the mountain glenns

i won’t say what i mean

and we’re all better off

if you misunderstand me

honestly, it's more real

when i’m not all there mentally

i throw paint on the ground

and hit things accidentally

and the shapes 

i create

could mean nothing, or anything

another night drunk, googling my name again

trying not to care, i care a lot

talking to my PR team about it

someone says get a therapist

i tell him to fuck off

another song about how i’ve been saved again

by some mid-tier man i’ll probably drop

like a reference to dated slang

it’s cringe and lame

but i can’t make myself stop

you can only reinvent yourself so many times, i’m tired

you can only live so many lives, i’m lost

another night getting negged by the president

another night just trying to get off

but the truth is, you can’t let your guard down

for even a second once you’re back on top

now the hate campaign’s out in full force

‘cause of course it never Ends With Us

i’m spending millions on digital forensics

italics = my edits

bold = the original lines i actually really like

[Verse 1]

It’s the end of the world and we’re over it

Everyone's unbothered 'til they're not

These days, dissociation’s encouraged 

Sad as it seems, apathy is hot

I’ve been feeling like shit, if I’m honest

Trying not to plan new ways to die

When you found me, I said I was busy

That was a lie

[Pre-Chorus]

I have been afflicted by a terminal uniqueness

I've been dying just from trying to seem cool

[Chorus]

But if I was honest

I’d say what I wanted

That I'm never gonna let you down

I'm never gonna leave you out

So afraid of falling

I sank to the bottom

But you brought me back around

And I'm never gonna leave you now, now, now

[Verse 2]

You know, the last time I laughed this hard was

On the trampoline in somebody's backyard

I must've been about eight or nine

That was the night I fell off and broke my arm

Pretty soon, I learned cautious discretion

When your first crush crushes something kind

When I said I don't believe in marriage

That was a lie

[Pre-Chorus]

Every eldest daughter was the first lamb to the slaughter

So we all dressed up as wolves with sharpened tongues

[Chorus]

But if I was honest

I’d say what I wanted

That I'm never gonna let you down

I'm never gonna leave you out

So afraid of falling

I sank to the bottom

But you brought me back around

And I'm never gonna leave you now, now, now

[Bridge]

We lie back

A beautiful, beautiful time-lapse

Ferris wheels, kisses, and lilacs

And things I said were dumb

'Cause I thought that I'd never find that

Beautiful, beautiful life that

Shimmers that innocent light back

Like when we were young

[Pre-Chorus]

Every youngest child felt

They were raised up in the wild

But now you're home

[Chorus]

You broke my heart open

Brought me back to hoping

Hard to believe I still know how

But it’s easier with you around

Played it so cool I froze solid

And sank to the bottom

But you helped me find my way back out

I'm never gonna leave you now, now, now

[Outro]

Never gonna break that vow (Oh)

I'm never gonna leave you now, now

is thicker than the water of the womb

but all i got is rancid water rising to the ceiling

we gnawed off our tails before

thought we’d put the worst behind us

but here it comes back for more

and we’re already too tired

and too numb to even fight

we can barely spit a word back

if we can even summon up the

spite

and steel ourselves for the glue trap

you can breathe if you don’t try

it’s about time you gave up for good

and resigned yourself to die

and maybe it won’t be that bad

it’ll barely tug your skin

can you feel it, how it wraps you up?

how it stretches out to pull you right back

in

so how do you like the glue trap?

‘cause we’ll be here for a while

and nothing’s gonna fix itself

for the next few thousand miles

so we’re smiling with hysteria

we’re falling back in time

we’re lying, lying, lying, lying

lying to ourselves that we’ll be

also say god isn’t real.

and i am a woman

but not really, sometimes.

and i am one of them.

sometimes,

you just want

and i’m getting used to the depression and anxiety

if you can’t save it kill it now drink in our dying air supply drag in a keg and drain it dry oh dont you think twice there wasn’t that nice

i share half my head with lying; say i'm just changing my mind. deciding and redeciding leaving all my life behind.

i spend hours tensed in poses i think i’ll fix, just do this first. but then there's that and this again and i forget the universe.

i forget my day in doorways. i lose track of trains of thought. i save up money being lazy something something something bought.

i am buying nicer blankets. though i know the joke of when the girl found a bed so supportive she never got out again.

when this could’ve been you, bundled in a line with thousands, one dark detail in an article no one really wants to read.

a story worse than fake, a story so true as to be incidental, black noise in the background, which is not the soft soothe of white noise, but somehow easier to drown out.

burn every bridge, then cut every rope then hand me a life vest, like you’re my best hope you’ve really got this routine all figured out, and by now i should really think twice.

the current and the unlikely lifeboat the knight and the monster waiting in the moat you can bottle the rain and call it a drought offer me a competitive price

the chime and the tock and the beep they all mock me for keeping you locked underneath all my surgeries this scheduling calls to me with such urgency so i take my leave still waiting to breathe.

i swallow the ringing, the sound of you singing my song back to me my voice never sounds that sweet i kill the time and the time kills me i know you're through waiting, so sick of me saying

that i'll take the clocks and remove all the batteries piled in a heap where they'll burn while we sleep no snoozing buttons to press, unflinching itch of unrest, just the linen and skin and your warmth seeping in through my chest

and everything comes so uneasy to me and im anxious of intimacy and i come so fucking quietly and its the only time i come near anything

playing games with myself do i bother asking for help when anyone caring just makes me want to run

and i havent seen my therapist since his showed me his song and he became a real person and that just felt wrong

and everything comes so uneasy to me everyone’s a splinter in my spine so much easier just being fine with never being fine and only going outside at night to stare at streetlights it’s the closest thing to god’s light, the way it shines when i squint my eyes

everything comes so uneasy and i don’t go to anything though i think staying alive’s about timewasting

and some screaming soundtrack carrying you around just never stop the sound just never stop the sound just never stop the sooooound!

must we masticate the past like it matters there's nothing left to say anymore

sometimes i think that love is a drawn-out decomposition.

that maybe i'm made for solid things plastic and metal and glass

things that i know will outlast me and you, and all of this.

rattle the chains till it sounds like an orchestra fix up your cell till it feels like home get past how you’re never gonna get past anything make friends with your demons so you’re not alone

chew down your hope until you cant remember the taste take what you’re given and perch on your throne of old skulls of all those who tried to get through to you someday your ghost tries to chat up the bones

wake from a nightmare, wake up in your nightmare wake in your glass house, wake up throwing stones wake up half-convinced that you are the monster that you are the reason that you are alone

outside’s too bright, it is too brilliant all of it alien, all of it wrong scamper back to what you once called prison document details only to write songs

fear crawling up and down your throat like acid peeling the paint on the words you can summon limbs frozen stiff by the years of confinement hold down the doors, don’t let anyone come in