dissimulatio

a pic of me and Baby claudius. i carry him in the baby carrier because i’m an exemplary auntie

first of all, thank you for your decency in not asking me to make a ranking of the statesmen in my family. the answer would have been simple: none of them have charme or savoir-faire. the only one who does is me.

let’s start with hadrian, the worst of them all: if a man says of his woman that she is “aspera et morosa,” he doesn’t deserve a woman, period. and then what do you do? you leave antinous without guards on a boat on the nile? cold, distant. he’d probably put a pillow over your face. but, i’ll admit, he had vision with aelia capitolina

trajan. sweet, submissive, and honestly a bit too much of a puppy. he was probably into getting fucked by sura while plotina watched. the only emperor to have himself buried within the walls of rome… that alone tells you a lot about a man. he probably had incestuous fantasies about his mother, but in a lesbian way. for me, the best in bed out of the five. he was right not to want vibia sabina to marry that whoremonger hadrian

marcus aurelius. i don’t want to say it, but for me marcus aurelius is basically the house of incest. a slightly suspicious attachment to his children (not just commodus). very repressed and also a cuck. not bad in bed, in my opinion, but after sex he cries because he feels guilty: how can he allow himself pleasure when the state is in ruins? and so on

nerva. i don’t know. to me nerva doesn’t fuck. nerva is just a little kitten going meoooow