Musings on Life

The phrase “separate the art from the artist” has been coined as a way to differentiate one's appreciation of an artist's work (music, films, literature, etc) from the artist's actions or beliefs. It's a way for people to seemingly condemn the words and behavior of an artist while still being able to enjoy the media they created. Examples of this would be still listening to Kanye's music despite his anti-semetic statements, still watching films by Woody Allen and Roman Polanski despite the multiple rape and sexual assault allegations, and still watching Dave Chappelle specials despite his openly transphobic and homophobic statements.

Which brings me to my main point. JK Rowling is a TERF, i.e. a trans exclusionary radical feminist. She doesn't believe trans women are real women, and has been VERY vocal and open about her feelings about the trans community in general. She has defenders, including actors Helena Bonham-Carter and Ralph Fiennes, writer and creator of The IT Crowd Graham Linehan (who argues that transgender activism endangers women and has likened the use of puberty blockers to Nazi eugenics), and late actor Robbie Coltrane. You know who else is an avid defender of Rowling and her views?

Vladimir Putin.

Now, like many of you reading this, I grew up reading the Harry Potter books. My first date with a boy in high school was to see the newest Harry Potter film. I had HP Uno, Funko Pops, etc, etc. And I could have done what other people have and "separate the art from the artist". But it's not that simple. And here's why: She doesn't. JK Rowling has explicitly said that she believes the fact she's still making money off Harry Potter is evidence that people generally agree with her views on trans people or at least her beliefs aren't a "dealbreaker" for them. Let that sink in. She firmly believes that you buying the newest HP merch means you agree with her or at least don't care enough about the well-being of trans people to stop supporting her. Because that's what you're doing when you buy the newest Loungefly bag or video game. YOU may not think buying those things is supporting her transphobia, but SHE DOES.

And this is why I can't separate the art from the artist. As long as this persists, I cannot, and will not, support people who are actively harming various communities. It's 2023. We should be actively fighting against homophobia, transphobia, anti-semitism, racism, and bigotry in all its forms. And as long as they continue to make money off of you, they will continue to use their platforms to spread hate and lies, and it will get people killed. As long as you continue to buy their art, they will keep thinking you agree with them, because in a way you are. Their actions need to have consequences. Stop buying HP stuff. Stop buying Kanye's music. Stop giving your money to men and women with hate in their hearts and poison in their words.

Please.

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. They blocked tumblr at my office, and that’s where I posted most of the time, so that’s part of it. I will be trying to post more regularly going forward. 

So today I’ve been dealing with some issues with my maternal grandmother. As some of my followers will remember, she and I don’t agree politically, and had a huge falling out. Since then, she and my mother have also had a huge falling out. Several, actually. My mom is basically in an abusive relationship with her own mother. My gran will say horrible shit, and my mom says she’s done with her, but then gran will call and apologize, and the cycle starts all over again. 

Recently, my mom texted me saying they were done again. My gran told my mom (a survivor of childhood molestation by her cousin & date rape in her teens) that she thinks Dr. Ford lied about Kavanaugh. She thinks that she was paid to ruin his life. Now my mom isn’t the only survivor in our family, so this pissed me off. And I’ve been debating contacting my gran for awhile, but decided not to. Then this past week happened. 

The thing that finally made me say “I’m done keeping quiet” was the synagogue shooting. I’m Wiccan, but my family is Catholic. And when Trump blamed the victims for not having “tighter security”, I was livid. The “if they had guns of their own this wouldn’t have happened” has been used since Nazi Germany. So I emailed my gran the following:

“Trump is blaming the synagogue in Pittsburgh for allowing its members to get shot and killed. https://www.cnn.com/2018/10/27/politics/trump-jba-death-penalty-pittsburgh/index.html Fun fact: "if the Jews had had guns, they could have protected themselves from the Holocaust" is such a popular bad-faith rightwing argument that it literally has its own wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_gun_control_argument If this had happened at a Catholic church, you would be done with him. This is the man you chose over your daughter and granddaughter. Do you still think you made the right choice?”

Now, i didn’t expect a reply. After all, it’s been almost 2 years since we’ve spoken. But reply she did. And it makes about as much sense as you’d expect.

“I grieve for those who died.  I grieve for the more that 5,000,000 children that have been murdered by abortion.  I griever for the mothers of those children who suffer the consequences of having and abortion.  I do not have time to hate.  So sorry you hate me for loving the pre-born and all those who suffer due to the choices made by those who hate.  I did not choose to discuss politics with either you or your mother.  I am pro-life for all.  So sorry you are not.“

What I sent her originally had NOTHING to do with reproductive rights. But that’s her MO: Make everything about herself and try and make us feel bad. Because that’s what narcissists do. After talking to some people, I’ve come to realize my grandmother likely has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. But I digress. 

Of course I decided to reply, but at this point I was getting a little peeved. I’m sick of her pro-life, holier-than-thou bullshit. So I replied:

I don't hate you. I would love if we could repair our relationships. But to do that, you would first have to admit your actions affect us. The things you've said and the choices you've made have impact, whether you choose to see it or not. You can't say you love someone & then vote in such a way that their lives and the lives of people like them are in real danger. Caring about the unborn is great, until you start caring more about them than the people who're already alive. Adults with families & friends that are actively contributing to society. I had a friend who already had a child and made the mistake of going to a Catholic hospital when she was having a miscarriage. They refused to do a D&C because it was "a form of abortion" even though the fetus was already dead. They sent her home in pain and told her to "let it pass naturally". Well, it didn't. It went septic and she almost died. In America people don't say "I lack empathy & basic critical thinking skills." They say "I'm not political" or "I don't discuss politics" which basically means "I am privileged enough that politics has never been personal for me so I'm not engaged and I think that makes me better than people who are." But they still vote. 

She did NOT like that one bit. 

How I vote is not of your business.  I vote for or against those I believe will do the best job for the city, state or nation.  I want me to be denied my rights to choose according to my conscious.  How dare you dictate to me how to vote.

At this point, I’d kinda stopped caring. In the words of the Dixie Chicks, I wasn’t “ready to make nice”. Longtime followers will know I’m bi. I have several friends who’re trans. Not only am I the daughter of a survivor, I’m a survivor myself. So I took off the gloves and let her fucking have it.

Actually, it is my business. It's my business because the people you're voting for and supporting are actively trying to take away MY rights. The people you're voting for are trying to kill me and people like me. THAT'S why I dare! Because my own grandmother is supporting rapists who want me and my friends dead. Just as I was before, I'm trying to educate you, since you only seem to pay attention to the one issue that matters to you (ie robbing people of the right to make their own choices regarding their reproductive rights). 

Instead of replying, she forwarded me all these spam emails from various GOP groups (all of which were asking for money, btw) and said she was going to educate me. Again, at this point I was done. While I’m not proud of it, I was enjoying knowing I was pissing her off and that, ultimately, I was right and she was wrong. So I replied with this:

That's cute, sending me all the spam you get from GOP groups and calling it facts and education. The difference is when I send you information, I've actually researched it first and I'm not just parroting back what people asking for your money have told you.

I see this happen every awards season, and I'm sure I've said something about it before, but this year it bothers me more than normal. Probably because of the current political climate. 

So Oprah was awarded the Cecil B. Demille award. It's a pretty big deal award, and she's the first WoC to win it. She made a very impassioned speech, and touched on the climate of sexual assault and the #MeToomovement. If you weren't watching, I highly recommend finding it online, cause it's epix. Now I have never been a huge fan of Oprah. But she's done a lot for women in journalism and for the entertainment industry as a whole. But I'm already seeing people bitching about how she needs to "stay in her lane" and how they're tired of celebrities "getting political" in their speeches during awards season. 

But here's my thing: Why do you think it's ok for you, a random citizen, to have an opinion, but an educated famous person needs to "stay in their lane"? The political climate and issues with various industries being built on the sexual abuse of women, children, and otherwise vulnerable individuals is something that affects everyone. Oprah has just as much right to speak out and voice her opinion as Jane Smith. Terry Crews, Brie Larson, Lady Gaga, and Ashton Kutcher have just as much right to speak out and be a voice for victims as anyone else. Just because someone is famous does not mean they forfeit their right to be a voice for the voiceless. Telling someone who is fighting the good fight for victims to "stay in their lane" is, imho, tantamount to telling the victims they don't matter. 

My mom has said I will likely never get an apology, and while that sucks, I can deal with it. What I can’t deal with is the shit she’s doing now. 

In September, she sent my husband a birthday card. It had her standard ‘love, hugs, and prayers’ signature. This was the first communication we got from her in months. Later that month, I was on the receiving end of a spam email she sent around to all the family. Her brother lives in Florida, and she sent a mass email letting everyone know he was ok after the hurricanes. 

Yesterday I checked the mail and had 2 Christmas cards. One was from my parents, the other was from her. It had the same standard ‘love, hugs, and prayers’ signature. I chucked it in the bin.