LittleBitch

Not gonna lie... I’ve read ALL the Explicit and Mature fanfictions for SnowBaz, and literally bookmarked EVERY fanfiction that Baz is a bottom. I have no regrets 😂

TinyBitch98

Who do you turn to when everyone starts to feelings like an enemy? What do you do when hurting yourself doesn't even hurt anymore? Where do you go when everywhere feels like a deathtrap? Why do I continue to live, when I know there's nothing left to live for?

How far does my loyalty go At what point is my debt fully paid Because no matter what I do or say No man or woman is truly free Our emotions, our love are shackles With the guard to the prisoner the same And the only escape is to loose thy self

Hi Vin! So funny story before I talk serious talk! So ganina sa Cafe Talk bah! I went to sleep and I asked Coach to wake me up by 1:30.. Nya so ok nagsleep ko, lami jud kaayo kog sleep. Kaibaw ka ngano kaibaw ko? Kaibaw ko kay naglawaylaway ko sa ila pillow! Hahahaha dmd, basa jud XD Ok serious talk. I'm really sorry Vin. I'm sorry how I reacted, how I acted, and for telling Coach. Pero promise cya lang ako ingnan about the kiss (for now T.T sorryyy pero di ko ka promise nga ako na makeep to myself, wait I'll discuss that sad later) we'll go by points! 1st point. I'm a hypocrite. I get mad or like take offense when you judge me or try to control my smoking. I mean yes, you are part of my life and important ka nga part of my life. But I'm entitled to my own decisions AND you're entitled to your views, but you don't have control. Similar to me judging and forcing you too find someone else. That isn't fair of me to do. I'm sorry for judging your taste or whatever. You're free to like or whatever whoever you want without my input. 2nd point. I was also unfair and irrational ganina. I'm always never sure of my feelings, but then I tried to force you to explain and make up your mind bisan di jud ka sure. Idk, its probably because recently when I feel lost. Ikaw ako adto.an kay I always feel like you know what to do. Then it scares me nga in this situation we both don't know what to do! Promise though, mu change or adjust na lage ko. I'll be a better (best) friend. I can't let you take all the weight, kay kita man duha ani. Not just me and not just you 3rd point. I feel like I need to explain better why I don't want you to feel more for me than just a bestfriend. Ok. So. Right now.. I'm really just not ready for a relationship. Even though I say let time decide, impatient man jud ko nya gahig ulo nya ako pugsun ang things nga di pa ko ready for. I don't want to ruin what we have by jumping into whatever bisan kita duha di pa ready. 4th point. Don't say nga inig graduate nato nga imo uyabun. Or like. You can say that, pero I really hope dili na nimo e believe. Serioso ko Vin. Don't hold on to the idea of me. Because 4 years is a long time, and a lot can happen in that period of time. You don't know where either of us will be. 5th point. You not wanting me to smoke is valid. And I feel like my wanting you not to feel more for me can also be valid. For me man gud, I know I love you, I've never loved anyone more than I've loved you. I can imagine you in my future, in my life. Pero what position you hold is very vague to me. Idk if bestfriend or more than bestfriend. I'm afraid that one of the major reasons I'll choose you is because I feel like no one will want me. And if you want me then at least someone wants me. So do you get why I don't want anything right now? I don't want to hurt you Vin. I don't want to start anything based on that principle. If. Ever magkauyab tah, tungud kay love tika without conditions. Ako ra jud gi apas diri kay as much as possible walay ma hurt, most especially ikaw! Promise if madala nga di ka mahurt, nya ako nalang mahurt ok ra jud kaayo nako. 6th point. I'm seriously considering not typing this point. But I feel like I need to get this out there. Ok. So. The kiss. I was genuinely uhm I had genuine feelings about it.. Like I didn't love it or hate it or was happy. But if I were to have my 1st kiss I'm glad it was with you. 7th point. I don't know how serious I am about this.. But I want to try again. Like more than a split second, pero di pud nato e count kay weird nah -_- I'm not saying this because I think it will give you closure. I think I genuinely just want to "get this over with" like I don't want to accidentally give my proper 1st kiss to some asshole! At least if ikaw I'm giving it to an asshole I love and trust and loves and trusts me back. Pero like if di jud ka, ok ra pud hahaha lol, di ko desperada, willing sad ko mu wait nalang for someone else. 8th point. Ang ako soulmates theory bah! Serioso na jud ko Vin. At this point ma guilty ko kay ka feel ko you're too good for me jud. Pero bahala ka. Bisan unsa ko ka inadequate for you kay ako jud ni e push ato bestfriendship! I swear you will never get rid of me! Ok! I think mao na na tanan. If naay additional then ato nalang sturya.an! I love you Alvin Seno Pino, stay in my life!

Alvin. I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone. Di ko mu deny ana. Pero I don't think I want to get rid of that .1, ka realize ko nga same tag feelings. I love you more than a bestfriend, waaaaaaaay more than a bestfriend. But I don't want you as a boyfriend. Cguro stupid lang guro ko or I really don't know what I want. Pero I want a lot of what people who are uyabs have with you, pero I don't think I want you that way. Siguro, yes, naay impact ang imo pagtreat nako that makes me feel like this. Pero sure ko di jud kana lang ang factors. Its like. You're the only one who makes me feel special or important or like i'm worth anything. Ikaw ra jud. Pero aside from that. Even before ka ni start ug say ana mga things, comfortable na kaayo ko nimo. Idk why. Maybe touchy lang jud ko nga taw, pero lahi jud cya kung ikaw. This is gonna sound really weird. Pero like ka feel ko mura tah like this manga I once read. Soulmates sila, pero they didn't end up together. Para nako we fit really well, di ko mu deny nga naa jud tay chemistry. Pero... At this moment. I'm not ready for anything. I don't know if naay forever, pero sure ko I'll love you forever. Pero kuan lang jud Vin, I can't love myself, so I shouldn't let anyone love me sah. Ikaw bahala unsa imo feelings para nako. Pero I sincerely hope nga things will stay the same. It will sound selfish pero I honestly want to treat you as a boyfriend, pero I don't think I want the label. I want to keep the .1, ok? At the same time, I'm not sure if healthy ato relationship. Because although mahappy jud ko if makafind ka someone else, someone better. Then ma happy jud ko para nimo, para ninyo. Pero di ko mu deny nga magselos ko. Bisan nagjoke ra ka around with Jade, magselos ko. Nya kanang magtalk ka with other girls labi na ang PPG or Blanche or even Chulum? Magmaoy jud ko. And I feel really stupid because I don't think I want to pursue more than what we have. Pero naa koy expectations from you nga wa kay obligations to fulfill. If wa ka kabantay libug kaayo ko nga taw. 17 pa tawn tang duha. We have many more years to figure out what we want. My answer is no, pero please keep that .1! Di ko magpa-asa nimo. Ni admit ko nga love tika, pero di ko ganahan mu go in that direction. And yes magselos ko, pero di ko crazy. You're free to find anyone else, pero kaibaw man ka ana. Wa ko nagfeeler. Mu support ra jud ko nimo ug unsa jud imo ganahan. Basta ang ako lang jud. I love your hugs, your cuddles, our talks, and the way imo ko ipa feel ug special. Ikaw ang most important person in my life right now, aside from my family. And I want a lot from you, pero I don't think the label of uyab is one of them. Lucky jud kaayo ang girl nga imo mapili.an honestly great kaayo ka nga person and I love you a lot nga di jud nako ma explain. Pero I don't think meant tah as more than what we have now. Plus. I think I'm too emotionally volatile at the moment. I can't understand how I feel and I don't know what I feel. Especially for myself. I need to figure out myself 1st before involving other people. Also the whole thing with Kristel might also be a factor in all this. Grabe jud ang ako pain and guilt over ana. Kay I don't want to become a liar. I don't want to be who I said I wouldn't become. And even though I love Kristel and I'll miss her. I love you more and I'm not willing to let you go. Shit. Daghan kaayo ko ganahn e say. Pero di ko kaibaw unsa ako ganahan ipasabut. Idk if what I want is really what I want. Because I'm the type to change what I want to what other people want. Di ni pa guilt trip. Pero Alvin, magbalikbalik jud tah ani. I love you and I want you in my life. I don't want you to leave me. Ever. Di na ko ka imagine sa ako life nga wala ka. Well, ingana sad ako pagtan.aw ni Tel sauna, pero karun I'm slowly accepting the fact nga malet go nako cya. Not because I dont love her, but because I'm starting to believe that she never really loved me. Pero if ma ingana gani imo feeling for me, like makarealize ka nga ang series of events ra ang naka trigger ani for you kay di mu change ako feelings para nimo. I'll still love you and I know imu impact sa ako life will be nothing compared to Kristel's. It will be much much worse, and I'd rather not HAVE to, pero if mu come na nga time. Mu try kog move on. Bisan unsa pa ko ka hate sa ako life, right now pagtype nako ani kay maka feel ko worth it ko mu live. I dont want to have to move on from you, pero you've made me realize nga basin naa koy purpose sa life. I want to keep things as they are. Like the hugs and cuddles, the ones I share with you. Pero if you decide nga you don't want those anymore, ok. Its up to you. I want the girlfriend treatment. But I also want the .1. I'll be selfish in asking that from you. Pero I won't expect it or force it. You decide what you want and I'll learn to accept it. I think we both deserve what we want. Pero up for negotiation dapat. I'm honestly sorry Vin nga I can't give you what you want. Because Idk what I want man sad in the 1st place. Basta love tika mao ra jud na ako na hibaw.an!

We've fought again. I think for real this time, and probably for the last time. I'm pretty sure I've lost you as a friend. I'm seriously doubting if we were friends to start with. I really hoped we could go back to what we used to be. But the idea of that is gone, long gone. It seems like thats all it really was in the 1st place, an idea. I'm doubting everything. What were our moments, what were our talks? What was any interaction we had? It all feels so surreal. You've finally admitted it to me. Finally told me how you really feel. Funny thing is, no matter how much what you said HURTS, I'm really not surprised. Its kinda sad that it was expecting it. You don't care and you probably never did care. And that feels like shit. You didn't even tell me. It was just through text. "Dli tika priority ayaw pag assume." Thanks. That really meant a lot to me. It just goes to show how important I am to you. Maybe I needed this experience. Maybe this is my turning point. Maybe this is my chance to stop liking you. Or maybe this is my downfall. Where I fall for you more, like the stupid little girl I am.

The problem isn't that were always fighting. I mean I can tell our fights don't mean anything. They're just "jokes". The real problem is that I have feelings for you; feelings I don't know how to control. How you see me really affects me. Your opinion matters a lot to me and I'm not used to that. I'm the type of person who wants to please everyone. Who wants to be liked and appreciated by all. I understand I can't please every single person, so when that happens I let it go, I angst over it then let it go. But when it comes to you I want to be something and everything you want. That isn't fair, the hold you have over me. I'm willing to deny my own person just to be worth your approval. I'd change anything and everything you didn't like about me, even if that was the real me. The reason why we won't have closure isn't your fault, its mine. I'm not ready, probably never will be ready to tell you I like you. That's the root cause of the problem and that's why it can't be solved. Because that closure will start a whole new set of problems. And when that happens you won't want anything to do with me anymore and I don't think I could handle that.

As of late, I realized that I think I might be falling for you. I don't know if I should let these feelings grow, I mean we used to be so close, you know? But then things happened and we fought, I felt like I didn't mean anything to you anymore. Instead of trying, you clung to someone else. You ignored me, you hurt me. And when we made up; what did you do? Nothing. You pretended like my feelings didn't mean anything. You went on with your life, while mine seemed to stop. My friends say there are many of other fishes in the sea. But to me it doesn't matter how many or what type of fishes there are. Because really, I'm still too afraid to throw the line, let alone hook anyone. But with you? I was willing to dive! To just let everything go and jump into it. Swim with you, even if our only direction was rock bottom. I'm too used to getting hurt. I know that's part of life. But I really hoped you'd be different. And yet you chose her, HER of all people. You could have at least chosen someone I hated, but no. You picked her, one of my friends. Someone I could be happy for if you ever get together. I wish you the best of luck. If you don't catch her first I really hope she'll catch you. I'll be here for you no matter what, even when you finally realize I'm really not worth your time. I hope you don't realize who you are. Let alone who I am.

Third: I was also kind of disappointed with how quickly my friend gave up and let me have my way. Yes, I’m all for women empowerment and all that jazz. But the problem with me and probably most other girls is that even if on the outside we want to portray confidence and power, we also long for protection and security on the inside. It sounds ironic and stupid, but its the truth. I kind of wish he’d not left my side and made sure I was walking on the sidewalk with him on the side where there were cars.

I know what you might be thinking: “Dump his ass.” But I can’t. I’m going to the prom with a guy who doesn’t even want to go with me, and the worst part is… as much as I know I shouldn’t be happy with how he’s treating me. I still like him.

I’m making a promise here and now on my 1st post that this blog will be true and authentic, I won’t post bullshit. Everything here will be purely me. I won’t censor my self and more importantly I won’t hold back. This will be my freedom, this is where my truths will liberate me. More importantly this is where I’ll find my self again!