Gold and Glory

So the short story that I chose for this project is Accepted, a short story by Vanessa Hua in her book of short stories collection, Deceit and Other Possibilities, 2016.

In this story, we talked about Elaine Park, a junior student and also a Korean diaspora who lives in US with her parents and her younger sister. She has a roommate named Julia, a sophomore student. She has great grades, but that's because Julia helped her in exams and assignments, but Elaine's peers do not need to know that. She has build a great reputation that's not different than her friends, national merit scholarship awardee, academic decathletes, model un reps, valedictorians, etc. That certainly put a lot of expectation. When university announcement happened, she was rejected from Stanford. She couldn't believe it, she thought it was mistake. But when she saw another student, Jack Min, wear a Stanford sweatshirt (which means he got accepted), Elaine quickly grabbed a Stanford hoodie from her locker to indicate that she's also accepted. One teacher saw her wearing the hoodie and was so happy she got accepted! Elaine lied, and told the teacher that she, indeed was accepted. This news will spread like wildfire, from the students, her parents, and even her local church. She couldn't say that she wasn't even accepted, because by now, she would a laughing stock. This story will revolves around Elaine's strategy and struggle to survive her own lies, because one lie grew into an intricate web of lies.

Why did I choose this short story? because actually this is related to my Pride and Greed as human nature topic, but I feel a really great sense of relatability o Elaine as I once was in her position. But instead of rejected, I was put on waiting list of International Relations in University of Diponegoro, at the end I still got accepted there, but of course I rejected it to enroll here, in English Studies. Just like Elaine, I lied about my acceptance first, I told my parents and my friends that I got accepted when in reality I was put on the waiting list because I was so embarrassed of not being accepted in any Universities yet, and my friends, teachers, extended families, congratulate me by making Instagram Stories, etc, I feel so guilty for lying like that.

And for the thematic relevance, of course the element of pride here is really strong, it became her reason to do things to such great length, including setting firebomb in a Parents Week event, thus being jailed. She does not want her image to be tarnished, but at the end she got greater embarrassment and even did a crime. I think that is what pride does to you, you don't want to admit your mistakes and instead roll with it as long as it elevates you and your image, but one day, it will be your own downfall.

As a daily facedown against temptation, of course there is struggle and attempt by humans to win against it. Sometimes we win, but other times not so much. There is, or are some triggers that make us lose our composure and make mistakes. For Elaine's side, her trigger was seeing Jack Min, another person got accepted into Stanford. How could she was not accepted while another person in her school was accepted? How could this particular rejection destroyed her entire plan for the future?

I hadn’t meant to lie, not at first, but when Jack Min donned his Stanford sweatshirt after receiving his acceptance (a senior tradition)—I yanked my Cardinal red hoodie out of my locker.

By faking acceptance, Elaine thought that it would save her some face. Sure, it did, but just for a short period amount of time. It would come back full force with consequences she had to take responsibility of.

Knowing triggers that will make us lose control over ourselves is important. If we, somehow, managed to control them and wield them as our motivation, it will be great. But, if we can not, then it is perfectly okay as humans are build that way. The important thing is how we react to those triggers and make sure we do not do something that we will regret later on.

Personally, I've found myself can not see people I know that I deem as "same intellectual level" with me showing off their achievements. When I come across posts like those, there's this feeling of my pride getting trampled over as if those achievements are being rubbed on my face (Though, I fully realize that they do not mean that in any ways possible). I want to be happy for them, but I can't stand it. So what I do is muting their account and not interact with the posts. This can be considered as toxic or unhealthy for some people, but I can not lie to myself. I do what I think is the best for me.

From my perspective, it is a natural human reaction to feel hurt and humiliated when you "feel" like your pride is being trampled on intentionally or unintentionally because we are prideful by nature, but our ways to react to it will result in different outcomes. Do we feel the need to step up and lie, to depict ourselves something that we are not, to save our face (like Elaine)? If yes, are we ready to deal with the consequences that come afterwards? or do we feel the need to draw back and do not interact with things that will hurt our pride (like me) and swallow in bitterness and self-loath? or maybe do we feel like it becomes our motivation to do better and come out as the victor one day?

Click on this link below to hear the poem!

Written Analysis down below:

Now, what is the reason for all of this? for Achilles' ruins and downfall? One could argue, that it was his hubris, arrogance, and pride that made him defied the orders from Agamemnon, thus creating an internal conflict between the Greeks, resulting in low moral in the Greek soldiers and they experienced defeat by defeat by the Trojans. Patroclus had persuaded Achilles to keep his pride in check and go fulfill his role as the Greek Hero. When Achilles remained stubborn, Patroclus took the matter into his hands, and he used Achilles' armor, disguising as Achilles to bring moral back to the Greek army. It sure did, but at the end, he died in the hand of Hector who thought that he was Achilles. That was the price that Achilles had to pay for abandoning his responsibility and mule too long and too dramatic on his hurt pride. But even before that, the dice had been casted. Achilles was given two options, either he becomes a Greek Hero, the strongest of all the Greeks, but will die at the peak of his glory, or he can lives peacefully and die of old age with no glory of a hero in his name. He chose the first one. This action mirrors the greedy part of his nature, even though he already has what we can deem as enough, he has his love, Patroclus, he can go home and live as a ruler, and live happily until he dies of old age. But no, Achilles wants glory, he wants to bask in chants of worships, he wants every glory that the world has to offer. His hubris and greed were his downfall. It caused the death of his beloved companion, Patroclus, and to an extent, of himself.

I think from Achilles' story, it is relevant to today's society because when we are being blinded by our pride, we can not think rationally. We do something that even sometimes we know that we will regret later, but nonetheless we still do it to satiate our prideful side. It is in human nature, wanting to be right, and wanting to see the other side being wrong, thus we can assert of dominance and rightfulness over them. Closing this recording with the last part of the poem

a victim of the part that loved, the part that was mortal.

My analysis here will focus on the Pride part of the story.

When I read this story for the first time, one scene that came up first is when Parvez worrying about Ali's behavior, but he is too prideful to ask his friends (other taxi-drivers) for advices. Quoted from line 39-43:

But Parvez had been unable to bring this subject up with his friends. He was too ashamed. And he was afraid, too, that they would blame him for the wrong turning his boy had taken, just as he had blamed other fathers whose sons had taken to running around with bad girls, truanting from school and joining gangs.

I think that this process of thinking is... to be expected. Imagine if you were in Parvez's situation, you had a very lovely son whose achievements you always brag to your friends, you told great things about him in exchange of your friends praising you for having such a perfect child. Parvez is taking pride from being a father to a perfect child, and he thinks that his failure of understanding his child is also his failure of being a father, therefore, hurting his pride. Very prideful, in fact, that he even had been unable to bring this situation with Ali up to his friends.

Even at the end Parvez decided to ask his friends about his current condition, his pride delayed him to find a solution faster.

One theme that made me go: "Oh yeah, this is it, their pride are taking over." is Generational Tension between Parvez and Ali.

Parvez had made a conscious decision to migrate from his first country to U.K. He thought that it is for the best that he and his family now lived in a country that is more open, has more individual freedom than the country that he lived before. He was happy and satisfied with his choice.

Ali, being a first generation immigrant did not know the condition of their homeland back then and only know U.K. as his hometown. He experienced an identity crisis, because he did not feel like he is "English" English, but he also could not relate to his ancestors' culture because of the lack of education about said culture. He is angry at his father for forgetting their origin and live like a "Westerner".

That being said, when Parvez and Ali got into a heated debate in a restaurant, they did not listen to each other.

'The problem is this,' the boy said. He leaned across the table. For the first time that night his eyes were alive. 'You are too implicated in Western civilization.' Parvez burped; he thought he was going to choke. 'Implicated!' he said. 'But we live here!' 'The Western materialists hate us,' Ali said. 'Papa, how can you love something which hates you?'

And then Ali went on saying that he is willing to do "Jihad" (which is a misleading misinterpretation because Jihad does not always mean a literal holy war) as a reaction to Muslims' persecution as quoted in line 234-236:

'My people have taken enough. If the persecution doesn't stop there will be jihad. I, and millions of others, will gladly give our lives for the cause.'

They kept on trying to dominate the other, trying to prove that their side is the right side and the other is entirely wrong. Parvez is adamant because a father is supposed to be heard and obeyed, while Ali had enough being controlled by his father who also determined his whole life path.

In my personal opinion, stuff like this happens often in real life. Speaking from my experience, I had fights with my parents, not exactly the same with Parvez and Ali, but we fought nonetheless. They kept telling me to take Natural Science for High School so I can take Medicine in University, but it was not my intention to enroll in Medicine, I was fascinated by IR back then, so I chose Social Science. We did not speak to each other for like a day or so. I guess I kind of hurt their pride due to my refusal. Also, another case that I think is common is sense of fashion, sometimes parents want us to wear clothes that was trendy in their days, but not anymore now.

The third proof that I'm going to bring up for Pride in My Son the Fanatic is Bettina's pride as a woman. From my theme, Greed and Pride as Human Nature, we do not only focus on the bad part, greed and pride can also be good when it has enough amount of common sense.

This can be seen from Bettina's reaction to Ali's mockery towards her in line 368-376:

'Then why is he letting a woman like you touch him like that?' If Bettina looked at the boy in anger, he looked back at her with twice as much cold fury. She said, 'What kind of woman am I that I deserve to be spoken to like that'?' 'You know,' he said. 'Now let me out.' 'Never,' Parvez replied. 'Don't worry. I'm getting out,' Bettina said.

Bettina is a regular customer to Parvez who happens to work as a commercial sex worker. Looking through Ali's extremist idea, being a sex worker is forbidden and sinful no matter the situation is. When Bettina asked, "What kind of woman am I that I deserve to be spoken to like that?", Ali replied, "You know." This can be seen as a jab to her line of work.

Not only her pride is hurt, her feeling too. Bettina then decided that she had enough of Ali's non-existent respect for her and got out from Parvez's car.

Taking all things into consideration, Pride plays a big part here. All main characters show their pride, both in positive and negative light which affected the course of the story. Pride is a very human nature to have, the problem is, can we control it? Will it go overboard and hurt feelings of others? Will we manage to have the right amount of pride so we can hold ourselves in high-regards? The answers to those questions can only be answered by each person. After all we know ourselves best.