Euphoria

Playlist

Head over heels - Alanis Morissette

Disco 2000 - Pulp

The only expectation - Paramore

This is love - PJ Harvey

Crying laughing loving lying - Labi Siffre

Current Affairs - Lorde

If I had a gun… - Noel Gallagher‘s high flying birds

You’ve got to hide your love away - the Beatles

Norwegian Wood (this bird has flown) - The Beatles

Tangerine - Led Zeppelin

Black - Pearl Jam

The man who can‘t be moved - the script

Your heart is a muscle - Carly Rae Jepsen

Do you remember the first time - Pulp

Jobless Monday - Mitski

Chinese Satellite - Phoebe Bridgers

Cornelia street (live from Paris) - Taylor swift

More than a memory - Carly Rae Jepsen

This love - Taylor swift

° So the night ended with you two saving numbers and a high desire to meet again.

° Though, when you were hungover and coming back to your senses, you did question for a bit why you had so many pictures of him in your camera roll until you eventually realized that you may or may not have been starstruck by him. Completely (but who can blame you if we're being honest?)

° Still to this point, you didn't realize that the amazing femme you hung out with so much last night was actually AMAB. Not that you'll ever mind; you dated a trans woman before and plan to let things happen if they want to happen however they happen, but for Jongseob, this was a serious thing to battle.

° Because Jongseob was never really involved with a girl in such a queer way before. By the looks of you and the way you talked, it was pretty sure that the thing you searched for was a plain lesbian romance, and what if you’re a total anti-transwomen lesbian? What will he do then because he absolutely loved the way you touched him, looked at him, and spoke about him? He can’t lose what he likes so much, can he?

° And he knows he’s alone in this because this problem is too niche even for someone like Keeho, who has been on this side of the internet and knows about stuff like this on a level or two. Man, what on earth was he going to do? He can’t be honest, can he?

° He was honest with you when you two met again.

° With sweaty balls and a faint feeling of nausea, of course.

° You, however? “Are you a man? Like, do you identify with that term?“ Well, what is he going to answer? It was pretty obvious that he wasn’t. So you took that answer as your confirmation to simply continue seeing him. You didn't just love woman, you simply loved everything that didn't enjoy the presence of the patriarchy and its visuals inside a relationship, and he pretty much confirmed that for himself with the way he presents himself and the way he identifies. And who cares if he is masculine at times, has a penis, and uses he/him pronouns? You have seen cis women do the same (except the penis thing) and still be included in lesbianism. And who are you to really care? You liked him for what he makes you feel.

° Let’s be honest, after that talk, you didn't think much of the circumstances you two apparently are in because it's not that deep to you.

° Let’s get to the fun stuff now!

° Jongseob does not get to be typically masculine in this relationship unless he really pleads with you. You are carrying stuff, you’re making the phone calls, you are making the plans, and you are simply the dom and he’s the sub living the sub dream.

° You carry this relationship with massive pride. When people look, it better be because Jongseob has simply that swag, and if they do it because of something else, better believe you take care of it

° He really admires you when it comes to the tolerance you’ve built for all these judging people and the pride you carry when it comes to your queerness. It helps him to calm down from time to time when he feels too paranoid.

° But just because you take more control when it comes to some things doesn’t mean that he doesn’t show his love in other ways.

° He takes time to understand you properly, going deeper into struggles you have and what the reason might be. Which normally always ties back to the big evil (capital, patriarchy, and race). He wants to be intellectual on the same level as you so as not to make you feel unsafe or unheard in a situation where the opposite is needed

° Well, yes, he can’t help with the stuff you’re already doing for him, but he does the things you don't want to do. Like getting you products you're running low on, giving you gifts (a lovely love language indeed, once you have a friend like that, it's heaven, tbh), and devoting his music to you. Like, he was written ALBUMS worth of shit for you that you‘ll all see when he wants you to see it (possibly when a solo project drops) or never.

° What does he get in exchange when you see his care for you? Gender affirmation! Every “Thanks, my girl“ gives him the butterflies and a euphoric rest day. He doesn’t demand it, but he’s slowly getting addicted to it, and you use it as your advantage. What advantage? You don't even know.

NSFW

° Peg him

° Come on, peg him!

° But on a serious note, a very serious note, he isn't opposed to it. If anything, he actually brought it onto the table

° Which is funny to you because you have been mainly strapped down when the strap-on was involved, but an experience is an experience, no?

° Though, soon you figured out that hearing his pretty moans and his nice pleas for you to go faster made you extremely horny, so this started to be a reoccurring thing

° Once you’ve made him cum, however, he rewires his brain into serving (not the looks; I think he can physically never turn that off) you and starts to eat that coochie with such love and lust mixed that you see stars at least 3-4 times. He just likes to give back the nice feeling he had, nothing you would ever complain about, though.

° Jongseob absolutely loves for you to be more mean while you top. Obviously not the typical degrading stuff, I feel like that's the part that is a bit too much for him. He is a Cancer moon after all, but do be a little dirty-worded whenever you’re railing him. Makes him whine even more.

° He can’t explain how you do it, but whenever he is having a shit day or he’s more vulnerable, without even having to say anything, your demeanor and your words during sex are softer, more loving than the version he loves on a better day. This is the stuff that makes him cry. Utterly. There were fr times when you stopped just so you could comfort him.

° He understands how difficult it must be for you to have sex with him because of his genitalia, which you aren’t attracted to, so he never expects you to do stuff with him in the first place (bare minimum, btw). Like if you’re feeling off about some things, he'll stop you or himself and talk. Or if you decide you cannot keep having sex with him, he'll accept it simply because it's not his place to force you into stuff you weren't even into in the first place. Communication is key, though, so do tell him before regretting it later

Or your eyes if he’s being honest. Your beautiful eyes stared at a pair of jeans that inspected it with all the care in the world. Those exact eyes are the ones that he fears. It’s a pathetic thing, he knows. The eyes that never showed any implication of hatred towards anything extraordinary are the ones he never wants to see in disgust when he opens up about this, but that's exactly the reason as to why he has that fear. No, that sounds ridiculous, right? Maybe Jongseob can't grasp his feelings, his gut feelings, in words, but he does know that you can never be sure about what people might do when they realize that someone is extraordinary. Not heteronormative.

But you’re not like that, no, you aren’t. You smile at strangers, you help children find their way home. Sure, you have character and show stubbornness like a heart on your sleeve, but that never turns into pure rudeness. If anything, you have the mind to understand him enough. That was the mere reason why you two got together in the first place. You two understand each other in ways he never knew could exist, and yet, he struggles to express the very thing that is a core part of his life. “Everything fine, love?“ The touch on his shoulder made him shriek, and you couldn’t help yourself but to crack a smile. Jongseob defensively tried to hide the piece of clothing he had glazed at a few seconds ago, but you had already seen it.

“Jongseob, I‘m not that dumb, I’ve seen what you’ve been doing“ His shoulder dropped instantly, in defeat, not relief. Sighs escaped him, almost out of necessity and disappointment in himself, but you didn’t let this droopy, almost demeaning atmosphere cast over you two. Instead you grabbed his face, let his unsure eyes take a look at your quietly caring ones, and silently brought over a message of understanding. “That color surely doesn’t suit you. But I’ve seen one where I was that would look hot on you.“ You could see his eyebrows twitch for a tiny second before his body dropped in tension. This time out of humorous reasons.

“You can’t just continue this conversation with such a stupid thing, babe!“ He exclaimed as his face hid in your chest. You laughed back, your hand affectionately rubbing up and down his back while keeping your eyes elsewhere. Now you weren’t just shopping for yourself anymore, now you were the one helping out. And you loved every second of it. “But when I get all serious, the whole mood for the day will be overthrown! This is a mundane thing, dude!“ He could’ve been dramatic about the pet name he has gotten, but he didn't. Instead, his eyes peeked up, and his mind began to push away his shame. It’s stupid now, isn't it?

So, when you didn‘t return home at the usual time you do, he already had his worries at a high level, which increased even more. His eyes were basically burning on the food he prepared for you two, which was untouched on both sides. He couldn't really eat when he was worried sick. Especially when it comes to you, and he wasn’t even given a message ahead. Normally you would text him if you were late, but now, with almost an hour passing when you usually came home, he really became sick. He felt as if every blink was a drag, and his stomach was basically overdosing on that gut feeling. Jesus, he really doesn’t like that feeling. He doesn’t like to worry so much, but this might actually be a valid reason to do so.

Jiung trusts you completely. Never once has cheating crossed his mind, and it doesn’t cross him now. Quite the opposite. He is fearing the worst. A random meeting would be okay, but he fears an accident on the road until a murder. His knuckles turn white at the mere thought of every single scenario that his mind tortures him with. Jiung should distract himself, but he just can’t. Even when he silently whispers to himself, pleads to the gods, his body remains on his seat, burning holes into your plate with his eyes. He isn’t even sure what he'll do, what he'll feel, once he sees you and knows why. He would never get mad at you but always at himself, and whenever that happens, you get sad. And that's the last thing he'd ever want to see.

He has never been in such a paradox before. Being torn between what he normally does and what he needs to avoid because he will feel bad because of it makes him feel even weirder. If there was any way to truly make all of this disappear, he would do it in an instant. A bottom that makes all of this vaporize would be a heaven. You’re already in heaven, but he can dream of that as well, can't he? Well, his dream seemed to get destroyed as his phone vibrated. All his anxiety that had been pushed down for a few seconds came back even stronger. His eyes gently glanced over the screen, seeing your number in clear headlights on it. Jiung tried to take a deep breath before going all in and taking the call.

“Jiung“

All the tension that slowly built up inside his body seemed to relax when his brain registered your voice. You, on the other side of the line, would never be able to see or hear it, but like you knew your boyfriend, you already predicted how tense he was. Man, it wasn’t even a planned thing to be late, but what can't be helped can't be helped. Or at least that's what you try to tell yourself. “Where have you been? Is everything alright?“ There was that worry that marked his character and made it extraordinary. You almost smiled at the sweet voice that embraced you in the way you needed it. “Okay, well, how do I explain this?“ Your own worried voice almost brought him over the edge again. As if all that he feels inside his mind can’t be erased just by the presence of his dearest.

You would’ve expected a ‘take your time‘ from him on a normal day, but now it wasn’t a normal day. Your gut feeling knew it in the morning, and now you’re seeing it in front of you. Quite undeniable as well. You, too, took a deep breath, taking your phone closer to your face, somehow imagining him feeling it deep inside his heart. “I‘m at the police station? Don’t freak out more than you already do- okay stupidly said from me- but I may or may not have been harassing someone right as I left work“ This was enough context clues he needed, right? There couldn't possibly be anything he needed to know more, right? Well, by the gasp, the very loud gasp, you figured that more was needed before the questions inside his head became really too much.

“Just so we‘re clear, I wasn’t sexually harassing anyone, I was merely harassing with a bit of threats being made. I was walking down my parking lot, and I saw a woman standing a bit uncomfortable- which of course, rang my alarm bells immediately- so I tried approaching her. What I didn't account for was that her pi- well her man approached me and aggressively started to talk to me and shove her away“ You took a deep breath in between your overly explained reason, but Jiung didn't even notice that. He was completely involved in this fucked-up reality you two were trapped in now.

“I admit that I acted recklessly and extremely stubbornly, but I started to argue back, and when I realized that he was getting away, I just swung my bag and hit him. The rest might be too much for you to handle, but let's say that he and I are both reporting each other as we speak because we got caught by the police“ Despite the calm and slightly humorous way to express yourself, you have to admit that the adrenaline inside your body was starting to be replaced by the lack of serotonin, meaning a bit of regret washed over you. “How on earth are you not in the hospital?“ Good question. By the look of your face and arm, you figured that maybe that would be your next stop. But if you tell Jiung this immediately, he‘ll die. No real reason, he‘ll simply die. And you aren’t ready for that. You never will be.

So your humorous side comes back to work its charm. “Your wonderful partner can defend themselves. Just a bit of bruising here and there, nothing that the police wanted me taken in for. He was actually quite a weak fighter“ The last part actually moved you away from the phone to take a laugh. Jiung would’ve enjoyed it if it was something you weren’t involved in, you know it. “But let me finish, okay? Since I'm fucked up, would you mind picking me up? The police said I should wait at the station because the dude is free again“ That last part managed to send shivers through your body as you knew that he'd be with that woman again. But that’s something you needed to cope with once the situation has died down enough. In the back of your mind, you already have a revenge plan structured out, but now is not the time.

A hum escaped your boyfriend, the keys already rattling in the background. “We‘ll talk about this once we‘re alone, okay?“ It wasn’t a question he asked, it was a pleading statement you needed to accept. You owe it to him in a way. But that might be too unpleasant to bear.

Jiung knows how you live, how you express yourself, and how you hide every emotion that lingers deep in that ocean that is your soul, and he accepts it in every aspect. No, he loves it. It makes him feel new, exciting, and also at home. But right now, as he drove to the police station, his mind began to race all around how you managed to do that. You have all his respect, totally, but his worry eats his respect up with every second. Not of what the police might say, fuck the police in all regards if he’s honest, but more of how you would deal with it. Probably the way he knows, but his desire to break through that, help you unravel in a healthy way is what begins to worry him in addition.

Though, inside his heart, he knows that nothing could go wrong. You may need more time or perhaps space, and he’s willing to give it to you if you later talk about it. Any way is okay, just a simple talk so you can truly process it. Jiung doesn’t need all the details as to how it happened, what ensued as the fight progressed; he just needs you to be fine. And now you’re not, so he’s dying inside by mere pieces. It pains him to realize his demise in that aspect. His being too worried is ringing alarm bells inside your already troubled mind, and he doesn’t want that for you. He gets sick at the thought of him getting calmed down while you should be the one. You, never him.

So because of this terrible realization, he takes deep breaths inside his car while the lights of the police station shimmer on his hair. He can do this! He has to be there for you! As he exhaled the affirmations inside his head and the breath he had been holding, his eyes saw you inside the building. You were seemingly glued to your phone, face scrunched and your leg jumping up and down. There was no way you could try and pretend to be fine in front of him when he knows this is your state. Gluing to your phone is normal, but your face and leg basically enable an energy that screams, Don't get near me or I explode? That was the clearest dead giveaway even for a person who doesn’t understand social cues. His eyes moved to his hands on the gear again. The view he has of his hands was the last push he needed to get up and rescue you.

Your eyes snapped towards the door when it opened almost rapidly and quite aggressively. Inside your head, even if it was merely subtle, you imagined that the guy from earlier would do the almost round on getting revenge. But seeing your boyfriend, whose eyes were practically also staring into yours, was sneaking in a state of calm. How lovely. “Is this your partner, L/N?“ You nodded eagerly, your need to get out of here almost on display, but before anyone could pick up on that, Jiung started to take the lead. “Is there anything I need to fill out, or is my partner free to go?“ The two policemen took a glance at each other, perhaps silently already categorizing you two as a couple. How scary. But despite that, they shook their head and gently gestured to get you two away.

Silence stretched over your atmosphere as you two got into the car. Not because there was shame lingering, in all honesty, shame for the things you did would be the most outrageous thing ever. No, you were quiet because your realization began to waver down on you. You couldn't help her the way you knew you should. It’s an obligation that you took when you decided to be a better person, and yet, with your body sitting in the car and him driving somewhere far away to be out of the police's eye, you knew you failed. Maybe it was the system that allowed him to go away. Wait, no, it was the system that got him fleeing. But Jesus, you should've just killed him when you had the chance. She would’ve been free, she might be able to laugh now, but no, you’re in the car driving away from what might be justice. At least in a life where the police really do their job.

Your sighs, your weakened and melancholic body, and your aura alerted your boyfriend to speak up. Fuck the protocol for once was what he knew he needed to do. “You did the right thing, Y/N“ You hated the way he spoke. So sure, so sincere, so understanding without ever trying. It’s breaking your thick wall of resentment you have for yourself. “Say that to the woman who’s probably getting treated worse now“ You’re way too empathetic to be so aware of reality. An empathist with realist scenarios running around their head. Your eyes began to move to your boyfriend's face. The lights of the street were reflecting on him, but you only cared about his eyes squinting at your sentence.

“He’s on the police's radar now. That’s a step forward“ You sighed again, your eyes back to the road. Today you should’ve been having dinner with your boyfriend, forgetting about the work you need to do for work, but now you are questioning everything about justice. “It doesn’t work that way, babe. He’s on the radar, but the proof was heavy, so heavy that one of the pigs almost threw up. They still let him go. That’s not justice that‘s corruption of everything that is justice to the state“ You went directly to blood, you cut where the system was invisible and still dragged it out. For a normal person, it might sound stupid what you said, but for anyone who cares, who sees and feels, it was the simple recalling of what they already knew deep inside. And the same was for Jiung.

“And there is nothing we can do in the moment“ He added, not to drag anything down, he simply acknowledged what is served. You nodded, something he saw in the corner of his eye. Your state was justified, your state needed time to be ignorant again. But perhaps that‘s not what you needed. Maybe this is the start of you becoming selfless. A drag for your caring and pathologically worried boyfriend but a jovial event for the public. The car comes to a halt, the traffic light is red. He looks at your face and begins to feel sad inside. Not only you are an empathetic person, he is too. Pathological, like you. But he smiles softly as his hand goes to cradle your face with all the pride he feels for you. “It’s okay to not feel fine at times like these. Just so you know, I‘ll be there for every stone you throw because of this, and I‘ll be there when things go wrong“

° So he made the best out of it

° Keeho was a bit tipsy when someone next to him started being louder than usual. Which was funny because there was no one he knew who was next to him

° But soon enough he got his answer when you turned around and knitted him into the discussion you were having with your person

° He’s a gentleman, he is noisy, so he in fact did give his opinion when asked, but his brain did not register that he was talking to THE Y/N, so his personality shined completely through when he talked to you over the night

° When he realized it, he was already head-deep in a hangover in his childhood bedroom in the morning. After he had this realization, his eyes were staring widely into the distance for at least 20 mins. He must’ve been dreaming, right? That wasn’t you, right?

° His inner questioning continued until he was in the garden and someone excitedly waved to him. You. Y/N. Jesus.

° You seemed to have recognized him and were too eager to tell him how much you enjoyed his company and how funny he was at time.

° You weren’t even hiding yourself despite being so famous, and Keeho seemingly calmed down his nervousness with that.

° He thanked you and told you the exact same

° What he didn't expect after the conversation you two had was to receive your number. Yes, the number of the Y/N who has, like, a few more awards backed up in their house somewhere where the rich lived

° but he was not complaining

Dating you

° What unraveled from him getting your number was just a friendship at first. Must’ve been because Keeho is so best friend coded or because dating as a famous person is always a risk many people don't want to take.

° Either way, you and Keeho seemed to have connected very fast over the texts and hangouts you had. Talking about the little stuff you do in your studio, what you want to do when you two meet again, or what stuff has been pissing you off. You and Keeho are very much on a giving and receiving when it comes to attention, and it seemed to have worked out in the end.

° What made your bond closer to the dating stage was the fact that you two understood and helped each other when it came to the pressure and quiet paranoia you developed due to the eye of the public and the companies. It’s a silent comfort of hugging, nice words, and just letting those feelings exist that made you so confident in dating him and vice versa.

° So now you date, and then?

° There isn’t much that will change except the more physical affection, but since you two are mostly long distance, it preserves itself for special moments rather than the norm

° At least that was the case for a long time until you went south with your social cycle back in your home city. So with every capacity you had in your mind, you decided to move your butt to Seoul. Not only does that draw you away from public eyes for a bit and get you closer to Keeho, but it also creates some banger songs for your next album

° Which, speaking of, Keeho got to see how it was started, created, and polished till it was perfect. Not only was he so proud of you and everything you’ve done, but he was also honored to be a part of it with the story you were telling throughout it.

° Perhaps he wasn’t a muse for a love song yet, but he was part of what drove you towards a safer reality, away from what made your social cycle so toxic back in your old city

° Despite dating you, however, he is still a fanboy inside that will be anticipating your album release like any other parasocial fan you go

Going public

° Though, as your album was released and you were back in the spotlight, some eyes (mostly paparazzi) were eager to pry into your personal life, so it meant you two had to adjust for a bit

° He understands that completely after all, he expected you to do it first when it came to his image, so whenever you two are out, best believe he’s using his knowledge of Seoul's streets to hide you two

° Yet, the paparazzi is known to be extremely good at their job, so soon you are basically on the front pages of every news outlet and TikTok page that cares to comment on a relationship they know nothing of.

° Were you immensely scared and didn’t leave your house for a few days? Totally. Was Keeho trying his best to help you and himself with letting those feelings exist? Yep.

° What seemed to make you more open-minded to being open about your relationship was the cute videos you saw of you and Keeho's fans and how they basically celebrated the fact that you two (arguably the hottest people alive) are dating

° But what you decided to do was just a small confirmation and letting the relationship be as private as allowed. Keeho was happy about that, believe me, any relationship that's too public starts to become less personal after a while, and he can't imagine letting that happen, especially to you

° BUT, that doesn’t stop you two from adopting the other's fandom as yours and always being as nice to them as to your own fans. Keeho even goes an extra step and lowkey even engages like the fan he is. Like collecting armbands from your fans or being with them at concerts.

Intak

Soul

Jongseob

Keeho

Theo

Jiung

Theo

“I guess it started when I first started to date them, a few months in- I‘m not entirely sure- but whenever they were away or even near me, I would get this need to be closer, to basically breathe in their essence and become one with it? It sounds extremely weird, but I swear you'd get it when you have such an amazing person as them as your partner. Their whole character or their whole motion in which they live in is just so astonishing and overwhelming that it's sort of a drug for me? I just want to consume everything there is to them. What they liked when they were 13, what kind of a plush animal they loved and still love, what their opinion on everything is, and what time they need to get adjusted to the dark. I just want to know everything because they’re so interesting to begin with. And the nearer I am to them, the more I feel happy and content inside“

Jiung

“I always get a smile when I think of them. Not because of any big reason. No, their simple existence just makes me want to exhale happiness. They don’t even have to do anything, and I just want to grab their cheeks and push them together like they’re a plush toy. Which they aren’t, anyone who says otherwise will be dealt with! Also, ever since I’ve gotten together with them, my need to kiss or cuddle them has increased. Any other relationship I was ever in never had such a massive input when it comes to physical affection, which now is crazy because I can’t even imagine that. But look at them, they were meant to get all the affection I‘m giving them! No, they deserve more! Man, I need to calm down- really- but come on, they really deserve it!“

Intak

“The first time they ever were in the same room as me, I could feel my goosebumps appear one by one on my skin, and let me tell you, I never stopped looking at them when they weren’t looking. Those eyes, man, those goddamn eyes. Even after dating them as long as I have, I still get a bit intimidated when they glance at me. And they use that to their advantage in a way. Like, whenever they don’t wanna do something and I'm near, one look is enough for me to get my ass up and simply do it. I am happy, though, I‘m right where I want to be if I‘m honest. A person who can intimidate others usually has a moving personality. A personality that is typically extraordinary. I like extraordinary in a way, so being with them is all worth it. Yeah, if extraordinary comes with such a prize, I‘m willing to risk it all“

Soul

“They’re my other half. Let’s just say it that way! They have this massive energy around them where you just know by the looks of it that they can match your freak. That humor that embodies their whole personality seems to fit mine like a piece of a puzzle. But they manage that with anyone as well! Like, their humor changes its form depending on the person they talk to. Not because they want to be liked by everyone but because it's just a thing they like to flex with. They seemingly can read people so well that changing humor is as easy as blinking with one's eyes. If you think you ever saw me massively impressed, then forget it until you see me looking at them while they do their thing because holy shit, I wish I could manage that- Be as impressive as them is a gift that only fate can give you. But I‘m glad that they have that, I‘m just really glad“

Jongseob

Your finger gently touched your canvas as you stared at it with a expression that could be taken as pure disgust. But you weren’t exactly thinking that, if anything you were trying to find a new aspect that you could involve in your painting that you were doing. There was no endeavour in your head however, all you felt at the moment was just the slightest frustration that you couldn‘t find anything. There must be something that fits, the must be something because it stil looks so flat. In your perspective of course. So after a while and a lot of mumbling later you turn your seat towards the other person in your studio.

“Should I add something, baby?“ Your question soon got your baby to look up from his gaming console that he brought for himself. Shota shot some looks towards your painting but no matter how much he squinted, he never seen to manage to see it well enough. So soon you felt a hand on your shoulder, quietly showing the affection he always harboured. “You become better and better the more you draw“ He stated so nonchalant as if it was something so universal agreed. It made you feel warm, it made you feel right. Though, the way he stared so seriously at the picture, your ideas that came to life, that made you feel the most. “You could add a tangerine“

You glanced up to see his eyes already looking at yours. “Y‘know since the song is based on tangerine? It’s a nice callback and the colour makes it stick out“ You raised your eyebrow, growing suspicious of his almost too smart of an answer. Shota however just raised his eyebrow back, a grin on his face that was too familiar to you. “What? I just repeat the same stuff you’ve been saying as well“ Okay, there’s truth to that. You do say stuff like that whenever you’re excited to tell him what you’ve done. Okay, that was sweet, the whole taking on your way of speaking. He watched with admiration as your face turned into the joyfulness he loved to see so much on your face.

“I‘ll be back, alright? You stay here, you smart and pretty boy“ The warmth that he embraced throughout the place where his hand was disappeared the second you in fact stood up and made a run for the tangerines in your garden. But you weren’t pretically sad about it. The one who missed the touch of two bodies was Shota, who was watching you disappear out of your studio in a seconds notice with almost puppy like eyes. Alien-puppy eyes. If you’ve looked behind one last time, you would’ve stopped everything and stay with him a few more minutes more but you didn‘t. You were too ambitious to not chase such a small goal like a tangerine for reference. He couldn‘t explain why, but your ambitions made him smile wider than anything he could do with his own hands.

His eyes softly began to drift away from the door, finding a painting on the wall that you used to paint not so soon ago. Man, the way those eyes of your friends sparkle in the scenery you painted makes him feel the love you have for anything and anyone. He really admires that. Also the technique that you endeavoured to master and finally did. He remembers how excited you were to show it to the ones you painted on there. The way your friends reacted with the reactions you hoped they’d had in the end made him feel warmer inside than he usually felt. His love is being cherished the way they should be. And that makes his days brighter.

His body moved on its own instinct and he began to inspect every piece of life inside your studio. Your painting harbour your love, your sketches harbour your thoughts and your brushes that are laying unwashed in the sink harbour your habits. Man, he loved the life you live and he could absorb. It makes him feel like that love doesn’t need to be defined by the co-dependent tendencies he sees in media. It makes him feel unique because you’re unique. Because without your habits of being so ambitious that the traditional love gets pushed under the carpet, he‘d be nothing special. Jesus, if someone asked him to put you into a word he‘d be struggling to explain all of this with the speciality it needs.

Speciality like the love you deserve to get. He realizes that when he touches one of the paintings that you drew of him. The most magnificent painting, that‘s what you called it when you showed it to him. He doesn’t get it, the praise he gets from you for nothing he done. Shota loves it however. He loves that contentness that spreads through his body whenever you compliment him, make him your muse or kiss him. Too basic to describe where he felt it the most but perhaps thats who he is. Too basic to be around you.

“Baby, you don‘t wanna know how hard it was to-“ Your heart and your words stopped when he turned his body towards you and you could see his tear ruined face. Your eyes stopped squinting and your posture corrected itself on its own. You were silent for a few seconds, thinking of what to say, before letting your steps towards him do the talking. Shota felt your warmth embrace him before he could even registered that he was crying. Though, the second he felt your presence wrapped around him, his arms slung around you tighter than you could ever describe. As if he was hanging onto you with his whole life.

His mumbles soon found ears that could understand them and as they slowly got processed by your mind, your soul began to squeeze itself painfully together. “Hey, baby, breathe with me. I wont leave anytime soon“ Oh, how he wished that those words could fix his mess at the moment but it did the opposite. Quite and scaringly the opposite. His shaking head that was laying atop of yours made you more cautious. Man, you never seen him so emotional and quite frankingly it scared you to the core. Scared for him.

“You’re so amazing, really! I-I-“ He began to stop talking again when you unwrapped yourself from the hug and plainly stared at him with that love that just lingers. Everything about this made him so goddamn emotional and he doesn’t even get why. Or want it. “I just hope for it to stay like this and I j-just get too emotional ab-bout this. Man, why?“ He could see the way your watering eyes reflected his face and regret washes over him. Why was he feeling like this? Why on earth is this so important for him? But before he could ramble on again, you gently caressed his face with both of your hand, a smile wavering.

“It doesn’t matter why, Shota. It really doesn’t. Just allow yourself to feel them, okay?“ His body soon wrapped itself tighter around yours again, his breathing getting the extra attention it should be given at times like these. “I love you, Y/N, I truly do“ You closed your eyes, letting your body shave you both from side to side to smooth your boyfriend. “I know, I can feel it all around me everywhere I turn“ You knew that reassuring him was better than returning the same affection. It was something in his aura that made you know what was best for him at the moment. You were intuitive when it comes to him. “I hope we never stop being close to each other“

“We will be, don’t worry, alright?“ His grip loosened, your body unwrapping once more and your eyes staring deeply, overly lovingly into his almost collapsing ones. You could feel it in your bones that he was close to crying once again. But he never looked more beautiful. This kind of vulnerability suits him. Though, wanting such thing is immoral so you gently caressed the part of his body that you touched with your dear hands. “I promise you that whatever we go through that we atleast try and make it work. It’s not a prophecy that something might happen but still. I love you, Shota“

° So, he wasn’t really thinking about having a child, sure, the idea might sound nice, it also benefits him in a way or two (making a legacy if you’re a plain old dude, for example), but at the end of the day, he enjoyed your company more than the idea of “doing what everybody does“ if he wanted that, he wouldn’t have dated you. Pronto.

° You also didn’t exactly think about having one, it‘s just something that would slow down the drive you have as a human, and also, you were quite young when you entered your relationship with Jiung

° But then despair struck, and with that, the reality became a mess for you

° It was your sister who got the baby, a nice, pretty son whose father was a mystery but one that never needed to be sorted. She was never keen on keeping relationships with men. All useless anyway, like she always used to say

° For the first year, the life they had was easy, a nice motion between what a mother typically suffers under - and shouldn’t- and love. You loved seeing the warmth she had whenever she talked about your nephew whenever he behaved like an angel. But, as much as you loved to see it, you became blind to a wider issue. Her mental health.

° Yes, you were stupid to believe that certain words she used to describe herself, her day, or future events were just words, but who could blame you?

° Who could’ve seen it when she asked you to babysit him on a Saturday night and you heard on the next day that she took her life? Who could’ve? Really, who could’ve?

° To say that you were disrupted by this news is a massive, massive misunderstanding. That was your only sister, only sibling after all, and now you were left with what? Her child, your nephew, and no friends who could reminisce with you?

° Jiung's heart fell into a million pieces as you came undone under your grief while needing to find a solution for your nephew. You needed to be a force of work while falling apart. So what did he do? As your loving partner, who knew what a stable you would do? Try his best to give you enough space and try his hardest to get a kinship adoption approved.

° Yes, he talked with you about it, yes, you gave him the okay, but you also told him that he would need to take care of your nephew while you still grieved in a melodramatic way. And Jiung, whose heart was of empathy, understanding, and love? He told you not to worry about it

° And you didn’t need to.

° Jiung was, after all, the most malewife person out there for you. He was responsible enough already, knew some things from his brother, and had a lot of love for your nephew anyway. So for the remaining first year of this little boy's life, you remained a bit uncertain, working shallow and loving narrow, and Jiung purred all attention he knew he had to purr into him.

° But as the child grew older, seemingly only remembering having you two as his parents, you two accepted the title of being his parents. Jiung was long past and only needed it officially from his son, of course. But it was safe to say that after you fully managed to find healthy ways to cope with your grief, you were as active, if not more at times, as he was.

° You were the fun, ambitious, stubborn yet sentimental parent compared to Jiung's mentor-like teaching. There was one thing, however, that you two had that if your son didn't have it, you'd be wondering if you were ever related to him to begin with, and that was humour.

° Son, mother, and father are all a bundle of amazing people, helpful people who, despite everything, still manage to be hell for others if they are in a fantastic mood.

° It was amazing for you all but hell for others

° But let's get to the real Jiung dad hc

° Like I said before, Jiung is a mentor-like person, teaching his child how to get closer in touch with things through experience. He is open to discussion, but that kid gotta learn himself. Yes, he’s silently praying that his child doesn’t die, but he knows it's the best thing he could’ve done.

° His son also has a person he could be sentimental with, no judgment whatsoever, which comes in handy because your child turned out to be just like you. Not looks-wise, though there are a few things that you two share, but personality-wise. If Jiung had to guess, it probably was something because of genetics or a special bond, but who knows?

° He isn’t complaining at all.

° But what he is a bit more strict with is routine. He likes to know what his child is doing, not why or how long, he just wants to know when his child isn’t available. Might cause some problems down the line, but Jiung is reflecting fast enough for it to not go completely wrong

° He will, without ANY doubt, cry whenever your child has a performance at school or at a hobby whatsoever (besides football because that's lowkey cringe). He has this unconditional pride inside him when it comes to his son it's killing him sometimes because he is permanently dehydrated from all the tears he’s been crying.

° I feel like, as the son goes through puberty, he might be seen as the loud, obnoxious parent, but that's a role he’s ready to take so said son can feel the unconditional love he'll forever have for him.

Soul (twin boy and girl)

° Let me tell you, this was not planned, totally not, if anything, it might just prove how unpredictable Shota can be at times

° Of course the mere thought of children running around and maybe being as wild as he is doesn’t disgust him, but he never considered the fact of having them. It was just a one-in-a-million oops, our condom must’ve broken situation.

° So after discussing it thoroughly with you and going WITH YOUR decision to keep it (because you two do manage to live a stable life), he was becoming a bit excited to become a dad.

° He never considered it, like I said before, but the more he glanced at you and got that feeling of love blooming inside him, he was glad that you chose this with him. It’s proof of affection existing, it's proof that serenity once existed within you two and he was already loving the idea of it.

° And then the bomb came crashing in.

° Twins! Wow!

° Okay, to be honest, you two could’ve predicted it, fraternal twins run in your family, and it's usually a genetic thing with the production of eggs, but why did it have to be you? Though, you, as the more down-to-earth and realistic person in the relationship, began to slightly worry, Shota was smiling ear to ear (“Baby, you know what that means, right? I got a magic dick!“). He probably could’ve lived with only having one, but two? At the same time? That’s a lottery win and a lifelong subscription to caffeine. How could he not love it?

° Seeing him so excited about this did, in fact, worsen your worries for a bit, like massively if one is being honest, but when he got all vulnerable one night and began to explain how he really, really felt, you couldn't help but feel a bit of excitement too.

° Best believe that he tries his best to help you during the pregnancy. That includes doing all the chores, taking time off his job despite protests from literally everyone, helping relax your body, and tasting all the weird gravy you got (his favorite, btw)

° Once labor rolls around and he sees you in so much pain, something inside him switches just for this moment. It’s as if your loud, silly, and short-circuited partner changed into someone entirely focused on being devoted to helping you. He’s your voice, your advocate, and your strongest support once the labor becomes too much. It’s like seeing his rock being in distress that made him your rock, just a tiny bit more serious.

° Once the two babies arrive and you are physically okay again, his whole personality slowly creeps up. But it doesn’t come with easiness, because when he has his first child in his arm and he physically sees what you two created, he has the sweetest smile across his face while the tears are floating from every spot it could come out of.

° He’s thanking you every single day for doing this for the rest of your life by the way.

° Throughout your postpartum period, he’s literally the same as throughout the pregnancy, he’s attending to your every need, making sure that you’re recovering well and- very important- keep the children as far away from you as you like. He understands that sometimes needs need to be met at a pace that is different to him, if you need it differently, he'll still give it to you without regretting it.

° The older the children get and the more he can actually participate in stuff, the more you see how much he shines in the role as a father.

° He loves to see his children being children, and the way he helps them be that is through letting them explore the world and letting them figure out certain things that are safe (in his eyes).

° I could see him being the type of parent to take them on road trips, letting them indulge in his own childhood memories so they have a special connection later on.

° It’s all about the children figuring stuff out with the smallest authority as possible

° If you’re cool with that or even the same, your children might become little Shota clones in the end (cute, right?)

° But don’t expect him to not be able to give the children the stability they need once they’re vulnerable or need the biggest advice in their life. Especially when they get older, he is more comfortable being serious with them and helping them on more serious stuff and kind of taking your place whenever your advice isn’t enough for the children.

° Speaking of you, he will not tolerate any disrespect that goes too far. Sure, he understands if your children don't have the words to fully explain themselves and might be a little mean, but once he sees that you can't handle it anymore, he’s quicker than you want him and tries his hardest to talk to them and make them explain themselves.

° It’s all about the children being themselves in the later days.

° He doesn’t see a reason to be so demanding of certain things when he knows how long it took for him to be able to be a somewhat normal human being that doesn’t cry or get angry whenever they’re mentally disturbed.

° Yes, he will be more blunt when the children are extremly extremly aggressive in their behavior, but luckily, that hasn’t happened with them yet.

° He also lets your relationship stay blooming over the years. Sure, you guys don’t talk the way you did before the children, but there is no reason to let your companionship die because of that. If anything, the conversations have even more sparkle because of that. Like, discussing the new gossip in the friend groups you two are in because of your children, talking if you also noticed how your daughter burps the same way as him or that you two should start going to spa dates more often.

° Whatever might happen in his life going forward, he will never regret the fact that he accepted this life despite it not being on his mind.

Jongseob ( a daughter)

° You can lowkey see this as a small alternative universe of my story Hopeless in the best way because that's the only way I could see him having a child, tbh. So, you and Jongseob, tween best friends whose ups and downs were always met with affection rather than disgust. The trust you two build over the years is insane, so insane that certifying any relationship status might be a bit too much for you to handle because you became lazy in that relationship you two have.

° It was a nature-given gift that you two would move in together and engulf in whatever two very close adults might want to do when you only wanted the other for a settled-down life.

° And whenever two people have sexy time usually- you get the picture

° Boom! You’re pregnant. And now? You might ask yourself before telling Jongseob. Well, now, you realize that there was no indicator for an abortion because guess what, you live healthily, you have stable income for the next 20 years, and you weren’t opposed to the pregnancy and the child-raising part. I mean, with a father like Jongseob, that baby might have the swaggiest swag and the cleverest mind ever.

° But you needed to tell Jongseob. You knew that despite everything you wanted, if he was opposed to it, you would not continue it, mainly because then the support is gone, and it would be selfish to let a child be born in the state you would be in.

° Yet, every time you wanted to tell him, you hesitated. Not because you feared his reaction (well, in a way you do but not MASSIVELY) but because, well, when is the right time?

° Fate decided the right time was when he caught you throwing up multiple days in a row. Yes, so cliché, but what does one expect when you hide it for a ridiculous amount of time until the morning sickness is more frequent?

° Unfortunately, the second you told him you were already hanging over the toilet, you didn't get to see the surprise on his face that could’ve been mixed up with pure disgust. He wasn’t disgusted, if anything, he was just massively taken aback because what? You? Pregnant? You could do that? Like he didn't even consider it even though protection isn’t 100% safe.

° Once the vomiting and the shock calmed down and you two sat down to talk, he immediately asked you what you wanted, and whatever you did, he'd be happy with it. So when you listed every logical argument and he nodded eagerly, you smiled as wide as he had never seen you smile. It wasn’t because of any real reason, it was simply because it was exactly how you wanted it in the end.

° I will tell you it once and never again, but Jongseob is doing HIS BEST to get his ass ready for whatever happens during and after your pregnancy. Like he’s asking his parents, his grandparents, and reading every Reddit post imaginable. He wants to be prepared for when it happens because what is his purpose in all of this if he can't support you even a single bit?

° He has to admit, though, between the support he's been giving you and all the muscles he needed for that, he had exactly none. So while you had the time of your life watching him put together a crib, he was dying inside. But whatever makes you laugh at the end of the day is his reason to stay mostly the same.

° It was interesting for him to see you change, after all knowing you for such a long time and being able to see you grow, life is something no one else could have (at least with you). There was one instance where he just started to stop working at all and watched as you lived your life normally while having your slightly showing belly. It even made him water up a bit. Must've been something about getting reminded that you two are now grown and not those kids anymore.

° Jongseob is dead serious about taking your worries to heart. Like if you complain about the way your feet hurt, he is on the hunt to make that pain go away quickly. He also lets you talk about certain stuff that worries you, like what if certain things go wrong at the delivery or if you two would ever be able to be the same again relationship-wise after it. He might not always have the answers, but he'll be honest with it to balance out the unknown

° When you were in labor, however, despite how much he prepared himself to be your rock, the nature of this situation made him too nervous to say all the things he promised himself he'd be there for you. But you were in too much agonizing pain to actually grasp his lack of presence. All you noticed was his grip on your hand and some encouraging words he managed to let out every few minutes.

° As your kid, your beautiful daughter, finally cried an echo through the delivery room, your and Jongseob's world came to a halt. All his nervousness and all the loud noises you took in because of the overstimulation faded into oblivion. Man, Jongseob never was so moved but by the birth of your child. He was definitely crying his heart out and basically being more emotional than the person who birthed her.

° Gave you the right to name her, a true feminist by all means. Joking, of course. He sure had some ideas, but you were the one who grew her and birthed her, so that creates too much of a power dynamic that he cannot ignore. It's like the sun shining in your eyes when you don't want it. So when you landed on your name, he simply kissed your forehead and complimented it as much as he could

° The most nurturing parent you could ever see. I swear to God. Like, he loves taking care of her. Even when she's crying, even when she's throwing the biggest tantrum in her life. Yes, he might be tired, but he loves the fact that he gets to see her grow up and be alive.

° As he takes you seriously, so will he take her seriously when it comes to her feelings. Find a common ground on how to deal with emotions while experiencing what it's like to lose.

° When your daughter gets older and starts to have a similar personality to you two, he might or might not force you two to do side quests only you two used to do back in the day. There is just something about her being in the same dynamic that you used to have that makes him feel happier.

° Yes, you two are not the typically romantic parents that children can look up to when it comes to romantic love, but your daughter learned early on how more important best friends are. And once she got hers, you two know you got a second child and a new relationship to watch unfold.

° He's also one of those parents that if the child ever mentions liking a certain product, he will get him a bunch of boxes of it just because

° And to add on to the nurturing Jongseob agenda, he will wrap his arms around her and squeeze her tight whenever he gets some sort of cuteness aggression from watching her being alive (some things never change, right?). Her daughter might be a bit annoyed as she gets older, but once she's out of puberty, she'll be hugging him back tightly.

° While he is the soft parent, you're the rock of her issues she might have. Like you give the advice that is simple and efficient while he tells her why she might feel that. So there is no rivalry between you two because you know how much she needs you two to navigate things for the first time.

Most likely

Jongseob- His sun in Scorpio, moon in cancer (if we say that his rising is Taurus and all that), Venus in Capricorn and mars in Taurus are massive indicators that he is very much home-oriented and overall. His (probably) second house moon in cancer is a HEAVY implication bc the planet corresponding to the second house is the moon (okay, no planet) and guess who’s sign is ruled by the moon? Cancer! That’s like a duplication of it!

Theo- Hmm, cancer in sun, moon in Scorpio and a Venus in Taurus, you’re getting what I‘m hinting at? Again, many important planets that are filled with water and earth signs. But especially his Venus in Taurus is very telling bc Taurus is the sign that seeks domestic, stability and much more things that are seemingly connected with what we as a society connect with home etc.

Jiung- Yes, Very air dominant with his sun in libra and moon in Gemini (same moon hey!) but his (probably) Virgo rising, Virgo Venus and Capricorn Mars do tell me that he has a need to atleast try and have a domestic life, a devoted life in that manner, that is build on clearness and communication (air placements). What ranks him lower however is his mars in the 5th house (probably) and a mars in the 5th house rather seeks out adventure and the overall freedom of ones expression and with his moon and sun, it does tell me that this will be a reason as to why he‘d be a father later in life when his needs of independence is satisfied

Keeho- So similar to Jiung but then his moon in Aquarius just comes in and fucks him right there. I love Aquariuses in every shape and form mainly because their desire of individuality is so high that in a way it destroys the image society wants to create for us. Yes, his Venus and mars (both the same with Jiung) are very domestic and devotion coded but its his inner world, his moon, that might make that process of getting to the point where you’re ready for children, a long, long, long one.

Intak- I think these two share the place, mainly bc Intaks birthchart is so earth sign filled (mainly Virgo, his full as birth chart is like filled with it and that actually scares me) and that lowkey gives me the chills because that could imply that he very much destroys himself on having things perfect. If he hypothetically wants to have children, he might as well wants to give the child the best he could give and well, a perfectionist goes insane when doing that in a way. So I take that as a sign that he‘ll wait for a even longer time to commit to such a nerve wrecking thing (atleast for him)

Soul- he definitely has my DREAM birthchart tbh. Like wdym your entire main birthchart is filled with air signs all for your Venus? That’s like amazing (a nice way to justify why you don‘t wanna be in traditional relationship). But he definitely does not seek a traditional life. His Aquarius sun and mercury are very telling on this one. But also his Mars in Sagittarius is like the perfect example as to why he (if he would be forced ofc) would have children VERY VERY VERY late. He is a explorer, he is the black sheep, he is the person you don‘t want to date if you’re a hard blown earth sign because he is just a one man show at times (if he doesn’t click with you ofc after that his Capricorn Venus is very present if you ask me). So in conclusion, my man, my goat, my Soul is definitely the person who one) might not want to have children and two) definitely doesn’t want a typical relationship aswell

Least likely

Again, don‘t take this as serious, I‘m basically a newbie when it comes to birthcharts and shit, it was fun looking into their birthchart (especially Intaks and souls bc holy fuck). Feel free to say some more stuff in the comments, every single comment is like speed for me bc astrology is so damn interesting.