* eternity kept /

just give me one single second to breathe     ; 

just give me one single second to breathe     ; 

“ i am angry because of my father. “

“ i wanted to get it right so badly that i always got it wrong. “

“ they gave me a name and alienated me from myself. “

“ i want to tell me i miss me. i want to tell me, i’m never coming back. “

“ i’m a negative of a person. “

“ you still think that i would never leave you. “

“ the world is not ready for me, yet here i am. “

“ you are the hero. you get a hero’s end. “

“ i talk to god, but the sky is empty. “

“ a burnt child loves the fire. “

“ still, there is this terrible desire to be loved. still, there is this horror at being left behind. “

“ i lived as a monster, my only hope is to die like a child. “

“ maybe i should have wanted less. “

“ don’t mistake my charity for what it is. “

“ the enormity of my desire disgusts me. “

“ i wanted to be loved so desperately that my fingers shook with it. “

“ i am not beautiful, but i could be. “

“ because you want to die for you. you always have. “

“ hunted girls grow shells and they call us hard women. as if survival could ever be delicate. “

“ there’s no telling how long you’ll be paying. “

“ there is love in my the likes of which you’ve never seen. “

“ there is rage in me the likes of which should never escape. “

“ here is the truth: i keep waiting for my anger to go dormant, but it won’t. “

“ i am sick of myself trying to give shape to all this sorrow, all this rage, all this loss—and failing. “

“ the dead past that survives in me and that has never been anywhere but in me. “

“ the past beats inside me like a second heart. “

“ i’m so scared of being alone. “

“ i was raised up to be admired, to be noticed. when you’re withdrawn, it’s the closest thing to assault when all eyes are on you. “

“ i feel like an empty class with a small crack in the bottom, as if every attempt to fill myself up would never, ever work. “

“ how long can you keep wanting something and not ask for it? “

“ if i can’t find love, if i can’t find peace, give me a bitter glory. “

“ there are no bargains between lions and me. i will kill you and eat you raw. “

“ be a caution. be a reckoning. be a thing that breaks before it bends. “

“ everyone i know is in some kind of pain. “

“ i want it to be my fault so i can fix it. “

“ you want to go missing, but not disappear. you want their attention, but not to be found. “

“ sometimes it feels like i didn’t even exist before that. like you invented me. “

“ tell me how you want me to be. i can be that. “

“ without you, life is entirely feasible but hateful. “

“ if i am to perish by the power of fire, at least let that fire be yours. “

“ my hands have made good mistakes. they can always make better ones. “

“ if i die because i gambled on love, then it will be a worthy death. “

“ i’m a clever girl to keep my mouth shut. “

“ tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway. “

“ my good intentions are completely lethal. “

“ if you are intolerable, then let me be the one to tolerate you. “

“ i carried my fear of the world as if it could protect me from the world. “

“ do you ever suddenly find it strange to be yourself? “

“ i couldn’t draw my own face if god asked. “

“ desire is no light thing. “

“ you don’t have to believe me. i love you all the same. “

“ i care for you still and i will forever. that was my part of the deal. “

“ you want to be left behind. that way, no one bears witness to what you’ve become. “

“ i am the monster i warned you against. “

“ you are the monster i claim. “

‘ let’s go again. ’

‘ i’m not done yet. ’

‘ you’re focusing too much with your left/right foot. ’

‘ here, try it again. ’

‘ steady your breathing. ’

‘ you’re getting better. ’

‘ you’re getting sloppy. ’

‘ show me what you’ve got. ’

‘ too slow. ’

‘ you’re moving too fast! ’

‘ watch me first. ’

‘ no, hold the gun/staff like this. ’

‘ straighten your posture. ’

‘ am i too stiff? ’

‘ i’m don’t think i’m getting this. ’

‘ it’s six am. it’s time to train. ’

‘ i don’t need your help. ’  

‘ i can train by myself, thanks. ’

‘ i’m just trying to help you. ’

‘ that’s right. let it all out. ’

‘ you’re letting your emotions control you. ’

‘ clear your mind. ’

‘ we’re done for today. ’

‘ good job out there. ’

‘ i think you’re already better than me. ’

‘ no offense. you’re good, but you’ll never be better than me. ’

‘ stretch first, then we’ll get started. ’

‘ wait for my word, then throw the first punch. ’

‘ teach me that move. ’

‘ i want to learn from you. ’

ENEMIES :

‘ don’t act so coy. ’

‘ you! ’

‘ you don’t deserve them. ’

‘ you will never get away with this. ’

‘ i won’t rest until i find you again. ’ 

‘ how dare you pretend to be her friend. ’

‘ does she know the truth about you? ’

‘ how could you do this? ’

‘ this isn’t you. ’

‘ i will be the one who kills you. ’

TO FRIENDS : 

‘ don’t act like you care. ’

‘ i never saw this coming. ’

‘ i’d call it an uneasy alliance if anything. ’

‘ you’re not so bad. ’

‘ i’m trying to trust you, but that’s going to take some time. ’

‘ just because we’re friends doesn’t mean i’m going any easier on you. ’

‘ i’m glad i have you now. ’

‘ try to keep up. ’

‘ so we’re cool now? ’ 

‘ don’t feel like you have to leave just because i got here. ’

TO LOVERS : 

‘ we shouldn’t be doing this. ’

‘ we’ve come a long way, you and i. ’

‘ one more time? for old times’ sake. ’

‘ i want you. ’

‘ i don’t care about anything else. ’

‘ you’re the one for me. ’

‘ i can’t deny it anymore. ’

‘ come to me. ’ 

‘ i just wanted to let you know… ’