to be different, right?

Weeks that felt agonizingly slow in the moment became far too brief when they were whisked away to Japan to train with the Ninja Tribunal, and informed of the looming threat of the Shredder Tengu and his Foot Mystics. None of them could afford to rest with the world at stake, and it meant everyone was essentially teetering between deep exhaustion and tense anxiety. The lighter moments were few and far between, and even those had been tainted by the deaths of their new friends and the Tribunal at the hands of the Mystics.

Those stupid Mystics.

Their most recent encounter with them was still at the forefront of Donatello’s mind. How could it not be? Considering they’d managed to resurrect their master from his grave and nearly put Karai in one of her own…

And they dropped the bombshell that’s been rattling Don’s head all night.

You are the ones who sealed her fate.

Without you we could never have freed the Shredder,

For it was you that freed us.

When you took that crystal on behalf of Agent Bishop,

You set a chain of events in motion that led to—

Everything that was currently going wrong in their lives.

He couldn’t dodge quickly enough. He couldn’t recognize his cold for what it really was. He couldn't be there to help Leatherhead, which left Bishop and Stockman as their only other option.

And they still couldn’t entirely fix him.

Don had made it into the bathroom earlier to wash up and prepare for another day of waiting to see what might happen, but having the revelation from the Mystics intruding his every thought has also managed to bring up issues he thought he’d set aside.

Like the fact that his nails are still tougher and sharper.

It isn’t by much, no where near as bad as his brothers had described from his temporarily monstrous state, but they still weren’t back to normal. Donnie tried to cut them just before they’d been Shanghaied (as Mikey put it), only to nearly break the clippers with how much extra effort it took. Even the scissors struggled with the job. If that wasn’t enough, it seemed his nails would only grow back into the same pointed shape, regardless of how flat he cut them.

Don couldn’t really convince himself that it was just in his head either, that it was some anxious response his brain manufactured if his nails got too long, because while they took a month or so to grow back, the scarring was always there.

He didn’t have to be a genius to understand why. He went from being 5’2” and 180 pounds to over seven feet tall and double his weight in a matter of seconds. He knew there’d be stretch marks, and considering how fast the “cure” took effect, he’s surprised he didn’t have more. Donnie wasn’t necessarily bothered by them cosmetically, but the fact that they were always there served as a constant reminder that their weekend at Bishop’s was real, and not just some wild story his brothers had made up to freak him out.

Don’s also not entirely unconvinced that his temporary growth spurt may have affected his actual growth, too. He and his brothers had only just turned eighteen, and he was sure they were bound to grow at least once more, mutated status not withstanding. In the weeks since his recovery though, he’s noticed himself looking down at his brothers more and more, which just felt wrong. They’ve been the same height for so many years, and being next to the youngest among the four, he didn’t expect his growth spurt to happen first. Rationally, he knew it was possible, but a deep part of his brain kept whispering that it wasn’t probable.

Unless there was something helping it along.

With this whispering in the back of his mind, Donnie began checking every drawer and cabinet in April’s bathroom for a tape measure. He rustled desperately through all of them, knowing he could’ve been quieter and more respectful of their host’s space, but his anxiety was taking on a mind of its own. Eventually, he found what he was looking for, and let the tape unroll until it was just touching the floor. Don moved in front of the mirror, holding the tape upright in one hand and pinching it off with the other where it met the top of his head. He slowly brought it down to see—

5’6”

—He really wasn’t imaging things, huh?

His infection had left him permanently scarred, permanently changed, and may now lead to the end of the world—

Nope! Nuh uh. Don was not going to hop on that little train of thought right now. Shredder and the Mystics were out somewhere, plotting their next move. Karai has yet to wake up, let alone recover from all her injuries, and they all needed to focus on understanding these new “Dragon-forms” of theirs before they could even think of using them in battle again. Donnie took a moment to breath, to find his center, and move all the spiralling fears to the back burner. There’d be plenty of time to deal with them when the world wasn’t at stake.

When he finally felt fit enough to leave, he reached for the doorknob and flicked off the light—

Red…

His eyes… were red!

Don yelped, backing away from the shocking sight until his shell collided with the wall, staring in abject horror at the glowing orbs reflected in the mirror.

He knew they were his. Despite the almost complete darkness of the bathroom, he could still see himself in the mirror clear as day.

His normal self.

Donnie takes careful steps back toward the mirror, reaching for the light switch hesitantly.

When he flicks it on again, everything seems fine. His irises are invisible beneath the white membranes, and opening those reveals their natural hazel colour.

When he flicks the light off, the burning red returns.

On again, nothing.

Off again, bloody crimson.

He continues toggling the light switch as his brain struggles to make sense of this new quirk of his. The reflection staring back at him was clear, despite the minimal lighting in the small room, the only source other than the main light being a small emergency bulb plugged in just above the vanity. He couldn’t recall at the moment if his night vision’s been any better in the last several weeks, but he figures a hulking turtle monster would probably need it for killing hunting its prey. He hadn’t had much opportunity to catch a glimpse of his own reflection while they were training in Japan (nor did he want to, given the state of his scars). If his family and friends ever noticed anything in the low candlelight they were often surrounded by, surely they would’ve brought it up with him, meaning they hadn’t seen it, which meant it wasn’t as bad as he thought and he could probably forget about it until—

“Donnie!”

The interruption, coupled with a hand snatching his own away from the light switch, startles Donatello out of the spiral. He catches Leonardo’s eyes in the mirror, gazing back at him and full of worry.

 “You trying to round up April’s electricity bill or something?” The elder speaks with a soft chuckle, but they can both tell it’s forced. The concerned stare never drops.

“No, I…” If they haven’t brought it up, that means they haven’t noticed… “It just stopped working for a minute. All good now.”

“Really?” Leo squints at him, “I was sure I could see the light flickering from down the hall.”

“… I must’ve had the wrong switch then,” Donnie tries. “It was the fan that wasn’t working.” He toggles the other switch to prove his point. “And now it’s working fine! Sorry about that, Leo.”

Donnie really tries to get past his big brother, but a hand catches his upper arm before he can make the doorjamb.

“Don, look at me.”

He refuses at first, keeping his gaze locked on the tile floor. He doesn’t want Leo to notice.

“Please…”

It’s the desperation that breaks him, so Don slowly looks up.

He’s definitely shorter than me now.

“What’s going on with you?”

Leo speaks so gently, so patiently, like he was afraid of scaring off a wild animal, and Don finally let’s everything boil over.

“It’s my fault.”

He doesn’t know when he started crying, or when standing became such a chore, but Leo catches him before he can fall, and lowers them both down against the vanity.

“Talk to me,” Leo pleads, as he pulls him into a side hug and rubs his upper arm comfortingly. “What do you think is your fault?”

“Everything,” Donnie breathes out. “The Mystics were set loose because you guys had to save me, because I couldn’t move fast enough. Everyone that they’ve hurt, that The Shredder hurts, it’s on me!”

“Don—”

“And I thought I could ignore it. If I could focus on fixing everything and saving the world, I could worry about the why and how later. But my scars, my body… it’s always gonna be different and it’s always gonna be proof of just how bad I—”

“Donnie.” Leo grabs him by both shoulders, turning to face him head-on. “Listen to me, and listen well. This is not your fault.”

He wants to protest, but Leo presses on. “None of us knew what the Mystics really were when we stole the crystal. And I don’t think we would’ve even considered the possibility of another Shredder before Splinter and the Ancient One first talked about him. You might be a genius, Don, but as good as you are at preparing for the future, you can’t predict it. I promise, it’s nothing we would ever hold against you, so there’s no need to hold it against yourself.”

As nice as it was to hear, Donnie’s still not convinced. “You heard what the Mystics said, though. This nightmare wouldn’t even be possible if I hadn’t gotten infected in the first place.”

Leonardo’s expression softens, but the determination doesn’t go away. “You can’t take what the Mystics say to heart. They’d say anything to distract us if it made defeating us easier. Besides, the day you were infected, it could’ve easily been one of us instead. We all make mistakes sometimes, and no matter how good or bad they work out, we just gotta move forward and learn from them, not spend time dwelling on them.”

“It’s harder when your mistake could bring about the end of the world, though.” Donnie draws further into himself, and Leo can feel the argument becoming lost. He thinks for a moment, drawing on anything that might truly make Donnie believe him.

“…If you really need someone to blame for this, then it would be my fault.”

Donnie’s face shoots up like a rocket. “No. What— why would you even say that?”

“Because we were the ones who stole the crystal,” Leo puts simply. “You had no say in the decision at the time, and since I’m the leader, the responsibility falls to me.”

“Leo, that doesn’t make any sense, even by your own logic,” Donnie argues emphatically. “You didn’t know about Shredder and the Mystics either, and you were still doing it to save me.”

“The responsibility doesn’t solely fall on you, Don—”

“But it doesn’t fall on you either! I thought you already got that through your head when you were with the Ancient One!”

They’re both surprised by the outburst, and Donnie feels like he’s sinned somehow. None of them really talked about Leo’s guilt complex after his trip abroad unless they really needed to, and Don’s just gone and used it against him like it was nothing.

He was just making things worse.

“Leo, I—"

“No, Don, it’s okay.” Despite what Donnie believes, he does in fact look okay. “You guys don’t need to walk on eggshells around me anymore. I know I still have things to work through, and I am, but that’s not why I would be responsible for all of this.”

“Leo, you’re not—”

“It’s because I would do it all over again, knowing the Mystics would be set free, knowing the Shredder would be set free, as long as we got you back.”

The silence in the bathroom is heavy. Donnie is too stunned to speak for a moment, and what comes out is ripe with disbelief. “How… how could you say that? How can you even justify that? I’m one person, one mutant. I’m not…” He feels like he’s gonna start crying again.

“You are to us,” Leo pleads, gripping his shoulders tightly. His face takes on a faraway look before he continues. “I don’t know if you remember, but you would’ve died without a cure.”

Donnie remembers. Leatherhead gave him a complete rundown of what had happened as soon as he was coherent enough to receive it. “Leatherhead was the one who found it, though.”

“Yeah,” Leo confirms, “and he admits that without Bishop’s lab resources, he doesn't know if you would’ve received it in time.”

Donnie hunches uncomfortably. He can’t really argue with that.

Leo turns back to him, looking earnestly at him. “We can’t survive without you, Don. If saving the world means losing you forever, I don’t think I could live with making that call, and I know Raph and Mikey couldn’t either. You’re too important to us, and I need you to see that.”

He says it like a confession, and for a brief moment, Donnie is struck by an image of his brother thirty years older, more haggard and world-wearier than he could ever believe, blinded by combat, but still no less of a warrior.

He realizes for the first time that things could’ve been even worse than they already were. His logical mind starts firing again, and he wonders just how long the Mystics have been looking for a way to break free of their prison. If it hadn’t been Bishop, would it have been someone else? Would his brothers have been left to fight them off without him, or with a monstrous version of him who couldn’t support them the same way he could now?

Would they have already fallen apart before they had the chance?

That alternate future was already a frightening enough nightmare for Donatello. The idea that it could have easily come to fruition in his own dimension, and so soon too, was paralyzing. Thinking about this, he supposes he’s grateful that it hadn’t been worse. The fact that he and his brothers were all here, together, meant that they had a better chance of succeeding, just as they had there. The future may be unpredictable, but in his case, it at least set a precedent.

The reminder of his monstrous potential does derail his relief, however, as Donnie takes in the marks he can see from his position on the floor. He musters his courage, but still worries what kind of answer he’ll get when he finally asks the question that’s been plaguing his head for months. “Even if I came back from Bishop’s different? Or… wrong?”

Leonardo feels the shift in his brother’s anxieties, and follows it just as quickly. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Donatello, I swear.” He gives Donnie a once over. “Your scars, they don’t cause you pain, do they?”

Don shakes his head.

“Then the way I see it, they’re proof that you survived. Proof that you’re strong enough to get through whatever life throws in front of you. It’s nothing you need to hide, and it’s certainly nothing you need to be ashamed of.”

Leo massages his left shoulder as he says this, and Donnie can picture the chunk missing from the shell on his back. He knows his brother is speaking from experience, and supposes he can be grateful that most of his deep muscle pain had subsided during his recovery.

“What about my eyes?” He asks.

Leo tilts his head at him. “What about them?”

Donnie slips out of his brother’s hold, standing to face the mirror again. Leo quickly follows suite, glancing between his brother and their reflections. Don looks him in the eye one last time before he shuts the light off again.

As expected, his irises glow bright red beneath their membranes.

“Oh, wow.”

Donnie turns toward his brother’s reflection anxiously.

He looks back reassuringly. “It’s not bad, I promise. Just surprised me a little.”

Don’s not sure he believes that. “Have you guys really not noticed?”

Leo shrugs. “Our membranes glow under certain lights too, don’t they? It could just be this one that’s setting it off.” He points to the orange-tinted emergency light.

Donnie supposes that’s possible, but the fact that it’s visible even beneath the protective membrane concerns him. “What if it becomes a problem on missions? Or it gets worse?”

“Then we’ll deal with it if it happens,” Leo asserts. “You don’t know that it ever will, Don.”

You can’t predict the future, he recalls.

Donnie chooses not to tell him about his nails, given how they might fall into that same state of limbo, but from where they stand in front of the mirror, the other change is made glaringly obvious.

“I’m taller than you guys now,” he whispers.

“What?”

“Oh, come on,” Donnie faces him, now slightly annoyed. “I know you’ve at least had to notice that.”

Leo shrugs again, seeming somewhat guilty. “Maybe a little.”

Despite the apprehension, Don’s surprised to see no discomfort in his brother’s expression. “And that doesn’t upset you?”

“Should it?”

Donnie scoffs. “We’ve been the same size our entire lives, Leo. It doesn’t bother you that you need to look up at me now?”

“Well,” he thinks, “it would probably bug me more if you were rubbing it in my face all the time.” He finishes with a chuckle.

Donnie frowns. “I’m serious.”

“So am I.” Leo makes sure to give Donnie his most sincere expression. “Look, for all the things the four of us have in common, we still have our differences. I don’t expect that to change as we get older, and I’m sure you know that it won’t.”

Donnie thinks for a moment. He’s never really investigated their mutations all that much, aside from what’s required for medical treatment and general upkeep. Though they were all originally exposed to the same ooze, that couldn’t guarantee they’d all be affected the same way, or how they’d be affected in the long term. They were still just teenagers, after all. They could potentially have years left to grow before they stopped.

“Besides,” Leo continues, “having your growth spurt first doesn’t mean much when it’s only a few inches. Mikey could very well be looking down at you by next week.”

The mental image is like a jump scare. After recovering from the shock, Donnie shoves him by the shoulder. “Why would you say that?” He laughs it off before he can think about it too hard, laughter that Leo immediately joins in on. They eventually go back to sitting on the bathroom floor as it tapers off.

The silence that follows is a lot more comfortable than it had been before. As they catch their breath, Donnie can feel that at least a few of his anxieties have simmered down for the time being.

Leo wraps and arm around Don’s shoulders, squeezing him slightly. “Regardless of who ends up being the tallest, or how tall any of us get, just remember that we’ll always be brothers, so we’ll be dealing with it together.”

Donnie smiles up at him. “I know.”

“And we’ll do the same with the Tengu Shredder,” Leo remarks, smiling back at Don. “Right?”

Donnie’s a little surprised by the return to their original conversation.

He doesn’t answer fast enough, apparently, because Leo leans in and repeats, “Am I right?”

After everything they’ve talked about, every argument proposed and rebuked, Donnie finds he can’t really disagree with him right now. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Leo replies cooly. “I am still the oldest, after all.”

Donnie knocks into his side, feeling fond exasperation for just how cheesy his big brother can be when he’s trying to cheer them up.

The sound of footsteps makes them both look to the door, where Raphael appears a second later. He switches the main light on, blinking like he’s still half asleep. He peers for someone at eye level before his gaze drops to the turtles huddled together on the floor. “What’s going on in here?”

“Nothing.” “Impromptu sibling hug.”

Raph pinches between his eyes. He’s definitely just woken up. “One at a time, please.”

“Just get down here,” Leo exclaims.

The two seem to have one of their silent conversations before the red-clad turtle complies. “Fine, if no one else cares that this is a bathroom, I guess.” He takes a seat beside Donnie, looking them both over unsubtly.

He must find something that tips him off to Don’s prior distress, because Raph looks at him a bit softer now. “Seriously, you all good, bro?”

Donnie glances back at Leo for a moment, who has a knowing smile on his face. It makes him more confident that everything will in fact turn out okay. “Yeah,” he turns to Raph, smiling. “I think I will be.”

Raph smiles back at him, joining the hug and squeezing him tightly.

He’s about to complain about the air his lungs are losing when Mikey appears in the doorway, surprising all but him.

“Woah woah woah! You’re doing a group hug without me?”

“Mikey, don’t—”

Raph’s protests fall on deaf ears as the youngest leaps at the huddle, crushing the air out of all of them when he lands.

“Thanks for that, Mikey,” Leo squeaks out.

“No problem,” Mikey replies as he moves into a more comfortable sitting position. “Every team needs their star player, right? And no one gives better hugs than this guy.”

He proves his point by wrapping his arms tightly around Donnie, who’s now trying to figure out how Mikey knew they were in there for him. He stops thinking about it when the others join in from either side, instead focusing on the warmth, belonging, and love he feels being at the center of the turtle pile.

“Not that I wanna cut this short, but I’d still like to brush my teeth sometime today,” Raph teases.

"He's how old?"

"Dunno, kid. He's a yōkai, it's kinda hard to tell. Middle aged, so probably, what, three hundred? Four?"

"He always struck me as distinguished. I'm gonna say a respectable five."

Mikey nodded, scribbling in his notebook. "And what's his birthday?"

They looked at each other and shrugged, totally clueless. "Gargoyles aren't usually invited to celebrate birthdays with their boss," Huginn said. "And honestly? He doesn't seem like a birthday kind of guy."

Muninn nodded. "Yeah."

Mikey slammed his notebook closed. "Well, guess what? We're gonna fix that! It's settled: we're giving Draxum the best birthday party ever!"

The gargoyles pointed at themselves and then each other. We?

Across the room, Leo groaned, and Donnie facepalmed. Raph had already left halfway through Mikey's questions to Huginn and Muninn on their newest addition to the family, saying he had 'better things to do than put up with this nonsense.' Leo and Donnie stayed though. It helped that Mikey had chosen to hold his question and answer session in the same room where the two of them were stuck together, trapped in Donnie's new experimental F.A.B. Spray. Literally a captive audience.

"Are you even sure he likes birthday parties? He seems like the kind of guy who likes to ruin people's birthday parties, to me. Personally. You know, smash people's faces in the cake, stomp on the presents, throw people off roofs…"

"He'll like the super special super secret spectacular surprise birthday party we throw him for sure!" Mikey said, feeling the optimism well up inside of him. Who didn't like birthday parties? Honestly. Nobody, that's who. Even Draxum had to like them when they were super special.

He pressed his hands to Huginn and Muninn's backs, pulling them close so he could whisper deviously, but sugar-sweet, because he wasn't threatening them, no sir: "And the two of you are gonna help me make sure that it's as super and special and spectacular as possible, and most importantly? Secret."

Huginn swallowed. Muninn saluted. "Y-yes, boss."

---

"Reporting!" Muninn said. "So I went looking for his favorite color, like you asked, and…"

Michelangelo stared at him expectantly. There was this look in his eyes. Muninn didn't know how to pin it down, exactly. He just knew it sent shivers down his spine.

Muninn started sweating. How was this kid so scary? Quick, make something up. Michelangelo's face was… "…g-green?"

Michelangelo set down his pen. "So you're telling me… his favorite color… is green?"

Muninn nodded, gulping.

Michelangelo perked up, and if Muninn were the type to have an active imagination, he might have pictured a beautiful spray of flowers and sparkles in the background as Michelangelo grinned from ear to ear, looking delighted. "Of course! Green, the color of spring, of new beginnings! A lively color, a little on the cool side, but with a little time and patience, it can warm right up!"

…was he still talking about the color?

Muninn wasn't gonna ask.

---

Huginn had the best prize of all! If he wasn't a buff gargoyle, the weight of the book in his arms would be dragging him down right about now, but luckily he was a buff gargoyle and the book felt as light as a feather. Maybe not a feather. But close.

"Michelangelo!" He called, knocking on the sewer entrance. The turtle that slid the door open wasn't Michelangelo, though. It was Leonardo. Donatello? Leonardo. The one with the red stripes on his eyes.

"Oh. You."

Leonardo tried to slide the door closed, but Huginn stuck a paw in before it could shut all the way. "Wait!" he called, "can you just- I need you to give this to Michelangelo. I'll get out of your…" wait, he didn't have hair. "…scales, if you'll just take it."

Leonardo slid the door open just wide enough to give Huginn a good look at his skeptically raised brow. "Is this about the super… whatever-"

"-super special super secret spectacular surprise birthday party, yeah," Huginn finished. He lifted the book so Leonardo could get a good look.

Leonardo sniffed, looking down at Draxum's secret scrapbook like it was going to bite him or something. After a long moment, though, he took it. "Fine," he said, sounding very put out.

Huginn would take it.

---

(That book never made it to Mikey. Leo enjoyed using it as a doorstop, until the day Draxum realized it was misplaced and used a summoning charm on it.)

"Uh, I think he likes… goats."

"Sounds on brand. I'll buy that."

---

Leo was at his wit's end, honestly.

It took a lot to get Mikey to focus, usually, but when he focused it was always on the most random things. Normally it was things like fancy scents, or some recipes from a hyper-specific region of France, or like, breeding chili peppers to create something 'hot with a few floral notes,' whatever that meant.

Leo always took them in stride, he loved to hear Mikey chatter on happily about his newest hyperfixations, but this one was geared perfectly towards getting on his nerves. Draxum, of all people.

Draxum!!!

Of all people.

Leo wanted to scream.

---

"I think he likes soup."

Mikey's head popped up. "Soup?"

"Yeah. He's got a lot of it in his cupboards."

Michelangelo tapped the pen against his chin thoughtfully. "Not because it's easy to make and shelf stable… but because he likes it…" Muninn shivered. To be honest, that thought hadn't even occurred to him. "…Of course!"

---

"I think he might like folksy music. You know, like polka. I don't know, it's just a vibe I get."

---

Huginn and Muninn were great at getting information.

Was the information accurate? Ehhh.

---

"And… ta-da!" Mikey pulled his hands away from Draxum's eyes, letting him see the room he'd been ushered into just moments earlier. As he did so, some confetti burst and fluttered to the ground from somewhere in the background.

It was….

"Very green," Draxum observed, sounding a little confused, but he hadn't had a birthday in a while, much less a super special super secret spectacular surprise birthday party, so that was totally understandable. Mikey had decorated the main room of the lair in green streamers, green tablecloths, green utensils… the only things that weren't green were the pictures of goats.

And there were many.

Polka blasted from Donnie's precious speakers; Mikey had had to pull out Doctor Delicate Touch to get Donnie to let him 'sully them' with it, but it was worth it. Hearing the tubas groaning in crystal clarity amongst the bopping clarinet beats.

"We've got a soup bar," Mikey waved at the various crockpots plugged into the wall, "which is kind of like a salad bar but with soup!" It was fancy. So fancy. One of Mikey's best works, actually, and he was quite proud of it.

"Would you mind explaining what exactly the occasion is? The vibes I'm getting are a little confusing," Draxum admitted, sounding a little hesitant.

Of course! It had been a while, he probably forgot what a birthday party looked like. "It's your birthday! Look, your favorite color, your favorite animal… your favorite meal. We didn't know when your actual birthday was, so we picked a day and decided to celebrate! Any day can be a birthday if you believe hard enough."

Draxum looked even more lost for half a second, until Splinter nudged him with an elbow. Then he coughed into a hand. "Oh, yes. Of course. How could I possibly have misunderstood."

Raph was happily gobbling up the soup, not paying attention to anything but his bowl and the next one he already had lined up, but Leo and Donnie were there under protest. Mikey had tied them up and strapped green birthday hats to their heads, seating them at the table. No soup for them.

Donny had freed himself of his bonds long ago, but had gotten absorbed in something on his phone so he was mostly just lounging with his eyes glued to it, occasionally making flat, halfhearted sounds of protest for being forced to be there. It was possible he'd mostly stayed to laugh at Leo, but Mikey would take it.

Draxum deserved to have a fun birthday party. With people in attendance. And since Mikey was pretty sure he had no friends…

After spooning himself a bowl of some chicken noodle and taking a seat, Draxum glanced over at Huginn and Muninn, who were deep into their own bowls of chili. They waved.

"Hi, boss."

"Fancy meeting you here."

"It's his birthday, of course he's here."

"Wait, it's actually his birthday?"

Draxum leaned towards Leo, speaking in hushed tones, though Mikey could totally still hear them. "Are human birthday parties usually this… you know, this?"

Leo raised his brows. "Only super special super secret spectacular surprise birthday parties for old goat guys."

"Oh. I see." Draxum took a sip of his soup. "Not bad, I suppose. I can certainly appreciate the effort."

"Okay, Casey, your mission, if you choose to accept it... is to try a bite out of every one of these."

"And don't worry! Raph will eat whatever you don't!" Raph added reassuringly, and his stomach rumbled right on cue.

The spread out before them was a veritable feast - rarely before had there been such a variety of pizza pies all in one place. Only in the Ninja Turtles' lair would a meat lovers sit peacefully beside a veggie delite! Of course, those were ordinary, uninteresting fare when compared to some of the options they'd picked up from Hueso's specifically for the occasion - a Super Creepy Supreme, of course, and a hot one that literally set your tongue on fire, among others.

When Casey Junior had made it clear he'd never so much as tried a piece of pizza before, they'd gotten a classic pepperoni into his hands as fast as possible, but to introduce him to the broader world of pizza really required a more formal occasion. A pizza party, if you will.

"That's a lot of food," Casey Junior breathed, looking a little pale. "Where do we even-"

"There are many ways to approach the pizza party spread," Donnie said flatly, pulling up a few holographic diagrams. "Right to left is a classic, as is common to uncommon-slash-unpopular, which may be more appropriate for the tastebuds of someone who isn't used to pizza at all. Of course, the mild-to-spicy is also a tastebud-friendly approach, and if I were you, I'd start with a combination of the two - with a third, less significant vector relating to general popularity."

Leo pressed a hand between Casey Junior's shoulderblades, pushing him forward. "You know what I think?" He felt the guy perk up, like he really cared about what Leo thought, which was such a confidence booster. "I think you let yourself feel the pizza, be the pizza, and your instinct will guide you to the right pizza."

Casey Junior swallowed. He pasted on a smile. After careful consideration - which Leo appreciated, this was serious business, after all - Casey Junior picked up a slice of barbecue pizza.

Mikey stood in the middle of the room with a clipboard and glasses, tapping the eraser against his lips. "Going for a non-standard sauce out the gate... interesting. Very interesting." He scribbled something down in his notebook.

Casey moved to put it down, but Leo clucked his tongue. "You touched it, it's yours, Case! You gotta try it now. No takebacks."

Casey sighed. He looked at the slice in his hand with curiosity, then shoved it in his mouth.

They all leaned forward, jittery with anticipation.

He chewed, paused for a second, kept chewing and then swallowed.

"So...?" Donnie began.

"If you had to rate it out of ten, ten being the best most awesome thing you've ever tasted in your life and one being the worst thing you've ever had-" Mikey paused to adjust his glasses thoughtfully, "-which is probably really really bad-"

Casey Junior tilted his head. "Nine."

--

"Is it supposed to be wiggling? And, uh, speaking to me?"

"Hueso follows the classic recipe, which involves serving them alive so they can beg to be eaten," Donnie replied.

Mikey bounced on the balls of his feet. "I'm reading about the culinary history of this and other live pizza dishes in the Hidden City, and it's actually pretty cool!"

Casey Junior stared at the slice in his hands. "Cool. Sure." Still, he hesitated. Leo was sure he'd seen worse, but something about the writhing tentacles just wasn't doing it for him.

...yeah. Okay. Given where he'd come from, that was pretty understandable actually.

Leo swiped the piece from his hands, shoving it in his mouth. "Whoops! Guess you gotta pick something else," he said past the mouthful of unchewed crust and squirming creatures.

Casey Junior blinked wide eyes at him, but then grinned, already reaching for the next pizza down the line.

---

"If you don't like this one, I will absolutely be crushed," Donnie admitted flatly. "The perfect blend of several cheeses to provide the optimal texture, an alternative to the normally quite greasy classic pepperoni..."

Casey bit into it and gave him a thumbs up, and Donnie outright whooped, throwing his hands in the air. Mikey did it along with him, because Mikey liked being included in celebrations.

--

"Sometimes you just gotta add some spice to your life," April declared, holding out a slice of jalapeno pizza with hot sauce sauce and hot pepper flakes baked into the crust. "Brace yourself, though, it's gonna be a rough ride."

Casey took a big ol' bite, and everybody but April and Raph flinched in sympathy.

He just chewed a couple of times and swallowed, blinking innocently around the room. "What?"

Leo swiped a piece just to check, and upon a single sniff he immediately started choking. What was this guy made of?

---

By the end of the night they had all ended up sprawled out on the floor, hands on their stomachs, empty pizza boxes scattered around the scene of the crime.

"And how would you rate this pizza party experience?" Donny asked the ceiling from his own spot on the floor. "Educational, very very educational-"

"Delicious," Casey Junior concluded. "But yeah, I'd say I learned a lot. Like that the present really likes grease and cheese."

"Mmmm, grease and cheese," Raph mumbled.

When Leo looked over, Casey Junior was grinning from ear. "Thanks, guys. This was fun. I don't think I remember the last time I felt... full."

"We're gonna give you all sorts of stuff to try and you're gonna forget what it ever felt like to feel hungry, okay?" Leo assured him. "Hot dogs..."

"...nachos..."

"...fried rice..."

"...maybe a salad or something," April added and almost everyone blew a raspberry at that, even Casey Junior, props to him. Mikey snapped his fingers in appreciation, but that was Mikey.