THE aventurine of Jiraiblr

▀▄▀▄▀▄ ════ 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 ════ ▀▄▀▄▀▄

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃ call me aku , aven , aventurine , till , hetian , mae or ace

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃she / them / their prns

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃minor !! no nsfw or any weird shit please !!!

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃follows and interactions from @alienationist !

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃aventurine fictionkin and till yume ( I have WAY more yumeships......)

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃lifestyle jirai , please block and dont report !! tw : sh , eating disorders , vents

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃generalised anxiety , depression — suspected bpd + ocd and npd

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃im in alien stage , twisted wonderland , honkai star rail , demon slayer , tamon 's b side and way more but im too lazy to list

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃credits to @/doktoruber-archive for theme

── ♠ ˙ 💸 ̟ !!┃link to strawpage

▀▄▀▄▀▄ ════ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒 ════ ▀▄▀▄▀▄

🍀 ━ ⋮ Going all in ! ( general / talking )

🍷 ━ ⋮ Feeling lucky ? ( reblogs )

🎲 ━ ⋮ The dice has been cast . ( asks )

i am genuinely just a weak person in general

my immune system is so ass i get sick every other weak but its so fucking often the shelves in the kitchen are filled with like medicines and pills and that sorta bs

my body physically as well like not joking but im so fucking frail its concerning 🥹🥹

and of course mentally / emotionally

i was not made to survive three seconds wtf

im so sick bruh ...

i have a cold but its like getting worse now so a fever ??? i have a fuckass headache and now im feeling lightheaded ....

im wrapped in all the blankets of the house but im still so cold huh .....

someone cure me ....

someone should execute me now

i hate how ' different ' i am from people , but uhhh not like the ' omg guys im so weird and different like im totes not normal !!' sorta bs some people be doing but like i feel so ... not me ??

for context , my friends are very empathetic , my friend is sympathetic and me ? i genuinely can 't give a fuck unless it has something to do about me . and its why i hate when i see posts telling people to care because otherwise you 're a bad fucking person !! its like ' even if this doesn 't effect you , you should at least spread awareness about it to show you care !!'

but i really don 't care ??? i don 't care if one of my friends are crying , i genuinely cannot give a flying fuck and the only reason i comfort them is because i don 't want them to embarrass themselves ... they 're supposed to be perfect ... i 'm supposed to be looking up at them as they 're standing on a pedestal , looking PERFECT

they shouldn 't be crying on my shoulder , nor should they tell me that everything hurts ... because i won 't care ... i 'll never care for fuckass everything

i 'm a bad fucking person . i 'm horrible . if i can 't even feel for my friends , then i must be worth less than garbage

i genuinely just hate having feelings at all bruh 😢😢

i should stop reading/watching/consuming any sort of media

i hate how empty i feel after completing it , and although it 's completely normal , i just hate that feeling .

the feeling of completion , like there 's nothing else to do , nothing else to compare to what you 've just seen

if only my life was like that , i would have ended it a long time ago

my standards of men are so TERRIBLY high after reading so much rom com manga and manhwa its lwk crazy

im so extremely certain ill never get with anyone in my life because of this and i dont really mind because like , why would i ever be with some low life guy who doesn 't buy me flowers every single day ?!?!?!

nevermind im such a fucking faker im a COWARDD EWWW HATE ME

oh yeah and new dividers cuz my posts looked boring ...

couldn 't get the exact colors of my theme since the psd they used disappeared so colors r just half - assed

its a good thing i dont have much friends anyways that way no ones gonna talk me outta it but i mean as if anyone did that during my other two attempts 😂😂😂

icbf about what happens after i die

i dont care about whether alien stage makes new episodes or music

or whether my fav artists posts a new album

i dont care whether my friend has something to celebrate

or whether my siblings just watched the next coolest movie

i 've lost interest in everything in this god forsaken world

why do we suffer for only a glimse of happiness ?

i genuinely NEED to end things do you know how much i despise living?? i cant deal with this shit anymore , im tired im tired IM TOO FUCKING TIRED !! i cant keep going !

i need death to come i need it so desperately !!

third time 's a charm , right ?????