tw

ugw: 85lbs / 40.8 kg

soooo christmas/new years screwed me up. i have this rule that my ed isn't allowed to get in the way of holidays or birthdays (it doesn't always work) but i definitely took it too far. i've been eating so much, my bfs mom actually started complaining about how much food's being eaten. she also mentioned the whole house is going on a diet and if we want anything that isn't in the meal plan, we have to sneak it in. it's kinda nice to not have to hide, but also makes me feel like crap. i didn't think i was still that big. motivation ig

another half pound? seriously??? i might have to extend this fast until christmas. but it was soooo rough today, it's gonna be hard. my bf got me a huge bag of cheese curds and likes seven boxes of my fave mac n cheese and it's all just sitting there. i keep reminding myself that it's not the last time i'll ever see these foods again, and they'll still be here once i can eat them, so i comprised w an extra hot chocolate. my fast ends at 4pm tmw, im hoping to make it until christmas eve at dinner but we'll see.

only down half a pound? okay ig. better speed up if i want to get back to 95 by christmas. changed my ugw, when i did get down to 95 i still could barely see my bones, so we're going to 90 now, and if that still doesn't work, im going to 85.

down a pound but i've been going through a depressive episode :/ it might be my bipolar, or just the fact that i live in canada and i need more vitamin d. like we got 9h of sunlight today??? i hate it here sometimes. my bf has also been super angry lately, i think maybe he's in a hypomania but idk. he's been lashing out a lot and it's been seriously degrading to my mental health, thankfully he's got an appt next week to check it out. he doesn't take meds bc "he can deal w it himself" but maybe it'll finally happen.

95lbs ✨

i'm back!!! is anyone still here? it's been so brutal the past few months. life got super busy and i wasn't on tumblr, but i got down to 95lbs around july!! i managed to pull it off until sept/oct, when my dr gave me a surprise weigh-in and i was given 2 options; inpatient or i take her treatment plan. no nutrition labels, no scales, no tracking apps (and i wasn't letting them find my tumblr), literally everything. so now i have to lose the same five pounds for a second time. annoyed.

anywhore wish me luck ♥️

back down to 98.5!! super motivated rn. tried to go shopping for some shorts since nothing i own fits anymore, but omfg. i must be an alien or smth bc NOTHING comes in my size. if it fits my waist it doesn't fit my hips, if it fits my hips it doesn't fit my waist or thighs. the closest i found was a size 12 kids and it was definitely not made for 22 year olds. i'm not even that fvcking thin!!!

didn't mean not to eat all day, but that's fine by me lol. even better, im out all day tmw walking around. hopefully i can at least shed a few lbs.

havent been on for a while since i've been eating like crap, but i have so many events coming up that i need to get ready for. plus it's summer now. been able to maintain 100lbs this whole time tho, so there's that.

UGH. i would've been fine if i hadn't gotten take out with my bf. why did i let myself do that. i could've just had the onion rings and been okay. gonna subtract 100 cals from the next 3 days to make up for it.

decided i'm not weighing myself until i know there HAS to be a dramatic loss on the scale. maybe i'll do it at the end of every week? idk. went on a decent walk, around 4km. went over my cal limit by 5 but a single goldfish cracker too many won't ruin anything.

went shopping for safe foods today. picked up a ton of my veggie food, i think im goi back to being vegetarian. i miss it. i need to stop snacking at night tho, it's really starting to bother me. i picked up gum, hopefully that works.

back on my bs. idk how much i weigh but i think i'll do that on day 3-4, i want to make sure i only see 2 digits on the scale. bc had some friends over, they ordered food and i barely had any. i caved at the milkshake, but it fit in my cal limit so it's all okay. it's been a long time since i restricted this "high" but i kinda like it.

didn't weigh myself, idek wanna know how much i put on. i went over 500, but tbh i wasn't counting much. my bf had a bad day, hurt himself snowboarding and twisted his ankle, so i ordered him pizza that he demanded i shared with him. plus sour patch kids. those things are my kryptonite.