this has been the hardest and worst year of my life. i’ve never experienced so much pain. I’ve never experienced so much ptsd and depression and anxiety and flashbacks. I’ve never felt this out of my mind and like I’ve lost complete control of my mind. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I made the right choice in bettering my life but in the end I may have just destroyed it to the point I can’t be saved. 

all i ever wanted was to come home and feel safe. now im home and alone and more vulnerable than ever. 

it doesn't really hit you until after a while. being homesick is one of the worst feelings i've ever experienced. feeling completely alone and having no one. i cant go to my parents and ask for guidance. i cant curl up in bed and cry. i've completely lost myself. i don't know who i am anymore. my boyfriend is the only one literally keeping me alive anymore. we thought everything would be better for us but if anything it's just destroyed us even more. every day i think more and more about being back home. and we almost had that reality but now we have to wait. i don't know how long i can fake it anymore. everyday gets worse and i just don't know how to cope anymore. i just want to be back in florida. see my parents. see my hometown. see my safe place. i cant be here anymore