Just because you say things doesn't mean they're true. You're not trans. Just because your internalized misogyny makes you want to reject the gender hierarchy by using they/them pronouns and a slightly-edgy boy name doesn't mean you're trans. How can you call yourself a writer and a feminist when you lack any sort of serious self-reflection on how the system has constructed your patchworked identity?
Oh anon, sweetie, you chose the wrong person to send this shit too.
Iām not answering this for your benefit. I donāt owe you an explanation for who I am. Iām answering in case doing so helps make other trans folks who get similar messages or in case it educates someone else.
Iāve spent a lot of time questioning my identity. 20 years of figuring myself out, then 8 months of growing into myself, figuring it out - and yes, writing and talking about my identity in great detail. I guarantee that Iāve done more self-reflection than you EVER have.
I know exactly who I am now. I am a proud nonbinary person. Not because of any stereotypes about what boys and girls should be like but because itās who I am, right down to my bones. It doesnāt matter how masculine or feminine or androgynous I present, it doesnāt change who I am. Just as you changing your clothes doesnāt change your gender.
I donāt have internalised misogyny. Not anymore - I did growing up. I hated pink, I hated make up, I hated skirts, anything associated with little girls. And I made fun of girls who did like those things. As a teenager, I was ānot like other girlsā I thought I was cooler and funnier because I was friends with the boys.
But all of that was complete bullshit. Of course it was - thereās nothing wrong with being a girly girl. I clung to that and was so dismissive of feminity because feminity made me uncomfortable, it caused me dysphoria. I didnāt know that then but I do now.
Iām not nonbinary because of internalised misogyny. In fact, I unlearned that misogyny by accepting myself as I am (a nonbinary person). When I figured out my identity I could stop punishing myself and hating myself for the feminity I showed because I learned to accept myself. And that meant I could stop hating the feminity I saw in others too.
I love girls. I love masculine girls and feminine girls and androgynous girls and all kinds of girls. Theyāre smart and funny and cool and brilliant. My best friends and some of my biggest role models are girls and they can do anything they put their mind to.
Iām just not one š¤·āāļø I canāt help that.
My identity as a nonbinary person isnāt patchworked from the patriarchy and itās not about rejecting womanhood. Itās who I am. Itās home. Itās a part of me right down to my roots (and I promise you the patriarchy does not think of nonbinary people as allies lmao).
Also Theo isnāt a boyās name. Itās MY name.
And indeed, Theo is a unisex name (yes there are girls named Theo!) It could be short for Theodore or Theodora. But itās funny how you assume that masculine is default isnāt it?? Almost as if⦠You have some internalised misogyny of your own?
If you come back in my inbox you will be blocked. Bye bye now!