I find myself somewhere between in many aspects of my life. My racial identity, my personality, and my sexuality are just a few. I am an adopted Chinese-Vietnamese woman, I was adopted by an amazing woman who is white. She did her best to raise me with an Asian identity. But it falls short. When I am in a group of Asian people, I am expected (by society) to speak another language, but I do not. When I am in a group of White people, I stick out like a sore thumb. (Whats up with that analogy, btw? Do sore thumbs stick out?).It doesn’t feel right to say i’m an Asian-American, because how Asian am I really? But I’m not a full American either because I wasn’t born here. I am somewhere between Asian and Asian-American.
I identify as an introvert, however I can also be quite out going. There are days where I want to stay home and never leave the house, but I am also excited to go out and experience the world. I’m not an extrovert because being around people is exhausting to me, but I’m not a complete introvert either. Perhaps I should identify as an ambivert... But I don’t feel a complete half and half either. I’m between an introvert and an extrovert.
And now, in my early 20s, I find myself somewhere between in the sexuality spectrum as well. During the summer of 2015 I came out as a lesbian. And I am very proud of that piece of my identity. But as of right now, I am only an admirer of women. I have not been in a relationship (does high school count?) with a woman. I have not had a sexual relationship with a woman. Only men. Because growing up, I felt the societal pressure to be with someone of the opposite gender. Luckily, I was raised in the PNW where other sexual identities are largely accepted. All but one of my high school ex’s are male. So when I talk about my relationships in the past, its always ‘ex-boyfriend’ or ‘this dude i was hooking up with’. And it’s discouraging. How do I explain this to a future partner, how do I talk about my past sexual and emotional relationships but still convey that I am interested in women? I’m somewhere between straight and gay.
origamiaround
prguitarman
2087
gummygunk
