all the threesomes

Being pretentious and arrogant is literally all we have #myvanity

Sorry I cried wordlessly and motionless in your arms for like 30 minutes, that was probably scary. Can I still suck your dick?

i want to crawl on you like. Bugs

I sent you omens and all kinds of signs please respond

women keep coming up to me giggling and blushing and running their finger along the edge of my mighty greatsword like STOP theres literally evil afoot

um sorry for moaning when you stabbed me. it's been a really long time since anyone touched me like that

your boner is looking radiant tonight my liege

some of you need to realize that your faves would be having unsafe bdsm sex because they don’t actually know what bdsm sex is, they just want to fuck and also kill each other. you must understand this.

[ID: a post by Twitter user Kivvycat reading “It's been a year since I met the one that completes me (hear eyes emoji) ~ thank you earthen artifact that doesn't show up in mirrors and boils water when placed in it. I love you (double heart emoji)”. Below is an image of someone holding a piece of stone roughly carved into a face with empty eyes and an agape mouth. End ID]

puppy play but halfway thru i suddenly start barking and run off into the woods faster than u can keep up with. u quickly lose sight of me. u call out my name and whistle to no response. u walk slowly in hopes of hearing where i may be but its dead quite. my barking stopped some distance away. it was getting dark when i ran off but now its pitch black. against ur better judgment u leave in hopes that ill come back of my own accord. 3 days later uve given up hope. ur printing out lost dog posters when u hear scratching at the door. u open it to see me. u lunge forward and hug me so excited i came back. immediately upon being back u feel like somethings off. i look and sound just like me. but i walk around the house like i hadnt been there. i refuse to eat anything even treats. and when u look at me u get the sinking feeling these are different eyes staring back at u. almost as if theyre seeing more than usual. u initially write it off as just being due to stress of being in the woods alone for a few days. but one day in the middle of the night u hear a scratching. u think its me but im asleep on the floor by ur bed. u walk out into the hallway. u follow the noise to the front door. under the sound of scratching is whining. my whining. u swing open the door to a barrage of licks and headbutts. the joy u get from seeing me immediately sinks into a gutteral fear as u realize the dog that came back. the dog uve spent a week sleeping next to. was not me. but some kind of imitation. i start snarling. then whimpering. u dont need to turn around to know what was standing behind u. u pick me up and run as fast as u can. stomping footsteps way too close behind u. and then. nothing. u turn around just in time to see the thing that was once imitating ur dog lurch into the woods. it lets out one final bark in my voice. then disappears into the trees. and then we like. have sex or something