it's the taste of tragedy sitting on the back of my tongue, threatening to make me sick.

#extradirty


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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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romaβ
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
occasionally subtle
Stranger Things
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@tiredporkchop
it's the taste of tragedy sitting on the back of my tongue, threatening to make me sick.

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"cherish the time you have left with him" and yet all i feel is relief. goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. may his soul find the darkness it so loudly craves. may his soul find the hurt it so bravely gave.
i feel a bit better about it all. i think most of all, i feel sad for what i lost. sad for what i didn't have. sad for what was traded for someone else's desire. i am sad for what could have been. and i think that's where my rage lies - in what was stolen from me. in what was taken away. and i could never do anything to stop it, it was never my choice. but maybe this is the circle finally coming to a close? he hit me when i was 19, and i almost pushed him down the stairs, and i feel like it was the death mark. between us and for him. i would outlive him and do better, and i will, and i have. i am so angry at what was ripped away from me, from my sister. that's what really upsets me. and i always said, i would finally process all of this once he died. maybe that feels scary. maybe it was much easier to simply ignore it all so i didn't need to face the big feelings. but maybe also there feels like an end to a darkness, and maybe the chance at freedom. and healing.
i say this honestly, beloved, i miss the old you
π§ the red jumpsuit apparatus - slipping through (no kings)

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Watercolor, May 26th, 2026
give
give so much
give too much
continue giving
and yet I must still survive
βI wanted it so much. I donβt know why I wanted it so much.β
β Ernest Hemingway, Cat in the Rain
At the hospital, May 19th 2026
Oklahoma City, May 17th 2026

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a morning hush over Winterhold....
tell your cat i said what up big gangsta
dusk and dawn, how i yearn for your touch. will she still love me, even as i follow after you?
does he look upon these lands?
sunsets in Solstheim..

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i hear the whisper of your voice as i walk through your memory, left here for me to find.