TKKSwiftie (Swiftie Since 2006)

*Presses play* 👉▶️

*Autumn leaves fall down like pieces into place* 🍂

*Cries* 😭

One of the saddest songs I’ve ever written just got sadder 🙃Drove up to Long Pond Studios to record All Too Well (Sad Girl Autumn Version) with the besties Aaron Dessner & Jonathan Low

Tumblr for me (and many of us) is a safe space and here is where I can vent anything I want and feel comfortable doing it.

These months have been pretty (normal) and okay for me and my family, but you know, the pandemic is not over and who when it is gonna be. And so, my family and I are struggling again with paying bills, affording food or medicines or water, and it's literally almost impossible to have a job where you earn enough money to afford all we need, we live in Venezuela and it just doesn't get better, ever.

My dad has been unemployed for the last couple of weeks and I'm praying we can find a way to survive. I know we will but it doesn't get easier or less stressful.

Hope you don't mind or get sick of me for doing this... I really wish (with every part of me) I didn't have to.

If you are interested and wanna help, I can give you my p**p*l link so you can help us🙏🏻

Thank you to everyone who's been there for me reblogging my old post, sending me messages, showing me your support and donating🤍 you have a place in my heart!!

I actually did grow up on a Christmas tree farm. In a gingerbread house, deep within the yummy gummy gumdrop forest. Where, funnily enough, this song is their national anthem. #ChristmasTreeFarm song and video out now 🎄

Swifties: crazy theories

Taylor:

SO I am not really sure what lead to me vent about this on Tumblr but I don’t know maybe I feel like its a safe place.  Chances are whoever sees this will scroll by because it’s long long.  Thats ok.  No hard feelings.  It is more so just trying to get these feelings out of my mind so I don’t boil over.  So I don’t know if I have talked about it a lot here or not but my husband has a seizure disorder. He has had 6 brain surgeries in his life and he continues to have seizures but only petite mal seizures which are well controlled by his meds.  Petite Mal seizures are more of an annoyance to him vs. a danger.  Grand mal seizures are the dangerous ones.  With those types of seizures you completely lose consciousness and it can get pretty dangerous.  He has only had 6 of those his whole life and has not had one in over 10 years.  Well…until last night

So I am sitting in my bed, and I am thanking god that I was awake because if I wasn’t I don’t know if he would be here today.  He fell asleep on the couch with our daughter.  All of a sudden I heard like a choking sound and I thought I heard my daughter crying.  When I came out she was out cold sleeping still on the couch near him and he was having a seizure.  It didn’t look the same as his regular ones.  I said to him…are you ok?!  When he didn’t respond I could tell it was taking a turn for the worst.  I went to go grab the phone to call 911.  As I am calling 911, i had to help him and try to get my daughter out of the room because at this point she woke up.  I ran into my 11 year old son’s room to wake him up to keep my 3 year old with him.  Meanwhile I am trying to rush back to the living room with my husband while talking to 911. 

He was completely blue, foaming at the mouth and completely dead weight.  I had to flip him to his side so he wouldn’t aspirate and/or choke on the foam coming out of his mouth.  So I rolled him over to his side and just did what I could to keep him ok until the ambulance arrived.

Looking at my husband, the person I am supposed to spend my whole life with look dead, lifeless and blue was the scariest thing and I would not wish that on my greatest enemy.  Thankfully after 5 long minutes the seizure stopped and he was transported to the hospital.  I followed behind him and my kids went to my downstairs neighbors.  Thank god for her help.  She truly was an angel helping me.  

But now we are left with so many questions.  His med levels were much lower than they should’ve been in his system even though he was taking his meds like he was supposed.  For some reason his body is metabolizing the meds way faster than it should…which I am grateful theres some sort of answer as to why it happened but even still this is terrifying.

After my daughter was born, I struggled really bad with postpartum depression and my husband became the primary provider financially.  We heavily depend on his income to survive.  I am in school finishing my degree and working part time when I can but his income is what pays our rent.  Now with this he is out of work which means no check on Thursday.  To me that is extremely terrifying.  I have no idea how we are even going to pay the rent, pay our car….anything.  I am scared.  Not just about the money piece of course but about my husband.  He’s supposed to be here.  He is only 32 years old.  And in the blink of an eye his entire life changed.  What if I wasn’t there to roll him to side?  How will I ever sleep again?  I am so so scared that when I am sleeping something could happen.  I can’t even put into words how fucking scared I am.  About my husband, about my life, our home, just everything.  So please if you took the time to read all this, even if youre not really into praying…please just say a little prayer for me.  Please.  I have never been this afraid.  Ever.  He needs to be ok, right now he is but I am so scared for it to happen again.  What if it happens and I am not home?  He needs to be here.  My kids can’t be without their Daddy. @taylorswift  “Soon you’ll get better” hit me in a whole new way today.  :( I am just so heartbroken and terrified what’s going to happen next.  Please pray.