how the pastas would murder you
Toby was already dumb enough to let himself believe in the illusion of you, but he was twice as stupid to try to save you from your fate. If the Operator ordered him to kill you, he would completely lose his sense of self. His need for praise from his peers, his need to prove himself to the boss- all of it would tear into shreds just for the chance of keeping you alive.
He would beg and sob in front of them- Tim, Brian, the Operator himself- to understand that he needed you alive, why he needed you alive. He would lay all his cards face up on the table, forgetting he was playing against the dirtiest cheaters in the ring.
They would, of course, use this weakness- you- against him, opting to torture you, make your death as drawn out and painful as possible, turn you into a shell of who you once were.
And he loves you too much to let that happen.
The only way he would kill you himself is if it were a kinder fate than any of the others. And he's so stupid in love that he suggests a joint suicide. But when you say no, he loses it completely. His moods flip like a switch, and when you can't understand that he's killing you out of kindness, it turns into a cat-and-mouse hatchet chase that begins and ends with him telling you he loves you, covered head to toe in your blood.
Like Toby, Ben will cross a hundred bridges before he kills you himself. He's actually smart enough to keep you a secret, and if it got out and you became a target, he would bend over backwards in ways unbeknownst to anyone just to save you. Think fake IDs, illegal passports, anything to get you far away from him and the others to live a life of peace.
If that didn't work, he would point-blank refuse to kill you. The Operator could torture him all he wanted. You were innocent and human and proof of a better life out there. He wasn't having a hand in how your blood splattered on walls and guts plastered the floorboards.
But the fate you're met with is worse than any painful blow or electric current he could send your way. The others make you a toy so they can watch Ben unravel. And he's too selfish to put a stop to it, because that would mean he'd have to be without you, and nothing was more brutal than that.
If Jeff actually manages to fall for you, he knows it's going to be temporary. He has the spot where he'll hide your body already mapped and cleared out, lest things go sideways. He knows he can't be trusted to let your guard down in front of, and he thinks you're pretty stupid for not knowing that.
When he's told he has to kill you, he flinches for a millisecond only.
There's a part of him that's clinging on for dear life, crying inside of his ribcage, but he knows exactly how to tune it out. He's clean with your kill. Makes sure not to wake you up right away. And when you eventually do, he knocks you out. The whole job's done in thirty seconds.
For the next few days, he's more sour than usual, but by the following week, he seems back to normal. Like I said, he knew this shit would happen. He just doesn't know why he let it get that far.
He acts like he doesn't care. He acts like you're just another name on the list of things he has to do before nightfall. But if you look closer at the bags beneath his eyes and trembling hands, fumbling for the lighter in his pocket, you can tell it's eating him alive.
There is a small part of him that enjoys this- seeing how bad his life can get by product of his own hand. There's a small part of him that revels in his insecurity, reminding him that he never deserved something like you in the first place. It comes out when he holds a gloved hand over your mouth, telling you, "You know I gotta do this, sweetheart," as he muffles your screams.
He hates every second of it and takes it out on his colleagues the second he gets back to the mansion. Days go by like nails on a chalkboard, but it never gets easier.
Every step to your front door physically pains him, like a thousand knives in his ribcage begging to escape. You were lovely, you were gentle, you were the only thing in this life that wasn't tainted by despair or disease. You, and your lace, and your curls, and your endless time for his wounds. You and your pitiful mortality.
He makes it as swift as possible. Cooks your favourite meal and laces it with poison. It's a dirty trick, but it's much easier than blowing your brains out and dealing with the aftermath. He sits by your side the entire time as you choke and gasp for air, stroking your hair and telling you it'll be over soon.
He cries before he goes home again. Despite it all, he's human too. If you're religious, he'll pray to your god for forgiveness. He never falls in love again, though. You taught him that much.
He thinks you make a beautiful corpse.
He forgets how to grieve like a human, but can't ignore the clenching in his chest when he remembers you won't be there in the morning, greeting him like you always do. Falling in love was a fool's game. He should've known better than to play it.
He has the grace to put you to sleep before killing you. His medical equipment gives him the ability to do so, allowing you to die quick and painlessly, and him to watch you, arms crossed, head tilted, for as long as possible afterwards.
And like the demon that he became, he can't stop himself from sinking his teeth into your flesh soon after you're gone. He thinks it's romantic, and no one cares enough to tell him it's grotesque.