give me the strength

recently I've been enjoying adding "not in a sexual way, obviously" to sentences which previously would have been quite difficult to interpret in a sexual way

it's crazy when couples & friends & whatnot refer to themselves as "a packaged eel". like wow you two are so close that you are fusing into a long slimy fuck... & theyre putting you in a box......

Going outside with wet hair from showering is humiliating because everyone sees you and thinks stuff like "eww gross here comes the wet girl". But going outside with wet hair when it's raining? Unambiguous boon because now everyone is thinking stuff like "wow, she's so topical" and "her hair is a scathing critique of the times we live in"

(scribbling in my notebook when all the actors and actresses hold hands and bow at the end of the play) all boyfriends and girlfriends in this one too

I've seen hundreds - maybe even thousands - of images over the years. and so i've become somewhat of an expert on the topic

JFK Theory: when everyone blinked because of the loud gunshot, that's when the swordsman made his move

(nudging my liege as we walk past some visibly poisonous black berries) don't they look scrumptious my liege

no flirting I just stare at you like I’m awake during surgery

i love listening to ‘do i wanna know?' by artic monkeys becoz fuck yes i wanna know i love information #myinformation

I wish insomnia at least gave you more usable hours in the day instead of just more hours where you are stupid

i feel like something inside me has gone moldy

hope tumblr lasts another 20 years so i can liveblog my midlife crisis

worry about it kitten daddy fucked up

some people really do need to start reminding themselves that the answer to "why didn't the character just do [something entirely different]" is often simply "because then there wouldn't be a story"