Time in Color

How may I describe this world The one I try never to return back to Where the nights are longer And days are not warm enough This place I visit when I feel the need To descent into darkness Here where I feel a bit less alone Even when nobody knows me

This is where the boy lives He slit his wrists a long time ago To make ink, so his thoughts Can be written in brilliant red He sets his words free They grow wings and fly away Leaving him alone as he wanders These streets, not dead nor alive

Round the corner is the girl She snares the boy’s words Keeps them in gilded cages After a day, she calls them hers She sells them to the visitors Mere souvenirs on their journey Thus makes a pretty penny For a pound of pain

At the center of the catacomb Lives the Lady of Grace She has taken all the hate And hurt, Life gifted her Turned them into diamonds Sets them on her crown Her devotees adore her, more than She has ever loved herself

This is where I come To serve up my soul in a plate To the passerby who does not Know the cost of this offering Lick my wounds when Life beats me up Sometimes I feel, this is where I belong Between the broken and the dead

In my State of inebriation Blood, Thinned with spirits Now, with less viscosity Flows unrestrained Into my brain, oozing ego Flushing out the gunk That cakes Every thought of mine

Scales fall off my eyes Clarity! I see the damage done By asking you to choose Between me And everything that makes you My joints freely moving Hands folded Fingers locked Asking you to forgive me

As I wait anxiously Hoping, You would accept my apology I wonder How do I define what state I am in? Intoxication Because my body is filled with poison Or Detoxification Because my mind is free of hubris

One minute Breathing the same air

The next We are nowhere near

Relationship Ours, like a rubber band

Experimenting By stretching to new extremes

Outcomes Two, that will conclude this test

First one Equilibrium at the right tension

Second one The band snaps and we fall apart

Break it Or will we make it?

It is more than just a hug When I am wrapped in his arms On his shoulder, my weary head Every breath, filled with him

Lingering looks from strange men That are meant to strip me naked Do not matter because I am clothed by his embrace

The cold wind that otherwise Tear my skin and chill my bones Does not matter because I am wrapped in his warmth

Wolves that circle, threatening To rob me of my very essence Do not matter because I am protected in his arms

What matters is him and me And nothing else in between When I am standing firmly on My little square foot of heaven

My most beloved This is my gift to you A priceless dagger Forged of my love In its purest form

This is for the day You stop loving me And I start hating you With the same intensity I feel for you now

When that day comes I will rise up against you Turn into a dreadful beast Setting our past on fire Turning our future into dust

My dear, remember this Only my love for you Can destroy the hate So drive this blade Through my fiery heart

By ending the rampage You shall prevail You will survive me Now you have the weapon And always had my heart

She is my best friend She tells me as it is She says, after the euphoria I’ll crash back to reality

She is my finest teacher She quotes past instances Where happiness resulted In my foolish choices

She is my perfect lover She wraps me in her arms So tight, rendering me numb Unfeeling and miserable

Locks without keys, secure My frozen heart that barely beats Under layers of armor, is My scarred and wounded soul

One day our paths crossed You, from the land of Sun Took my ice cold hands Promised a place in a new land

Every kind word of yours Chips away at my cold heart Every time you show you care A wound in my soul heals

Every time you touch me A layer falls off my armor Every time you kiss me A lock clicks open

This journey with you Is taking me further away From the desolate landscape That I am so familiar with

I pray that we reach our destination For I have forgotten my way back I plead that you never let go For I will be truly lost

You have to know This is very painful for me Standing here after Cutting myself open Throwing out parts of me To make space for you

You have to know The humiliation that I feel When you see me bare With all my shields down Revealing all the scars, from Similar pursuits of the past

Also, you have to know My previous experiences Make me very skilled in Sewing myself whole again So if you do not want to stay Please walk away

The ink that was spilled Seeps through these papers Forming Rorschach tests

Each time I take a look I see different things I read different words

Rest of the pages of this book Will forever have the imprints Of the words penned before

Letters that were once crisp Blurred by the salty drops of woe Wrinkling the smooth white paper

My soul haunts these pages Like a coffin, beautiful outside Inside, decay and dereliction

Every day I believe a bit less Every hour I become more numb Every minute I feel a little less Every second I get closer to the end

When should I call myself a poet?

When I can write sentences that rhyme?

When I can convey my thoughts in two lines?

When I can find inspiration in anything and everything?

When my words makes you want to know me?

When you see the world through my eyes?

When you realize I hide behind these words?

Maybe I’m all that

Maybe I’m not

Till I know for sure, I’ll have to try

Through the window cracks Yellow threads of warmth Yet the room remained cold Cold like his hands

In his dull bed he laid Sick, sad and half blind Shell of a man he was once Hoping for no tomorrow

Content with life he led He shared his love and Joy He was ready to leave This one for the next

In the other room They planned his funeral A place for his mortal remains And how to divide his coins

Relations, like glass bangles Creates harmonious music And when it breaks It cuts you and you bleed

Then a morning came He moved on, no good byes What he left behind Lowered into the warm earth

...

The world is a bit darker In the absence of your light Forgive, the unkept promises Forgotten, never to be

Liars Masters of illusion Knights of falsehood I've seen so many

He was an exception

Nothing false about him Except for the beautiful lie The one I told myself That the feelings were mutual

When future seems to be set Inevitable events loom ahead I try to fight her, fight Fate Punch my way to new choices I try to fight my way Into an alternate path

I packed every shot With all the strength I could muster But this is a bout I am losing Broken ribs, punctured lungs Blood and sweat in my eye Stinging, blinding me

I am in pain, I am in agony Makes me wonder if it is worth Thrown around like a rag doll I can't fight anymore I don't want to get up Only to be beaten down again

Surely I am not the first fool Who attempted to fight her But I am the latest one Who lost against her I give up, I am tired of fighting Leave me here on this cold floor

You could not be any more perfect If you were created by my own design

But I cannot ask you to grow old with me Because there is no more growing left in me

Between your youth and my lack there of We are separated by the walls time created

You make me wish to be have been born later Or pause my clock so you can catch up

Touching you or feeling you has a cost My soul to be condemned eternally

I want to tell you I will find you the next life But what if it is a promise I cannot keep

Let us have this moment and this alone And say our farewells before time runs out

They say closure is important It is the path to healing But if I ever see you again Only to tell me You were never felt the same How will that do any good? It will only cut deeper And undo all healing time did I cannot be broken into pieces again So I wish to never see you again

A moment of lucid thinking All it takes to realize The future is not set This story not over yet

Healing can only begin When the rot is removed At times, to save life One must lose a limb

This is the end, she said Forgive me one more time, he said Immune from his apologies Turned her back and walked away

By closing that door forever She snuffed out the darkness Not to be defined by a failure Opened a new chapter in life

She will find love again And know when it is true Look back and barely remember That his name was Grief