because unlike 4c, once she’s gone, the memory of her would slip away too. they wouldn’t speak fondly about her, they wouldn’t visit her grave. she would not leave the same echo behind, even if she’s mourned just as heavily. jonathan wouldn’t forget—he could never forget the bright-eyed girl giggling behind him, but the details of her face grow hazy all too quickly. he remembers her smiling, but can’t recall whether or not she’d show her teeth; he remembers her loving ice-cream, but not her favourite flavour. and it’s a sobering realisation, one that feels like betrayal, because he’s the only who could remember her, and he’s already losing her too.

4c however, forgets all too quickly. he smiles, and he wanders around with the same carefree attitude he’s always had, as if his world hadn’t crumbled all around him just a few days prior. sometimes it would return for a fleeting moment, an idle remark as he notices a rainbow in the sky, that “spidey loves rainbows.” and it would be gone before he can remember who she is, and where she’s gone, but it’s still there. somewhere.

on the worst days, he remembers her fully, everything except the fact that she’s gone. jonathan can’t stand those days, he can’t handle 4c’s innocent question of where she is without breaking down again. he doesn’t tell him, of course. not once has he ever reminded him of spidey’s death—though it isn’t out of a desire to protect 4c, but just his own cowardice. it’s almost nice, in a twisted sort of way, to pretend he’s back in the time that 4c is stuck in, where it’s just the three of them against the world. he can pretend that she’ll walk through the doors, a happy little “lalala” ringing like church bells.

schpood streams: [the most beautiful song youve ever heard playing in the background] im the greatest person thats ever lived. watch me do the wordle in one try [he fails it]

micro streams: hey chat :) I think im going to try speedrunning again today. maybe things will go better this time, who knows! [everything is on fire and the fabric of reality has been torn open. he hasnt finished a single match in four months]

A short Decayed and Decrepit comic